The Datalounge Channel

The ones that have not been edited.

It would be a FAST (free ad-supported streaming TV) service with a dedicated Worst of "One Day at a Time" channel.

The Perennial, It's Pride, Charlie Brown! With a forward by Helen Lawson.

Under the "Classics" category would be:

"Lace"

"Scruples"

"Hollywood Wives"

"Princess Daisy"

"Queenie"

"Mistral's Daughter"

"I'll Take Manhattan"

"Till We Meet Again"

"Rage of Angels"

"Bare Essence"

"Jaqueline Susann's Valley of the Dolls"

Linda in Wonderland (The Linda Lavin Special)

The Hal Linden Special (starring BOTH Linda Lavin and Bonnie Franklin)

The $1.98 Beauty Show

Queen For a Day

Don't Stop The Music

Can't Stop the Music.* with Steve Guttenberg and the Village People.

Realistically, it would just be Dynasty on a loop.

Bridget Loves Birney

Burning Bed

Out Late

An endless marathon of "What's My Line" episodes featuring Dorothy Kilgallen.

I passed out after reading r4.

From excitement!

Original series "Doll Face Pets & Friends," starring Brandon McMillan

Along with reruns of his "Lucky Dog" and "Lucky Dog: Reunions" series.

R13, are they rescue dogs?

I will subscribe just to see the restoration of "Mother, May I Sleep With Danger?", followed by Dave Karger interviewing Tori Spelling and Ivan Sergei to get their reflections on this DL masterpiece.

Sunday Mornings:

Gigglesnort Hotel

PTL Power Hour

Fall From Grace

I don’t understand the question, and I refuse to answer it.

Logan’s Run (the original)

Looker

American Gigolo

Mommy Dearest

Grease 2

Less Than Zero

Steel Magnolias

Sex, Lies, and Videotape

Silence of the Lambs

Basic Instinct

Showgirls

Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil

Velvet Goldmine

Boogie Nights

The Game (Fincher)

The Talented Mr. Ripley

Brokeback Mountain

We'd have our own version of Svengoolie where we show horror classics like Mame

It’s “Mommie”

MST3Gay

Original programming:

Pietro Bosellis' Mathletes

Who Wants To Be the Next Mrs. David Geffen?

Brenda Dickson's Makeover Magic

The Connie Francis Programme

I’d like some underwhelming programming.

For the pre-cocktail cocktail we have “Dinah’s Place” - NOT “Dinah and Friends”

Post-pills, we advertise “The French Chef” (1963-1968 only)

We could have some real fun with AI. Like casting Judy Garland in The Mary Tyler Moore Show. As Mary.

Well, shit.

I forgot “Malice” and “Practical Magic.”

A Lifetime-esque film about Aaron Rodgers & Kevin Lanflisi.

America's Next Top Bottom

[quote] We'd have our own version of Svengoolie where we show horror classics like Mame

She’s called Elvira Mistress of the Dark.

The Apprentice: Peter Thiel edition

He's looking for a new blood boy

The Courtship of Bryan Singer

Kevin Spacey's Acting Workshop

No fats, no fems, no females.

It’s Yellow Hankie Night With Actors Peeing On The Floor:

“The Secretary”

“Poor Things”

“Sybil”

Oh, god. I live James Spader but I had managed to block out “Secretary” from my consciousness.

The obligatory commercial.

I see a strong weekday a.m. block of 70s/80s TV classics, tempting ALL OF YOU to call in sick: ALICE, Golden Girls, Maude, Kate & Allie, Facts of Life.

This could happen.

Little House on the Prairie: Behind the Scenes

A special marathon of the Worst Movies Ever Made which ends up just being every damn movie ever made.

Cooking shows with cak recipes but no frosting as somebody’s daughter stole the can and ate it.

R39, how about nutloaf, fixted cheeseburgers, or non-event toast?

The Love Boat, Mama's Family, and The Golden Girls would each have their own dedicated channel (agree that The Datalounge Channel would be a FAST like Pluto TV or Tubi).

Bai Ling in a reboot of "Love on a Rooftop."

Mommie Dearest would be as ubiquitous as The Big Lebowski was on Cinemax in the 90s.

Reruns of the sitcom “Kirker” about a guy who barely seems to work and always has money which he swears is not from his parents.

Critics were very vocal about their dislike and the show is taken off the air and everybody forgets about it.

"The Party" episode was classic r44.

