Let's be Middle America!

I'm the bible verses.

I'm the devotion to Trump.

I'm all of those red states.

I’m the churches on every corner.

I'm the welfare that they desperately need from states who actually create and innovate.

I'm Sydney Sweeney.

I’m the Middle West.

I'm the sad, polluted Mississippi River.

I'm the jobs never headed their way.

I'm the homosexual son desperate to get the fuck out of this shithole.

I'm the diabetes.

I'm the Medicaid disappearing in front of their very eyes!

I'm the fentanyl and opioids.

I will ALWAYS vote for Republicans who screw me over as long as they screw over the libs too.

I'm the fakest of fake American friends you won't ever make.

The first time introduced I will echo everything you say and insist we are going to be the very best of friends.

The second time I'll greet you warmly, but briefly, "Gotta run, but soon great to see you!" in my loudest voice that sounds like walking upon crushed glass.

The third time I see you I'll look across the street or the room and give you a cold hard stare as if you'd been caught fucking bloody-holed chihuahuas on the front lawns of neighbors. After that I will only speak about you, never again to you.

I'm California. I'm their boogeyman.

I'm the per capita violent crime rate that's actually higher than most cities.

I'm all of the crystal meth.

I’m network executives wondering if we’ll understand their shows.

I’m their outsized representation and influence in federal politics, considering their mostly rural population.

I'm the obesity.

I'm the unbreakable, large plastic comb that sticks out of the back pocket of a pair of jeans.

On the bright side, I'm the corn fed cocks.

I'm Riley experimenting with a fresh corn cob up my white hole!

I'm a farmer whose entire existence is based on government subsidies, constantly complaining about Big Government.

I'll get high and mighty and lecture YOU of my importance in getting you food to eat, but I'll get mad when you point out that without you eating their food, they'd starve too.

And I love Trump.

I’m loosemeat. These morons keep trying to get me to stay on a bun instead of forming me into an actual patty.

I work, pay my taxes, obey the law, care for my home and family.

[quote] I’m loosemeat

I'm secret code for a midwestern man's asshole.

I'm the pound of cheese in a typical "salad"

I'm the sea of pick-up trucks fully badged with flags, and a plethora of MAGA stickers.

I’m the farmhouse and shabby chic designs made popular by Joanna Gaines.

Make fun me and I’ll kill you!

I believe Gizzle when she says she never saw pedophilic behavior on the part of Trump.

Fun of* Yeah in middle America we’re illiterate, but we put cheddar cheese on our apple pie!

Am I the only one who read R32 in Fargo voice?

R34, you betcha!

R35 ooooohhh noooooo yer fine dontcha know

R32 think he's being scary 😂😂😂😂 Is that Midwesterners are like when they get mad?

I’m the cumdump you’ll find in any small town. Many of the married men will pretend they have no idea who I am until their wives are away.

I'm the 'hill'. That one rise in the otherwise flat land for miles and miles. Everyone talks about it.

I’m Cheddars, a subdued chain restaurant with a menu of various butterfats.. The locals consider me a worthy venue for prom night feasts and rehearsal dinners.

I'm the farmer's wife self-harm haircuts on the women (and not a few men.)

I'm the seasonal garden flags. Welcome Spring!

I’m the youth counselor or pastor who this week got arrested for some alleged sexual offense. There’ll be another like me next week and the week after that.

I'm the waist-long straight and slightly oily hair on 50-year-old women.

I'm the Glamor Shot!

I'm the local performing arts theater running Cats.

I'm the store clerk who smiles ever so nicely at black customers, then follows them around the store.

I'm the Datalounger in mom's basement.

I'm the Prairie Women's Art Collective with a downtown empty shop front turned gallery, refurbished by the husbands of three members of the collective.

One of us saw a Judy Chicago exhibit once and was so inspired. July and August is Debbie's first solo show, with her collages of flattened egg cartons built to show the flattened and spread contours of a woman's body on a medical examination table, the color built up from sponged acrylic (not vaginal sponges, silly, just old kitchen sink sponges collected by the gals in the collective.)

September will be Donna's show: Impressionist-inspired (or is it Marimekko-inspired) overlapping pinwheel flowers made from the ends of straws split into four radial arms and dipped into pigments made from prairie plants. Painted onto coarse natural canvas, lots of texture, because, well you know, women and the fibre arts!

I’m Omaha, a giant subdivision with strip malls everywhere.

I'm the five-story MAGA flagpole, the subject of several HOA lawsuits.

My grounds are tended by undocumented workers, because my owner is a CHEAP CUNT.

I'm a Christian wingnut who spent the last 5 years screaming about the Epstein list and bringing Democrats to justice for all the girls they raped.

I stopped talking about that weeks ago and now I just talk about Sydney Sweeney's jean ad and those Texas Democrats breaking the law.

I'm lazy, entitled and have never an entire book.

I'm the local Walmart.

I’m the frequent school shootings/mass shootings.

And I’m kissing cousin of the above, denial that there’s anything wrong with America’s gun culture.

