A line in movie that gave you a stitch in your side from laughing

If you are tardy, you don't get fruit cup.

It's what I live for. Perhaps you'd like me to come in there. and wash your dick for you, you little shit.

Actually, most of his lines in the movie.

What the fuck?!

I get a fiendish delight thinking of you as the mother of seven. How do you plan to do it?

Darling, haven't you ever heard of a delightful little thing called boarding school.

Baroness Machiavelli.

It was Meryl's gift in your face. Even Bruce was fighting to keep a straight face. Perfection.

"I know I seem a little bit on the kinky side, but deep down I'm a sensitive and vulnerable girl. Don't let my dildoes, vibrators and handcuffs fool you."

Yes! Yes! Say it! He vas my BOYFRIEND!”

"Someone has to go back and get a shitload of dimes!"

“Is that…. is that hair gel? Great! I could use some, I just ran out.”

- Cameron Diaz to Ben Stiller

"I am not 'A' Eunice Burns, I am 'THE' Eunice Burns."

- Madeline Khan in 'What's Up Doc?'

“Well then, I just HATE you, and I hate your ass FACE!!”

Except the Irish. We don’t want the Irish!

“Does Jeff know?”

George Gaynes to Dustin Hoffman in Tootsie.

That's a great one R13. Thanks for reminding me.

My beloved Keith David, playing my beloved King, in my beloved film, [italic]Platoon:[/italic]

[quote]March, man, in Tennessee... sniff the pines... sniff that cross-mounted pussy down by the river, hot damn!

Great line, PERFECT line reading. Sitting in the dark in a Boulder theater in 1986, I immediately saw and smelled cross-mounted (did he actually mean "cross-[italic]mountain"[/italic] pussy?) pussy. And the theater erupted in laughter.

[quote]“Does Jeff know?”

You SLUT!

"Did you ever sucked the jelly out of a jelly donut...?"

--Fatso

"What's [italic]wrong[/italic] with Muriel Puce?"

"Gentlemen, you can't find in here! This is the War Room!"

--Peter Sellers, Dr. Strangelove

Different PLACES!!!

"There's nothing worse than an old Queen with a head cold"

TODDY

That lalalalala song by Trini Lopez in Marriage On The Rocks. How did this guy ever make it?

[italic]”Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh ! ! !”[/italic]

Okay, it’s actually quite predictable, but the first time I saw that I laughed so hard.

"Oh, I'm sure he's a real gentleman. I bet he takes all the dishes out the sink before he pisses in it!" - not sure. McClaine in SM?

"I can see your dirty pillows."

Is this the Cocksucker residence?

What a filthy mess!

I don't know, a little paint, a few flowers, a couple of throw pillows.

What do you know about it, you…piano player!

Wait! …. Lock the door!

On what grounds are you shutting me down?

I am shocked, SHOCKED, to find gambling going on in here.

Here are your winnings from tonight, sir.

R16, I must’ve seen TOOTSIE 40 times in the theatre. That line never failed to bring the house down.

I’ve killed the boss! You think they’re not gonna fire me for a thing like that?!

Goldie has my favorite line in Death Becomes Her:

“I talked to my PR woman. She said. ‘Madeline Ashton goes to the opening of an envelope.’ Those people can be so cruel. I fired her. Well, I almost fired her.”

Almost everything out of Paul's grandpa in A Hard Day's Night takes me out.

You don’t think I have feelings? I’m an actress! I have ALL of them!!

Who? Guns-N-Roses?!?

"No, I can do anything. Except snakes. I don't have the counter space."

I want to come back as a bird so I can fly free with the wind, hover over my house, and shit on her head.

Was there...oh... ANY OTHER TIME YOU MIGHT HAVE TOLD ME THIS?

What was he wearing? Well, uh, let's see, he was wearing a red argyle sweater and tan trousers and red shoes. Hmm? No, he's not retarded!

R13: You SLUT!

First Wives Club during divorce proceedings between Hawn and Gerber as his attorney rattles off the movie titles: "And my personal favorite "Animal Instinct" where she played an extremely sensual veterinarian." 😂

“…and Steven Seagal in ‘Snowball in Hell.’”

“Sexual assault with a concrete dildo?!” from the original Naked Gun

“They bump you, and then when you stop, they multilate you and take your car.”

“A plant? I thought men like you were usually called a fruit.”