Cleaning Out Your Parents’ House

If you can't sell it, donate it. Google charities in your area that will pick up stuff. Their web sites will list what they accept.

If you can't give it away?

Take it to the dump.

Look for a specialized service that will appraise, sell and ship all that crap for you.

We hired an estate sale company. They went through, organized and priced everything, and conducted a sale.

Anything left over, they removed and either donated or disposed of.

We could have made more profit trying to sell everything ourselves, but the convenience of having the house emptied out was worth every penny.

I would dispatch those dolls first: take a picture of each one and rate it "Mint," "Decent," or "Ruint." Corresponding price points are $100, $20, and Free With Prepaid Postage. Do not bother with the names of them, the maker, any of that (those doll people always know all that shit). Put it all on one eBay page and make a new email address like Louise.Dollenganger@deemail.me, and whatever happens happens. Life is too short for Krystal Carrington in soft paste porcelain.

1-800-GOT-JUNK

OP, there are 5 choices for each item: sell, keep for yourself, give away to a loved one, donate, or dump.

That's it.

They didn't care enough about you to do a "Swedish death clean."

I threw alot out and gave alot away. The local auction/estate sales place wasn’t interested. I will call 1800 got junk when the house closes to take away the remaining furniture. Good luck OP it took me a year to get through all the stuff. We’re going to put it on the market in two weeks.

The majority of estate sales are dull because any real treasure is long gone and the majority of Americans have the same dreary crap. I would have an expert go through and see if theres anything you dont realize might be valuable . Its worth the money . The rest,sell for whatever is offered. Hell,skip all that and make the last day $1 day and I guarantee itll be emptied out .

I'm thinking of hiring an estate company even though I'm not close to death (I hope).

Been there, done that. It was like moving a mountain. And yes, I donated tons. Had yard sales, gave away tons. Threw away tons. Recycled tons. You have no idea.

It was like moving a mountain. Took month and months. I spent a fortune on plane fares going back and forth.

It was like moving a mountain. You haven't been through what I went through.

After Mom died, my sister thought she could make some cash by selling Mom’s stuff via Craigslist or Facebook marketplace. I warned her that it would be a massive waste of time. Most of it didn’t sell. Some people wanted to bargain down already low prices. Others who planned to buy and pick stuff up never showed, never called.

I kept a few odd things of Mom’s… some useful kitchen items and a couple of pretty wooden trays I’d remembered from my childhood. And some old photos. I think my sister kept a few dresses, maybe some shoes. Junkluggers ended up taking everything else.

Mom was not a hoarder. But wow did she have a massive collection of handbags. Each in its own protective sleeve.

R12 vintage purses are all the rage and can be quite valuable.

I am active in our county historical society. They came over and took a lot of stuff to either add to their collection, sell for fundraising or take for personal collections. They even took a lot of old letters and paperwork.

[quote] Life is too short for Krystal Carrington in soft paste porcelain.

Truer words have never been spoken.

We did an estate sale service as well - some items auctioned for a lot more than we anticipated. Other items just went unsold and was donated. And there were some high quality pieces.

It's unfortunate - but a person's belongings ALWAYS GO FOR PENNIES ON THE DOLLAR. Remember that. It's a hard lesson but it's absolutely true.

The only exception is maybe celebrities - and we've seen the low prices some of those online auctions bring.

It's overwhelming trying to sell it or dispose of it yourself. You really can't do it. Estate sales are the only way.

And yes - it's really depressing and makes you want to cry. Throwing away photos and yearbooks and cards is also really hard to do - but you have to. They aren't your memories.

People have far too many things that no one else wants. It is incredibly selfish not to have a plan for disposing of one’s belongings and passing on that burden. Swedish death cleaning is a gift you can leave your surviving family and friends.

R17 - it's funny you mention that - because my aunt did some of that about a year before she died (she was aware of her diagnosis but didn't tell anyone).

And yes - she was Swedish. (Born in USA to Swedish immigrants, spoke Swedish and co-owned a home in Sweden with my mom where she spent each summer - so pretty Swedish. Not some single great-grandparent).

