Let me whine a bit

OP = Mr Cellophane

You're probably ugly OP. Glancing at you and looking away is usually a sign.

R2, I’ve considered that. I’m definitely not hot. What I usually get is “you’re handsome!” Admittedly they’re usually drunk at the time.

If you don’t care what other people think of you, they are then interested in you.

Maybe wearing a big red bow would grab attention

I’m submitting this thread as my Psychology final.

Let me stop you there. No whining!

[quote] Thankfully, I have a dog who seems to love me.

That’s really all that matters.

Is it a rescue dog?

Post a pic of yourself and I'll tell you.

OP isn't ugly. If he were, rude people would tell him. It sounds like he is average in appearance. Average-looking people often say they feel invisible. People don't flock towards them, but people aren't openly nasty to them either.

Halitosis?

Halitosis is awful. People actively avoid you.

Floss, bitches.

R12 = Ellen Degeneres

^^^^ no, Larry King

We can both be right, R14.

Have you ever been tested for autism?

Is there an online test?

Sounds like you’re a 4 trying to find a 10. Your best hope is to find a 6 with a personality disorder online.

Transitioning will solve all of your problems.

Try joining some sort of social club/network that is based around a shared interest and become knowledgeable in that area. For example: theatre, Star Trek, book club, Falcon Crest addict, gastronomic society etc. People will notice you if you can engage them on a common shared interest.

OP gets plenty of attention, just not from the guys he wants to get attention from. Agree with R18.

A THREE dressed up as a NINE

Try changing the way you dress and working on your appearance. I’ve had the opposite problem all my life. I’ve always been very reserved and just wanted to be left alone but people won’t leave me the hell alone. In school it translated as bullying. As an adult people stare at me and sometimes try to force interaction. I’m ok but not hot so maybe I’m weird or sinister looking.

Forget your history. Forget the Valentine's Day card you didn't get in elementary school. Fucking hell, look forward a little.

Change some things in your life. Look for a new job, or study something that's a way to change your job. Move house. Change neighbors. Take more interest in other people (there are lots of good tips on how to do this without being weird). Pay more attention to what people tell you - people are incredibly easily impressed when someone remembers sone small point of a past conversation. Dress better. Take an interest in new things: take up reading again, seeing films at the cinema, go to museums or galleries; Travel more, to places you've never been. Challenge yourself a bit. Find a secondary city that's "yours," domestic or foreign.

Start to fill your life with things more interesting than the Valentine's Day card that never arrived when you were 9 or whatever. Think more about the present and the future.

It's a great thing if you have the opportunity to change sine things in your life. It won't instantly make people flock to you, but when you do have conversations, you'll be a more interesting and a more interested person, neither of which should be underestimated.

Op you're probably ADHD or autistic, aspie, neurodivergent. You expect people to come to you and give you some grand invitation to be connect instead of just living your life and being the biggest friend and fan to yourself first.

No one will ever do that for you. Get some hobbies, get a life, and stop expecting so much attention from others. Get used to it because as you get older, you're going to become more invisible. Just do what you really want to do, even if no one else is.

This is probably rooted in some oversight by your parents lack of attention towards you, so get some therapy to discuss this too. Therapy is good for most people, we can always improve.

Have you tried volunteering?

Enjoy your life and be yourself concentrating as much as possible on mindfully enjoying, pursuing and improving your strengths and interests, OP. Then when you aren’t expecting or looking for it, others truly interested in you as a person and your interests will seek you out and engage. You gotta be confident inwardly, and be your best friend first, last and most—because nobody else you meet will be there to validate you forever, even if they would want to be.

Honestly, you should consider yourself lucky. I had the opposite problem. Strangers would seek me out (at work, school, stores) and just start dumping their psychosis on me. Whether it was marital problems, childhood molestation, or even just to dump their anger on me because they're miserable in life. It was like I had a target on me.

