Hello and thank you for being a DL contributor. We are changing the login scheme for contributors for simpler login and to better support using multiple devices. Please click here to update your account with a username and password.

Hello. Some features on this site require registration. Please click here to register for free.

Hello and thank you for registering. Please complete the process by verifying your email address. If you can't find the email you can resend it here.

Hello. Some features on this site require a subscription. Please click here to get full access and no ads for $1.99 or less per month.

To those who have been out of a relationship for at least a decade:

I'm wondering if - after at least a decade NOT being in a relationship - you have gotten back into one and are still in it?

At 56 and the last relationship I had was about 13 years ago, I had kind of resigned myself to the possibility that I would never be in another relationship again. Not because I didn't want one, just because it hasn't happened - no opportunities/options and wasn't in a good place to offer much to another person.

I went on a first date last night, and it went pretty well. Granted, it was just about an hour and 45 minute coffee date, but I liked him and we made plans to see each other for dinner next week. He's already texted me several times to tell me that he had a good time and he's looking forward to our next date, and also to wish me a good day in general.

The thing is, about 5 or 6 years ago, I'd be really excited about this, but now I'm kind of wary of the whole thing and am not really allowing myself to be excited about the potential to be in a relationship again, despite really not wanting to be alone anymore. I have for years often had the thought that whatever I was doing would be great if I had someone to share it with; but I've also had times that I've enjoyed myself despite not having someone there to share things with me. But holidays and everyday life feels like it could be so much better with someone to laugh with, cook, sleep, make love, travel with...everything.

But I'm really worried about letting down walls to this possibility. There is this huge skeptic sitting back and watching, waiting for him to say something that sends up a red flag, talk a certain way...just anything that would put me off the potential. That person is telling me to not expect too much, take it slow, etc. The other part of me that has so missed sharing my life is there too, but obviously to a much lesser level.

The crux of this post is I'm wondering what the real potential is here after being out of a relationship for SO long. Does it really happen? It feels like I have the taint of "single forever, will die alone" on me, and that is so far from what I ever saw for my life. I truly believe the meaning of love is to love others - to give and receive love. But I have a difficult time believing that after all this time, that could actually happen for me.

So, I am hoping to get some odds from all of you with your own experiences. TIA, DL.

by Anonymousreply 9September 21, 2025 1:23 AM

I meant to say "believe the meaning of LIFE is love" for anyone that read(s) more than the first paragraph.

by Anonymousreply 1September 20, 2025 9:23 PM

Not a decade but half a decade and I’m happier seeking other things than relationships.

by Anonymousreply 2September 20, 2025 9:28 PM

“Single forever, die alone” isn’t real. Have you ever worked retail? You know how many old ladies spend the last 10-20 years of their life alone? Husband dead, children too busy for them, etc?

Marriage and relationships doesn’t guarantee not being alone in the last years of your life at all.

by Anonymousreply 3September 20, 2025 9:31 PM

You know you’re spinning like a top and WAY overthinking this.

Things will go easier if you lighten up and just show up for your next date in a good mood… being interested and curious about him, and about what’s going to happen next.

I met my husband at age 42 after a long series of dating failures and mostly singlehood throughout my 30s.

by Anonymousreply 4September 20, 2025 9:31 PM

I think your experience ties into the overall loneliness epidemic. It's really hard to establish and nurture relationships right now and it's not just the olds experiencing this.

by Anonymousreply 5September 20, 2025 11:18 PM

I think you’re overthinking this OP. Enjoy this person’s company and whatever happens, happens. Don’t sabotage something before it even begins.

by Anonymousreply 6September 20, 2025 11:51 PM

[quote] I'm really worried about letting down walls to this possibility.

This sounds like the basis for a poetry journal.

Please reprint them here.

by Anonymousreply 7September 21, 2025 12:29 AM

I was in a 15 year relationship that "ended" 5 years ago. It ended with the sudden death of my partner. He wasn't perfect but he was perfect for me. We were both dedicated to our careers, had similar morals and respected each other. We had no fidelity issues. I never cheated on him and never felt threatened or was jealous of his male friends. I think he felt the same way.

I have not been on a date or had sex since he passed. I am not looking for a relationship. I had a great one and, frankly, know they are very rare. I have not been a hermit and live a good life. I work hard, have great friends, relatives with whom Im close, travel and love going to concerts. I am not lonely for a relationship but would give anything to have him back.

I'm not interested in another relationship because I have had THE one for me. I hope none of you feel sorry for me. I am happy with the life I have, even if it currently is not what I would have wanted.

by Anonymousreply 8September 21, 2025 12:42 AM

If it happens, it happens. But a solo life is rewarding and fulfilling in its own way. The idea of being with someone “forever” is a fantasy - as R8 explains so eloquently, even if you have someone, it cant be forever.

by Anonymousreply 9September 21, 2025 1:23 AM
Loading
Need more help? Click Here.

Yes indeed, we too use "cookies." Take a look at our privacy/terms or if you just want to see the damn site without all this bureaucratic nonsense, click ACCEPT. Otherwise, you'll just have to find some other site for your pointless bitchery needs.

×

Become a contributor - post when you want with no ads!