I never heard of Swedish death cleaning before. Unfortunately, she didn't do enough of it and she had tons and tons and tons of stuff.

Basements exist to collect junk

There are auction houses who will take anything worth selling and sell it for a commission. They will clear out the house and separate the wheat from the chaff. In my mother’s case some items disappeared along the way, so you want to have an inventory of anything really valuable.

Seven years ago after my mother died I paid a company 5k to empty out my parents 4 bedroom house. They shredded all the paper and hauled everything away. It couldn't have been easier.

If you are in the American Midwest, auctions are the best way to go. Just did this with my mother's house- all over and done with in about 6 hours. If auction not an option, donate it. We found the only items that brought any $ were her husbands power tools, garden equip. and guns. Everything else was basically worthless.

Good luck, OP.

I went thought this ten years ago with my mom. Her and dad were mild hoarders.

My brother wanted to move out of state as soon as mom passed, so we held an auction. God, that was depressing AF, but it got a lot stuff out if the house so we could sell it.

Everything that wasn’t out when my brother moved and the house sold came to my house. I couldn’t sort that shit until Covid, due to work and other obligations.

Thanks to that experience, I’ve been trying to get rid of stuff here so nobody has to do that with me.

[quote] nts. It is incredibly selfish not to have a plan for disposing of one’s belongings and passing on that burden

The survivors can easily hire someone. Not putting anything in place provides the maximum flexibility. If they want to sift through every item themselves, they can. If they don’t, they can hire someone. I have never heard of anyone arranging this before death. I think that is exceedingly rare.

Sadly, I doubt much of it has any value. Unless you treasure it yourself, having somebody else take care of it is probably the best option. Any money you make by sifting through things is not going to be worth the effort.

People should throw their own shit out before they die. It’s a terrible burden to leave to one’s next of kin.

[quote]People should throw their own shit out before they die. It’s a terrible burden to leave to one’s next of kin.

If the person is a hoarder, yes, but, then they likely have some kind of mental problem and aren't going to respond to your exhortation. If it's an ordinary person, there is absolutely nothing selfish about not clearing out your belongings. You rarely have even an approximate idea of when you are going to die, and, by the time you do, you are rarely in a position to do so. You are only saying this because you aren't near death yourself.

It's quite easy to hire people to clean out and dispose of the belongings. There's really no selfishness at all. It's just part of life.

[quote]they likely have some kind of mental problem and aren't going to respond to your exhortation

I love you, r27. This is going to be my new default response.

“Why didn’t Bob finish drafting that document?”

“He likely has a mental problem and won’t respond to your exhortation.”

Interesting you purposely cropped out the first part of my sentence in order to make it sound idiotic. Really, you aren't fooling anyone. We are not as stupid as you.

Bitch, it was a compliment! What the fuck is wrong with you?!

My apologies.

My dad and his nutty wife are, I’d say, kevel 2 hoarders.

Not bad enough to be on “Hoarders” tv show, but hoarding a lot more than old books and grocery bags.

They often speak with great relish about the mess they will be leaving behind for us to clean up. They are building up more crap on purpose.

They’ve always been very contrary.

My next-door neighbor of 30 years died last summer at age 80. I was 25 when I moved in, and he was the age I am now, God help me. He was a guncle of the old school. He laughed a lot, told jokes, was naughty and silly, and in turn, they laughed both with him and behind his back. He and I shared a lot of laughs, helped each other out (me more than him, but the house became too much and his "family" were greedy, selfish shits, just waiting for him to die so they could inherit). I raked his leaves, cut the grass, shoveled snow, took out the trash for years and years. His best friend made sure he got to his medical appointments. He stopped inviting groups of friends over some 20 years ago, but I failed to notice that he continued to fill his house with stuff - trunkloads of tableware, appliances, decor - for entertaining he would never do. He spent his days painting and dreaming of dinner parties with friends he'd long written off. But this "stuff" apparently brought him joy. He probably knew he was hoarding stuff, but he chose to see only the potential of it.