As I've gotten older and saltier and have that "don't come at me with your bullshit" attitude, strangers leave me alone. Thank God.

The best way I've found in making friends is joining groups. Whatever your hobbies or interests are there's a local group for it.

Anonymity is a comfort. Privacy is so hard to find these days. I would hate to be stared at and hit on everywhere I go.

OP, I think you might be over estimating how much attention people get. For most of us, it is very little to none. Most people are not especially good looking, physically attractive or well dressed.

Story of my life. Only attention I've ever gotten was from a handful of women, never men. But then I stopped caring about being invisible and the anguish stopped as well. It just doesn't matter, and nothing matters on the cosmic scale of things anyway. Just enjoying what little time I have left, alone.

OP, ask yourself these two questions"

1,what are you best at? What is your top skill and or talent. doesn't matter what it is or how "mundane" it is...whatever skill or talent is (flower arranging, dog walking.. drawing anything, organizing etc.)

2. What are your best qualities (humor, compassion, patience..whatever)

then begin to appreciate those things in YOURSELF build yourself up, don't look for others to do it. It will NEVER be enough. Fill yourself up

once you've defined those two things, look for online and in person events/classes/clubs/associations where those skills/talents and qualities can be seen and join them.

If you have done these things, not perfectly, but just done them people will start to notice you. But also look at how you haven't noticed YOURSELF and begin to acknowledge and cultivate those qualities and skills/talents that you have.

Honestly there is something of a victim mindset reflected in your post and that energy is not attractive so turn that around by appreciating yourself. You will find your tribe..

Isn’t being mostly asexual and practically on the spectrum just wonderful, OP?

When you start showing interest in people, people will start showing interest in you.

It's that simple.

R27 and R28 have good suggestions, OP.

For a lot of my 20s and early 30s I felt the same way as you do. I was an open wound of sadness, wondering why the parade had passed me by when so many others got their lucky shot.

I've never been a "success" in gay spaces, either.

At a point around age 33, 34 or so, I just walked away from a lot of that pursuit. I didn't try to shoehorn myself into the so called defined spaces for me.

I walked away from trying to chase a relationship or make every possible meet up turn into a friendship or relationship, and I focused on doing things I wanted to do and learning things. I joined a church (a progressive one), took classes, and just in general focused outward instead of sitting at home licking my wounds.

I found a few friends that were incredibly supportive and didn't shit on everything I did or suggested, and their encouragement helped me launch a second career. And a few years later, I met my partner.

I can't magically say that all your dreams will come true if you just do X, Y or Z. But I can say, start with some of the things suggested in this post and in R27 and R28. Make good friends with yourself first. Do whatever it takes to heal yourself - therapy, spending time and self-care doing things you want to do - and I guarantee that other people, be they friends or future partners - will see you for the person you are inside, and not the open wound of need and sadness that's obscuring their vision when they see you now.

People quickly detect, if usually subconsciously, neediness; and it quickly repels them. (Yes, sometimes their supposed detection is unjust; but that's for another discussion.) As others have mentioned or alluded to, work on the kind of vibes you put out: Be self-content (but not self-satisfied), be positive (but not Pollyannaish), be well-groomed and well-dressed (but not foppish), be well-informed and cultured (but not in a showing-off manner), be interested in others (but not as if building a dossier on them, and not as a correlation to you but in their own right), be considerate (but not self-denying), and be independent (but not contrarian).

Roses are red

Violets are blue

You feel invisible

But I see you <3

Will you be my Valentine, OP?

Where is the DL reference librarian who is always so quick to link to previous threads on the same topic? I know this has been posted before.

Don't sweat it, OP! Not a single drop. You do you, boo!

I just don’t give off a gay vibe. I’m not trying to be “straight acting,” but so many years in the closet just conditioned me.

Yesterday, I was walked down the street and some kid was passing out pamphlets with the weekend’s Pride events. He seemed to be targeting people he thought were gay. Totally skipped over me.