Has your life turned out the way you thought it would?

I very rarely gave any thought to where I'd be. Growing up poor, you tamp down expectations. In my case, I never had a vision of the type of house I'd live in, the kind of car I'd drive, or anything like that. Especially since my divorce and coming out.

I have a partner, money in the bank, a home, a car, the ability to travel fairly often, and I'm in okay health. Sometimes, it's now where you are, but how far you've come. I'm pretty damn happy.

My life has turned out about the opposite of what I hoped it might be.

I had a dream my life would be

So different from this hell I'm living

So different now from what it seemed

Now life has killed the dream, I dreamed

No, not even close.

I've always only lived in the present and the past. I'm quite content in how it ended up. I've been very lucky.

I thought I would be a high school teacher—I became a college teacher instead. Once I came out to myself, I thought I’d struggle to date but eventually find someone. In grad school, I coupled with a mercurial yet damaged man. He was a congenital liar, in part because he had a very visible disability and tried to cover it by spinning nonsensical stories about his glamorous life. We were together on and off for six years, off when he died unexpectedly at 42. I then went eight years without a date and then met a brilliant, kind man, twenty years my senior. Though he remained more enmeshed with his crazy family (needy and demanding wife—they remained married but lived apart for 30 years, autistic son, greedy and bipolar daughter, narcissistic siblings) than I might have wished, we made it work and there has never been a day I wished not to be with him. He has had Alzheimer’s for about 3-4 years, we still live together (in a smaller, more accessible) apartment, and, while aspects of his memory are gone, he remains the sweet and always happy man I’ve known. I am still glad to be in the marriage. And I somehow don’t think I would ever leave Chicago (my hometown), the nature of college teaching has meant I’ve lived in rural Nebraska and college town upstate New York. I yearn for Chicago, but it’s just not currently in the cards. So, some of what I imagined came true, but in forms I might have predicted.

Growing up and for some reason, I feared I would be dead at 18....obviously, that didn't happen.

i didn't dream but accepted all change. The one miss - when I was in my early 20s, I had always thought I had so much love to give someone, but through a variety of circumstances, I never coupled (or really dated). However, I had a challenging and satisfying career and was paid quite well (2M retirement portfolio) and live in West Hollywood.

For things that I didn't have, but wanted, I am pursuing those now.

My life turned out exactly as I thought it would. I'm a failure and alone. I'm not disappointed.

I think your life expectations change in each decade - as things become more or less possible and the value you place on certain things change (either up or down). You also have more experience - I used to dread being older, but that was because I had idea what it would be or feel like.

How you predicted/expected life to be at 18 isn't really a mature view of the world - as you have little experience in it.

I'm happy with my relationships, career and travel thus far. Could it have been bigger and grander? Sure. But I'm very lucky to have done so many things that I've done.

Making bold moves and taking risks always paid off in the end - even if it didn't seem so at the time. I did have a decade of monotony, grind, and feeling stuck - which was awful. Finally got out of that successfully (quit my job, moved cross country) and never looked back. No regrets.

Your dreams have lost some grandeur coming true

There’ll be new dreams, even better dreams and plenty before the last revolving year is through.

If any one of you even BREATHES the words 'teen model' I'm going to kill each and every one of you motherfuckers.

Stop smirking JAN!

Nope, not at all because I never had a plan as to how or in which direction I wanted my life to go. Until I was about 40 I just drifted along but then my life came at me. Since this is an anonymous board I will say that my life has turned out extremely well -- solid career that, while not high paying, has given me great satisfaction and a lot of peer recognition and respect, a great husband who is uncomplicated, charming, and handsome, a nice/modest home, and we travel extensively.

To answer the question directly: no, not at all, but I always thought that I would be happy -- whatever it took to get there.

On a side note - for me, the growing acceptance of gays and lesbians and even getting marriage was something I never foresaw and it's been such a relief.

I take it for granted now, as do most of us, but being gay in the 70s, 80s, 90s was fucking not fun - and made worse by AIDS. Nobody cared we were dying and just told countless jokes about it.

Fearing for your safety, for your job, potentially dying from sex, having your career short-circuited because you were gay, being outcast by your family, being outed unintentionally and what were the consequences? There was a lot of anxiety and fear about all of that on a daily basis. Every single day. You tried not to think about it, but it was there.

Feeling that slowly removed has felt like a miracle. It's far from perfect, but life for gays and lesbians is so, so much better than it used to be. Of course, we've lost some sense of community as well, but I'll take the life of less stress and anxiety and judgment.

No, but I had some fun. I look back and compare my life to back in the 80s and was independent but I still had my brothers to take care of. Then I had 2 sons and my life completely changed, but I was still happy. I grew up in Chicago and now live in West Virginia, I adapted to living here, but miss home. I never could have predicted my life now. We survived a landslide with our grandkids..everything came down and we lost everything. We had to fight the coal company and that took a lot of energy and patience, but we did it. When I look back to when I was a young independent woman I never would have imagined it. The 80s were fun, lol.

