I’m On A Gay Cruise Right Now - No Sex!

Zzzzz

[quote]I’ve started at least two threads about this.

Are you the "Portugel" guy as well, OP?

OP, I'm a 7 and would never go on a gay cruise for fear of exactly that happening.

[quote] This is my 12th gay cruise and I think this will be the 12th gay cruise.

Can’t argue with that.

For starters, stop booking on Virgin Voyages.

I refuse to believe this is real.

R5- I won’t. VV is pretty low end - the rooms are crappy. At least I only got a bit seasick once.

R2- The cruise does finish in Lisbon. I might have mentioned that in one of my previous threads.

R6- Why do you refuse to believe it is real?

It’s not. Even if he’s on a ship. The guy was cruising him at the sailway party and neither of them could form or speak the two-letter word “Hi” to the other? You’re not so shy here, hunny. MARY!!!

We didn’t believe the first two threads, either.

R3- I’ll be honest there are very few hot 🥵 guys on this cruise .

Which made that hot guy who cruised me the first day even hotter.

OP, I don’t know why, but I read your initial post twice. All I can say is:

What drug are you on?

R10- I made a mistake. There should not have been a period after cruise and before I’ve never - Siri fucked that up.

I don’t take drugs nor do I drink ( only rarely).

There is one last chance for someone to express an interest in me. There’s a disco 🕺 theme party going on now until 7pm . I will try my luck there at 6:30pm my time. I will report back here any activity or lack of it later.

Once is an experience. Twice is reasonable . Three times is optimism. Four is a waste of time and money. Twelve?

[quote]I don’t take drugs nor do I drink

Well, now we know why. Its a gay cruise ffs!

R14-Because I have no one to go with.

On some of the tours lunch was included and wine was served- I had some alcohol 🍷 on those occasions but I never buy alcohol at home and rarely drink.

By the way- No one expressed any interest in me at the tea dance . It was very windy anyway and chilly so that did not help.

Please keep a level head and don’t become despondent over the sex drout. Queens have gone overboard for less.

OP, how many men did you express interest in?

Standing around looking and feeling insecure and never initiating any contact is not a recipe for success.

Maybe an impromptu performance would get the message across

Op sounds like a unrequited whore

R17- There are over 2,000 people on this ship yet I did not see anyone whom I was really attracted to. Even if I saw someone appealing I usually find it difficult to approach and start a conversation with them.

OP, you forgot that YOU should wear the muumuu, not the muumuu wear you. And alsho, jusht in the the middle of the conversation let if fall nonchalantly on the edge of your shoulder, just like that: hoh!

I vaguely remember your earlier posts, but honestly, why go on your 12th cruise expecting different results if nothing's changed?

Have you switched up your look, tried a new hairstyle, worked on your body, changed your energy, clothes, anything? This isn't shade, it's just... maybe take these cruises as data points. What are guys at your level doing that's getting them laid?

Maybe there's something to learn here besides how good the buffets are.

Maybe finger yourself in the dining room?

You could be famous.

[quote]I don’t take drugs nor do I drink ( only rarely).

Maybe you should.

Surely to god you could at least snag a little slap'n tickle in the sauna?

Sex is plentiful on gay cruises if you want it.

I’ve been on a few, but each time with my partner. Never had sex with anyone else during the cruises but tons of horny guys would just throw themselves at you.

But, used to apps nowadays, gay men aren’t great at finding sex in person

Is there a gym?

OP/R20 - If there are REALLY 2,000 guys on this cruise--and you only found ONE remotely attractive--then this is a "you" problem, wouldn't you say?

If I opened up Grindr or Scruff or Tinder ANYWHERE in the world and couldn't find ONE guy I'd get naked with out of 2,000, I'd have to wonder if I were even still gay.

It’s like going to a bakery and avoiding sugar.

R27- There is a gym/ fitness room. I went on the treadmill everyday of the cruise including this morning.

R28- I don’t use of the apps. I’ve never used them. I’m not so shy/uptight that I can’t talk to anyone. I chatted with people on the tours from the ship and one day sitting next to this guy from Canada when I was lounging on the deck.

