Work retreats

Icebreaker! When did you lose your ass virginity!!!

I was molested while I was making Rice Krispies Treats™ with one of my "uncles".

YOU KNEW CRACKLE! YOU KNEW!

As an extreme introvert, you have my sympathy.

Will there be.booze?

Will there be industrial-grade crystal meth?

I'm an introvert but the office transcends that. Corporate structure and hierarchy are still intact. I don't get your angst.

I hated them when I still worked in the office. But I appreciate how, in a work-based environment, they broke down the barriers between us. And no one was spared. That was years ago, so I imagine they're different now.

I don't work in a corporate structure, r6.

Even Valero gas station attendants have a place in the corp. structure.

Is it overnight? Will there be an opportunity to secretly fuck a hot coworker?

I explained my social anxiety to my boss and now I'm excused from things like retreats and games.

r11 He said he's introverted. That doesn't necessarily translate to anxiety which is a different issue.

Can you break away for a massage?

You can't just sit back and benignly smile at people around you as you dissolve back into the audience? That's what most of us did. There are always showboats who want to hijack these corporate "growth seminars," so we let them. And hung back taking notes how not to fellate management so obviously.

I took a low-grade, low-stress wage job so I never have to deal with this bullshit

Even the higher-ups never needed to, r15. Drone out while looking engaged and get yer box lunch ASAP!

Get a picture of a positive covid test, I keep a couple on hand for that reason.

I would rather die than go to those.

"Tell us THREE things about you... but only TWO are true; who can guess the INCORRECT one is!!!!!!"

I have a doctor's note. I don't have to do anything like that.

Two Truths and a Lie

"Ok - I'll go. I was raped at 12, I was a meth addict, and I slept with the CEO. Why is everyone looking at me so weird? Why is everyone so quiet?"

I never wanted to know my co-workers on a personal level. These retreat things, full of "team building activities", were something I objected to but was forced to participate in. I spoke as little as possible. Actually did not need to as many folks, similar to ones on Facebook now, were more than willing to tell you every single detail of their life.

R21 - That's a good point. OP may not need to say much at all because there are always PLENTY of blowhards to take up all the room's oxygen.

“Good morning. C’mom, you can do better than that! GOOD MORNING!”

Cannot stand those types of useless fuckfests.

R19 a doctors note is bullshit ans everyone knows it. You can get your doctor to write anything.

At the first meal, mention concernedly, “My chicken (or whatever) tastes funny. Does yours?”

2 hours later notify someone you ate with that you have an upset stomach.

“Was it the chicken?”

“Oh yeah, you’re probably right!”

Then stay in your room. Sick.

r25, I can. and I did. and, I don't have to do any of this kind of crap. one of the very very few perks of severe anxiety.

Find somebody hawt (there must be SOMEONE hawt) and start an affair with him.

I just let the gossips have the opportunity to ask me about such things (as though it were somehow their idea!) They gleefully instructed everyone who would listen that I "don't go to those kinds of things." And soon enough everyone was convinced I had some rigid principal that could not be bridged. And so I was told I by my bosses that they wouldn't wouldn't invite me because they were sure I wouldn't attend. All without ever telling anyone in my division that I wasn't interested, wouldn't go, etc.