It never occurred to me that I would be the last man standing. Everyone I loved is gone and as much as I hate it, I've accepted it.

I’m about two developments away from my life being better than I could have ever imagined, and both have a very real chance of materializing. I am actually sort of glad they are still out of reach, as they motivate me to work hard. I’m a little scared of what will motivate me once I achieve them.

I got no problems that can’t be cured with two million dollas and an eight ball.

[r-6] Paragraph breaks are your friends.

Yes and no.

I thought I would become an academic; instead I went into business. I thought I would be with my first bf forever; that was delusional and he was crazy. But I've been with my partner now for 30 years -- he is my 4th (and I hope last!) LTR. I'm happy with my life and I think I've been pretty fortunate. I did have the chance to go to Paris 30+ years ago for work, but I turned it down. I met my partner shortly thereafter, so it was a good decision, I guess.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood ...

No, I thought I’d be dead before 40. I’m now 65.

I wasn’t one of those people who had a grand plan for my life. I’ve always lived day to day.

When I was a teen and wondered what my life would be like as an adult, I saw nothing but a huge question mark. I assumed the tide would just carry me where it would.

And interestingly, I think that’s how life works for virtually everyone — even people with grand plans.

My life turned out ok I guess. I ended up in a professional career even though I came from working class people. I saved money so that, now that I’m no longer a salaried employee, I have a respectable nest egg (even then I wasn’t really planning for the future per se — I was told my company matched 1-1 for 401k up to a certain percentage of my salary, and I thought of that as free money I’d be nuts to pass up, and that’s why I established a 401k).

I run two small businesses for supplemental income and to keep me occupied. They’re related to things I like so that’s good.

All that said, it’s not like I stumbled into bliss or anything. I often feel lonely and isolated, wanting a human connection. But even that stems from my personality. I spent a lot of time alone as a kid and am not outgoing or sociable.

I don't see how that's any of your business.

And you may find yourself living in a shotgun shack

And you may find yourself in another part of the world

And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile

And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife

And you may ask yourself, "Well, how did I get here?"

I got whored out by mama, but it turned out mostly ok

Not at all, and thank God for that. This is a true story that in hindsight was kind of funny. I grew up having low self-esteem, and I just kind of assumed that my life would be very ordinary. I didn’t even go to college on time because I didn’t think I was capable of accomplishing anything. Eventually, I got into this rut of working in a miserable low paying office job and going to school part-time to try to finish my bachelors degree. I was also in a bad relationship that I stayed in for way too long.

Now here comes the twist. When I was at a low point in my life in the middle of all of this, and on the same day that my then-current partner threatened to punch me in the face, I was arrested for getting a blowjob “in public” at a cruising spot. At the time, I thought my wife was over and I was bracing myself for everything to fall apart. But as it turned out, the police and the court were so incompetent that nothing got recorded, and now there’s no record of this event anywhere: not in background checks, not in court records, not on Google. Zip. Nothing! And that event inspired me to leave my ex and I ended up finding a very nice partner, finishing my bachelors degree, and then finishing my MBA.

Sometimes, through a very strange twist of fate, we end up in a much better place. And thank God for that.

Life is what happens to you when you're busy making plans....

My life has turned out way more interesting and exciting (and chaotic) than I thought it would when I turned 18.

When I was a 15-year-old gayling, I had no idea that my future self would eventually have sex with almost 1000 different men of every color imaginable.

Not really. I thought I'd stay in my original career until retirement. I am lucky to have good friends but I've never been lucky in love.

I’m happy.

It’s funny because I was a voracious club kid, one of those people that wouldn’t miss any nightclub in the 90’s, out every night of the week. I also was quite a bit of a whore and spent a lot of time in bathhouses (met two boyfriends this way). All that money I spent! Was worth it. I was a meth addict for fifteen years, fifteen years sober now, and never caught so much as a cold from all the debauchery.

I’ve also dated, flirted, and had sex with some hauntedly good looking men, younger until I turned 45….

Then none of the chase mattered anymore, met the love of my life in sobriety and happily married ten years now.

I wonder what happened to some of them, and the ribald club friends I made along the way, I made great money then and had to cut half of the hangers on, the other half when I got sober. How I miss the spontaneity!

I will be shopping and suddenly remember a beautiful man, and can recall them each, highly detailed- especially the ones that got away, LOL. today I remembered this sultry Italian hustler from South Boston and that fiercely devilish grin he had.

If you want to make god laugh …

I don't know that I had any specific plan for my life. I just accepted and adapted to what came at me. Overall, it has turned out pretty well. I've been with the same partner for 33 years. We have a nice home and a successful business. I can't complain too much.

But I have come to the realization that my life has peaked and this is as good as it will be going forward.

Nope. Not.Even.Close.

Money and education wise, yes. I would have expected a longer relationship, but I guess it is what it is. No children or pets is also ideal and enjoy that for sure.

Eldergay here. My life turned out better than I could have reasonably expected.

