How to get my mojo back.

Oh yes, have an affair, surely that will solve all your problems. 🙄

I am sure if the shoe were on the other foot and your partner did that and his excuse to you is "hey, I have been too lazy to clean the house so I just thought this my solve my mojo problems"

OP are you the one who posts an occasional thread about your husband's alcoholism and about how you want to leave him but don't?

A suitably cunty reply, R1!

Yes, R2. Because...it's complicated. A cliche response, I know.

I know I just need to start exercising again and tidy up. I'm home from work today and just feeling unmotivated and miserable for myself.

The current national situation has me online, watching TV or a movie, or reading nearly constantly, so that I don't have to think about the current national situation. There's a lot of cleaning I should be doing. Just breaking down boxes would make a significant dent. But I'm not doing anything. I lie in bed sometimes and think about throwing things out. Just tonight, thinking about it was as far as I got. Then I watched three eps of Law & Order (the Rey years).

Kill yourself.

Now, tell me more about my new teacup collection.

I love you, R6!

Maybe not an affair, but it couldn't hurt to get out of the house and make some new friends. Maybe a support group or just people with a similar hobby, movies whatever. Fresh air, new faces, different perspectives will most likely spark new interest in cleaning up your living situation.

Invite some friends over for dinner this weekend. That will force you to clean, socialize, and plan a menu. Get out of the rut by playing the role of Suzie Homemaker. It works for me cause I love playing hostess.

A divorce.

A dildo.

Put yourself at the service of people in need.

A dildvorce.

It may be a shift in your overall health. Do you notice other health issues that were not happening before? Ask your doctor to check it out or get a referral for a specialist.

Sounds like you may need some whore moans...ask your doc for a gel testosterone. It should do the trick..

This is a serious suggestion: psychedelic mushrooms, (there are at least a couple threads about it here). Ask around. If none of your friends have any connections, go to the local dispensary and ask someone discreetly. That's how i finally got some. I did some with a friend two weekends ago. He didn't. He wasn't all that comfortable so he just took half an edible, kept me company, and he drove us to the beach for the day. A lot of my anxiety has disappeared, and my outlook has gotten much better.

Also being serious...it seems the obvious issue in your life is your relationship, or lack thereof with the person you're with. Perhaps you can talk him into doing them with you. Sharing the experience. Maybe you can both be honest and get to the roots of your problems, or finally agree to separate if that's what should be done.

Anyway, just think about it.

Put headphones on and listen to a podcast or music while you tidy up, take a walk or work in the garden. It makes it easier to focus and feel motivated.

You Brits don’t age well. That’s life!

OP "At 42 an eldergay by DL standards"

Oh my sides.

Slipping standards in hygiene, grooming and stuff like housekeeping are signs of depression (or in your case - more depression) so it's good that you will be talking changing antidepressants with your GP. There's always therapy - I did CBT for a while and was initially sceptical but I got into the process and found myself motivated to get back into working out which got my endorphins going which gave me more energy.

Good luck.

OP, honey, has it ever occurred to you that with 8 billion people on this planet, some others might have gone through the same things that you are experiencing now? In fact, there are some people who have studied these things and have come up with potential guidance plans for you. They are professionals. You have a lot of issues going on. Am suggesting that you seek professional help with unraveling them all. If you have access to any sort of healthcare, chances are good that you can seek out a low-cost initial consultation, and possibly longer-term therapy. There might be medical issues and/or psychological issues to deal with. If you need to spend some money, it could be the best money you'll ever spend. I'd hold off on taking the shrooms or trying out other quick-fix "solutions" for now. Time for that later when you can get a handle on some things first. It's likely that there are multiple factors affecting your Mojo.

You’re in a deep funk. OP. I went through it during the pandemic and it lasted a few years. Did not clean my apartment for four years. Didn’t listen to music, watch movies, read books. It gradually lifted on its own but it took a long time. I really have no words of advice; I just hope you feel better.

You sound bottom-y.

And at 42? Yikes. No amount of "mojo" is going to solve that riddle.

Go pour your man a drink and be grateful he's too drunk to dump you.

Grumpy thread.

I'm younger than you but I went through something similar. It sounds superficial but I regained a sense of control over my life by improving my appearance. I lost weight, built muscle, bought skincare products and vitamins and started wearing nicer clothes. Find something small that you can do today, OP. Always be on the lookout for something that you can improve.

OP, you need aggressive shock treatment, at least 200kV.

Been there OP, sounds like you need a med adjustment. I love these silly queens who think inviting friends over will somehow motivate you to clean house. That will just make your life more stressful. So will having an affair.

You have to change your environment, OP. And to do that, you have to dutch the alkie husband.

