People who go missing or are murdered

My husband has strict instructions that should I go missing or die in a tragic accident I am to be described to the media as a skilled and voracious bottom who was often sullen and terrible at replying to emails and text messages.

R1 is the town bike

I can't say I’m personally acquainted with any murder victims, OP, cunt or non-cunt. However, I can think of more than a few deceased individuals who were heinous nightmares in life and their effusive obituaries made them sound like Nobel Prize recipients. It's that kind of white-washing dreck that I find utterly vomit-inducing.

“I was told you should only say good things about people who have died. Joan Crawford is dead. Good.”

“Despite a troubled past” meaning a rap sheet as long as your arm and fathering three children by two women before he was 17, “he was turning his life around.”

First encountered this at age 13. A middle school classmate was horsing around with two friends in his basement and showing off his dad’s gun (dad was a cop). Blew his own brains out in front of them. The printed eulogy was gushing and not a hint of the truth. The kid was a shark-eyed buck-toothed little sociopath. Many of us had personal memories of that side of him and we were glad he was dead.

"She was a total bitch. I hated her, and I rejoiced when I found out about her brutal murder. I only wish I had been there to see her get stabbed to death. Giving her a few stabs myself might have made up for how much of an asshole she was."

A high school classmate was poisoned by her husband. This classmate was the biggest hypochondriac I’ve ever encountered. Just a crazy pain in the ass. We talked about putting “I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK” on her headstone.

Yes, we are bitches, I know, but she was a prime candidate for an “incautious overdose” somewhere down the line.

My friends have reassured me that if I am a victim of 'random violence' that they will make sure everyone knows that I probably brought it on myself by running my mouth.

R7 Huh?