I came out in the 70s and somehow survived the AIDS crisis while living in what became Boystown. (Still live here.) I had / have an OK relationship with my family. I was able to work my whole life in my chosen field. I was in two LTRs which combined totaled 31 years. I'm single now - by choice. I retired at the right time (pre covid) and (hopefully) with enough money to support myself for another decade or two. Last but not least, I'm relatively healthy.

Life is good and I'm happy to be here.

I've told this story on DL before...

Well, the suprise came when it was time to retire and I didn't have a lot of resources (e.g. 401Ks, IRAs, pensions), just a meager social security check. My husband and I decided to relocate to a warmer climate, and our only option was to sell the fixer-upper home I had purchased 35 years before, using a credit card for the 15% down payment. Well, our neighborhood had gentrified, thanks to the influx of other gay couples who upgraded so many homes, and when we had our first open house, we received five offers, all over asking. We're talking a few million dollars here, on a home with the mortgage paid off.

We're happily living in our beautiful home here in Hawaii.

No, not at all. I'm OK, but ready to die. There's nothing here for me anymore. I've always had success just beyond my reach. I lost the love of my life to cancer, and with it my happiness. Now I'm just stuck. Watching my savings/investments circle the drain thanks to the big fat ass orange idiot. I blame him for the death of my husband also, as if he didn't mishandle the pandemic, he probably would have gotten care in time. it's always been the bullies, the hateful, that have ruined things for me my whole life. unfortunately our society values what they have to offer.....no one is coming to rescue us.

How did you kick your meth addiction, ElderSage, R30, and how long did take you to have great “regular” sex again?

No I thought I’d find love

Not at all, but I'm not disappointed. The thing I wanted most in life was some security and stability after living with substance abusing parents, which I have now. I never dreamed I'd leave the NY metro area for the Southwest and finally the PNW but I'm glad it happened. Plus I have and had many pets that I loved deeply. Loving them brings peace and joy.

R1- Middle class people in the United States commonly owned cars 100 years ago.

R13- You are lumping the 1970's thru the 1980's into one statement.

There was far more acceptance of gay people by 1996 than 1971 and by 1996 there was finally a treatment for HIV which makes things VERY different by 1996 compared to the the 1970's and 1980's.

No, but it never does

No, but I figured out why about 7 years ago, and then got to work fixing it. But I'll never have the life I might have had or anything like it.

I never thought about how it would turn out but I can't complain. I'm still here.

Been with my partner for 42 years and have two teenage kids (well, one will be a teenager next year...). I never dreamed either of those things would ever happen.

I never imagined there was something like DL and I would spend half my life on it.

Like a few others mentioned,I just sort of coasted along in life. Never really planning much but luckily things seemed to happen for me without trying hard. I was very lucky in love twice,then unlucky in love when both died on me way too soon. 1st one in a car accident,2nd one from MS. Even after all that heartbreak and loss I was still sailing along doing okay . BUT like all good things my luck ran out . Im not poor but I am not well off either. I have a paid off house and car, with a few bucks in the bank , wich is more than many these days . All of my friends are dead now,I havent had any dick in years and my health is shit. One thing I never thought is that I would be alone at this stage ,but honestly I couldnt keep killing all my lovers off so its best . I dont hate life,but theres not much joy in it either . I wont be sad to leave. Especially as fucked up as the world has gotten.

R42 - I said what I said. It got incrementally better - but I would say it was early 2000's onward where it started to radically change.

1996 wasn't some magic year - I don't recall any dancing in the streets. It still sucked to be gay and it was a career killer. Matthew Shephard killing happened in 98. People were still dying of AIDS, although reducing dramatically.

I don't know what you're going on about. There was NOT widespread acceptance in 1996.

Here are the stats - I actually wanted to say it got much better in 2010s, but I didn't want to reach. Actually - I was right - there was a major shift around 2010/2011 in Gallup polls being over 50% supportive of gay rights and marriage for the first time.

So I don't know where you were living - but I lived in major US cities with massive gay populations, not some small town. I felt a major difference - and statistically speaking - it was just 15 years ago.

So it really has only been 15 years.

I'm now too aware of my limitations to expect much. Having said that, for the most part I'm happy, travel the world extensively, have a nice financial nest egg and a small circle of friends who are dear to me. I was in an LTR for 17 years but now, having been single for almost as long, I don't think I'd want another one...just the occasional 'gentleman caller' to make a nice change from perpetually jerking off. Basically, my life is good, if solitary.

R41 - as I said, we were poor. We didn't have a car when I was growing up. We walked, took the bus(es), or didn't go. My sister got a car when I was 12 so she could commute to college. I still never got a ride to the beach.

I'm solidly middle class, but I haven't had a car payment in 19 years (I drove one to death, and inherited one from my partner's mother when she died), That alone is an income-drag that allowed me to put money in my 401K. If the Orange Menace hadn't gotten elected, my retirement fund would be down much better. It's currently down 12% from it's high. But it's still a substantial amount of money, My net worth is in the 80 percentile for my age group. I've been fortunate