I would like to seduce my straight neighbor

Here's an instructional video for you:

I see a restraining order in OP's future

I have one hot neighbor in my building (lives with his girlfriend. Insanely chiseled body. He loves to walk around shirtless which I find incredibly pathetic. He has one of those classic beach trucks (It is epic- I love classic trucks) which he stores at his rich daddy's house . He is DESPERATE for attention.

And yet? He bores me- Everything about him is Masculine 2.0

Straight Men like him like PUSSY, PUSSY, the gym, PUSSY, and one last thing- PUUSSSSSYYYYYYYY

I never understand the obsession some gays have with seducing straight guys

OP if the guy is into you, he will come to you.

This will end in tears….or bloodshed.

R6 Get 'em on my show!

[quote]I would like to seduce my straight neighbor

I would like a pony and one million dollars.

According to the sages of DL, straight guys really dig the homosex.

Go for it!!!!

r9- I have marveled at these stories for years.

I must live in a parallel universe. everyone around me is homophobic and/or LOVE THAT SWEET PUSSY!

Open your curtains when you see him. On your living room floor, present your cunt by arching your back and putting your ass in the air (make sure you’re wearing something whorish).

Lick your lips, look him directly in the eye, and start moaning and wailing like an alley cat in heat while rocking your body back and forth, ass in the air.

You will get his attention. Instead of seducing him, however, he may call 911 and tell them his elderly gay neighbor appears to be having an epileptic seizure.

[quote] Could I leave a post-it note on his car, with a message?

"Do you like me? Please check one:

Yes___

No___

Signed, Anxious next door"

R11- Or OP Could just find a tree next to the house and rub her ass up and down against it and moan? (I think that the tree will be a subconscious symbol of a giant cock so OP's doofus neighbor will "get the hint".

Your method is too forward.

I once worked with a former college football player, 31 years my junior, who, at 6’2” - was built like a bigger Gabe Kapler. He would leave me smiley post-its, poetic messages, along with items of food, on my windshield. And then he took his life.

That would work too, r11. OP just needs to make it clear to the breeder that she’s a silly heifer in heat, and her holes are available for use.

OP, I think you should tell him you’re a massage therapist and offer him a free massage. Can’t fail.

Try NOT being a cliche for once, Op.

OP, you need a good hard fuck with a real gay man.

Hey, OP? Stick with family.

Straight guys who drive Dodge Chargers are unstable freaks who beat their barely-legal girlfriends. Most of them carry handguns 24/7. Good luck, OP.

Invite him over for turkey meatballs and tell him you like feeling like you're running a bed and breakfast.

Then lunge.

[quote]I never understand the obsession some gays have with seducing straight guys

They never got over that unrequited love of a straight guy in highschool and they’re not high enough caliber to attract masculine men so they assume all gay men are nelly prisspots like they are and end up believing that the “real men” are all straight.

The fantasy is probably going to be greater than the reality, and once you get them, the main reason you wanted them no longer exists.

Whatever, dude. You people are gross. Give me PUSSY!!

I'll just continue letting the straight guys I know seduce me.

Or, rather, letting them think that's what's going on.

[quote]body. He loves to walk around shirtless which I find incredibly pathetic

Sure Jan…

But is he handsome?

Take ecstasy pills together. Then offer him a massage.

I could offer you a ton of advice OP. It’s a long game, it doesn’t just happen. There are two different approaches I have done before - anonymously or directly.

Anonymously , you find out his telephone number. You get one of those text free apps with an anonymous number and send a random text - “thanks for dropping me off. I had a great time. You could have come in.” He will inevitably say it’s the wrong number. You apologize profusely but he will be intrigued. They always are once they know you’re a “woman”. You need to have a stockpile of X photos online of some random woman - no face. They all have to be from the same woman and super super amateur. Nothing porn or professional. Chubby or fat makes it more believable. Then find another basic looking woman on Instagram and harvest her face shots. The more everyday, the better. You don’t need to be hot for a straight guy. Just willing to show tits. Never ask for a one until they ask you. And get at least three pics for everyone you send. You will at least get to see his body and learn his kinks for future reference. Then delicately ghost him. I have seen several work crushes this way and learned all their kinks. I’ve even seen some leave the work area to take a cock pic in the bathroom. Sexting with your crush helps a slow day go by.

I know I’ll get completely destroyed on here for this. But it works. You get what you want with only you knowing you’re a creepy creeper.

The in person long game.

Straight guys love drugs, especially coke. Do you know a source? Find one. Then ask him as a younger guy if he knows where to get weed. Be embarrassed about but you’re asking him because he’s younger. In the convo let him know coke is your drug of choice so you really don’t know about weed. Once he knows you could be a source, you’ll become fast friends. He’ll buddy up to you real quick, especially if you’re buying, offering. I had a ton of straight buddies this way who get completely comfortable with you. When they talk about their sex life, unabashedly talk about yours as a gay man. They find this amusing and different. You can’t be a queen about. Just another guy into sex. At some point drop that you’re really good at giving head. Just leave it. That’s the seed that grows and one day you’ll be sucking his cock. That’s like six months to a year’s worth of work. Have a couple of irons in the fire so you don’t become fixated on one guy. But once you suck a straight guy, he will always come to you for head, for years.

