My best friend of 35 years FINALLY admitted he has a type

Is he a top? Gays in Chengdu, China are desperate to meet tops and it seems like a really fun city.

He lives in NYC, R1. He is a top. He won’t be relocating to China, though. Thanks, though.

I should have specified his location.

He should take a Japanese cooking class, start shopping in Chinatown...maybe take a Korean language class. He will cross paths with people from the groups he's interested in. (Well, not in the language class, maybe.)

Maybe take a class in Noh Theater history? Or become a Buddhist.

Seriously, I want him to find a loving relationship. He deserves it. He is so funny and he could charm a cobra from biting him. He’s like a brother. Any other suggestions? PLEASE.

Thanks, R3. I don’t imagine him as a Buddhist, though. He’s Christian, but non-judgmental.

We were 20 when we met, to be more specific.

It's not hard - create a dating profile and say ASIANS ONLY.

I don't see why this is such an obstacle.

If he's shy - create the profile for him and swipe and react for him.

Gay Asian men aren't known to be dangerous, druggy or awful in any way. Gold diggers? Maybe - but that should become obvious within a few interactions.

Unless he's dreadfully obese and unattractive, I don't think this is an issue.

A white top who likes Asians?

If this is serious, he could be married by Independence Day.

Thanks, R7. He would never allow himself to say “Asians only”. That’s part of the problem.

lol. No, it’s not that easy, R8. Not for a lasting relationship. It would be much more difficult.

I want my friend to date someone and see where things go. That’s what he wants.

[quote]r5 Thanks. I don’t imagine him as a Buddhist, though. He’s Christian, but non-judgmental.

There are a lot of Asians who were converted to Christianity from Buddhism. If his faith is imortant to him perhaps your friend can find a church with a significant Asian congregation.

I mean, to me it seems like if you're interested in cowboys, you should go to Texas. If you're interested in Asians, the odds of meeting more of them will increase if you locate an Asian community of some sort and explore it.

Thanks, R3 / R11 . I really want to help him.

He should just approach Asian guys on apps and act normal about it. Being an out and proud Asian fetishist is not good idea.

European is my type.

R13 - probably true - can say a preference for Asians though. Otherwise it looks like a fetish.

But from OP's responses and his talk of his friend - this will go nowhere.

It’s not like you have to find religion to meet a cute Asian guy in NYC, or hang an ASIANS ONLY shingle on your dating profile. OP, your friend should seek out classes and social activities he genuinely enjoys, because chances are high he’ll meet some nice Asian guys if he just gets out and about.

There’s also the risk that a random white guy who self-selects into a majority-Asian space will be clocked as a chaser, even if that’s not his intention. Based on what you’ve described of your friend, I don’t think that would be comfortable for him.

If you know anyone (or know anyone who knows anyone) who might be a good match for your friend, there’s no harm in arranging some low-key group activity that includes both and seeing where it leads.

Oh please. Over the hill white guy suddenly admits he's attracted to a group of people who are known for chasing white dick?

This is a troll post.

No, R17. It is NOT.

He’s very shy. I will have to do some leg work for him. He just means so much to me as my best friend.

He’s also reserved and private. He might have already tried some of the recommendations. I’m not sure. His inner life is hard to crack, but he’s my best buddy.

Thank you, everyone.

I think any kind of racial preference looks bad, r15. He should act on his preference but not put it on his profile.

Have you asked your friend what HE wants to do?

Does he even want you to play matchmaker or are you projecting your relationship goals onto him?

Maybe the way to help is to guide him towards figuring out why he’s unable to make these kinds of life decisions for himself.

find an asian night at a gay bar. thrust him inside. he will be chum in the water.

OP - you can't do the legwork for him, but you can go with him or arrange gatherings for him. Accompany him to the Asian market. Sign up for Japanese cooking class together (you can drop out after he's comfortable.) You know...the ideas on this thread.

He is shy. Asians are more timid. Sounds like a snoozer of a time.

[quote]Thanks, [R7]. He would never allow himself to say “Asians only”. That’s part of the problem.