When he died and the family pulled out SIX dumpsters BEFORE the estate sale, I found myself very conflicted. In a way he was selfish, leaving a huge mess for his undeserving nieces and nephews. He may have been taking some joy in knowing they'd have to work their asses off for months to clean out the house. Stuff they didn't value. Stuff they didn't see the joy HE found in it. But he, like anyone, was a complicated man. He took his true joy with him - whatever that was.

It's the purview of those who are left behind to give the dead some grace. Like most of the above responses, and as I saw firsthand, the beneficiaries (to be clear, I and the other friends who did the work of caring for him were not in the will) made it all about themselves. I expected this, and it's fine. The dead don't owe us any explanation. Maybe he meant to include us and never got around to it, maybe his concept of family was as old-school as I suspected. He/they were good enough to remember you when they left the mortal plane. Accept or reject their humanity, which now only exists in the hearts they left behind. Your memory will be entrusted to someone else one day (or not), and your ability to change the narrative will be gone. For me, nonjudgment and grace were the best path.

The problem with selling collections of anything on line is that very few people want to buy an entire collection--they want to buy pieces one at a time. That's the fun of collecting.

Hoarding for spite and hoarding because items give you joy (or hope) are two very different things.

To be clear, I won’t be the person to clean up after my dad is gone. So, it really may doesn’t affect me. But my dad does intend to spite the people who WILL be cleaning up after him. Which is weird, because they’ve been quite loving towards him. Do, I font know what that’s about.

Sorry for typos, I need glasses

A long-frayed electrical cord, plugged in and left to do its work is what is needed.

[quote] The problem with selling collections of anything on line is that very few people want to buy an entire collection--they want to buy pieces one at a time. That's the fun of collecting.

I know a widow who recently sold her husband’s enormous rock collection to a dealer. That’s what dealer’s do.

[quote] Hoarding for spite

I've never heard of such a thing.

Yeah - the problem with cleaning out your house before you die - is that you kind of need to know you're on the way out, BUT you are still capable. Those two things don't really go together.

If you clear out before you get sick - that is the best way. But sometimes it feels like you're preparing for death - which could be years away. And who wants to give away or sell their most treasured items?

Now junk - people don't need to get old to get rid of that shit. That's something you should do every year regardless of age.

[quote]Yeah - the problem with cleaning out your house before you die - is that you kind of need to know you're on the way out, BUT you are still capable. Those two things don't really go together.

What? First of all, many people have little warning that they are going to die. Second, when they do have an idea they are going to die, it is usually because they are ill. The idea that some 85-year-old is going to start a massage house clean after getting ill and discovering she as cancer is ludicrous.

[quote]If you clear out before you get sick - that is the best way. But sometimes it feels like you're preparing for death - which could be years away

No. The main reason people don't clear out before they are sick is because they are well and they are using their houses and the things in them. At what age are people supposed to start living in a spartan house awaiting eventual death? 60? 70? 80? Some people live in their own homes until their 90s. That may be a long existence in a barebones home if they clear out all but the bare minimum at 75.

I have never heard of anyone preemptively clearing out their house in preparation in death and I'm virtually certain you won't either.

And what on earth is the big deal about leaving a house of possessions after you die? If you don't want any of it, it's easy enough to hire a company to clear it out. If you do want some of it, it is imperative the deceased not discard everything before death.

Both my father and his wife and my mother and her husband downsized their belongings in their early 80s, which made things much easier for my siblings and I when they died and we had to clear out their things.

R42. Yes, people do that. But that is because they need fewer things because of age. The idea of clearing out solely because you are old may be soon to die is absurd

Before our mother passed a little over two years ago, she had repeatedly told all three of us to point out any objects that we wanted and she noted it, but when the time came we still had piles and piles of stuff to sort through. I have a good relationship with my brother and sister, so we did not argue and there were only a few items that we all wanted, but kept saying the same thing to one another if you want it, I'm not going to argue with one provision that we all agreed upon: pick that one item you really want and designate it as such. Fortunately, we all picked different objects, and the only things we went back-and-forth over were pictures, specifically a portrait of our grandmother, a photo of our mother and grandparents, and one of Mom riding a pony on her 5th birthday (all of which I got), but there were some fabulous other photos and objects that brother and sister both received. Nevertheless, we held a garage sale and got rid of a bunch of stuff, and my sister found a wonderful charity that took everything else ( and by way of advice, 1-800-got-junk charges a lot to clean out a house!).

