"I bought a 5-bedroom house in the LA suburbs, and quickly realized it was a mistake"

I was online ogling homes with three-car garages and double walk-in closets. For the price of a one-bedroom condo in Silver Lake in LA, I could buy an entire Mediterranean villa with a pool, fruit trees, and neighbors who waved without trying to invite me to their open-mic.

So, after losing one too many bidding wars for million-dollar bungalows in Highland Park, LA, I found a huge McMansion with a pool in Temecula — the land of wine, wide streets, and not a single billboard featuring a Marvel character.

In 2022, me, my spouse, and three kids, packed up and headed for the suburbs.

At first, it was charming—like "moving into a Reese Witherspoon movie" charming. There were rolling hills, quiet cul-de-sacs and fresh air.

Our new house had 3,000 square feet of space—so much that I didn't know what to do with it all. The kids used the living room as a skatepark. I was drunk on square footage and low property taxes. I was living the suburban dream.

Then, the silence set in—hollow silence where your own thoughts echo. Back in LA, every restaurant felt like a possibility. In Temecula, there were only chains that closed by 9 p.m. It felt like a vacation that had gone on too long, and I was in an alternate reality.

Friends from LA promised to visit. "We'll come down for a weekend! Make it a wine-tasting thing!" However, lonely weekends came and went. It turns out a two-hour drive might as well be eight when you have traffic, kids, and careers. Only a couple of friends ever made it.

The isolation crept in slowly. One day, I realized I hadn't had a real conversation with someone outside my family in a week. My most stimulating interaction was arguing with Alexa about her song choices.

I missed spontaneity. I missed my friends. I even missed my exasperating old neighbor who videotaped me every time I left my house.

Everything in Temecula felt out of sync with me. There was no late-night bookstore, no tiny theater doing weird plays. The Thai food was just okay. Los Angeles had its chaos, but it had energy. It had texture. It had weirdos, and I like weirdos.

I looked around at the perfectly paved parking lots, the matching beige stucco homes, the drive-thru pharmacies, and I felt like I was living inside a screensaver. Pleasant, sure, but also kind of fake.

I called my partner and said, "I think we made a mistake."

She sighed and said, "You think?"

A few months later, we put the house up for sale to head back to LA.

We found a place to rent in a less desirable neighborhood than the one we'd lived in before moving to the suburbs. It didn't have a pool. Or a lemon tree. Or anything that could be described as "ample closet space." But we got our people.

We got our weird little coffee shops and bumpy roads. Yes, I still have to fight for parking, and I pay more for less space, and someone did try to sell me collagen powder at the dog park last week. But I feel like myself again.

Temecula taught me something important: I'm not built for wide open spaces unless they come with live music, street tacos, and a chance encounter with someone from my improv class. I don't want peace and quiet. I want chatter and chaos and complicated parking signs.

I thought I was craving calm, but what I was really craving was connection. For me, that lives in the noisy, messy, beautiful chaos of Los Angeles. In the crammed grocery stores, the traffic on the 101, and the surprise hugs at Trader Joe's.

LA might be chaotic, but it's my kind of chaotic.

Then kill yourself and give me the house

Temecula is not that affordable...or nice.

There’s the wine….thats about it.

That is one RICH lesbian!

temecula is nasty.

That’s why it’s important to know yourself, and work towards knowing yourself more. Most people aren’t honest with themselves. They are more taken by the idea of who they think they should be vs. who they really are.

If she drank more she would've adapted

If you grew up in LA and moved to the burbs, WTF did you expect?

It would be like hauling my farmed raised, corn fed ass to LA and expecting me to “fit in”.

If you bored living in a suburb, you’re doing it wrong.

Has she met Lisa?

Fortunately the U-Haul was never unpacked.

Sounds like they didn't have a vehicle.

Of course they did. No lesbian family in So Cal is without at least two cars.

humble-brag, much?

Temecula isn’t exactly a logical choice. They should have moved to the close- in Ventura County suburbs. Much better schools, same people you’ll find in LA. But you can’t go farther than Thousand Oaks or you end up in hillbilly land.

Of course, it’s more expensive than Temecula.

Moorpark? As bad as Temecula …

The entire article was a humble brag told between pursed lips.

Moorpark is not a close- in suburb.