Straight men frequently aren’t terribly hygienic, OP. This guy sounds like kind of a redneck. Could even be a Trumper.

And always remember that instant gratification is the death of desire. Seduction is an art form and takes patience. A lot of it.

OP, stop pining away for straight, handsome men. They're straight. It is not going to happen for you. They like pussy, NOT cock.

Move on, toots!

What a shame, a guy who had it all, takes his life! Do you have any idea why he did?

Oh, it's Defuckto getting drunk on vodka. Just another lonely, desperate weekend for him.

I got whiplash from R14.

Most men lead lives of quiet masturbation R35.

High heels, stockings, a cheap wig. When you see him approach, let your shirt expose a shoulder and give him a sly wink. Works every time.

I sort of get the appeal, r4. A challenge, forbidden fruit, virginal holes, etc. But any truly straight guy will, at most, probably only let you blow him. Is that really a "victory" for these types? He's not going to be thinking about men while getting his dick sucked. You're just a helpful mouth while he thinks about some tits and ass. Is that really successful seduction?

OP, I had a neighbor I wanted to seduce, too.

Unfortunately I only got there with his nephews. And his brother.

Why do some gay men want straight men?

Is it an insecure parental attachment, or lack thereof completely? Or is it due to growing up around men who claimed to be heterosexual, yet are/were not?

It’s so odd.

[quote]Why do some gay men want straight men?

Probably for the same reason some straight men want gay men.

Keep in mind, OP is 73 years old.

Gawd, R29 / R30 is like a Gay Day of the Jackal!

If you manage to seduce him, then he ain't straight.

Why is it so damn hard to understand?

[quote] Is that really a "victory" for these types? He's not going to be thinking about men while getting his dick sucked. You're just a helpful mouth while he thinks about some tits and ass. Is that really successful seduction?

Fuck YES!

I swear some of you must be virgins living in your mother’s basement. What don’t you get about sex?

To R4-because it was fun!

What is the difference between a str8 guy& a gay guy? 6-pack and 3 shots.

Can I have your stuff, OP?

R45, a mouth is a mouth. Men will fuck anything if they’re desperate.

R29/R30 - I am in total awe of these slightly sociopathic but BRILLIANT approaches!

The Dodge Charger is of concern.

This is why we cannot have nice things.

Certain gay men always want to make "lusting after straight men" some over-arching story about self-loathing and internalized homophobia. It's not. It might not be the healthiest thing and it might be rooted in insecurity, but it's no different than a woman seducing a married man, or guy wanting to be with a virgin. It's a power trip like any other - like you have the power to convince someone to do something completely outside of the realm of what they would normally do. And to be their first. It's not that you are trying to prove they are gay. You are just trying to prove exactly how desirable you are. And it might not have to do with your physicality, it could just be validation of your mental prowess, acuity. And it's a rush.

Me personally, I have done it a handful of times. I have healthy gay relationships. I have no problem being gay. I love gay men of all types and I love sex with other gay men. But I've always enjoyed finding out what really makes people tick. I love finding out the real person behind their front facing persona. And what I have discovered is that it can be vastly different, and that I find exciting. Straight men allow me to explore that. The biggest pussy hounds can actually get off being really desired and chased in a way only another man can chase them. I've had passionate makeout sessions with men who just simply want to be kissed in a different way, taken. Human beings are very complex and don't fit into the neat little boxes we want to put them in. Do I think I have changed the trajectory of their sexuality? No. But I do believe I have provided definitive answers to questions they may have had about themselves.

I think the self hatred actually comes into play when you have to squash any idea of "lusting after a straight guy" as self-loathing. It's like by defending this idea, you are getting into the good graces of a hetero-centric world just to show you're one of the "good gays" who would never think of doing such a thing. You're actually terrified by the idea of "what if what they think of us is true?" Just live your life.

Walk a tightrope way up high. Write his name across the sky.

Straight men are attractive until you see the skid marks on their underwear.

Whatever became of the tried and true DL method? Lick your lips in his direction, murmur "yum!", and throw your caftan over your head, silly.

You're going after the wrong ones then R56. I think that is a trope of the late 90s, early aughts. Straight guys today are pristine to a fault. They are out-gaying gay guys when it comes to their grooming trends. It's the late capitalism Patrick Bateman affect.

^ I mean they even have Dude Wipes. Companies began marketing it for a reason, because there was a demand.