That said, don't so it the way we did and think that you'll have everything wrapped up within a few weeks. We busted our butts and in the end it made no difference; the whole process took almost a year.

[quote] [R42]. Yes, people do that. But that is because they need fewer things because of age. The idea of clearing out solely because you are old may be soon to die is absurd

My parents did because they also said they didn't want to force us to sort through their things after they died.

Whether you consider that is "absurd" or not doesn't matter to me. I do not consider you, an anonymous person on the Internet, either my or my parents' moral arbiter.

I found my dad's huge porn collection

If you need the money AND have the time, you go through it for treasure and it takes forever. If you don't need the money, or dont have the time, donate and have someone haul it away. Pay to get rid of it even. If you NEED the money but do NOT have the time, its a uncomfortable situation but if you dont have the time, you might make more working your job than spending your valuable time on the detritus of someones life.

R41 my grandmother, a practical and lovely German American, downsized radically when she buried her son. She was in her 70s. She downsized from a colonial in connecticut to 2 bedroom apartment near close family in New York State. She lived to 95 in good health. She downsized herself! This included beautiful things from her wealthy father and maiden aunt. Her final home, that 2 room apartment was nice and well appointed with some memories and everything to live well, but nothing excessive. I think the lightness of it helped her live longer and clearer. she concentrated on social and intellectual activities, all stimulating for the mind. her objects were not going to do that, and she was no longer interested in entertaining.

2 room apartment. not 2 bedroom. a bedroom, living room - kitchen. we were all impressed and I wonder if I can do the same in 15 years. 70s seems like a good time to do it.

Her daughter, my mom, lefts "mountains" (as noted above) of crap and it took forever to clear. And I dont think my mom enjoyed all that stuff in her elder years.

I don’t like having things around that trigger memories— even good ones. Even the good memories are so painful.

I might buy a new piece of art that reminds me of a scene from my childhood— but I don’t want things literally from my childhood.

I’ve always been weird that way. Move forward.

My dad is clearing out his house and he threw away all my grandparents.and mom's recipes. I was a little pissed, but I love the guy and I love that he's so considerate to start the process

Anybody have any experience getting rid of guns after someone has passed away?

R46 When my Dad died, his widow told me she found a large locked box of his. His guns were already accounted for. I told her I had no interest whatsoever in knowing what was in that box--it was all hers.

R54 is Trudy Campbell.

I hired Got Junk and it cost about 9k because they have small trucks and they kept having to come back a dozen times.

If you really want to get rid of it all just post on Craigslist or Facebook under "Free Stuff" and people will come from miles away- I had one couple who drove 2 hours to get a dining room table.

Or donate it to the Humane Society thrift store.

Also, Goodwill will take ANYTHING.

R53, I believe your local gun show is your best bet for selling outright. You also might make contact with some dealers and give them your inventory and see what offers you get. Antique and vintage guns are always collectible

R53, if you want to sell them, you can.

If you want to get rid of them, the cops will usually take them, but I would call and make sure.

"Dealers," that is...

Sorry that anyone has to deal with this.

Early this year I was discharged after a long hospitalization for multi-organ failure with a bad prognosis and was referred to palliative care. I could feel my body shutting down. I'd survived cancer many years before and had been in remission. This was somewhat surprising but not a total shock. But in the meantime, I'd gotten married. My partner was in shock and at a loss for what to do. I gained enough strength to go through all of my stuff, get rid of almost everything he didn't need, and transferred all financials over to him. Wasn't a hoarder, but I did accumulate decades of documents that were shoved into boxes, completely unorganized. Dropped 75 lbs, so also got rid of all of my clothes. It felt liberating. I did not want my husband to be burdened with the practical stuff. It was one thing I could control. I learned later that this is called Swedish Death Cleaning.

Although my prognosis has improved somewhat, we know that statistically, I'll possibly be gone in a few years. No one really knows what will be one's last day. Letting go and knowing that my most important loved one can move on relatively hassle-free feels amazing. Wish I'd done it sooner.

