Wisconsin Man Who Faked Death, Fled with Buxom Online Whore Caught, Sentenced to Jail

What a putz

You know it will be stretched out into a streaming "true crime" series

What a douche.

I'd hit it.

Yeah, he’s awful but…would.

Midnight train to Georgia 🐑

Reversed his vasectomy? His stupidity truly knows no bounds. That's the only smart thing he ever did.

[quote]Fled with Buxom Online Whore

He looks like a boob man.

Sign me up with R4 & R5. I’d hit it too. Looks like an ex of mine who had me dickmatized with a thick cock and knew how to use it.

Holy shit.

At least he didn’t Chris Watts them. Which was probably his first choice until he concocted this.

I'd hit it too.

Those Wisconsin straight dudes are seriously dumb but he probably has a giant dong.

How did he get a Canadian passport?

OP gets 75 points for his use of “strumpet”.

I'd have scored him higher, r14, had OP gone with "doxy".

Ryan puts the cock in Caucasus!

[quote]You know it will be stretched out into a streaming "true crime" series.

“Double D Indemnity”

Couldn’t he just have gotten a divorce?

I think this is how straight guys think all day. They always look like they're plotting their next fuck.

How do you cash in on your own insurance policies if you’re supposed to be dead?

All they do is lie. Straights are so trashy.

Every photo I've seen of him online he looks autistic. He's also ugly af.

How long do you think it would have taken his eastern european whore to drain his accounts and split? I'm guessing six months tops.

[quote] Yeah, he’s awful but…would

Gay men have no standards.

[quote] I think this is how straight guys think all day. They always look like they're plotting their next fuck.

And gay men don't?

This story is a LOT.

[quote]R20 How do you cash in on your own insurance policies if you’re supposed to be dead?

Maybe he redesignated the beneficiary… making it the whore girlfriend. Then they split it after the payout?

R15 Sadly, "doxy" is a touch more obscure than "strumpet," and you run the risk of confusing readers.

I do enjoy "chippy" more than strumpet.

[quote]How do you cash in on your own insurance policies if you’re supposed to be dead?

There is something called a "whole life" policy that you can cash in while you are alive. I imagine it was one of those.

They usually aren't the best deal for most people, but you can google/ask an insurance agent.

Try patching up your relationship now with your 3 kids, who you were going to ditch forever and who you left them thinking that their dad was dead.

They may forgive now - but at some point they're gonna attack him once they are adults and realize what a shitty thing he did.

"Hussy!"

Really says it all.

"The world of heterosexuals is a SICK and BORING LIIIIIFE!"

A whole life policy can be cashed in while you're alive, but you would only get the amount you paid into it, plus perhaps a small amount of interest accrued over the years.

I assume this dude had the intention of faking his death, thinking that the full amount would pay out to a beneficiary, and together they'd enjoy the proceeds.

But he didn't realize that (a) most policies are "contestable" for the first two years, which means the insurance company will question any request for payout and can reject paying the face value, refunding only premium paid, and (b) insurance companies would be looking for hard evidence of a death - a death certificate for sure, possibly an autopsy, etc.

Do gays ever do this? What about lesbians?

He's very hot. He's also a repulsive moron.

R34 = Helen Keller

R33, I did read about a closeted gay man who was married to a woman who "disappeared"...only to be found living with a man. I guess he didn't want to pay alimony

Sizemeat.

Can a life really be sick and boring at the same time?

R38, John Waters thinks so.

I guess he’s jaded.

I would suggest checking family portraits from time to time, to see if your spouse looks about to burst into silent tears.

His buxom girlfriend must have had some fucking amazing snatch

R42 She's from Soviet Georgia, so I seriously doubt it.

He does have BDE . In that family pic he looks like hes doing a whole body cringe . Like he'd rather be anywhere but there. He checked out on that marriage some time ago .She knew Im sure and didnt care as long as he kept up the facade. Faking his death was rather extreme. Going back home and issuing a "mea culpa" is another thing entirely. I cant imagine the looks and whispers. Does he really think he can make up for all the insanity ???

Name the Lifetime movie they're going to produce based on this story.

I'll say... "Dreams Overturned: The Kayaking Dad Mystery"

[quote]I do enjoy "chippy" more than strumpet.

This is trollop erasure!

The relationship with his kids is over. They may even want to forgive him, but he’s revealed something that can’t ever be forgotten or made ok.

Oh my goodness, his family seems so sweet. I just watched a video of his teen son singing a duet with a teen girl. So brave and sincere.

Well, one point in big dick dad’s favor—the insurance beneficiaries were his family members. He didn’t take the policy for his own benefit.

[Quote] Hey kids, it’s me, Dad. I’m not dead. Your mother’s lack of libido and dried out cooze, lead me to seek a life with a trumpet/doxy/trollop/whore I met online. It didn’t work out so I’m back. What’s for dinner?

*strumpet

I like floozy.

R36 That sounds like some George Santos shit.

Where did you see pics of the online European gf, OP?

R41 That's his “I need pussy” face.