Golden Girls, Three's Company, Dynasty, Sex and the City, the Ricki Lake show

What a Dump!: the home decorating show where we go to people's homes and critique their tacky decor

R36/R41 add Maude, Knots Landing, and Another World, and those would be perfect lineups.

Silence of the Lambs would be BANNED because it featured a tranny behaving nasty.

If you liked the Loretta Young Show, you'll love The Catherine Zeta-Jones Show. In each episode, Miss Zeta-Jones plays a role designed for a dewy young ingenue. You'll love her version of Lolita!

Followed by The Nicole Kidman Theater, where Nicole plays a series of thirtysomething moms with mysteriously waxy faces

If you liked Alfred Hitchcock Presents, you'll love John Waters Presents!

The Paul Lynne Halloween Special. The Brady Bunch variety shows. The New Adventures of Pinocchio. H.R. Puffinstuff. Family. Room 222. The Courtship of Eddie’s Father.

Mary, Please!: where we watch movies starring closeted actors like John Travolta and mock them for being closet cases

The Helen Lawson Christmas Specials!

Besides I Love Lucy and The Golden Girls to round out the Classic TV library, there's also

Bewitched

Hazel

The Mary Tyler Moore Show

Rhoda

The Mothers-in-Law

The Judy Garland Show

Dark Shadows

Nanny and the Professor

The 90s show Sisters

Tasteful Friends - real estate porn

Life Styles Of The Rich & Famous and we get to check each glove compartment to see if that car is leased.

I Forgot The Prime Time Spot on Yellow Hankie Night at R33.

At first I thought it was Meredith Baxter. I was wrong!

It’s THEE Julianne Moore Seriously in “Still Alice”.

You get A level actors Maggie Gyllenhaal, Julianne Moore, Emma Stone, AND the fucking flying nun.

I think that makes a great counter-programming against Monday Night Football.

I Was Molested: The Lorna Luft Story

"WHET? - This Was Your Life"

[quote] I Was Molested: The Lorna Luft Story

Sesam-ass Street with host Joey Luft

Brought to you by the color blue.

Aaron's Conspiracy Hour - Aaron Rodgers spends an hour each week telling us that vaccines are evil and Sandy Hook was a false flag

The Sandra Lee Kwanza Special

ALL shows would start with this announcement:

Every new sitcom needs to be formally added with much pomp and fanfare, like they used to do on “Nick at Nite.”

First up: the “Maude-athon.” Labor Day weekend.

Playhouse 9”

The Loretta Young Cock Show

Father Knows Best Sex PositionS

Leave It To Louise’s Beaver

St Elsewhere.

OZ

Courtship of Eddie’s Geisha

My Three Sons Are Hot

"Rafael Barba, Little Spanish Dandy"

"Bachelor" Father

Let's Kill Guncle

Gurl Talk

The Fanny Thomas “sow”

“Show”^

The Art of French Active

The Art of Greek Passive

Our Gangbang

My Little Margie Taylor Greene

Maybe they could work something out with TCM and show WHO GIVES A FLYING FUCK . I know that TCM holds the exclusive rights, but you never know.

[quote] Let's Kill Guncle

[quote] Stop monopolizing posts by trying to make your hate of “guncle” a relevant or interesting opinion. It is not.

[quote] you never know.

You never know! He’s a masked vigilante.

I quit the biz because of said guncle

Inside the (Closeted) Actor's Studio

Inside the Actor's Mussy

Who Wants to Be a Millionaire’s Ho

The $10,000 Bitcoin Pyramid

A Family Twincest

Make Room for Daddy’s Schlong

Pull a Soul Train

Solid Golid Dick

ABC’s Porno of the Week

NBC Sunday Night Sex Movie

Dharma and Gerg

The Edging of Night

One Trick to Live

Ryan’s Foreskin

The Uncut and The Beautiful

Dark Dick Shadows

On Fridays at 8, we go to livecasting for “The John Schuck Film Festival,” celebrating the life and body of work of this important performer.

“We now bring you back to the DataLounge original film ‘Lady G in Key West’”.

I love watching “The Magnificent Albertsons” on DLC!

A gay version of Crossfire, with Lady G and Pete Buttigieg

“Guys do you ever suffer from a bad fit? Manglove condoms fit a variety of size and are medicated with a special blend bound give you that 15 minutes of fame. Call in the next 15 minutes and you’ll get a Daddybull ball stretcher with your order!”

