Let's Be a Sugar Daddy/Sugar Baby Relationship

I’m the Hermès belt and the matching Izmir slides.

I’m the dreaded 3am phone calls that may just go on for years after youth has faded and stupidity remains….

I’m the weight gain and the DUIs after my daddy dumps me

I'm the used coffee table books on art I purchased at the Salvation Army to try to show him how cultured I am.

I'm David Geffen's husband being shown the door

I’m the lovely dinner I buy for you because you buy us rent.

I'm throwing myself off a balcony after my daddy cuts me off

I’m your fucked up solo travel plans because I can’t call off work for weeks at a time. Plus, I get methy when traveling alone to meet you so don’t bring back any diseases. I know you.

I'm the divorce, the settlement, the lonely nights online, the tentative likes on social media, the subscriptions, the Amazon friends list purchases, the money transfers and the initial meeting

And then

I'm the Mercedes G Wagon sugar baby wanted.

But at least his name is on the lease!

I'm the orange tree. The elderly sugar daddy is buried under me, but trees don't talk. The problem is, relatives are asking where he's gone, and the bank is questioning whether he's really behind all the money transfers from his accounts.

* Based on a true event.

I am Mark, sugar daddy‘s biological child vomiting in my mouth when I overhear my father in the next room, saying “does son like the feel of his thick cock in daddy‘s pussy”

^^^^"EngineerDad's" son?^^^^

I'm the porn star/escort who is blackmailing my sugar daddy

I'm the expensive watch and cheap shoes.

I’m the latest “soulmate” poolside in Palm Springs.

I’m the argument over who got chlamydia when we both tested negative 3 months ago AND WE ARE MONOGAMOUS!!!!

I am the realization that sugar daddy only had a nice 403(b) (soon depleted) but not really the tens of millions needed to sustain and afford me.

Im the delusion that being worth 1 to 2 million makes one a sugar daddy.

I'm the poor gay friend you left behind, who you call when Daddy eventually finds someone hotter. We don't pick up and laugh at you.

I'm the Lawyer who works for Sugar Daddy who is constantly trying to fuck you.

I'm Don Burns

R20, granted I was more piano-bar hot, but the guys offering to play sugar daddy with me were 100% invested in Lean Cuisines, pocket watches, and window treatments.

The “second home” of the snobbiest was a chalet in Wisconsin that was cornfield-adjacent. Working class queens make the worst sugar daddies.

I'm the dead body that "fell" off the balcony of the high rise condo where Sugar Daddy and his husband were hosting a party.

Let's be clear. If you pay the rent and bills, you are keeping someone. If you have a private jet and more than two homes and your "baby" is hotter than most Calvin Klein models, you are a Sugar Daddy. Anything less than that, you are a Stevia Daddy.

I'm the slutty shorts worn at the gym to entice men I'm actually physically attracted to

I’m the Connecticut country house!

I’m riding Sondheim’s cock

I’m the Splenda daddy you’re forced into moving in with once the sugar daddy dumps me and I gain 30 pounds.

We prefer the term "Nutrasweet Daddy"

Signed,

The Not-So-Wealthy Daddies

I’m Findom Daddy

I prefer high fructose corn syrup daddy. The cheapest variety.

Or Saccharine Daddy. Cheap, artificial and toxic.

I'm Nick Gruber. Remember me?

Yes I do! I do!

I'm Scott Thorson

I am the balcony off which the sugar daddy will arrange to have the sugar baby pushed.

I am the chin implant.

I'm these two.

I am The Apartment in Cuba and Brazil.

ChatGPT: In cases involving so-called “sugar daddy–sugar baby” dynamics, when violent incidents do occur (which are rare relative to the number of such relationships), the more common pattern—based on media-reported cases and criminological trends—is that the older, financially dominant partner (often the “sugar daddy”) is the victim, not the perpetrator. In other words, it’s more common for the younger partner to kill the older one than the other way around.

I'm the sugar daddy getting slayed in Brazil

If I was living the high life for years and then told to hit the road I might get violent.