I have a long flight tomorrow, what do I do if a plus sized person is seated next to me?

I don’t know but always wipe front to back. Tell the fat person too.

"but I'm not doing that on a red-eye to the UK"

You sure in the hell are if there's a giant fatty next to you.

That's what I'm worried about R2. I've heard that if you complain, they take you off the flight, not the fatty!!

You're lucky you're alive and healthy and can walk and can go somewhere and not sit in a wheelchair in a nursing home.

Fall asleep and use them as a pillow

Your point, R4? Should have to sit on one ass cheek and lean against the window because there's a plus sized passenger next to me? I paid for a whole seat, not half of one.

Pay for an upgrade you wanker.

I tried, R7. None available, ya cunt.

Close your eyes and think of England.

Will it be:

A great, big fat person

A fatty on the lam

A large womon assigned to garbage detail?

R6 Well, for one thing, to paraphrase Edina Monsoon, cheer up, it probably won't bloody happen. What they hell are you getting your panties in a bunch about, when this is highly unlikely to happen to you twice. You don't have anything more important to worry about?

If this is such a big concern for you then why are you taking a window seat? Get an aisle seat where you have open space on one side of you.

at some point, lift your ass cheek and rip a nasty fart and hope they request to move

If it's a man, ask him if his dick is also plus-sized.

If it's a woman, tell her that her pussy stinks.

R9 FTW

Put a thumbtack on the seat

Tartly inform him the flight’s not in CinemaScope.

Shart in their direction.

No matter how far, they will flee from your stench.

Works with Karens and Jesus freaks, too.

Throw a massive Karen fit and insist on having the big person thrown off the plane. Be sure to record and upload the whole thing.

Get a life you absolute weapon

In my skinnier Navy days (early nineties) I was on a flight home on leave and I had a window seat. I thought I would have the row to myself when a very obese woman came down the aisle and plopped down next to me. In the middle seat. She started to make herself comfortable and tried to make small talk. I wanna say 400 pounds, not sure. I simply got up and squeezed my way past her and ask the flight attendants if I could sit somewhere else. Fortunately, they had an empty window seat forward. I felt bad but I could barely move sitting next to her - she was that wide. Since then I’ve had my own battle with the bulge, but I never took up 1.5 seats either. I’m slimming down these days. I didn’t mean to hurt her feelings but…

If the armrest can’t come down, you have a right to complain. That person should have bought two seats. If the armrest can come down, even with seepage over, you need to suck it up. Insist on armrest separation.

Pack snacks with. Toss them into the aisle when your neighbor’s presence becomes overwhelming.

^^ with YOU!

Ask them if they're a size 14

[quote] Any tips to handle the potential situation politely?

You are asking Datalounge for a polite resolution to a fat person occupying too much space?

Seriously though, OP, I condlole you, but if you get stuck with a fat neighbor on a long flight, the best you can hope for is a flight with available seats. Unlikely these days but if its a booked up flight and the flight attendants have no options, you are fucked,

Having said that, the best thing you can do is be as kind as you can about the situation. I promise you the fat person feels extremely self conscious and ashamed even if they cover it over with bravado. Just give some indication you aren't hostile and be as polite as you can muster.

Print out the airline’s “Passengers of Size” policy and have a copy ready to show the flight attendants that the fatty is in violation.

Such a situation can only be expressed by this tune ...

I always grease one of my sides to avoid chafing.

[quote]I always grease one of my sides to avoid chafing.

No one is talking about the inside of your thighs, R29

Maybe you'll crash into the sea and die, so you'll be spared such agonies.

I had this happen on a recent flight. I was in the middle seat and an obese man was on the aisle seat next to me and spilling into my seat. It was extremely uncomfortable. He also ate constantly and drank throughout the entire flight. I don't understand how you can eat and drink for four hour and a 1/2 hours straight. Especially stinky, gross airplane food.

On our return flight me and my husband preselected our seats. It obviously costs more but it was well worth it.

Joan Rivers said that whenever someone large began to sit next to her on a plane, she quickly asked, “Excuse me, will you be able to help me change my colostomy bag?” and the person would move on.

Ah, Joan. Classic.

Oh dear.

[quote] I felt bad but I could barely move sitting next to her - she was that wide

And that person was Chrissy Metz.

Airlines have policies for this. Google “united person of size policy” for one example. I’ve tried several times to post the simple link to the United website, but Muriel apparently thinks it is something untoward and won’t let me post it directly.

But bottom line, you have rights too.

US Airlines...

That plus-sized person is you, OP.

Man, I miss quaaludes.

R32 what airline were you on that doled out stinky food? Unless you’re in first class, you get bland crackers/cookies and a drink.

