Famous last words that could have been spoken by a DL'er

“This wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death. Either it goes or I do.”

-Oscar Wilde

Make sure the shower curtain is inside the tub!

Conrad Hilton

"I'm bored with it all."

Winston Churchill

Priest to Voltaire on his deathbed: "Do you renounce the devil, and all his ways?"

Voltaire: "This is no time to be making enemies."

"Don't drain the pasta."

-Cleopatra

"I'm going to the bathroom to read."

-Elvis

"What's this?"

"Did I forget that grease on the stove?"

-Jack Cassidy

Kodak founder George Eastman died by suicide with a single gunshot through the heart. His note read, "To my friends, my work is done – Why wait? GE."

I asked for extra mayonnaise on this damn sandwich.

- Mama Cass

"Put that bloody cigarette out!"

- H.H. Munro Saki, just before being killed by a sniper in the trenches in WWI.

Does this scarf make my face look fat?

- Isadora Duncan

During the sinking of the Titanic, Benjamin Guggenheim was offered a life jacket. He refused, saying:

"No, thank you, we are dressed in our best and are prepared to go down like gentlemen... But we would like a brandy".

He did not survive the sinking

If we don't hang together, surely we shall all hang separately. Wait, who sold you guys this goddam rope?

- Ben Franklin

I have sufficient.

I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at the dirt!

"Damn it! Don’t you dare ask God to help me!"

“At 50, everyone has the face he deserves.”

- George Orwell

How can I dial 911 without a pencil?

According to my mother, my grandmother's last words were "vodka, you cunt!" in response to her sister who kept waking her up to ask if she needed anything.

I think I could eat one of Mr Bellamy's pork pies - Pitt the Younger.

Bugger Bognor! HM King George V

This is no way to live.

"I'm losing it"

Frank Sinatra to his wife Barbara when the end was near and he faced the final curtain

"Thomas Jefferson still survives."

He was mistaken: Jefferson had died five hours earlier at Monticello at the age of 83.

R9 Tbf Eastman was in chronic pain the last 2 years of his life, it wasn't just see ya.

[Quote] "BEARKING: Thomas Jefferson still survives"

FIFY, R25

What an artist dies in me!

I love ham sandwiches!

In 1968, aged 66, after uttering her last words, 'codeine, bourbon', she died in New York of pneumonia, caught by wandering nude around her dressing room in a Philadelphia theatre.

Faster! Faster!

What does this button do?

[quote]I asked for DUKE'S mayonnaise on this damn sandwich!

- Mama Cass

Jackie take off the damn sunglasses. We want these nice Dallas folks to see your face!

R34 A DL'er never would have advised Jackie to remove those fabulous sunglasses.

[quote]“This dying is boring.”

John Jacob Astor, the wealthiest man to perish on the titanic was quoted as having a drink in his hand when the ship went down. His last words were, “I asked for ice, but not this much."

George Sanders: Dear World, I am leaving because I am bored. I feel I have lived long enough. I am leaving you with your worries in this sweet cesspool. Good luck.

[quote] Dear World, I am leaving because I am bored. I feel I have lived long enough. I am leaving you with your worries in this sweet cesspool. Good luck.

“I’m so bored I could die.” -Lexi Featherston

The horror!

This is OK, but it’s no Follies.

[quote]The last words uttered by Thomas de Mahy, Marquis de Favras (upon reading the death warrant for his execution): "I see that you have made three spelling errors".

It's [bold]the[/bold] Marquia de Favras.

Oh, dear.

"Oh, dear" is right.

It's "Marquis," not "Marquia."

R44 Who are you responding to?

Marquis. Marquia. Either way, head's in the basket.

"Kiss me, Hardy." -- Lord Nelson

Convicted murderer Thomas J. Grasso used his last words to complain about his last meal. He said, “I did not get my Spaghetti-O’s; I got spaghetti. I want the press to know this.”

Why are straight me so stupid?

"Well, I must arrange my pillows for another night – when will this end!"

-Washington Irving

"Doctor, do you think it could have been the sausage?"

-Paul Claudel

I should never have switched from scotch to martinis.

"Kiss me, Hardy." -- Stan Laurel

Sorry for jumping outta bed in the middle of the night, Mickey—I forgot the sleeping pills AND gotta pee!

But I'm so young!

I pick my nose.

I asked for masseuse, not masseur.

[quote]I asked for masseuse, not masseur.

I had the opposite problem.

Stop sign? What stop sign?

[quote]He was mistaken: Jefferson had died five hours earlier at Monticello at the age of 83.

He was mistaken: Jefferson had died five hours earlier at Monticello at the age of 83, but looked 63.

FIFY!

Cough

I have but one life to give for my cuntery.

R10 R29 R33

Cass Elliott died of a heart attack in her sleep. Her manager, thinking the cause of death might have been a drug overdose, released the ham sandwich story to the press in a misguided attempt to protect her reputation, inadvertently making a joke out of her death instead.

R63, I’m not r10, r29 or r33, but many DLers know the actual story, yet despite that we like the ham sandwich story and persist in making posts joking about it because we find it funny.

"Miss Dunham, I think you've had enough."

"Yum, being held by a studly soldier!"

“How’s this for your headline, French Fries!”

James Donald French. French, a convicted murderer, said this moments before facing his end in the electric chair.

French was sentenced to life in prison for murdering one man in Oklahoma. He was sentenced to life in prison in 1959, despite his plea to be given a death sentence. Afraid to commit suicide, he instead murdered his cellmate to push the State of Oklahoma into granting his wish. He was executed in 1966.

“Turn me over—I’m done on this side.”

Saint Lawrence, also known as Lawrence of Rome, delivered this cheerful quip while being burned alive. He was one of seven deacons in Rome in 258, a time of Christian persecution. His last words were such an unconventional spiritual quote that he became known as the patron saint of cooks and comedians. In religious art, he’s frequently depicted holding the gridiron he was grilled over.

Ouch!

Steve Jobs was a secret DLer whose last words were misreported as, "Oh, wow." They were actually, "Oh, sows... at the trough."

My mom’s last words were “goddamn, it! Get off me.” I was hugging her.

She was riddled with cancer and was in terrible pain even in the morphine haze.

I loved it! And didn’t take it personally.