You’re basically talking Thousand Oaks, Oak Park, Newbury Park.

Moorpark is the same distance from the county line as Thousand Oaks.

Alternatively. Simi Valley? As bad as Temecula.

Moron, the relevant question is how close the suburb is to LA. That is what a “close-in suburb” refers to.

Are you trying to argue that Moorpark and Simi Valley are as close to LA as Thousand Oaks is?

Temecula sounds like one of Samantha's relatives on Bewitched

[quote] One day, I realized I hadn't had a real conversation with someone outside my family in a week.

I'm curious... does this lady even work??

How is she able to afford a million dollar home, and just pick up and move at the drop of a hat?

If she hadn't had a conversation with anyone besides family in a week, that means she doesn't leave home.

I guess she must have had a large inheritance, or something.

Going to coffee houses, socializing all the time, picking up and moving to McMansions on a whim.... what a life.

And I'm guessing her partner's three kids aren't too happy, having to frequently change schools at the drop of a hat.

[quote] If you bored living in a suburb, you’re doing it wrong.

It’s very hard to do the suburbs right.

R20 do you need a map? Do you know the distance from Chatsworth to Simi and Moorpark. You don’t, apparently.

Temecula is hardly a "suburb of LA"...it's in fucking Riverside County!

The premise/title of this article is false to begin with. I agree with those upthread who recognize this for the humble-brag essay that it is.

It’s BusinessInsider… they have a regular feature of annoying people doing asinine things re buying a home. Go with it…it’s ripe for ridicule.

This is a strange one. She is, or is not, raising 3 kids? I mean… that’s fuck-ton of time and focus if you are actually parenting. Yet she only mentions them parenthetically, like they’re a life accessory. She has much more to say about late night bookstores (?), going out and seeing live music, and mixing with all kinds of people in her community. Oh and her “improv class.” WTF. No actual mother of three talks or thinks like that unless she has pretty much checked out of parenting — or has the $$ to outsource it all and never mentally signed up to be a parent in the first place.

Highland Park to Temecula is like going from Greenpoint to Rockland County. Or going from Dogpatch to American Canyon.

It's true, Business Insider churns this shit out weekly if not daily. "I am clickbait dressed up as hapless idiot who moved from A to B without doing any research on what B is like, and now I am not happy."

After a while you wonder if AI writes them all.

[quote] This is a strange one. She is, or is not, raising 3 kids?

[quote] No actual mother of three talks or thinks like that unless she has pretty much checked out of parenting

My guess is that they're her "partner's" kids.

Probably some formerly straight woman who turned gay, and brought her three kids along with her into a lesbian relationship.

So I would assume that she's more of a parental figure, rather than an actual parent.

Although I do know a few lesbians who are very hands on with their partner's/wife's kids, even though they are not biologically related.

This person, however, doesn't sound very involved with the partner's kids.

[quote] It's true, Business Insider churns this shit out weekly if not daily. "I am clickbait dressed up as hapless idiot who moved from A to B without doing any research on what B is like, and now I am not happy."

[quote] After a while you wonder if AI writes them all.

Do you even know how to read, R29?

It clearly says under the title of the article, "Essay by Lauren Palmigiano."

I swear, all some of you ever do is complain, complain, complain.

You people must be absolutely miserable to be around.

I'm glad it's working out for you, OP. How are the kids doing? Was this an adventure for them. Do they seem happy with the moves?

Maybe Lauren is just an AI avatar. Did you see all of those stock photos of Temecula? Is any of this real?

R31 is no fun at parties.

You can move anywhere you want but you still bring yourself along with you.

You really have to be clueless not to realize that Temecula is going to be a massive cultural change from living in the city.

My guess is that more people in Temecula work in San Diego County than LA or Orange Country - that's how far it is.

"When you're tired of the suburbs you're tired of life"

Temecula is more a suburb of San Diego than it is LA. It's an entirely different world.

What a weird choice.

There are scores of actual LA suburbs that would be a better fit for an LA native.

All the Vanderpump Rules cast moved to the suburbs and they’re not complaining or experiencing culture shock.

Eh, no. It’s too far north and inland for anyone to consider it an SD suburb. It’s in Riverside County for god’s sake. LOL

It’s an exurb within the LA-Long Beach metro statistical area. Look it up.

