Would you date a guy who has been married to a woman and has kids?

You can ask my partner.

He likes being referred to as "grandpa S******" now that we have a grandchild.

I've dated a couple guys with kids. I'd wager a lot of older guys have dated men with kids, guys who lived through the era when it was more common for men to get married and be "normal"

I DATED a lot of men who had kids and were married to a woman.

[quote] I often picture this scenario as a nightmare

Oh, it is. More than you can imagine.

So many variables. How old are the kids? 7 is different from 14 which is different from 21. Is he in civil enough, non-toxic enough relationship and communication with the other parent? And you can’t ask this on the first date, but what % of his income goes to the kids and the ex, and is he under financial strain as a result?

Depending on the answers, some dads are much more dateable than others.

I dated a man who had been married to a woman and had a kid.

And then he died.

When you date a guy and his kid refuses to speak to him, run like an alligator is chasing you.

No.

Why do I imagine a nightmare scenario then? I imagine the wife would hate you. The kids would be angry with you.

I have dated guys with kids,but never long term. One time I went out with a guy for about 3 months and I really liked him a lot but he had 2 small kids (6-7) and the ex wife was not in the picture at all. He lived next door to his folks so we were able to spend quite a bit of time together thanks to instant babysitters .His kids were adorable but I just wasnt into the idea of instant family so I cut him loose. Really he's one of those that I wonder if I made a big mistake not getting with . He was crazy about me and pretty good in bed too !

Make sure the pussy stink is off of his dick before you go there.

These things have to be handled... delicately.

Sure as long as the kids don't live with us.

I prefer a man with no attachments. Except me.

Reader, I married. Kids were already college age—one had a psychotic break in his early twenties, diagnosed as schizoaffective, has been high functioning autistic for twenty years (he’s independently wealthy from work in Silicon Valley so he’ll never be in danger of homelessness; the other was diagnosed Bipolar I, which combined with clear marijuana dependence, expects her father (who has Alzheimer’s) to bankroll her unrealistic, delusional projects. I have POA, so I have become wicked step-gay father—to people who are 47 and 51. I would still do the relationship, knowing what I know, but I wouldn’t have indulged the daughter as long as I did. In a sense, they both remain “children, and at 67, I have illusions about having a meaningful relationship with them. My focus is on predicting their father.

If you mean date a guy is you see him for fucking, of course. Of course you never go to his house, he doesn't sleep over with you, you don't go to ball games or pal around with each other. So who cares why he married to give the effect of not being gay. So cut the drama, his having kids is nothing to your life. Of course the loss do not want to see daddy's outside piece. Or plower.

No, ma’am. That’s what nieces and nephews are for.

NO. Too much baggage.

Why wouldn’t I? Sweet Jaysus, then you prissy kaweens turn around and complain you can’t find a man. LOL

Having been in this situation myself, I can tell you: you need to be rock-solid in your own sense of self, because a partner with children will always be a parent first—at least if he’s any good at it. And if you’re child-free, that dynamic doesn’t vanish when the kids grow up. In fact, it can expand: grown kids have weddings, crises, and babies of their own. You’re not just dating him—you’re dating the whole family tree. Several of our dates and trips were interrupted because one of the kids had some drama going on.

The trick is to be at peace with not being the absolute center of his universe. If you can’t, resentment will creep in, and it’s a slow poison.

In my case, I liked his kids enough, and his ex-wife, who he was still close to. But one of the kids married an absolute bitch and it caused a lot of problems; my partner wanted me to spend more time with them for the sake of the family, which was going to be growing soon, and I was like fuck this life.

You can handle it, OP.

r15 Lemme guess - neither kid takes their meds, esp. Ms. Bipolar I.

R20 is very spot on, but it’s also the reason over 70% of marriages where one or both of the parents have kids ends in divorce.

I dated an insanely hot, hairy DILF who had two sons (also insanely hot, little carbon copies of daddy) for about 6 months. They were both college age and decent guys. Any time his brothers or ex were around, though, he acted very negative and would snap at me. After the last time it happened I put the brakes on.

I'm sure it could work, though. I just wasn't in any mood to put in that level of effort. But the sex was hotter than hell for the time it lasted.

[quote]R24 Would you date a guy who has been married to a woman and has kids?

Sure. It would be like living in a Doris Day movie.

The sad truth is, any guy you date who was married and has kids lied and cheated for years. They didn’t just divorce because of gay feelings and then explore. No one makes that big of a decision without taking several test drives first.

Once a liar, always a liar. They lied and cheated before and will do it again.

Look for someone without that dishonest baggage.

Not always r7, sometimes the mother influences the child, sometimes the mother is a raging, hateful cunt who then passes along her cuntitude to the daughter.

R22. I think the son may take his meds—he’s just wired differently. We speculate that the daughter may go off her meds from time to time. I no longer inquire or engage/-I have one of the caregivers present when the kids visit him, so I have no contact with them, and zi will not discuss money/-that is for his care and comfot.

Fuck no.

If you enjoy constant drama, endless secrets and being the most disposable person in the “family,” go for it.

Date - not sure. But I can remember very clearly someone who advertised on Craigslist back in the day. I arrived to his house to find him already hosting another person. He beckoned me in, and before long we were joined by a 4th. (Apparently he knew how to invite, but not how to disinvite). We seemed to be doing everything we were doing in the kitchen/den - which he explained by saying that his CHILD was asleep in the next room. I can't say I felt 100% comfortable in that scenario.

One of my good friends became partners with a man who had been married and had a son. His partner died when his son was in his mid-teens. My friend became his father by virtue of being the only adult in the room (the mom was a mess). Sometimes it just works out that way.

I'm linking a very sweet pregnancy announcement to a dad and his husband - just to show that some people are not bothered at all.

No! The kids would always come first, disrupting whatever relationship you have with their father. And who knows what kind of fresh hell an ex-wife could provide.

Rep 12: A quote from The Wicked Witch of the West AND Gene Tierney from LHTH? Now a warning...

I honestly don't think I'd mind it if the family dynamics weren't insane. Obviously there's drama in any family, but if everything clicked well enough, it wouldn't be a deal breaker for me. There are scenarios where it could be an absolute fucking train wreck, but if the kids and ex-wife had worked through their drama and were decent people, it could be fine.

Yes, it was back when I was newly single after a very long LTR. Internet and cell phones didn't exist before I met my ex. It was a new scene to me. I dated with a vengeance. Sometimes it felt like a sport and sometimes a full-time job. Dated several men who had been marries and had kids in college or near college age. I had nieces and nephews in that age group. One guy was still married and would not leave his wife. They had an "arrangement". He was very wealthy, secretive about his line of work, and everything in general. He was very intelligent and so much fun. All of these guys were looking more for sex rather than a relationship even though we did not meet via hookup apps. I don't know why these guys were attracted to me. I was looking for a relationship. It was weird. I met one guy's son, who was very nonchalant about it, as if I was just Dad's latest fuckbuddy. I eventually found Mr. Right, but if I were single, I would be hesitant to date someone who'd had a family with kids. OK, today it would be more like grandkids! It probably has something to do with the vibe I got from someone who spent so many years being dishonest with themselves and/or others.

That's how I feel, r26. I would date a bi guy with an ex-wife and kids but I wouldn't a date a gay man who spent his twenties and possibly thirties deep in the closet. I came out at 18 and I've like to date someone with a similar lack of shame/baggage.

I'm not judging people who were closeted well into adulthood but I don't want to build a relationship with them.

Sure sounds like you judge. I would, too.

I didn’t know I was gay, and all of that bullshit….no thanks. Get a life.