I know that this is a difficult conversation to have with parents, especially in American culture.

While I do not believe in afterlife, if I'm wrong and not busy being an octopus, I'll be spying on you bitches.

I was so disordered by my mom’s death in a car crash that I gave her jewelry box to Goodwill. With my parents wedding rings in it.

I’m sorry, OP. I have read not to get rid of anything in the first 6 months to a year and that’s why I’m actually leaning towards going through everything just to make sure.

Unless your parents were rich or had an extraordinary eye and discipline to assemble a house full of valuable fine art, fine jewelry, expensive vintage designer clothes in pristine condition, lots of sterling silver, highly desirable (not once highly collectible) vintage or antique furnishings, make it easy on yourself:

Arrange a donation of all clothing to a charity organization that sells or redistributes second hand clothes.

Call local auctions with a general list in hand and discuss whether they would come collect and auction household contents (and which types and under what terms and costs. Whether for a general household auction or placing more desirable things in themed sales. They will want a reasonably informed summary of what you have, so as not to waste their time to agree to come look at things they know are of very little value. If they are not interested, ask their advice - because the local options will vary widely depending on where you are. They can also suggest charitable organizations that accept donations, or individuals who will dispose of book collections or vintage china collections or similar things on eBay or other venues.

For things of no value, hire a crew to dispose of the stuff.

Hire a cleaning crew to make the house presentable. Realtors can often suggest these as well as a short list of repairs that will put the home in a better position to sell it easily.

Getting the most $ out of a book collection (unless it's something extraordinarily valuable) or other focused collections of low value things is generally a waste of everyone's time and generates a piddling amount of money. Most people don't have parents with truly valuable things (though many have parents whose things they want you believe are somehow valuable or worth having saved for a lifetime -- only to discover otherwise.)

R42, same here. My mother did quite a bit of clearing out in various stages, every few years or so, for the last 15 years of her life, and she lived to 80. She was adamant she didn't want for her kids to have a lot to contend with when she eventually died. But she knew that some things were unavoidably going to be left to us.

When she did get her terminal cancer diagnosis, she certainly stopped caring about "the stuff", and was thinking moreso of her immediate needs, and her upcoming end. That was one gift of comfort I could give her, that she could live in her house until the end, and I promised her I would take care of everything for her. I could see the visible relief on her face when she most needed to hear it.

That said, it took me two weeks of full time work to get everything sorted. I was only given two weeks, because that is the rule you're given in 55 & Over subsidized housing. You don't even get to the end of that month you paid for. Mom didn't know that, thankfully.

But it was two weeks of hell for me and my husband. We didn't have time to grieve losing her, and she was a huge part of our lives.

I learned a lot back then, as it was revealed to me that certain friends and family are still just that even after someone dies. Some people really show some strange true colors. They think mostly (or only) of what they can get out of the situation, and in some cases if they feel it's nothing, then they disappear and don't even offer to help with the cleanup. Others were surprise and welcome helpers, including my brother's ex-wife, who had no obligation to stay so connected or be involved. She came to me out of nowhere, told me she always loved my mother, wanted nothing in return, and helped me put things in boxes, and drive things to the Goodwill. I'll never forget that kindness, and it was revealed that she was suffering with her own terminal diagnosis that she didn't reveal until later. Meanwhile, her two daughters - one of them was there by my side for the whole thing and did a lot of packing for me, and got meals sorted for us, while the other one just said "I want that piece of furniture" and never showed up to help, or even pick up that furniture. Also, of my two siblings - my brother really stepped up and did more than I expected - he had a big truck so he was doing lots of hauling of furniture, but my sister - she never showed up for the diagnosis, the chemo, the hospice care, the funeral, or the cleanout. Yet she was really wanting a lot of Mom's stuff nonetheless, and kept getting me on the phone with demands. It was terrible.

I'm just glad that Mom did get rid of a lot of stuff over the years. I recall being horrified at one point when looking at all her collections: crafts, throw pillows, blankets, cedar chests, dolls, ceramics, bins full of fabrics, snow tires, and tables - so many damn tables. She had sorted through and removed the vast majority of all that a while before she passed.