I’m the expression “I can’t believe that happened here. It’s the kind of thing that happens in NEW YORK CITY.”

When in fact it’s exactly the kind of thing that happens here, rather than in NEW YORK CITY.

I'm the kid left to bake to death in a hot car. The local police chief will call it "a tragic accident" and refuse to investigate, or, God forbid, make an arrest.

I'm the Christian Trump voter with an ectopic pregnancy, bleeding out and going into sepsis in a hospital parking lot. I hate trans people but I hate n****rs and illegals a lot more. I've never met a single person like any of that in my life, though. Oh I think I'm losing consciousness...

I'm not Florida, Texas or other Maga shit holes.

I’m Indiana

R60 No you're Iowa, Oklahoma and Indiana shitholes, not sure what the difference is. At least those other shitholes have coasts.

I'm the supersized, fast food meal options and tacky chain restaurants.

[Quote] I'm the kid left to bake to death in a hot car.

I’m the flyover love of EVERYTHING deep-fried

I'm the eternal restaurant question:

"Is it SPICY?"

I’m the mean hard nasty attitude

I am the sketchy dental care so bad in appearance it rivals the Brits.

I am the double standard "loving Christians" and usually relatives that say they don't have anything against their gay people existing they just vote against them every time in an election because we don't connect dots in our hate the libs thought process.

I’m Casey’s Taco Pizza.

I'm the horribly executed, default 'Pixie' hairxut on every fat, casserole- slurping frump in the Upper Midwest.

I’m a lazy-taker who labels people worse off “lazy-takers.” I go to church on Sunday and say “fuck your feelings” every day of the week.

I'm the endless casseroles.

R69 Shut your whore mouth! That pizza is the shit!

I am fried butter on a stick.

I’m East Side Night at the Iowa State Fair

I'm Glorified Rice.

I'm the bitter wife whose husband moved her to the "American Middle West" against her wishes eons ago. I am also the things she has said to a young gayling like myself:

"I don't mean this any sort of offense because I know you're from here, but there really is nothing to do."

"We only got one steakhouse, but Krispy Kreme comes in and everyone freaks out."

"You can only go to church so many times before you've .... 'heard it.'"

"I feel like I'm at a Jim Bakker concert everyday of my life... at Wal Mart, at the gas station...."

I'm Dollar General. I'm all over the place. I may be easy to find but, even at low prices, no item on my shelves is worth having.

Who are these people who say "American Middle West??" You see it a lot on here and it's the clunkiest phrase. Have never heard it outside of 1950s educational film-type settings. I'm almost 60 and have never heard it in casual conversations.

Why not join the 9 billion more normal humans on the planet who simply call it "the Midwest?"

I put my empty liquor bottles in the neighbors trash cans. I also drink 'pop' when not chugging a red beer.

Casserole = 'hot dish' in upper Midwest. Always some kind of glop containing Campbell's soup and covered with oven-toasted buttered potato-chip 'crumbs'.

I am beige. Everything beige.

I’m Kansas City

Missouri? 👈👉

R17 Actually most of the crime is in Chicago, Detroit, and Milwaukee. Not saying the backwaters don’t have their own bad issues, tho

I'm the cement goose.

[quote]Who are these people who say "American Middle West??" ...Why not join the 9 billion more normal humans on the planet who simply call it "the Midwest?"

I'm the Midwesterner who foolishly thinks that anyone outside the U.S. might know a fucking thing about my bad haircuts, women's voices like foghorns, hot dishes, sullen disposition, and soft serve ice cream.

Say what you will about the Midwest. However I am the Eldergay who just finished entertaining a 20 year old blonde haired/blue eyed farm boy in my motel room in Indiana. Sniffles came through this time! Nothing brightens your day then tossling the corn silk hair of a farm boy while he provides oral services!

R86 What's wrong with soft-serve ice cream, you fucking heathen?

R87 Who says you can't rent love in Indiana?

I’m the hurrrr durrrr hunters in camo. I really believe killing an animal makes me masculine.

Mossy Oak on a pickup truck makes me moist!

I'm just gonna scootch right on pasted ya there.

I am the opinion that white zinfandel tastes too good to listen to the naysayers (in other states)

I am the Camo pants for weekend hunting of helpless animals.

It's not a sport of only one has a gun.

I'm the camo pants and flip flops

I'm all the broken chairs from Wayfair.

I am the American Middle West

We’re closeted young gay bros posing shirtless or in muscle shirts with our rifles, open beer cans, in dirty jeans and cowboy boots, and in the vicinity of confederate flags and log piles while donning baseball caps.

Boobies! Boobies! Boobies!

Let’s be housing prices that can fall as allow as a dollar a month per square foot for rent to $100 a square foot for a home.

Below* not allow, stupid Autotype

I’m the guns everywhere.

Oh…I don’t bother reading books. I don’t understand why anyone does.

Those books on the bookcase are organized by color. I got them for pennies at the thrift stores.

I'm Third Thursday crafts classes at the local Craft Beer Hauß.