Do you have any close friendships with straight men?

I have straight male co-workers & neighbors I'm friendly with, but, I don't really hang out with them that often.

I don't entirely trust them.

I have one and only one straight male friend (not counting casual friendships I may have with the husbands of a couple of straight female friends), and we are friends basically because we went all the way through junior high together and now find ourselves living in a big city across the country from where we grew up. I also have a few casual friendships with a handful of straight guys I went to college with.

I have one straight guy friend who loves sci-fi, so whenever there’s a re-release of a classic sci-fi film, we’ll usually go see it. A few weeks ago we went to an anniversary screening of “Aliens.”

The ones I hope to fuck.

Once I'm close they're not straight.

And when I'm not around they're back to being straight.

Funny how that works.

Is there such a gulf between gay and straight guys that it needs to be discussed? Were some guys left behind badly or cruelly after college and tossed away as friends?

Do you blame them or your borderline choices, r5?

[quote] Is there such a gulf between gay and straight guys that it needs to be discussed?

Some of us grew up in a time where gays were universally hated. Most straight guys were assholes and bullies so I never felt comfortable around them.

Yes, my best male friend is straight. My second best male friend is also straight. I had another close friend who is gay but we don't really see each other much any more. It wasn't ever my experience that "most" straight guys were assholes and bullies, but some definitely were/are. Just as many gay guys are also assholes and bullies, all you have to do is read DL posts to realize that.

Actually, lots. I came up in the L.A. punk scene, which was all misfits and gay was just another form of misfit-ism. A lot of people were gay (Gina and Jane from the Go-Go's, El Vez, Phranc, Kid Congo, some say Rollins had a boyfriend who died). And I still have friends from that to this day.

Long ago I had a straight coworker approach me and ask if I wanted to join his pub quiz team "because we need an English major" (which I thought was one way to put it). That was how I met a TV sportscaster who is straight as an arrow, very handsome, and one of my best friends today. Sometimes when we'd go out to eat or have a drink I wondered if people thought he was gay, but, hell, it didn't and doesn't bother him one bit.

The most toxic workplace I ever encountered was run by three gay men, fwiw.

Never had a close relationship with a straight man. The level of trust was never there.

In my 20s I had a decent friendship with a straight man that was a coworker.

More recently, when I was attending a church for a few years, I became friends with a cool guy that joined at the same time. We might have been closer friends, but I didn't live anywhere near him or his family and he had 4 kids, so there wasn't really time for "let's grab a beer after work." But he was kind of the one I thought, hmm, this could work.

[quote] Gina and Jane from the Go-Go's

I know they dated each other. Jane keeps getting married to men and then getting divorced! But yeah, a lot of the punk and indie scene had gays, lesbians or bisexual people all over.

My three closest friends are all straight men, married, and with children. I have known two of them since high school and one since college. They are the best, most uncomplicated relationships in my life.

Absolutely.

I’d rather be alone if I had to just hang out with women and gay men all the time. That sounds terrible.

Most of us drink beer, jerk off and shave. Have to start with ice breakers somewhere.

I have multiple straight male friends and always have.

In my experience, there is always a secret question of “When will the homo hit on me?”

I tend to hang out with pretty people. It has been revealing. The gay hate rears its head when I least expect it.

I’ve ended friendships early because of the warning signs. You should, too.

And as someone above mentioned, I was also an artsy “punk” so my friends were skateboarders turned tattoo artists and musicians and construction workers.

And they were also connects. I met a lot of my ex-boyfriends through them. Going to parties they were going to, their co-workers, etc.

When you have a lot of guys friends, you meet a lot of guys. I’m talking when you’re 17-25 I guess. College parties, house parties, concerts, etc you’re going to find a couple of guys in those circles who want to fuck you. High grade trade.

So if you’re just hanging with gays or women you’re not going to get those Marky Mark type who want to fuck, you’re just relegated to Grindr and gay besties.

Of my closest male friends - three are gay and three are straight. And FWIW of my closest female friends - half and half as well.

Just make fun of fraus and their “Live, Laugh, Love” bullshit.

There's a gay man who is visited periodically by his straight friend.

Sad thread! It's so heartening to remember how times have changed for the better for younger gay men.

Don’t assume, R22. I’m an absolute elder gay.

My best male friends have always been straight. Less drama and bullshit .

I'm having a birthday meal soon. There will be 4 other gay men there, 4 straight men, 2 lesbians and 3 straight women - all friends of mine, though they don't all know each other.

I counted ten male friends that I know well and see often, well enough that we know our way around each other's houses, five are gay and five are straight. If I expand beyond that core, the proportion of straight male friends grows. I live in Spain and it's not at all odd for any group of friends to include a mix of gay and straight male friends. Most everyone younger than ancient who lives in a city is acquainted with both gay and straight people, in their own families, in the circles of friends, as colleagues, and in more casual acquaintances. They have had sexual interest from someone of the same and someone of the different sex, it's a given and few people make any fuss over it whether they declined or experimented. Of course there are circles of all gay friends and all straight friends, but overall it's a relaxed, more natural mix than in the US or the UK.

I mean...who doesn't in 2025?

It's always bothered me that I've got more straight than gay male friends. The gay male friends I have are more "Bar friends", no lesbians, and a couple of straight chicks.

I'm not gregarious enough to have lots of gay male friends. I go to gay bars, people think I'm straight because I'm always with a female friend.

I’ve found it hard to have lasting friendships with other gay guys. Some I’ve drifted from because I’m not interested in going to the bars all the time. Or they have perpetual drama. Or they get mad because I won’t have sex with them. That’s really hurt my feelings a few times. I would like to have more gay friends, but I just don’t click with a lot of gay guys. I wish I knew some of you guys who post here!