I worked in Carlsbad which is in SD county and several co workers lived in Temecula. Too far from the ocean for us. Too hot. Our place was by the beach. OP, now you are renting in a less desirable neighborhood than you had before in LA. Sounds like you've made several mistakes. Hopefully things will start looking up for you.

Temecula is full of chains, churches, warehouses, and uppity but sad and drunk Republicans, as is Menifee, and Canyon Lake. Lake Elsinore is full of trashier and drunker Republicans. Why this lesbian couple thought it would be a good fit for them obviously did not do their research.

[quote] All the Vanderpump Rules cast moved to the suburbs and they’re not complaining or experiencing culture shock.

That's a good point. But they actually still live in the L.A. suburbs, which is totally different.

Then again, I'll bet they all paid $1.5 million or more to live in "The Valley."

They live in the oldest, and less desirable, Valley hoods (inside the City of LA). It’s really not the suburbs as anyone not from LA would typically use the term.

She takes improv classes in LA. I have not a shred of fucking sympathy for her.

That's a very specific disdain

She moved to Temecula......enough said.

[quote] My guess is that more people in Temecula work in San Diego County than LA or Orange Country - that's how far it is.

Temecula itself is at the southern end of Riverside County, and there's a few big companies there (Abbott Labs among the busiest) but it also has a LOT of companies in the 200-300 employee range that are related to the military.

I think some Marine families also live there, though Camp Pendleton is about 45 minutes away. Some of the big planned communities there brought a lot of military families, guess it was affordable enough to make the commute worthwhile.

It absolutely is far from both LA and San Diego. I've driven through Temecula from the mountains on the way to San Diego and there's still an hour, easy, on the highway from Temecula before arriving in San Diego.

R47 a lot of people commute between temecula and different parts of north and northeast san diego.

r48 and the other poster who said that there are a lot of commuters from Temecula who work in San Diego and North/Northeast San Diego County are correct. I grew up in San Diego county (I was 18 in 1987 for reference) and lived there in my 20s as well. Even then, there was a huge exodus to Temecula as housing was beginning to boom there, and everyone was working in San Diego county still

When the author of this article referred to it as some sort of Los Angeles-adjacent place, I laughed and snorted. I can tell you that commute would SUUUUUUUCK. It would be long and arduous, unlike the commute to San Diego county. Yes, SD county has traffic and yes, it can be bad. But it's more of a straight shot, whereas "commuting" from Temecula to LA is a bit more convoluted. Heck, even the commute from San Diego to Orange County and/or LA was tortuous back then. My grandparents lived up there and when we went to visit a few times a year, this was an all fucking day and evening event. It was another world.

[quote]We found a place to rent in a less desirable neighborhood than the one we'd lived in before moving to the suburbs. It didn't have a pool. Or a lemon tree....But we got our people.

[quote]We got our weird little coffee shops and bumpy roads.

I despise her and her "our people" and "our weird little coffee shops."

She mistakes dropping $11 on a specialty coffee (her "addiction," no doubt) and counts she doesn't speak to but who look like her for "her people" and her lifestyle.

[quote] She mistakes dropping $11 on a specialty coffee (her "addiction," no doubt) and counts she doesn't speak to but who look like her for "her people" and her lifestyle.

Are you poor, R50?

Then you're definitely NOT one of my people.

And I need to move away from you.

Temecula isn't AWFUL - but it is what it is - nicer suburbs, lots of retirees, and malls/chain restaurants. It is convenient to a wine country, which isn't great but not bad - and the old downtown can be fun.

But if you're used to living in a city - no fucking way.

The WORST part about Temecula is that one highway goes through it - 15 - and the traffic is seriously horrendous. They built up (and continue to build more) so much housing and did not build the infrastructure and traffic to handle it.

I HATE driving through Temecula on the 15 - it's a nightmare. It's not the worst place in the world - but it is what it is.

Safe outer suburbia for those who think a bigger, cheaper house is worth their awful commute and boring surroundings. Like many far-flung suburbs.

Every time I see her last name, my mind sees "Parmigiano."

Is her wife named "Reggiano" so they can be referred to as "the Parmigiano-Reggianos"?

Nobody looked her up?

