Giving birth

Gross.

That is more or less what you are left with at the end of the process.

A co-worker--who, for the record, happened to be female--said it's like extreme cramps.

[quote] A co-worker--who, for the record, happened to be female--

Did you check for verification?

There's no better source of information for obstetrics and gynecology than DL.

I know women who have said it's not that bad. I didn't believe it for one minute, of course it hurt like hell.

Yes why don't you just ask a bunch of gay men about the intricacies of childbirth OP!

"Get this little mf'er OUT OF ME!!

My babysitter once told me that it was like pooping out a watermelon.

Takes me back to my days in the donkey show circuit, R9.

Stealth scat thread,

As a person who frequently takes enormous dumps, I resent this trivialization of my trauma.

A friend told me the worst part is the contractions and dilating; once that's over, the baby coming out is not that bad. Apparently, after the baby is born, the woman's brain sends all these hormones to help them forget the worst of the pain.

If you think about it, it makes sense that getting an area stretched to the point of passing a 7 pound 21 inch long human, when all it's taken is 6 inches by what, 1.5 inches around would seem to be a source of great pain.

Menstrual cramps and labor pains feel very similar because they are both contractions of the uterus. In a way, all the menstrual cramps women experience up until the point of pregnancy/labor/delivery is the body's way of acquainting a woman's body with what awaits at the end of pregnancy.

Sometimes, labor starts for a woman hours earlier and she doesn't really feel it because she's been feeling cramps for several years on a monthly basis and the body establishes a "baseline" of discomfort. It feels crampy low in the abdomen and usually much stronger in the lower back. It intensifies to painful as the uterus contracts to stretch the cervix as wide as it needs to be to get the head out.

By the time you get to the pushing phase, it's almost a relief of sorts, and the pain fades into the background and melts away as the pushing becomes the most important thing. Lucky me, in both instances, I had all the fun of pushing for 2 or 3 hours, then c-sections because it turns out I had very narrow hips. After the second birth, the doctor said "if you plan on doing that again, we'll go straight to the c-section because you don't have enough room for it to work naturally." No more after that.

How dare you compare something as sacred and life-affirming as taking an enormous dump to something as disgusting and unnatural as childbirth.

"A friend told me the worst part is the contractions and dilating; once that's over, the baby coming out is not that bad." I mean that makes sense. The dilations and contractions are the womb and vagina opening up to let the baby out when its ready. But the baby coming out part doesnt really hurt, or at least it shouldnt, because everything is open by then.

My sister said the birth part didnt hurt per se but it was super umcomfortable because she had like 3 male nurses pushing on her stomach to pop that thing (my nephew) out of her.

Is it like supplying rosebud?

Greg's mom pushed out the dump that keeps on giving.

[quote]Awhile back I heard a woman say that giving birth feels like you're taking an enormous dump. Is that accurate?

Only if you tear from your V to your A, OP.

“YOU FUCKING BASTARD! LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO ME!!!”

You try pushing a bowling ball outta ya cooter.....

With my oldest one of the nurses told me to push like I was having a bowel movement, I was absolutely terrified of having a bm during labor and that made things worse. I had fantastic epidural and just refused to push for a while and begged them to let me go to the bathroom.

I’ve had a few unmedicated births. The contractions felt like really intense cramps but I can’t really describe what it felt pushing the baby out. Just that it hurt.

My mother used to tell me that the worst day of her life was when I “slithered out of [her]”. That verb choice always made me think that childbirth isn’t particularly painful, physically.

She passed a couple decades ago and went home to be at Satan’s side. I miss her every day.

i'd be too scared to attempt such a thing.

A pain that you'll never forget, so bad it makes you want to reciprocate

A delivery room nurse told me many (most?) mothers have a bowel movement while giving birth. The same pushing muscles are used for both. It's normal.

According the internet, 50 percent of mothers have a bowel movement during deliveries.

Yep, its super common R26/R27

"It's like pulling your lips over your head."

I think 50% is somewhat of a high estimate. Of all the women I've known that have given birth, not one of them said they had one during birth. And many of them have given birth multiple times.

Generally speaking, the contractions leading up to the birth would probably have assisted with producing a bowel movement in the hours prior to the actual delivery. You can't believe everything you read on the internet.