As I stated earlier, it is incredibly selfish not to PLAN this in advance. Maybe your heirs don’t live nearby, can’t afford to have a company do a clear out, or Jared just overwhelmed. The kindest and most responsible thing anyone can do is let their heirs know what goes to who and designate the rest to charity. You can get appraisers in to give you an estimate on anything that might be valuable. Organize your paperwork. Tell people your wishes and put it in writing if it’s not in your will. Allocate funds for a junk hauler in your will. Don’t be so presumptuous to think this is an easy task for your heirs. It is not.

Tip for people who haven't lost a parent yet: while she was elderly but still alive, I went on a little tour of the house with my mother and asked her to tell me the story of anything that had been a gift from someone else. She enjoyed doing that and I learned some little stories I hadn't known. A lot of parents have display cabinets with those sorts of things in them, and you just take them for granted because they've always been there.

While she was telling me the stories, I took photos of the items and later labelled each with the name of the person who gave it. When my parents died, obviously we kept anything we wanted to keep, wherever it came from. But of the things we didn't, we called up the person, or their children, who had given a gift and offered it back to them. If they didn't want it we trashed it, but we did get to offload quite a bit of "stuff that's too good to throw out" that way.

We also gave their friends and relos, and then our friends, their pick of the other stuff we didn't want, and some of it went that way.

A lot of good feedback, though I add that maybe consider giving some of the nicer dishes, small furniture, etc to any friends, neighbors, cleaning people, etc. When my mom died, we gave some of her nicest dishes to this lovely woman that cleaned for her and she (seemed to) really appreciate them. Likewise, we gave some figurines to the adult mentally disable sister of a friend. 95% will go to Goodwill or a dumpster, but if its feasible, pull out some of the nicest things that might mean something to others.

I’m going to break with the pack and go with light a match and burn it to the ground.

When the time came to empty my parents' house so it could be sold, my partner was dying of cancer, so I wasn't able to be of much help to my brother and sister. They were ruthless. It's not that my parents were hoarders, but two elderly people accumulate two lifetimes' worth of stuff. My brother and sister hired a dumpster and basically threw everything out, including possessions of mine that were in the attic and that I would have liked to keep. But I had other priorities at the time. It was upsetting to see things that my mother loved tossed into a dumpster. My partner died a couple of weeks after the house was emptied. I'm an eldergay now, and I realize that my brother and sister's ruthless approach was really for the best. A lifetime of possessions with mostly sentimental value becomes something of a burden, unfortunately.

I had to dispose of tax returns going back to 1956

[quote] As I stated earlier, it is incredibly selfish not to PLAN this in advance

At what age do you need to begin planning this to avoid being selfish? How often do you need to update the plan as you continue to live in order to avoid being selfish?

Not sure r72. One of my nieces would gladly take my pets. Thats all I care about

Exactly. That’s why this claim is usually absurd.

I feel your pain OP. When my mother died 34 years ago she left one of the largest private collections of Hummels in the country. I'm not into that at all. My father wasn't enamored of them either, but for the year and a half he lived after mother died he wanted to leave them in their display cases. When he died the first thing I did was rebox (thankfully she was meticulous in keeping the original boxes) every thing then put them all into storage boxes (30 16" square boxes) and have them put into storage, where they remain today. I've been in talks with the Hummel factory in Germany. They've said they would definitely love to have them. The only thing we're waiting on is for them to arrange for someone locally to professionally prepare them for shipping to Europe. Unfortunately the Hummel people don't move fast. It's going to be an expensive process to get all these things packed properly and then pay the shipping expenses. But at least they've been out of my hair for 30 years.

For one relative I posted on Nextdoor "Everything on the driveway is free, be quick, I'm not moving this stuff in and out of the garage every night". I attached a couple of pictures and left the house. It took me hours to move that stuff to the driveway but it was gone in two days. My mother lived in an apartment so I used my wheelbarrow to haul everything to the dumpster. I called Junk King to pick up the furniture, three rooms of furniture cost $800. I threw away three large boxes of family photos without looking at them, when I'm working hard at a task I don't need to risk depression.

