Etiquette Question

Given that the restaurant and party sound informal, then opening gifts is fine. If he were having his party at The Four Seasons and the entire menu was catered, then it would be inappropriate.

[quote]What really surprised me was when he started opening the gifts at the party? Is this acceptable? I was always taught no.

I understand your apprehension, but this isn't like with the wedding gifts where you're supposed to go for luxury items. Birthday gifts among friends are supposed to be as personal as possible, so that the gift opening afterwards can function as a further bonding experience for all involved. In other words, the goal here isn't to shame people over what they bought.

Yes he should OPEN THE GIFTS at his birthday party. WTF are you going on about?

Anyway, that sounds like the tackiest most miserly party host of all times and I would have begrudged my friend for not offering a bit of hospitality by paying the restaurant for appetisers and welcoming wine and nonalcoholic drinks.

[quote]There was no cake or other refreshments, just a cash bar and if you wanted something to eat you had to order it from restaurant menu. No party snacks or anything.

Forget opening gifts.

He hosted a birthday party and didn't supply any food or refreshments, not even appetizers or something to toast? Now, THAT is a faux pas of trashy proportions.

What r3 and r4 said.

Get rid of this person.

He could have at least brought a big bowl of Chex Mix.

If I'd have known the host was such a cheap birthday boy, I would have brought snacks or the cake, at least. Sounds like a rather boring party otherwise.

If someone was being cheap, my answer wouldn't be to provide things the host should provide himself.

What I find truly vile about this situation is that it was a birthday party, so people would feel obligated to bring a gift.

So, essentially it was a gift grab.

Uncool.

I bet this frenemy got a kickback percentage of the bar and kitchen orders.

R4 is correct.

If you cannot pay for a party in restaurant for your birthday, have one at home, plan for it a few weeks in advance in which you can buy booze and soft drinks over time, plan a menu, and then open a few gifts.

Adults making a big to-do over a birthdays seems silly, I get going out with a few friends.

Private dining generally requires a minimum spend. Not sure how he accomplished that with a cash bar.

People have become so vulgar.

R15 maybe I don't know the true definition of a cash bar. I meant we had to go up to the bar to get a drink . Fine, but when the bartender asked if I wanted to open a tab, I said I was with the party, thinking they'd be covering it, and he said there's no tab open it's all self pay.

Needless to say I won't be doing things with this person again.

R13 not everyone has a home that can accommodate guests

If you invite people to a gathering or party YOU ARE THE HOST, and as such are obligated to provide some kind of food and drinks, even if modest. This gathering sounds like hostage taking but without the fun! Unacceptable!

It used to be uncommon to open gifts in such a setting, but these days, just assume that anything and everything goes. Sounds like it was a terrible party tbh.

What is this, China?

OP, I feel for you. I've been invited to an old friends fourth, although they were married in secret last year so are renewing or redoing the wedding. I can't, the thought gives me nausea, as its a total gift/cash grab without an open bar and buffet style catering. To add to the trashy factor the fashions chosen by the two, I hope there are photos just because THAT is the only possible source of entertainment this most recent to be celebrated mistake of an event has to offer.

Throwing yourself a birthday beyond your 20s is just desperate, IMO (unless you're turning 80+, that warrants celebration).

Geeze. In my day even the real cheapskates provided some kind of punch and chips & dip.

I hope he got AIDS

You ended up being invited to a room in the name of a birthday party. I would have sang Happy Birthday and left.

^ straight fat chick

Sorry r25. Not meant for you.

^ straight fag chick

R18, then don't have a big party.

Btw I never even got a thank you for my gift! I simple text would have sufficed! I spent a good amount of time and thought /effort into it.

[quote]Btw I never even got a thank you for my gift! I simple text would have sufficed! I spent a good amount of time and thought /effort into it.

Don't worry, you can tell him at the party he throws for himself next year.

Is it possible you misunderstood the rules and the food was actually free, OP? Usually you have to pay a giant flat fee to get a private room in a restaurant and the food is included.

It was most definitely not free.

I had left by this time but another friend took matters into his own hands and ordered several appetizers so people would have SOMETHING to nibble on. Class act, he.

I know someone, mid 50s, who not only throws her own birthday parties but she tells people what to bring and what their roles are. Last time I was in charge of the punch. She's the kind of person who shames people for not helping her move rather than pay movers like the rest of the world over 20.

You should have stopped by a convenience store on the way to the "Party" and purchased two bags of chips. If only one was opened/consumed then you should have returned the second bag to the store and demand a full refund.

If you open gifts at a party you better have a cake. Some mafuckin cupcakes, suntin.

Because that’s rather low rent but it is not completely tasteless if the birthday party is just informal fun. Therefore where is the cake. Apple pie? Some mafuckin desert is needed to fit the occasion. Epic failure on behalf of your friend.

R36 please mafuckin die already.

This story reminds me of once around the garden and one-towel turkey meatballs

What is that r38???

R34, how does one bring punch to a party and why are you friends with someone who would ask this of anyone?

R40 I've known her since we were 18, I just take her in very small doses.

I didn't bring punch, I had to bring the liquor and stand over the stove making hot toddies.

She recently flat out said she will continue to tolerate the emotional abuse she receives from her mother and the brother because she wants the money that bad when mom dies. I knew this but she said the quiet part out loud.

Those were 2 prior ESTs about stingy people, R39.

Expecting gifts for this kind of party…I think not.You open gifts when you serve people cake. Otherwise no way.

I don't see anything wrong with opening gifts at the "party" but the rest is messed up. The lack of a thank you is unfortunate.

Maybe there was poor planning or miscommunication? Maybe someone was too young and chaotic to properly plan a party? Drugs? I am also having a hard time understanding how they got a private room. Did that restaurant just assume money would be spent?

Would this person have matched better with a close friend ( if he has any ) buying him a birthday meal or drink? Hopefully he'd say thank you.

You did the right thing. You sound like a good person. I hope your next social occasion goes better.

[quote] There was no cake or other refreshments,

NO CAKE!? What kind of person doesn't offer CAKE?!

This sounds like a problem only Dear Abby can solve!

My friends and I have been celebrating each other's birthdays in restaurants for decades and gifts are opened there. Also, everyone pays for their own meals and jointly treat the birthday person.

Everyone deserves a vicious face slap

What R47 said, but we dispense with gifts.

[quote]So, essentially it was a gift grab.

I just assume that at a party for an adult's birthday that no gifts are expected.

A bottle of wine, a book, some item of personal reference, tickets to an event, even a small luxury is of course fine, but should not be the point nor an expectation.

[quote] I just assume that at a party for an adult's birthday that no gifts are expected.

[quote] A bottle of wine, a book, some item of personal reference, tickets to an event, even a small luxury is of course fine

Those are gifts.

No shit, R51. Gifts are like advice, sometimes you get them when asked not to.

R38 How dare you. Once Around the Garden was EPIC, and quite entertaining. This thread is barely whelming.

Nobody says Thank you any more, OP. It's disgusting and disgraceful.