True. But perhaps they weren’t keen to say, “And, by the way I crapped myself.”

Absofuckinglutely!

R30 My mother was a labor and delivery nurse for 30 years. She said almost every mother that's shit themselves during labor has no idea it's happened because they have pads below them and the nurses just quickly and quietly clean it up without ever letting her know. The only time the mother finds out is when the idiot father sees and announces it to the room.

I bet your mother would also tell you (if pressed) if there is fecal matter that comes out, it's a small amount and not an entire huge BM like many are imagining here.

R34. I well remember my late mother regaling me on most of my birthdays with an account of the anal explosion that accompanied my entry into the world. I give it a thought every Mother’s Day.

Enemas were standard at one point.

Why would any of us on this site know or care?

One of my aunts said the same thing in her childbearing years (1 daughter, twin boys, another girl, another boy)

It was like a goddamn earthquake in my body. I threw up, but didn't shit or even fart. I only had two contractions before the epidural and the anesthesiologist was visibly fucked up on pain killers himself and I didn't give a fuck. I just wanted his strung out ass to jam a needle into my spine and make the pain stop. They also fucked up my pre labor catheter and gave me Dilaudid to shut me up. That probably helped too. One thing they don't mention is the itchiness of the healing of the stitches and the absolute gore fest that oozes out of you for at least a week. And then your first period after that is an EXCLAMATION. It was worth it though

I am just trying to imagine what a delivery room must smell like. Oh dear God.

R5 Some of the posts on this thread and that Phrenology of the Penis thread give off the energy of high schoolers whose knowledge of sex, anatomy, and reproduction come from creepy older cousins who show them Playboys.

Caution: unpleasant sex ed stuff

During a regular birth the baby has to pass through a little tube at bottom of the womb called a cervix, which has to open up via a slow series of muscle spasms from being completely closed to big enough for whatever sized child has to pass through it, and then the babe has to squeeze out through the vagina, and this process can take many hours. There's a reason why some women experience psychotic breaks after giving birth. Human reproduction is an insanely painful and dangerous process.

"Apparently, after the baby is born, the woman's brain sends all these hormones to help them forget the worst of the pain."

I remember everything.

I also remember during the 2nd c-section (for which I had a local anesthetic and was awake, unlike the first) when they found a benign tumor on my ovary "the size of a grapefruit) which they decided to remove right then since I was open, and they gave me another anesthetic that was supposed to knock me out because I started experiencing pain while they were doing the tumor removal...except it didn't. I told them I was still awake and described to them the feeling of disassociation (that I had turned into the smallest pinprick of light and was no longer in my body) that I was experiencing. One of the doctors said "don't worry, you won't remember anything."

He was wrong.

Many thanks to the women who have explained this to an audience with near-zero familiarity.

That’s what I came here to say, R5, especially considering 99% of the people on here are penised persons.

Carol Burnett once said:

“Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.”

The world of the heterosexual is a sick and boring life

R48 That may well be, but yours would not exist without it.

Pain-wise, I reckon giving birth is a lot like being kneed in the balls every few minutes for however many hours it takes to be over with.

R44, people usually experience pain while under because the anaesthetist has been cribbing the meds from the patients and taking them themselves.

Sorry you went through that.

I’ve experienced the pain of extruding a breech turd, so I know the suffering.

My Mother used to say...take you bottom lip. Pull it out as far as you can then pull it over your head. That will hurt less than childbirth.

[quote]That may well be, but yours would not exist without it.

Thank you for posting that. Most people aren't that honest about what heterosexuality really is and does.

No matter how depraved a same-sex couple is, their activities will never result in a person having to live a life, whether he or she wants it or not, for perhaps a hundred years or so.

I’ve had the worst stomach cramps in the world with digestive issues. The pain makes my whole body feel like it’s burning and I break out in a sweat.and I ‘ve ripped off my clothes and laid naked on the cool tile to stop it. It’s probably worse than that.

[quote] No matter how depraved a same-sex couple is

Okay, Kim Davis.

R56. I think you have a literacy problem…

R57:

It's R56 here. Yep, frau-level obtuseness on my part. Carry on.

Thank you for acknowledging your obtuseness. It’s the first step to overcoming it.

As was reported in "Funny Girl" or maybe it was "Funny Lady" - it's like pushing a piano through a transom.