Don’t break the record now.

Why is your room crappy?

R32- Noticeably smaller than other cruises I’ve been on and the bathroom was tiny - even for a cruise ship. No couch and table like on my previous cruise ship. The decor was cheap too. The ship had no buffet ( I am not a fat whore).

R17- I try to act nonchalant when I’m standing there. I’ve perfected a look t aloofness going back to my gay bar heyday ca. 1995.

[quote]I’ve perfected a look t aloofness

Most people find “aloof” appearing individuals unapproachable.

R34 a focused look of disinterest, one that says. “I want your love, but I do not need it…”

After 12 cruises your caftan must be looking démodé. And have you made sure it doesn't smell of mothballs?

R37- I was pretty much the only passenger on the ship wearing long pants. I only wore shorts once which was for a tea dance.

There’s your problem right there! You don’t wear pants with a caftan, silly. People will think you’re a bit off.

If this is all a troll, it's a rather clever one. Subtle.

Not that subtle when your claim is you've been on a gay cruise 12 times and not gotten laid once. Called this as fake before when it was discussed in another thread.

R41- if I had started a thread about how much sex I’ve had on these gay cruises – 40 or 50 guys each cruise I went on you would’ve said exactly the same thing Saying it was all fake. But my thread was about all the sex I didn’t have on the 12 cruises I’ve been on and you don’t believe that either.

What's the point of going on a gay cruise?

Put the phone down. That will help.

[quote]What's the point of going on a gay cruise?

what's the point of living?

[quote] OP, I'm a 7 and would never go on a gay cruise for fear of exactly that happening.

So the guys on a gay cruise are better than 7s ?! That's surprising.

[quote] What drug are you on?

He's on a gay cruise so he probably doesn't even know.

[quote] [R41]- if I had started a thread about how much sex I’ve had on these gay cruises – 40 or 50 guys each cruise I went on you would’ve said exactly the same thing Saying it was all fake. But my thread was about all the sex I didn’t have on the 12 cruises I’ve been on and you don’t believe that either.

Both are preposterous. A gay man could not go on 12 GAY cruises and never have sex unless he didn't want sex.

OP, no we don’t believe any of it, this or the earlier threads.

Since you’re universally disbelieved here and get trashed every time you post, OP, why do you continue?

Not getting laid is one thing, sad but understandable. Going on about it is not.

You must enjoy the humiliation you seek out on DL.

R49- I feel it’s still better to have a negative response like yours than no response at all.

Even if I had seen lots of good looking guys I would have found it difficult to go up to said good looking person and start a conversation.

There is one thing you people don’t understand- I don’t go on these cruises to get laid I go on them to see a lot of countries/ places in a short period of time. Having sex would just be an added bonus.

Post a photo of today's buffet for the fat whores here.

Then why do you pay twice as much to go on a gay cruise?

You’re not making sense.

R52- I don’t want to be on a cruise for 9 days with a bunch of Fraus and their crotch fruit.

In 2011 when the cruise had ended and we were waiting for our flights from Barcelona, a good looking, Slim guy walked up to me and started talking to me for 45 minutes. He was from Colorado and it was clear he was interested in me because at the end of the conversation he asked for my cell phone number and I just gave him my email address Instead. I looked at my emails seven or eight times a day every day for two weeks – but he never responded. Oh well.

OP, you are inscrutable. Who gives a potential suitor their EMAIL ADDRESS when a cell number is requested?!

Did you not have a cell phone in 2011, OP.

Why in the world would you give him an email address when he asked for your cell phone?

If that had happened to me, I would have interpreted the guy giving me his email address as him not being terribly interested in me. A little, but not much. I wouldn't have contacted you either.

Also, why didn't you ask for his cell phone number (or email) when he asked for yours? That's another way you indicate to the other guy you're interested in him as well.

OP is obviously older than Methuselah and can't pull dick on a boat of 2,000 drunk and horny men.

[quote]I feel it’s still better to have a negative response like yours than no response at all.

That’s the entire point of this nonsensical parody thread.

I feel trolled at this point. I'm out.