"Gustward Ho" starring Vivian Vance will be screened at least once daily.

Riding The Bus With My Sister

A Woman Scorned: The Betty Broderick Story

“Carl Sagan’s Cosmos” with your host Andie McDowell!

“Your egg titties are just fine!” With AI Dianna Ross and special guest Dionne Warwick asking nasty questions.

^Diana

Fml

GE presents “Elaborate Scenarios”

Each week, contestants are shown brief reenactments of strange events and vie for prizes trying to determine whether the events actually happened. Audience participation is encouraged.

A Fish Called Cheryl

“Have you been injured in a car wreck?”

DL’s Funniest Home Videos

Every night at 6: “Patti LuPone Drags Everything”

"Dead to Me"- Would look into the life of whoever died that week. It would run simultaneously with 2 other "Dead to Me" shows.

The Mindy Cohn Show bringing back the same madness as Jerry Springer only with a gay twist.

Bring back "Reel Wild Cinema" with Sandra Bernhard.

Enough with the straight fat chicks.

Golden Girls reboot with the Facts of Life cast.

That's bordering on brilliant r117.

The Starlet, hosted by our beloved Faye.

Amos 'n' Andy Cohen

I think a reboot of "Inside the Actors Studio," hosted by Faye Dunaway would be great. Miss Dunaway is always going on about her craft, so why not have a deep dive conversation with her fellow actors?

$64 thousand Pyramid and the grand prize is always a 1993 Pontiac Grand Am!

Did we already add a news show? It will be a mix of TMZ and Daily Mail with contributions from Russian troll farms.

The Vivian Vance Variety Hour

A reboot of the Cher Show

The cooking channel will be a mix of Fanny Cradock, Sandra Lee, the Jazzy Vegetarian, and in prime time, Cathy Mitchell.

“Boys, it’s midnight and tonight on the Davey Wavey we have our latest guess Steve Grand and we have tips for how to take in that bun and plus the hottest anal bleach kits for the summer.”

"Tina Get Me The Axe", Contestants answer questions for the main event of chopping down a rosebush in record time.

"Would You, Could You", a panel discusses the fuckability of various people...or items.

"Meet Me In St Louis", a game show where contestants have to get to St. Louis in Judy Garland dresses.

BDE, a cop show that has police with enormous dicks and they solve crimes.

The Datalounge Detective Agency - our true crime show, like Dateline but even campier

24/7

Free with limited commercial interruptions (for snacks )

Datalounge Palme d'Or winner.

“When’s the last time you felt euphoria? Double Scorpio poppers give that rush of excitement you’ve been looking for. For a limited time, we are offering our circuit boy blend featuring hints of citronella, Crisco and pure desperation!”

The Datalounge TV Mesotheleomia Stream will feature curated reruns of "December Bride," "I Married Joan," and "The Gale Storm Show."

AFTERDARK CONTENT:

“Why Is This In Your Notions Basket?”

Each week Maggie Haberman visits a different member of the electoral college and audits their sewing basket. Discoveries include buttons, smooth rocks, pills.

DL's version of "Antiques Roadshow," - "Have You Found a Treasure?"

If DL had a show called "Antiques Roadshow" it would be about a bunch of eldergays traveling the country.

Nighttime variety show, "Playguy After Dark."

"From Russia With Love" a hard hitting documentary uncovering the real Boris and Svetlana who are the DL trolls. After watching it, DLers will almost feel pity for our Russian friends. We will hear about their miserable childhoods in a back street of St. Petersberg and their harsh education at the Moscow State University 😢 Then the biggest challenge of their lives- passing themselves off as middle aged gays who are obsessed with Patti Lu Pone and the NY Times 😢. Svetlana will weep with frustration as she tries to learn how to check a bitch if she's out of line 💅🏻

I enjoyed "Posting From Slovenia About a Local Election" - the follow-up to "From Russia With Love"

“U-Haul goes the extra mile for that next step on your journey no matter who you love… “ 🏳️‍🌈 🚛

Astrological Fashion Police

Should Scorpio Walton Goggins (Cha-Ka from ‘Land Of The Lost’) wear dark metallics? Would such a self-serious person wear palazzo pants?

"Tick tock, shack up!" a new reality TV show following lesbian couples from their first meeting to when they move in with each other a week later!

R142, sponsored by U-Haul.