HELP!! I am being held hostage by a tiny psychopath
Ge5t hummingbird feeders, it'll be fun they said.
I had 2 big cut glass feeders that I kept forgetting to change weekly. I wasn't seeing much hummingbird activity so I gave them away.
The next day I was sitting outside with Molly and hear zzzzzztttt. There's a hummingbird 10 inches from my face. You all would have been proud of the look of disgust on his face. The JUDGMENT! He was weeeet weeeeting at me and I told him FINE I will get more feeders.
I got teensy tiny ones- 6 of them- that are small enough that I will see they're being emptied and will change them. Sounds good right? WRONG
These little fuckers. Apparently one of them decided that I am the keeper of the feeders and must be protected at all costs. even if it kills me.
Now, I go outside and in addition to the dragonflies lined up on the string lights and dog run lead, there's hummingbirds. If any of them come within 6 feet of me this little fucker will attack them. Yes, he defends the feeders too but for those who may not know me- I actually am not a sentient hummingbird feeder.
I will just be reading my tablet and hear zzzzzzzztttt and there's 2 tiny garden fairies dueling 2 inches from my head. If I hear a bumblebee I get nervous until I realize it's not him.
Sometimes he just comes over and hovers a few inches from my face like 'I'm watching you ". Today we are expecting rain and it's getting windy so I took down 2 of the feeders I have attached to the sun umbrella so I could put the umbrella down. Out of nowhere this little fucker comes nose to nose scolding me. There's multiple other feeders available but ok, I will hold one of these 2 up so you can drink in between yelling at me.
TLDR, hummingbirds are tiny psychopaths and not as much fun as ome would assume. If I disappear, it's this guy
| by Anonymous | reply 21 | August 20, 2025 9:45 PM
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Man's Greatest Threat: Attack of the Hummingbirds.
Starring Matt Damon and Ben Affleck alongside AnnE Hathaway.
| by Anonymous | reply 3 | August 20, 2025 7:22 PM
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[quote]hummingbirds are tiny psychopaths
They are aggressive bastards for sure. I (rather than do the smart thing and get rid of my hummingbird feeder), had to get two and space them out, because they dive bomb each other when they see other hummingbirds try to use "their" feeder.
| by Anonymous | reply 4 | August 20, 2025 7:25 PM
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look at this evil little shit
| by Anonymous | reply 5 | August 20, 2025 7:29 PM
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Try leaving out slices of orange and apple to lure ants for the hummers to chow down on. The judgement will either cease or they'll become more demanding. Are there rhododendrons nearby? They love the nectar.
| by Anonymous | reply 7 | August 20, 2025 7:37 PM
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Alfred Hitchcock must be proud.
| by Anonymous | reply 8 | August 20, 2025 7:39 PM
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I'll alert the town! How many are we talking? A swarm?
So damn tired of swarms!
| by Anonymous | reply 9 | August 20, 2025 7:45 PM
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Many years ago, when I was in my early 30s and an undergrad (yeah, I know), one of my profs (a single woman in her 50s who lived a few blocks away from me) had me "babysit" her house while she spent summers abroad doing research.
She was ever-so-proud to show me all her bird houses and her bird feeders and the birds that came to visit each one, and she watched while she sat at a table reading journals or writing. I said to myself (rolling my eyes), "Holy fuck! God forbid my life should ever be as boring as that!"
That said, here's a pic of of (I think) a barred owl hanging out in my yard.
You know what they say: Make your words small and sweet, because one day, you may have to eat them.
| by Anonymous | reply 11 | August 20, 2025 7:53 PM
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I would LOVE to have this problem, rescue-chick!
| by Anonymous | reply 12 | August 20, 2025 7:54 PM
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r11, Since I cut down all the underbrush in the woods I have these adorable little bastards.
r12, you think so. But, they haunt my dreams
| by Anonymous | reply 13 | August 20, 2025 7:57 PM
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That's adorable, RC @ R13!
Mine had to be at least a foot tall. And had (apparently) the classic "Who cooks for YOU? Who cooks for YOU?" hoot pattern.
I also have a pic of (what I think is) a peregrine falcon sitting on the edge of my birdbath. It's kinda blurry or I would post it.
I guess when you're young, you have work, relationships, drama, lots of sex, and lots of getting out there and having fun.
Now that I'm old, I watch the birds.
| by Anonymous | reply 14 | August 20, 2025 8:06 PM
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I once got an intense face-flapping by a hummingbird and my stepson looked at me like I was St. Francis.
| by Anonymous | reply 15 | August 20, 2025 8:14 PM
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r14, this is what they sound like
| by Anonymous | reply 16 | August 20, 2025 8:14 PM
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I made the mistake of getting my mother one for mothers day, and she acted like I gave her a hummingbird concentration camp because of 'wetbeak'.
| by Anonymous | reply 18 | August 20, 2025 9:07 PM
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exactly r17!
I had about 40 adolescent crows in the yard earlier this week and found it charming.
Hummingbirds are thugs
| by Anonymous | reply 19 | August 20, 2025 9:21 PM
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Huh, I gpt one hummingbird feeder this spring. I get maybe 3 hummers (I think 1 Allen's and one Ruby) . One Allen's is the Lord of the feeder, and he'll actually hover dead center in front of my window to check me out. Never had them hover in front of my face.
It still makes me happy seeing them feed.
| by Anonymous | reply 20 | August 20, 2025 9:40 PM
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r20, I absolutely won't take the feeders down, I love watching them from afar. I am just hoping he gets eaten on his winter travels and I get ruby throated ones next year. I just got the worst kind
| by Anonymous | reply 21 | August 20, 2025 9:45 PM
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