^The Hummel story is very interesting and it's wonderful that you found an appreciative home for something you mother cleared cared about.

I think that's the distinction with dealing with your parents stuff: what did they genuinely value and reminds you of them and what stuff did they pick up along the way but didn't really care about. My mom's slow decline gave me the opportunity to discuss those things & I was rather surprised that a woman who had so much stuff (and nice stuff too!) but actually cared so little about it.

R72, once you have more than a truckload of stuff.

But seriously, most people make their wills when they have responsibilities, such as home ownership, children, investments. Planning for the disposal of your belongings should be part of that and updated regularly.

My brother-in-law had the best approach to this when his parents died: hired a skip for 2 days and refused to have it for a minute longer, so he and his siblings spent 2 days in the house and were forced into quick decisions.

His father was a hoarder of paperwork: every single item he received in the post was kept for decades. Thousands of pieces of junk mail.

When my own mother died, I was thankful that she had been much more organised. She had kept a lot of paperwork too, but it was organised so that the important things were easy to locate, and everything else could be dumped easily. She had sorted that out in the very early stages of her dementia, which was fortunately only ever at a very mild stage.

The only stuff she left in large quantities was clothes. As her dementia took hold, she held firmly to routine, and still took great pleasure in looking nice, so she would go out one a week and buy something new. After she died, my sister and I had to clear out her wardrobe, and we found a huge number of unworn items, with the tags still on them. It was painful to see thousands of pounds worth of garments, all headed for the charity shop, but shopping had helped mum feel like herself to the end of her life, so I suppose it was well worth it.

Some of these approaches are helpful, some are not. I’m not totally cleaning out the house as I plan to live there. I’m just trying to get rid of at least 50-60% of items.

Please tell me, what kind of dolls? If she bought them on T.V. they're worthless. If they're genuinely old, they could have value. I'm a jewelry collector, and if mom left any costume jewelry, I can tell you what you've got.

Antique porcelain dolls from the turn of the century, from the 1940s, and some she made herself back in the 1990s. I do want to keep some of the ones she made as they’re special to me.

Regarding the Hummels - if the Hummel factory in Germany is so excited to have them, why can't they buy them back for you? Or, at least pay for the shipping themselves?

[quote]once you have more than a truckload of stuff. But seriously, most people make their wills when they have responsibilities, such as home ownership, children, investments. Planning for the disposal of your belongings should be part of that and updated regularly.

So really, I guess at any age. That's interesting. I wonder how many people do that at 18. At what age did you make these arrangements for your heirs?

And putting those clauses in the will are extremely helpful in practice? It would seem that having the will dictate the disposal of the items deprives the survivors of deciding what they want to keep while not really providing any real convenience to the survivors. If you just want a wholesale disposal of the estate, that is pretty easy for the survivors to hire someone to do. You just need to look on the internet and hire somebody to do it. How have you structured this in your will?

My mom was overly sentimental. She kept every fucking card anyone gave her. Fucking CHRISTMAS CARDS from the 60s and 70s.

I was bitching about the hordes of paper they both saved (I piled three of those file boxes in my fire pit and lit them. Bye!) and my cousin wanted to know if I could dig through all of those fucking cards ABD RETURN THE ONES SHE SENT! Hell no.

My mom had crammed them into garbage bags, so all I did was dump them out to make sure nothing important was in there before I burned the whole lot.

They had even kept returned checks from my grandma who died when I was 10. What the fuck? I had my mom’s report cards from the fucking fifties! Why? Just trash. Hoarded for no fucking reason

I wonder if this sort of run of the mill hoarding is largely disappearing for a number of reasons: the decline of hard copies of virtually everything, more frequent house moves, and the decline of collectibles. Of course, people who hoard because of psychological problems will always remain.

R85 I understand the cards and checks though. That might be the last piece of handwriting of the person they have. She should have cleaned them out way before she died though.

Fucking hell...the saved Hallmark cards from forever.

My father explained that someone could shit in a box and, as long as they wrapped it in pretty paper and tied with with a bow AND included a card with it, my mother would be delighted.