No, most straight men are slobs. And 99% of them do not follow "grooming trends"

r46, chill. I even said I sort of get the attraction. Maybe it's because I top, but all I meant was I just have a hard time seeing this as a big "win" and worth all the effort since the guy is just going to be thinking about women while you do all the work and blow him. I'll stick to finding guys on grindr, scruff, and sniffies to fuck. Thanks.

R55 I love that one!

The fact that you consider sucking a cock work r61 tells me everything I need to know. I know it’s called a blowjob, but it’s a joy. I really don’t give two fucks what the guy is thinking of. Better still, DON’T think about me. Let me do my thing, and you just think about whatever it is that’s going to make you blow that nut down my throat.

Fair enough, r63. I admit that only sucking a guy off, even the hottest guy in existence, would not be satisfying to me.

I appreciate the appeal better now that I've read r54. I understood the thrill of the chase, but was being too close minded about what counted as a victory. Manipulating, for lack of a better word, that straight guy into it is a power trip win, yes.

There's a 90 minute film on that subject depicting four different ways.

"How to Seduce a Straight Man" (2006).

And also, r63, I'm not selfish when I fuck if that's what you were suggesting. Not that you should care about that since you say you don't care what the guy you're blowing is thinking.

R3, bitch please you act as if you are not all.about COCK, COCK, COCK, stuffing yourself silly, one last thing COCK

(throwing diamond earring on table)

These always brought me luck.

Lift caftan, of course.

But try douching first and maybe getting rid of the yeast infection on your gunt.

R53, don’t bother to repeat cliches.

erotic, erotic, put your hands all over my body

Get yourself a jambox and go full Say Anything.

[quote]Straight men are attractive until you see the skid marks on their underwear.

Not to mention the skid marks on the part of the crack above their assholes where they never think to wipe.

Pass!

OP wants to have his straight neighbor's butt babies.

Invite him over for Bible study, connect with each other as you explore Jesus

R30 R54 gets it.

Tim Tebow, is that you at r75?

Is it an R/T? If so, go for it.

OP, do you have a photo of the young man? Please share; my son and I would like to pray for him.

Hide behind a dressing screen and peel off items of clothes one by one

This is how I tease my gentleman callers!

here

OP DataLounge is offering questionable advice.

You need to find out what his interests are and then do a deep dive as a subject matter expert in one of his interests . For instance if he works out start researching supplements and how you take them and why and find out what gym he goes to. Then make casual conversation with him when you see him. Make sure you purchase some supplements such as creatine from GNC and make sure he sees you carrying the bag .

Go slow it may take up to 6 months before you strike paydirt. If you are more than 15 years older, overweight, somewhat effeminate and/or have gay face you may want pursue someone more appropriate.

Is his name Joel?

Seductively lift your muu-muu and show him your gunt.

could i 'accidentally' dent his car and leave a note?

Best sounding growl I’ve heard is from an r/t Charger. An older one.

Amen, R4.

R30 I could have written that paragraph. Not quite as eloquently . That was my modus operandi for a few years . Worked like a charm . But then I found a dive bar that cashed day laborer checks . It was like shooting fish in a barrel . I pulled so much trashy dick out of there it should have been illegal ! The hunt was part of the thrill of 'straight' guys . Rarely did one turn out to be a particularly great lay.

Flash a twenty.

I flash hundreds

Is that him at R81 OP? You can see his swish in a still photo. I don’t think he’s straight. He’s just not that into you.

R91 - You articulated what flashed through my mind when I saw the photo!

R22 That was scathing. Well posted, tho.

R30 AGAIN, too much porn.

The few "straight" guys I've been with happened organically as friends and then elevated. No relationships. Also? I was about 10 years old than them.

So did mine r94. What I stated was a formula developed from my relationships with the relationships I had with my straight friends. But to be honest it’s best, if sex is your goal, not to become close friends. You might ruin a good friendship, or just jump ship of the original plan, choosing to keep the friend over the sex.

If your neighbour is Mike Johnson, I’d say make your move.

Yes, leave him a note. Like Scott Amedure did.

Offer him 20 bucks.

r50 You are mistaken.

Well you can superficially befriend him and drop a truth clad in a joke like "well if you ever consider switching teams... ". It probably won't happen but if it does... Good luck, OP. And don't be creepy.

Taboo stuff really is so hot!

[quote] Is that him at [R81] OP? You can see his swish in a still photo. I don’t think he’s straight. He’s just not that into you.

Most late 20's guys dress and act 'swishy' these days.

Oh—Go ahead and be creepy. It will be much more amusing for us.

Update - I didn't see his Charger last night or this morning (he usually parks it on the street).

I think he is seeing some blonde hussy on the side, but not very often. She must be a bad lay.

Or maybe he is.

"Do you want a blowjob?" always works for me.

The young man at 81 is GAY. Does he have an asian wife, OP? OP how old are you. Mid 60s, correct?

OP=Gladys Kravitz