I just flew across country (with seats that had extra room) and had an oversized man sit next to me. He thought he had the aisle seat, but nope I had it. He was not friendly after that

Then you should have booked 1st Class, OP. This is not our problem.

Worst flight was JFK to Duesseldorf next to a fat German.

"I hope this doesn't offend you, but I've recently had surgery and I'm using a colostomy bag. I don't expect it will leak, but if the noises it makes or the smell makes you uncomfortable, wake me up and I'll go and change it".

[quote] I'm not doing that on a red-eye to the UK.

You might be. LOL

What are you gonna do about it?

Nothing. .

I'd be more concerned about the plane crashing into another one on take off. Because Elmo fired all of the air traffic controllers and the FAA is running off of Starlink.

Easy.

Tell the fattie you'll buy him an ice cream at the galley. Get there first. Strap yourself in. When the fattie arrives, open the exit door (they're always by the galley). After the fattie clears the door, close it. Unstrap and return to your seat.

OP, was the original fatty big through the hips, roomy?

We don't care.

OP buy a clipboard - one of those old really solid ones that won’t bend.

Board as early as you can - get settled and position the clipboard vertically on your side of the shared armrest.

Put on noise cancelling headphones and a sleep mask and pop a Xanax if you haven’t already. Even if your neighbor isn’t obese (if you’re flying out of the USA this is unlikely) you’ll have claimed your space.

Light up a Capri…. 🚬

He paid for the business class "beef" meal R41

Call Barbara Billingsley, OP!

R43 “Want First, Buy First”.

Fart repeatedly in his general direction.

^R42

[quote] Worst flight was JFK to Duesseldorf next to a fat German.

Voold yoo like a sausage?

I'll switch seats with her, OP. You sound nice.

That’s why I always buy business class seats or won’t go. Try not being poor sometime.

^^^^

Bear spray.

Just be thankul if the flight doesn't land in the river.

Develop an immediate case of Tourette's Syndrome . Steal the famous line if Jim Brady whose brain was damaged in the Reagan assassination attempt: "Fat! Fat! Fat! Wouldn't want to fuck that!" Day it loudly, and very many times. Interject some of your own lines "Her sticky skin / smells like clans!," for example. Or "Her fat is on me!"

If there's a free seat elsewhere -- and you might want to have a good idea of this before launching into this tact -- you're reasonably certain of an invitation to move.

You need to STATE YOUR BOUNDARIES!

[quote] You need to STATE YOUR BOUNDARIES!

Stating boundaries is futile when the folds of fat overflow said boundaries.

Meh - window seat on a long international flight is usually the best one. You can ball up against the window and use the side as a support for your pillow.

Long flights always suck - but I think you'll be fine with some melatonin and sleeping pills.

Sometimes a warm body is actually nice for sleeping - seriously - so if they spill over a little, don't feel the need to scrunch over. Just get used to feeling flesh against flesh and protect your space.

"I'm so sorry, sir, but I have Tourette's Syn — EAT MY SNATCH, COCKGOBBLER — Syndrome and I don't want to disturb you during the EAT SHIT AND DIE, PUSSYFACE ... "

Smash open the window the moment the Fasten Seat Belt sign is turned off.

Why worry about a hypothetical, OP? There are plenty of bad things that could happen in your flight, especially now that flying has become about as safe as attending elementary school. Do you have contingencies for all of that?

What if the pilot dies and you're the only passenger who isn't blind and they make you fly the plane? What if the person behind you gets airsick and pukes over the top of your seat? What if you really have to go, and all the bathrooms are occupied for the entire flight? What if Marjorie Taylor Greene is sitting next to you and takes off her shoes?

Relax and enjoy. That's all you can do. If you make it to your destination, be grateful. If you don't make it to your destination, well, you won't even know, will you?

I don't have to worry about Elmo and Drump, R46, as I'm flying out of Pearson on Air Canada!!!

I will NEVER fly coach again. I just can't!

OP / R71 I assume you're on Air Canada? Sadly their B777-300 and B787 aircraft have the awful 10 and 9-abreast seating in Economy, making the seats narrower than in say an Airbus A350 or A330.

OP- Fuck plus sized

You mean- SUPER MORBIDLY OBESE

R10- If said GREAT BIG FAT PERSON is our Mindy Cohn than OP would find it an honor to be sitting next to her GREAT BIG FAT PERSON self.

OP, did you consider chartering a plane?

We condole you.

The only policy I follow when flying is: "Not Without My Snack Purse"

I hope it's not BIG BOPPER AIRLINES, OP!

I'm not sure what advice you expect. If he's so fat he's spilling over into your seat, he's not going to be able to change that regardless of whether you're rude or polite. It's not the same as someone falling asleep and drooping over into your seat or a kid kicking the back of your seat. There is nothing you can do to "handle" the situation except try to fall asleep or otherwise get your mind in another place. Yes, seats should be bigger, people that fat should buy two seats, etc. But if you're sitting next to him, there's not much you can do.