This is the root cause of all your problems, yet you refuse to deal with it. Until you deal with this, nothing else in your life will matter, yet you blithely dismiss it at every opportunity.

R28 is dead right. I did it. It was fucking hard, in fact it was a nightmare, if I'd known how hard it was going to actually be I may not have done it. It also cost me hundreds of thousands of dollars. But I am bloody glad I did, it changed my life immensely and for the better, I am far far happier and healthier and mostly recovered financially too

Just fucking do it. It'll hurt, it wont be easy, but in the long run it is the best thing you can do for yourself

You’re not writing looking to change things, OP.

You’re just throwing chum on the water hoping the sharks will bite.

Sad, innit?

Get your testosterone levels checked + dump the alkie husband if he won't make changes.

Get a biweekly housecleaner if you have the $$. You can’t pull yourself up out of this ditch all by yourself, and having a cleaner home will help some.

Probably sounds cliche, but just getting yourself out there helps. Even if it's something small like going for a walk.

I appreciate when you're feeling down it's usually the last thing you want to do, but once you force yourself out the door you'll almost certainly find it helps.

This sounds dumb but it helps me a lot. Take a walk as soon as the sun is out. I tend to wake up just before dawn, but if the sun is already out when you’re up just go walk outside for ten minutes. Come back in, have a big glass of water, and do a short productive task right away. Like personal grooming or sweep up the floor a little. If I start my day this way, I find I have way more energy from that point on. The sun exposure definitely matters.

I like the dinner party idea from another poster here. It's easy to do, it will force BOTH of you to get off the couch and do something. It may seem like a lot of work at first but once people are there and you are having a good time it will feel like a pressure valve release after they are gone. Keep it small like 4 to 6 guests.

Skip the cocktail hour, however.

Stop looking at or reading the news, if you are. My therapist friends say the state of the world - the US in particular - is all they deal with nowadays with clients.

There are much better suggestions here, but this minor one might help a bit.

WTF is this nonsense?

A UK EST. The worst kind

I’m going through something similar. Sort of an ennui after years of achievement and pushing myself. I’m tired. But also bored.

Do I coast through for a while? How to start to care again?

Op, this is exactly why straight people have kids. It’s keeps them occupied

Do what Stella did

Artois or Stevens?

Maybe you need to get your hormones checked. Some guys your age are going on testosterone replacement therapy and getting good results.

All you people going for drugs and meds. No wonder the world has gone crazy…

All the drugs in the world can't help OP until he stops avoiding reality and refusing to deal with the real problem in his life.

The alcoholic husband is the issue but you know this. The bigger issue is your codependency.

Cheating on your guy will feel good for a moment. Then you'll have to keep doing it with randoms to get that same feeling. You will get caught sooner or later.. Sooner if you're lazy. There will be terrible drama and you will be without a husband.

I like the idea of you hosting guests.

Taking the good advice of r34 a step further: Join a gym and go regularly two or three times a week, [italic]not[/italic] in order to pick up dudes but rather actually to work out. I guarantee it will get your mind off of things and make you feel better. Pro tip #1: Don't physically push yourself too hard at first or you'll get pulled muscles etc. and get discouraged from continuing. Pro tip #2: For the first couple of months try not to be prominent or members will think you're just there for attempted hookups.

Observation #2

R49’s gym privileges were suspended for being a sex pest in the steam room. He didn’t read the room.

I think OP needs to do something transgressive - like cutting air stems from ICE vehicles’ tires or tripping unpleasant-looking teens, or telling random plus-sized women they’d look good in verdigris.

I empathize with the feeling of hopelessness/indifference that OP describes; I feel that myself. There are a lot of good suggestions about making small, incremental improvements, taking walks, etc. but I'd also add to that - give yourself something to plan: a trip, a garden, home improvement, etc. I always feel like having something to plan, work through, etc. takes my mind off the near term difficulties. I've also been reading easy to digest books like Sherlock Holmes, Agatha Christie, etc. Something entertaining that keeps you engaged, but doesn't tax your brain

OP, every single thing you say points to depression. Talk to a professional and get your mojo back.

R53 nails it I think. Once that house is in order, you will see solutions to the remaining issues clearly. Depression is one of the many tricks your brain plays on you to keep you safe. You are still young enough to build a new life. Good luck. Check in and let us know how you are doing.

R42, Stella was missing her groove, not her mojo. Big distinction.

Come on, OP. Put on your finest caftan, some big dangly earrings, and maybe a stylish turban and paint the town red.