I do have a lot of straight male friends. Some I’ve known since elementary school. They are all totally straight, but not homophobic. Some of them even used to go to the gay bars with me and play wingman—two of them MADE me talk to a guy at a bar one night. 10 years later, we are still together. (He doesn’t have any close gay friends either)

"why the need for validation from other men is so important"

What does that have to do with friendship - straight or otherwise?

You seem very lonely and bitter, OP. I hope things improve.

My best friend of 26 years is straight. Best Man at his wedding, his daughter calls me "Uncle."

My one straight male friend - for decades - shocked me by coming out to me. Then he started fulfilling his long-sublimated fetish for chicks with dicks. Now he’s he with a trans woman, so I don’t know if he still identifies as gay. I don’t know how that would sit with his live-in girlfriend, who’s “all woman.”

I have some straight friends but the depth of the relationship is nowhere near where I an with my gay friends,

[quote] some say Rollins had a boyfriend who died)

Are you referring to Henry Rollins? There have always been rumors about him, but nothing concrete. R10 Did you really use to hang out with Henry? Who was the boyfriend?

I’m straight and can barely ever get along with other straight men.

I have several straight guy friends. They are low drama and we share many of the same interests (technology, movies, music, design).

My gay guy friends are similar. They have straight guy friends and are low maintenance.

I get nauseous around cunty, sceney queens. Always have.

It’s always surprising. I expect hatred from working class folks like myself, but the sun-hot hatred from middle class folks cuts deepest. Perhaps it’s a Midwest thing.

Being shaded by a group of straight guys hurts. I’m damned for who I am or what I do in my private time; there is no difference..

I will say that my straight male friendships are very fucking easy. They are not judgmental. They are quick to offer to help with things some gay friends wouldn't deign to do. They don't feel any need to comment on my clothes or some new thing in the house. They don't act surprised (or ever so slightly disappointed) if I don't know about some film or restaurant or music or bit of news. They are not relentlessly aspirational, not worried about what other people think of them. And they are not competitive nor easily offended. It's easy. Once in their friendship, you're a friend for life, there's no need to submit applications for renewal or to to repeatedly prove worthiness.

Yes. My best male friend is straight. It is close, but there's a cultural gap. My ease with him is not my ease with my gay friends. It's slight and just a difference of two backgrounds and experiences.

"I never understood bonding among straight men and why the need for validation from other men is so important."

That's called "hanging out". It is what the gays do too. We just do it with the chance that there might be sex with each other. That frisson of fuckery changes the dynamic. Until your 50s. Then it doesn't matter anymore anyway, so who cares, and just be friends with who you want to be friends with and jerk off before you go to bed.

R33 Rollins is not gay. Nor is he the kind of person to be in the closet.

“So is your wife giving you head? Yeah, you have no idea but you have one of the biggest dicks I’ve ever seen! She’s taking you for granted.”

R10 R33 Joe Cole. Joe was a roadie for Black Flag and Rollins Band and also an artist and in the LA music scene. Henry and Joe were close friends.

Joe was murdered by thieves when Henry and Joe were entering Henry’s home in Los Angeles late one night in 1991. You can google the crime, it’s still unsolved. Sonic Youth’s song “100%” is about Joe, as well as the song “JC” from the same album, Dirty. There are a lot of other homages and references by other artists and musicians.

I am in my 50s and a gay man and have been following the punk scene since the 80s. I’ve always heard rumors Henry is secretly gay and it always ignited my wildest fantasies thinking about it!

But after all this time, I just don’t see any evidence of it. And observing Henry as a fan all these years, again, I’m not seeing it. Henry is also an often outspoken supporter of gay men and the LGBT community, and has been since he’s been a public figure.

If he is straight, he’s a perfect example for this thread.

Yes, but only in the hopes of sleeping with them. The same way they pretend to be friends with women.

Funny, I also grew up with a bunch of punk rock friends in the 80s. We threw all traditional thinking out the window and just had fun. It was a mix of straight, gay, male, female and we all pretty much hated the same people. And this was in the early 80s when punk wasn't considered cool and they weren't selling Misfits shirts at department stores. There were only a handful of punks in high school who everyone would yell "fag" at because they had spiked hair, creepers and a Sex Pistols shirt.

Same for me in the early 80s. “New wave” was a sort of euphemism for “gay.” In Texas, no less. “He’s new wave.”

Not all the guys (and girls) in our school who were “punks” were gay. But there were quite a few of us!

Ive never trusted straight people as a rule. Ive been the victim of their perniciousness too many times to ever truly get close to them. If i had straight friends they were usually women. but even then I held back somewhat. That being said ,I never really had a lot of gau friends either . Ive said it before on here but I find making a gay male friend nigh impossible in my youth. No matter how much you tell them you arent interested in them as a partner they always tried anyway . And that ruined the friendship . Im old now though so maybe that wont be as much of an issue but I wouldnt bet on it.

[quote]Are you referring to Henry Rollins? There have always been rumors about him, but nothing concrete. [R10] Did you really use to hang out with Henry? Who was the boyfriend?

Joe Cole, as stated above. No, I never met him; he was part of the Orange County scene (which was a lot more macho and hardcore and less artsy) and I was around L.A. Being out and gay would not have sat well with much of the O.C. punks.

Of course. It must be hard outside of a big liberal blue city. Move.

OP, Well if you don't live in a big city-- with the options of being friends with a lot of gay people, you are kind of stuck being friends with straight people. So yes bonding with straight men is important. And not all gay men want to only befriend women.

They don’t want women during the day, we don’t want them at night.