R9/ OP another approach is to start his profile with "Asians welcome" - that doesnt have the negativity/ exclusion of putting "Asians Only" but still makes his preferences clear

OP, don't tell your friend he's a "Rice Queen," it may frighten him.

Does he really like Asians because they are racially Asian, or is he really mainly looking for anyone who comes from a culture which, in social situations, frequently tends towards introversion (or at least appreciates introversion more than most Western cultures do)?

Tell him to fly to Toronto or Vancouver. He won't make it out of the airport before he finds a suitable gaysian suitor.

OP’s friend

I can't imagine being friends with someone for 35 years and not knowing this kind of detail about their life.

It's such a small thing to admit - it's not like some sort of trauma or abuse with PTSD that he doesn't want to talk about.

It shouldn't be hard for any white person to date an Asian, no offense. Asians are obsessed and generally prefer to date white people in the USA/west. Also if you are in NYC-- they are everywhere--- especially queens.

He should add to his profile “Looking for men to love me long time.”

Moths to a flame

Has he actually ever been with an Asian guy?

[quote] He deserves someone special.

Is Bowen Yang single? He seems "special."

This is a joke right? NY and LA he's like fly paper and the gaysians are flies. Especially the immigrants.

Where is Mr. Go Asian when you need him?

A white top looking for an Asian bottom?? If he's not picky, I can get him 100 dates by tomorrow.

Is Filipino Asian enough? They will flock to any white man

are there no gay matchmakers in NYC?

[quote] Asians are obsessed and generally prefer to date white people in the USA/west.

I live on the West Coast. I have exactly one (1) gay Asian couple in my social circle -- in my 30 years here. It is a very diverse city, and I admit I just haven't had the occasion to meet a broad swath of Asians. However, the Asians I meet most frequently are coupled with white, Latin, Black, and caucasian non-white.

Is your friend in shape, OP? The Asian gays I've met were all pretty open about hating fat people.

[quote]R39 Are there no gay matchmakers in NYC?

This is the way to go. OP should pay the fee for his friend as a special present, if he really wants to help.

Yet I hold out hope there’s an old, dragon lady matchmaker ruling the roost down in Chinatown! I simply can’t get over the image of a room choked with incense and billowing smoke, strange tinkling music, the shuffling and clacking of many wooden shoes…

All that will be his life once they get their little yellow paws on him.

OP, your friend should head over to Thailand for a few weeks, he'll never be lonely again.

The strange, exotic world of The Far East! Unchanged for thousands of years!

[italic]Miya sama, miya sama / On n'm-ma no mayé ni / Pira-Pira suru no wa / Nan gia na / Toko tonyaré tonyaré na?

Is your friend from NY? Born and bred? He should travel to CA. Lots of hot Asians there and all very successful with good jobs...think lawyers and dentists and doctors etc

[quote] Also if you are in NYC-- they are everywhere--- especially queens.

R31 We saw what you did there!

Is your friend active? Learn to play golf, lots of Asians are into golf

Aren’t all of the gay Asian golfers on the LPGA Tour?

From how you describe your friend an Asian bf would possibly be the best thing and worst thing that could ever happen to him. They'll walk all over him and I'm not talking about a massage.

r40 When I say "west" I men western countries.

Is he into general orientals or is he Asian specific? I had a friend that confessed to being a rice queen, but only towards hairy bodied ones.

Plenty of Asian bottoms want white guys

r52 asian tops too.

OP, do you — I mean does your friend 🙄— want to find an American Asian man who grew up here, or an immigrant with an Asian accent, Asian ways and habits, and an Asian perspective?

These two kinds of relationships tend to differ.

If there were a god, he would hate fucking matchmakers. Tell him he's on his own.

How so, R54?

R56 -- one kind of relationship (two Americans, one of Asian ancestry and one of European ancestry) has much more cultural and communication common ground as a starting point between the two partners, than the other. (one white American man and one Asian man who is not American).

OP, do you still have troubling nightmares about trains?

Does anyone say “rice queen” anymore? Was that really a thing?