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Im pretty sure someone I love & care for is dying…

And I’m trying to check out of it all, but I cannot.

I’ve known him since I was a young adult. His best friend was my best friend for over 30 years, & his girlfriend was a party buddy of mine when I was a young adult.

I’ve known him forever.

He had two consecutive strokes around 13 years ago, & it’s been downhill, ever since.

Some background: we all used to do drugs together, & then I left the scene & got sober. Around a year, maybe a bit less, I was at a Cocaine Anonymous meeting, & lo & behold! He walked right up to me, shouted out my name, & said, “Hey! Glad you made it in! I’m sober, too!”

I was in my 20s when that happened. Today, I’m in my 50s.

He paid the price for partying HARD. He had two consecutive strokes around 13 years ago, & hasn’t been the same since.

I went through some horrible shit from 2015-2020, & by total chance, a mutual friend of ours hooked us back up, & advised that I could rent a place on his property. I did, & it saved my life in ways no one can understand, unless they’re me.

He now has dementia, & is currently sliding into the late stages. I believe he has less than a year left, & is currently hospitalized, as a result of how bad it had gotten recently.

I can’t sleep. I feel completely unmoored, & want to save him, only because I want to save myself, but if I’m honest? I know he’s slipping away.

Here’s a guy who believed in me when no one else would, & he’s dying.

I’m trying to sleep, but I cannot.

I feel totally unmoored from all things that might matter, & I just don’t know what to do.

I am not seeking counsel.

I just want to write about how the older we get? The less we have to ground us, unless we have our emotional shit together.

Don’t be me.

Get your emotional self together, so that you don’t fall apart when the scarce resources you have, fall apart.

I love him so, so much, & I will miss him terribly, once he’s gone.

by Anonymousreply 11October 1, 2025 10:26 PM

I'm sorry OP. [hugs]

by Anonymousreply 1October 1, 2025 9:14 AM

Did he start using again,OP? I'm sorry for your situation either way

by Anonymousreply 2October 1, 2025 11:20 AM

I’m sorry OP.

It’s such a sad situations for him and for you too.

Sending hugs.

by Anonymousreply 3October 1, 2025 11:46 AM

OP why do you want to "check out of it all"? That is what you types. What you expressed is the exact opposite. Why not just embrace that you are upset and facing loss, and be present through this.

by Anonymousreply 4October 1, 2025 11:49 AM

Take it easy, OP. You'll find you have more strength than you give yourself credit for.

Yes I fucked up the sentence but you get it

Using any outlet is a good start. Take care.

by Anonymousreply 5October 1, 2025 11:58 AM

Simply remember the positive aspects of your relationship. If you are physically lose to him, visit often -sometimes he will remember the positives ( most of the time not. - be prepared for those time -they can hurt, but they are Not him). You both owe each other and if you do your best to repay him, you will , eventually, sleep.

by Anonymousreply 6October 1, 2025 12:02 PM

Grief is a horrible thing, OP, and every person deals with it differently and at different levels. All your feelings are valid and you shouldn't beat yourself up for not feeling the way you think you should. In time you will heal and get used to managing the pain.

But you can't let yourself drown in it. If you truly feel like you can't function right now, or are slipping into a dark place, please get some help. There's no shame in reaching out for assistance when you need it. If nothing else, you can always come here and talk to us.

by Anonymousreply 7October 1, 2025 6:48 PM

Aging, illness and death are pretty overwhelming. The Buddha founded a major world religion based on his experiences trying to cope with them.

The fact that the two of you got yourselves sober is inspiring. Way to get your shit together, both of you.

*standing ovation*

by Anonymousreply 8October 1, 2025 8:20 PM

Wah. Wah. Waaaaaaaah.

by Anonymousreply 9October 1, 2025 10:17 PM

I condole you.

by Anonymousreply 10October 1, 2025 10:20 PM

Grief is huge. Losing someone we love and who loved us is huge. Sometimes it's the first time we realize how little we actually control. Loss can be a gateway into a new existence, but it takes time and that process, too, is largely out of our control. The grief you're feeling, all stripes of it, is a measure of how much you loved this person and were loved in return.

You're not doing or feeling anything wrong. I hesitate to write this, given where we are, but do all you can to treat yourself kindly. No act of kindness toward yourself is too small or too large.

Like R8 said, aging, illness and death are pretty overwhelming. Go gently with yourself.

by Anonymousreply 11October 1, 2025 10:26 PM
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