Lines closet cases always use

I never met the right girl.

Posting every June:

Why don’t Veterans get a whole month!

My girlfriend lives in Europe.

“I’m not gay.”

I met an ol’ bitch which is why I’m an ol’ batch.

I read this as linens and was wondering if a closet case would stick to Crate & Barrel over Frette to maintain cover.

I'm a confirmed bachelor.

Amal is the love of my life.

Next time someone asks why aren’t you married, tell them a pogo stick accident when you were 10 left you sterile and impotent. The look on their face will be priceless.

'When I dropped out of the seminary, I realized I was too old to get married and start a family.'

She died.

And then another one died.

And another one died.

And the kid I had with one of them got cancer and I took him to Lourdes and he died too, at some point.

I never got over Sonja Henie!

Michi likes sausage

Christ, I was so drunk last night, I don't remember a thing.

As a "straight" actor, it was very challenging to play a gay character.

I’m Aaron Rogers

My heart belongs to Sylvia, that stunning Lufthansa stewardess who I've never been able to find again...

A boy's best friend is his mother.

I tripped and my dick ended up in his asshole!

“If you top it isn’t gay.”

That was my first time at a gay bar!

[quote] I tripped and my dick ended up in his asshole!

R19 Yes, that’s closet case code for “I fell for him.”

I was doing research for my lead role in the Tom Selleck biopic.

I'm married to G*d (or the church)

I wanted a family but then I (or my prospects) got too old... (never mind that I don't look like I would touch a crying child or mother)

Of course I'm not gay! I just love show tunes, the theatre, tanning, the gym, bow ties, antiquing, my show dog, Fifi, going on cruises with my life long friend...

“It was the ‘70s! Everyone was doing it!”

“Wrestling is an Olympic sport!”

R14 - What is that from?

I Googled but am still not sure.

It's hard to date as an actor. You're always traveling on location and promoting movies. The distance is not conducive to a long-term relationship. It would take a special kind of woman to put up with that.

“Mother! Oh God, mother! Blood! Blood!”

Make America Great Again

I accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as my personal savior.

I don't like mens no more

It was a stunt dick!

"With my hectic schedule, I owe all of my spare time to my wonderful dog, Axel, who deserves all of my kisses."

I was shopping for my wife Bonnie. I buy all her clothes.

My private life is private.