No wonder she has money.

[quote] LP was born in New Jersey, USA. She is a director and writer, known for Funny or Die Presents... (2007), Cried Suicide (2010) and Unengaged (2015).

‘Funny or Die’ Writer Lauren Palmigiano to Direct ‘White Girl Problems’

Lauren Palmigiano, formerly the head writer and executive producer for Funny or Die, will make her feature film directorial debut White Girl Problems at Lionsgate, Deadline said. Elizabeth Banks and Max Handelman are producing the film based on the bestselling book by Babe Walker through their Brownstone Productions banner. It was bought by Lionsgate in 2013 for Pitch Perfect producers.

Alisha Brophy and Scott Miles, who won the 2014 Nicholl Fellowship for their screenplay United States of F*ckin’ Awesome, adapted the pseudo-memoir. The story follows a young woman with a huge social media following who melts down one afternoon after spending about a quarter of a million dollars in Barney’s and ends up in shopping rehab, where she decides to write about her life — of excess and meaningless problems.

Palmigiano has been the creative mind behind dozens of the site’s video and creative content and recently directed the Soul Pancake-produced pilot Hollywood & Vine for ABC Family, and Homeroom for Nickelodeon. Lionsgate had no comment about Palmigiano.

She also wrote, directed and produced the short feature Cried Suicide which starred Sarah Burns and premiered at the Tribeca Film Festival.

Yeah I saw she was a Director - but how did she do that from Temecula?

Sounds like this may have been a pandemic decision?

She leaves out a lot of details - how long she has been married, ages of the kids. If they recently got married and her house went from 1 person to 5 - then, yeah - looking for more space and a safe atmosphere for the kids is obvious.

I just don't understand Temecula though - in my mind, it's no man's land. Not close enough to LA or San Diego, not close to OC, not close to Palm Springs.

It's a weird traffic-snarled development with no place 'close' yet you would be drawn to all of these areas, but never go because it takes so damn long to get there.

There are a lot of nice parts in Temecula, but I would feel 100% trapped all the time.

My ideal life would be to own a townhouse in an exciting city like Chicago, New York, or San Francisco, and a charming country cabin within a two hour drive away.

Back in the dinosaur times this was common among the working & middle classes in my area, when property was much less expensive.

My family lived in the city and my grandparents had a cabin in the mountains. Summer homes then were often owned grandparents and used by the whole family. We got the excitement of the city and the magic of forests. Even now, I'd be happy with a small city condo and a cabin in the woods on some land. Near a river, lake, or ocean would be even better. Heaven.

LA and surrounding areas have some fabulous areas, I love to visit, but the traffic is horrific.

[quote]I despise her and her "our people" and "our weird little coffee shops."

As someone who used to live in lefty Portland and now lives not that far from Temecula, I know exactly what she means. I'm sure she doesn't mean to be derogatory, but there's a real culture shock when you move someplace that's culturally very different from what you're used to. It works both ways - people who have spent their lives in suburban environments often felt uncomfortable visiting me in Portland. Everybody, no matter where they're from, learns to recognize "my kind of people" without it necessarily being a putdown of everyone else.

Temecula, California?

Temecula, Mcnasty!

We are NOT your people, you humblebragging trust funded elitist bulldyke!

In fact, we HATE YOU!

Why would you care to be amongst your baristas or hipsters walking the streets? These are not people you’re friends with or even talk to. So what if the suburbs don’t have these freaks?

This is why we lost the election - twice.

R58, you describe my childhood experience.

[quote]Everybody, no matter where they're from, learns to recognize "my kind of people" without it necessarily being a putdown of everyone else.

I could understand the *concept* of "our people" in the context of circles of genuine, chosen friendship; or, say, the best of neighbors -- the ones who have your keys and alarm codes, the ones who keep a sharp eye just in case something looks odd, yet who keep an equally keep strong respect for your privacy.

I could understand it in the broader sense of the Oak Park Frank Lloyd Wright Homeowners' Association or a co-op board defined by specific shared interest and willingness to roll up one's sleeves.

But for a writer to use the words "our people" in a media interview sounds, well, icky, and more than a little tone deaf. Her "our people" are of course transactional: barristas, and chance encounters collecting carry-out food, or people hawking collagen powder at the dog park, live music, street taco vendors, and "weirdos."