OP, it's clear that you're depressed. You already know this because you mention antidepressants. You don't mention a therapist, though, which is a red flag. You need to be in therapy. You're unhappy, and your life sounds very complicated. You can't manage this alone and popping higher and higher doses of medications won't address any of that. Find a therapist and don't hold back. Don't put on an act in therapy like you're doing here with the sarcasm. Be fucking real for once and start talking about your problems with someone actually qualified to help.

Speaking of your sarcasm, 42 is not old. I know you're doing that thing where people use humor to deflect from painful topics, but putting aside tired as Datalounge humor, 42 is not old. You have decades of your life left, decades of waking up and hopefully getting out of bed everyday. You mention a job that you like but nothing else positive. This is another red flag. You need to figure out why you're unhappy, and find a purpose or "reason for living" that isn't your job. I've never met a single happy person in my life who defined themselves by their job.

Finally, your alcoholic partner is yet another red flag. Is this how you want to spend the next 3+ decades, tied to a person whose dysfunction is so ingrained that you blithely mention it in passing? YOU ARE UNHAPPY. Do something about it! (posting on DL is not doing something about it)

Either sit down with your partner and try getting them help, realizing that you've likely done this already multiple times to no avail, or just fucking leave him. Call a lawyer and get the papers drawn up. Stop wallowing in pity and take charge of your life. Every single thing you're feeling is the result of your own choices, and likely one of the worst choices you make daily is choosing to stay with this person.

Oh hey, it’s the husband, which at this point is just an honorary title.

The mojo is dead. It died somewhere between when he stopped trimming his toenails and when showering became optional. Its ashes are scattered over that sad patch of weeds he calls a 'garden'.

The 'affair' idea is adorable, but any takers should be up to date on their tetanus shot.

At this point, I’m one bad week away from posting a Craigslist ad: 'free to a good home, comes with Netflix password.'

I know you don't want to hear this, OP but you'll never get your mojo back with that dead weight of a husband around your neck. You need more than an affair. You need a good divorce lawyer.

Do you have any abandoned wells on your property? Asking for a friend.

OP Are you a bottom?

Just think of it this way, OP, a lot of people have way bigger problems than you. Be glad you're not them.

An accident, R62, can be an unhappy bottom's Best Friend.

You are in a rut bestie. Sounds like some mild depression or could be anxiety overload that has zapped your energy. Your partner is cause of half of that btw. A fraction is also you are putting yourself out to pasture prematurely. You are only 42 and bet you can still strut yourself. With anything when you are like this start small. Maybe just going to a hangout(be discreet nothing you been before with them) and some gentle flirting while assessing the crowd. A out on those silver shoes and ease on down the road Dorothy.

Hi Op

I somehow simpathize. In the last year i started gaining weight, losing my hair, lacking energy to exercise. Only i just turned 53.

So back to you, at 42 you are much too young to lets things go. My physical peak was actually between 45 and 47, it mostly involved going to the gymn often. Never looked and felt better.

This ia too say dont waste these years. Without getting into the marital thing, prioritize yourself. Wish you luck.

Go to Al-Anon meetings. The crowd isn’t as “fun” as the one at AA, but they will have good advice. Plus, it will allow you to passively connect with others with no effort—meeting someone, calling, making plans, etc. Just show up each week and listen to people’s stories.

Try to find an attractive space, an older church maybe with soft lighting. Some places are too ugly to ever get used to. Also, there are gay meetings, but Al Anon is mostly women so maybe just stick with regular meetings to be around men.

Got on a vacation to Jamaica and have a fling with some hot young thing

I'm the alcoholic husband you should ditch. My ex finally gave up on me after several years of torment, and he's gone on to have a nice house and a successful career. We miss each other, sometimes. But my ex had too much to offer the world to waste it all on a drunk.

Depression can be a helpful warning that the decisions you're making in life are not working for you, for example staying with your alcoholic husband. You're 42 years old. You have the next half of your life waiting for you. If you're on antidepressants but you're not making the changes you need to make the depression is not going to go away. See a therapist, work on yourself and make the changes you need to make to have a fulfilling existence.

r68, you can get some mojo back, too. The decision is yours.

Am sober after a dozen tries and now staying sober is no big deal. Who knew?

I think too many queens on here are giving bad advice just blaming the husband suggesting new sex buddies. That's like women who change their hair style thinking it will fix their problems. These types probably have a dozen ex-husbands. Cant figure out why they cant find a man long term.

The reality is you have issues you need to solve yourself before you can focus on how much of that is created by your husband. Once you are mentally fit, healthy and back on track only then can you realistically evaluate your relationship with clear perspective. Maybe he only needs a little help or maybe you want to leave but in either cause you need to figure out what's going on within yourself before you blame your other half.