Extra Special Trick

R53 but you’d prefer to pay more so 2000 men can ignore you?

Odd.

R55- I have had a cellphone since November 1998. The thing is - I really found him attractive. He was low key and unassuming and not SCENEY at all . At one point during our 45 minute conversation, he told me he watched the military channel. I guess he was trying to present his masculine credentials to me. Because I don’t think we were talking about television or anything related to anything military.

I met a bartender on an Atlantis cruise to PV several years ago. I was supposed to be going with my then bf, but his mother took sick, and I insisted that he go tend to his mother and I’d make the trip so as not to waste the ticket, as the cruise line wouldn’t refund us. One night at sea, I meandered over the ship’s martini bar. I was already a little tipsy from the vodka that I smuggled on board in a colostomy bag, but felt like some company. The ship was filled with drugged out gay people who had long since retired to their cabins. I struck up a conversation with the bartender, who was from Poland. His name was Mladen, and I too thought he was very handsome. He was divorced, and sad that he was not able to see his children as often as he liked. He seemed rather angry, but I put it off to his long hours. I turned on the charm and said some funny things to make him laugh, and he finally did, exposing several missing and rotten teeth. I let it go, as he was being very kind serving me full strength drinks, and not the watered down stuff. By midnight, I was really drunk and struggled to get off the barstool to stagger back to my cabin. I remember the bar being empty; the only thing I could hear was the sound of the ships engines. Mladen offered to take me back to my cabin. I gratefully took his arm as he helped me from my barstool and we walked back to my cabin.

I thanked him for walking me back as I placed my key card in the door if my cabin. “Wait, I will help you in”, he said. Looking back, I guess there was a certain tension in his voice, but I ignored it. “Well, Mladen, aren’t you sweet to tuck me in”. Suddenly I felt a sharp pain on the side of my face; he had hit me! I fell to the ground, my toupee gone askew over my eyes, and before I could do anything, he had pounced upon me, pinning my arms back, forcing his tongue down my throat. “EETS you and ME, baby, NOW!” he grunted, his hot, foul breath making my eyes water. “L-l-let go of me, you b-b-bastard!”I yelled, trying to push him off of me. My dream cruise was turning into a nightmare! I felt his forearm up against my throat as I lost my breath. My partial plate fell out of my mouth, and he began to laugh. His other hand began to tear at my Old Navy sweat suit, exposing my body to his lusty assault. I wanted to scream, but was too frightened at the prospect of someone seeing me in such a compromising position. Besides, I was drunk – who would have believed me? Just as I was about to pass out, without warning, he turned me over. He was so strong, I couldn’t believe it. I work out and am in shape, but I was drunk and too weak to fight his violent onslaught of my person. I turned around to watch him remove his shirt, and tried to use it as an opportunity to escape, but he slapped me, and then he stuffed the shirt in my mouth; I can still taste the acrid sweat and deodorant. “DO as I SAY OR I KEEEEL YOU!” he growled. I felt my sweat pants pulled down around my ankles, and cringed as he ripped my truss from around my waist, and listened to the sickening sound of him spitting in his hand. Suddenly, w-w-w-without warning, I felt his violent penetration of my anus – h-h-h-he RAPED ME!!! It went on and on, for at least ten minutes. As he climaxed, I tried to think of England, although I'm an American. He lay on top of me for a few minutes. Then he got up. I turned to look at him, my bartender and now, my rapist. He had a smug, satisfied look on his face, even in the dim light I could see it. He yanked my toupee off and used to to wipe the santorum off of his cock. He laughed, put his shirt on, then was gone.

I'll never sail with Atlantis again. He never calls, he never writes...

R62 0/1000

R62 Excruciating.

I’m now in Lisbon. The guy at the counter at my hotel is hot and the taxi driver who took me to the museum of ancient art yesterday was really hot 🥵. I’ve always talked about how hot and good looking Some of the men in Spain are but now I have to add Portugal to that list.

I give you 1/10, r62. I made it all the way through and even had to look up the word "truss."

Lisbon is lovely, OP. I was there recently.