“You touch me, and you won’t make it to the Hilton!”

Under no circumstances is the arm rest to be up. If the fat person can't fit with the arm rest down, it's up to the flight attendant to reseat one of you.

Use an electric cattle prod to keep them at bay. I can lend you one , I have many.

If ifs and buts were candy and nuts...

Rub your crotch and start taking about Frank Sinatra and Eva Gardner...

My flight is coming up soon!! I'll let you bitches know what happens!

You should livestream it OP!

Ooohhh, now wouldn't that be fun, R87?!

The upside of Israel Kamakawiwoʻole's untimely death is that no DLer will ever need to sit next to him on a plane, which would have been an unpleasant situation for both parties.

How did you “try” for an upgrade? You have to pay for it.

I bid, R90, and was not successful.

Yeah, you’re fucked. Air Canada’s “Fat Passenger” policy seems especially convoluted. Nobody’s getting measured by their doctor.

[quote]For Air Canada passengers, the airline’s policy requires those who request an extra seat to have their bottom measured from hip to hip by their physician. The physician must confirm through a medical form that both armrests cannot be put down when seated and that the passenger physically requires the additional space.

I don't understand the headline of that article, R92. No one gives a shit about what the fatty has to bear.

Recently sat next to a plus size woman on a flight from Singapore to Frankfurt. It was the 3rd leg of an excruciating 32 hr return from Fiji. The seat was empty at the start of the flight but they moved her to our exit row to make her more comfortable. I spent the rest of the flight contorting my body to sleep/eat. Not very nice

Utilize empathy.

“Have you heard of Seattle Sutton? She’d do wonders for you!”

There’s always one persnickety DLer who tries to catch out another poster. And fails, just like you did, R90.

[quote]Eva Gardner

Oh, dear.

OP we need an update. Spring for the WiFi

I think airlines should be more aggressive about forcing fat people to buy two seats.

While I agree, R100, the problem is that with most airfares being booked online the first that the airline knows about the size of their large passenger is when they waddle forward at boarding, by which time the plane is probably full.

I guess that airlines could include a check box asking for arse size / BMI and a rider saying that if the passenger presents themself to board having lied about their obesity, they are denied boarding unless they want to purchase an additional seat to accommodate their kilograms - I’d be fine with that.

Former rugby player here with the build to match - I’m built like a refrigerator and never fly economy, for my comfort and everybody else’s.

I’m not fat, but I am solid.

There are some airlines in the South Pacific - home of some very big people who often travel with huge amounts of luggage - where passengers are weighed on check-in as the planes are small and every kg counts.

It has always been like this and people are cool with it.

Are you Mark Bingham-like?

R101 smells like a bottom.

OP, you need not worry. My fat daughter has been banned from entering Canada. On her last trip, she tried to rise to the top of the CN Tower. But the elevator couldn’t lift her girth, and after about halfway up, the elevator started to fall and eventually fell free form to the ground. 3 people were seriously injured, but fortunately no fatalities. After that, the Canadian government banned her from ever entering again.

So she will not be in a middle seat next to you on your Air Canada flight.

Well, he’s dead and I’m not, so there’s that, R103.

R104 sounds like a simpering, pursed-lipped bitter old queen.

[quote] but fortunately no fatalities

Emphasis on the “fat”.

Ask if you can knead their fat rolls to work on your grip strength during the flight.

Master Skywalker, there’s too much of him. What are we going to do?

“My recommendation is to call my friend, Jenny. Dr. Jenny Craig.”

What happens when two fatties are seated next to each other?

Have you flown? Was it a fat person??

Take a pill. And a few drinks.

R112 I would like to see that one day!! It would serve them right. The flight attendant can liberally slather them with Wesson oil to get them to slip into place and get the arm rests down for take off.

OP here.

My flight was great! No fatties in sight. Insat between two, very sweet older ladies.

[quote] The seat was empty at the start of the flight but they moved her to our exit row to make her more comfortable.

Safety first!

[quote]What happens when two fatties are seated next to each other?

Their mutual gravity pulls them together until they're crushed into a singularity.

[quote]Insat between two, very sweet older ladies.

Were they "hands-y" ?

R118 I don't want to get sucked into her black hole 🤪

Refrigerators are fat.

This post is an excuse to rag on people who are overweight. Snore.

Insat is one of the prides of India.

[quote] This post is an excuse to rag on people who are overweight.

Is this your first visit to DL, R122?

[quote]What happens when two fatties are seated next to each other?

Spontaneous combustion.

R118 had the definitive answer.