It wasn't much of an exaggeration. She died with a desk filled with nothing but drawers and drawers and boxes full of Hallmark type cards going back almost to the invention of paper.

I found a local thift dealer near my mom's house that specialized in estate clear outs. They brought a truck + crew. You paid fuel + cost of disposal of any items they couldn't take, such as mattresses or bedding. They ended up reselling most of the stuff. It was worth the nominal fee.

Don't make it hard on yourself. The reality is, nobody wants any of this shit. The sooner it gets into a landfill, the better.

R82 Porcelain dolls from the turn of the century sounds like something real good. Let's see!

This thread is a public service. Thank you. The comments confirm to me how little sentimental value our belongings hold for other people, even those closest to us. This is a kick in the pants to get going on letting go of things no longer needed while I still can and can make the decisions where the stuff should go.

Taking digital photos of items that have can preserve memories without taking up the space physical items do, and make it easier to let more things go.

After decades of collecting Ive been selling the more valuable bits on and along. I dont think enough of my family (most magats) to leave them anything valuable. Just in art glass alone I have about 100 pieces. All Im going to leave in this house is all the cheap tawdry shit not worth a dime. Ha ! If I dont leave my house to the LGBT youth center. I really need to get my ass in gear on my will now that Ive read this thread.

After my mother died I found one of her handbags in a closet. When I picked it up was surprised how heavy it was and found it was stuffed with coins. Hundreds of dollars worth. Ding, ding, ding. Jackpot!

I settle estates for my Dad, my sister, and more recently a disabled nephew. Here's what I've learned.......

In many places, your city or county government will have periodic days to drop-off paper for shredding, electronics, and hazardous items like old paint, oil, etc. Save 6 years of tax and related receipts in case the estate is audited.

Clothing always seems to be welcomed by second hand shops--I used the local free clinic for my Dad, an AIDS charity for my sister.

Unless someone has truly rare books or a special collection, donate them to a library or some other group that sells boos to raise money. I found a university that was assembling a comprehensive archive of sheet music, so my Dad's piano music went there.

Talk to friends and family members who collect stuff--they'll help you identify the oddities of value and things that sadly, have little value like china and silverplate. I had a former professor who had an antiquarian book business, a cousin who did EBay, friends' parents who and various other people who were collectors of stuff.

Professional yard sale people will charge for it and tend to jack up prices. Ethical antique/collectable people who do price estimates won't offer to sell things.

I had the misfortune of having a sister-in-law who stuck her nose in everything. She was the sort who confused her random thoughts with "common sense". She had watched too much tv and thought there lots of hidden valuables--there weren't. Later on, I found out that she and my brother had lost their savings in a bad investment---a business started by her brother who was a credible business person who had the misfortune of opening a new business just before a recession. They were desperate for money and had trouble believing the modesty of what was left. I've since known so many people whose families had some kind problems because someone turned out to be greedy, unhelpful, or desperate.

R87, I will confess to keeping one of the checks my gramma wrote because that IS the only example of her handwriting I have.

When I’m gone, it will go to the fire, too.

I will second the community “shred day” or “clean out day”. Our community has one every spring around Earth Day.

They have stations set up where you drive to station one and unload any shredable items like paper. They also take old driver licenses, passports, checks and tax returns.

The next station is for chemicals and paint. Old weed killer, paint thinner, bug spray, batteries and stuff like that. Another station is electronics. Old computers, vacuum cleaners, TVs, etc.

They will recycle what they can, either paper or scrap metal and properly dispose of the rest. I got rid of a shit ton of unmarked chemicals my dad had collected. I told them I didn’t know what the hell was in there, since they weren’t in the original container.

If you have the option, I would strongly recommend using it. Call your local community government and ask them if they have a day like this and take advantage of it.

[quote]I will confess to keeping one of the checks my gramma wrote because that IS the only example of her handwriting I have.

I'm not in the habit of keeping examples of the handwriting of my family and ancestors, so maybe I miss the appeal.

Few people like things more than I do, but sentimental family bits of ephemera mean nothing to me.