Virgin’s ships have awful decor. Very industrial and IKEA-esque.

R61 You were asked why you gave him your email when he asked for your phone number. You didn’t answer the question but instead chose to talk about the channel he watches. Got any idea (clearly not) how bogus your story sounds when you keep evading the questions?

Clearly you don’t. You don’t have much credibility here with the tales you’re telling. 0/1000 is not a good score.

That said, see the Gulbenkian while you’re there if you’re there… Lovely gardens, nice collection, and a very interesting story about how it came to be. Unlike the story of your sex life.

R69- I guess I was being shy about it.

R67- Lisbon is lovely. I would say it’s even more beautiful ( parts of it) than Barcelona. I took a private tour ( walking) all over the city from 10am to 6pm. I was quite impressed with my stamina. My guide was huffing and puffing walking the numerous times we had to climb these long stair cases and he was really sweating at one point. I was only slightly out of breath. I felt kind of bad for him. Yet he’s about 36 years old or so and I am 59 years old. I really enjoyed his company. He’s very intelligent and a nice guy. I admit I am a bit attracted to him. I can safely say that this walking tour of Lisbon was THE highlight of the last 13 days. When we were overlooking the city and talking about the history of Lisbon some young guy was walking by and stared at me. Meanwhile on the ship I couldn’t get arrested save for that hiot guy the very first day.

There are some HOT 🥵 guys in Lisbon- the concierge at my hotel and the taxi driver who took me to the Museum of Ancient Art . Both young and bearded.

OP get yourself to the bar and have a drink. That will loosen your inhibitions and you'll get chatty and flirty. Next thing you know you'll be waking up with a hunk in your bed and your knicker swinging from the fan

R72- The guide invited me to a performance of music and singing tonight but I declined because I have to get up early tomorrow morning to go to the airport. He talked about his family but mentioned nothing about a girlfriend or wife. Was he just being a nice guide or do you think the invitation was something more?

I did drink with him at lunch on this island and when he had me try this Cherry 🍒 Liquor .

R73 go find him for a nightcap you silly man. You only live once

Take a hint, Mary.

R75- You mean you think the guide was possibly interested in me?

After twelve trips of no action, accept that you're unfuckable and find a hobby.

R77- I am a top not a bottom so getting fucked is of no interest to me.

How can you be a top if you’re not getting laid?

Considering that 1,995 of your fellow cruisers are likely certified bottoms, it is mindboggling that you have come up dry of 12 cruises.

1. You need boyfriend pants

2. You need to fondle phallic foods

3. You should show them that trick where you can fit your fist in your mouth

4. Wear your “I Give Gummers To All Cummers:” t-shirt

OP needs a t-shirt

R80- They have no way of knowing that I am a top AND that I’m well hung.

OK, we've reached peak absurdity with this troll thread.

OP claims no sex on 12 gay cruises. That in itself is doubtful even if he were a bottom that looked like Oscar the Grouch. Now he claims to be a top and well hung. And no sex on 12 gay cruises.

You're just feeding it by replying now.

Oh, r62, memories 💭

But that’s the point, R84. He’s not fooling anyone. If he wants to continue making a jackass out of himself, have at it. And if he does, people will respond in kind as they have here. Here, it’s fun to watch someone dig the hole they’re in deeper.

I trust everyone knows he’s a crock of shit, but we’re intrigued by the non-responsive responses. He’s trying to make himself look weird by making shit up. People see it, know his style by now, and wonder why he does it. Not enough to be concerned - just enough to wonder why.

A well hung top who's too shy to give a guy his phone number when asked for it and gives his email instead. And then complains about how he never gets laid, yet also doesn't seem to know when a guy is hitting on him.

Not saying this isn't a troll thread, but as a general maxim for life, sometimes there's such a thing as too much choice.

[quote]They have no way of knowing that I am a top AND that I’m well hung.

You obviously don't give off top vibes then; maybe try to butch up that mincing geisha girl walk when out on deck

Jump bitch!

R87- Are you referring to my tour guide from yesterday?

Gerg thread. Same replies to every response, as Gerg did.