When you don't have real community, I guess you can always fake it with a nervous, "am I right?!" laugh with your barrista, because you've found "your people.".

"Our people" just sounds like more self-congratulatory fake-smiles than in Temecula. "Our people" seems more Our Brand, or Our Clothing Label of Choice.

Okie culture in California is real and it’s truly nasty. It’s the dominant culture in a lot of exurban and semi-rural California.

I did some time in one of these areas (necessary for work.) Temecula woman sounds pretty airheaded, but I understand what she means. She can’t come out and say “it was awful living among all those hateful hillbillies,” but that’s what she’s saying.

Temecula is not Okie—it’s just an exurban hell.

What’s left of Okie California is found in the Central Valley. It still thrives there, in a modernized form.

The youth of Temecula are scum. It’s a weird place. It’s an affluent suburb but the local culture is super white trash.

R57 You can always visit the lovely towns of Wildomar, Perris, or Menifee to see some amazing dirt and meth labs.

Wherever you have ag in California (and Temecula has a lot of it), Okie culture will have exerted its influence. There’s quite a lot of Okie culture in southeast LA county, for one example. See also rural Santa Barbara County. A lot of migration from places like Bakersfield to rural Ventura and Santa Barbara ag areas in recent years. The LA Times does an article about it every 5 years or so.

You’re mistaken, but that’s OK.

Argue with the LA Times, r71.

According to trolldar, about 90% of your posts are troll posts— often factually incorrect.

You seem both dense and mentally ill.

I just did—and the LAT search results indicate that Okie culture has been assimilated in California, except for the Central Valley where it maintains a stronger hold…. Very little hold elsewhere,

R69 - LOL - that's the other thing about Temecula - it is surrounded by really shit cities like you mentioned. But you forgot HEMET! And the disgusting reeking dairy farms and agriculture you have to drive through.

I lived in SD and Palm Springs and drove that route every week getting off in Beaumont and taking the 'shortcut' over to lower 15. That area BLOWS. But new housing is going up as far as the eye can see. You can get a 2200+ sq ft house for 400-500k, which is unheard of in SoCal.

But somehow Temecula has some really nice homes - maybe because of proximity to all the wineries? It doesn't make a ton of sense.

A lesbian couple moving all the way out there from LA also doesn't make sense - there was some discussion about prioritizing kids' lives and/or one of them has relatives nearby in Temecula. Or they only visited during the winter.

A lot of people get drawn into the dream of a nice big newer home - regardless of location. If you have kids, the trade-off may be worth it - but no effing way.

R74 There’s also Rainbow and Homeland. They’re all the same dump of shit that is probably infested with inbred cannibals.

That sounds like Gilbert AZ R68.

What is Okie culture?

Seriously, this lady should be able to live anywhere in the City of Los Angeles, given her salary.

Why in the fuck would she ever move to Temecula?

Isn't all of the Inland Empire a mistake?

R77 - it's an almost century-old reference from the 1930s Dust Bowl days. A lot of farmers in Oklahoma and North Texas had years of drought and then a Dust Bowl of catastrophic proportions.

There was a large migration west of these very poor farmers to California so they could live by picking the fields.

The poster implies that these poor people stayed and had kids - and basically kept these backwards and 'white trash' values and culture there. I don't think that's true after 1 or 2 generations. So that's what he's talking about - sounds elitist, but it could have a little bit of truth.

The reality is tons of others moved to SoCal post WW2 - so I don't think this really makes sense. Here's a famous pic of the Dust Bowl "Okie" migrants -

[quote] The poster implies that these poor people stayed and had kids - and basically kept these backwards and 'white trash' values and culture there. I don't think that's true after 1 or 2 generations. So that's what he's talking about - sounds elitist, but it could have a little bit of truth.

Ah, ok, thanks r80.

I was vaguely aware of the Dust Bowl-era migration to California mostly due to Chinatown (“you don’t know what you’re talking about, you dumb Okie!” - I wish I could find that clip!) but I wasn’t aware of Oklahomian values.

Found it!

Bakersfield: Okie capital of California

A huge chunk of country music is based on Okie culture and the Bakersfield sound. Yes, California was essential to the “development” of CW music.