Woman makes husband move to North Carolina, so they can retire somewhere warm. 3 days later, she leaves him and moves to NYC.

*Moves to NYC area that is.

Is she… learning to exhale?

What is the point of this article? Leave your husband and rent?

Bitch you are almost 70, sleep in separate bedrooms and take the train into the city.

It’s must be nice to be a rich old & deluded white lady; You were afraid not to live alone, but now you want to? Push your husband down the stairs.

If this had been a man who had left his wife in some strange new place within a week of moving there...the tone of this article would not have been quite the same.

Ah, our daily "Women are terrible" weekend thread.

R4 = the dumped husband

I hate her.

Women are so stupid! Why do we even have them?

I HOPE, HOPE, HOPE the ditched husband exacts some financial divorce revenge on his looney-toons former ball-and-chain.

Wonder what the children think of their mother's ridiculousness.

Cheryl, stinkin' up an apartment in Verona, NJ.

Who else is going to make you a sandwich, R9?

How the fuck does a nothing story like this land in the fucking New York Times?

Since it did, I want a profile of the husband. Maybe he has a favorite color, too!

Sounds as though it was a mutual relief for them to be apart. I would guess he wasn't too broken up about it.

No, R6, it's not necessarily a misogynist thread. The piece's from Sunday's "Real Estate," and as such, it's going to be a puff piece. I'd really like to know why she left her husband. There's a clue in the profile...how she has decorated the apartment with stuff that's dear to her. It sounds as if the husband may have been a control freak, or at the very least, always had the final say.

I'd like a more in-depth article on the breakdown of a long marriage. Why does a woman in her late sixties suddenly find her voice? What's the husband's perspective? Has he gained some insight about himself from this? Or does he just blame her for leaving him?

The marriage was almost dead to me, but she didn’t have the nerve to leave their house and him at the same time. It was too overwhelming, understandably so after living there with him for 38 years. Once she completed the move to NC, it was like a weight off her shoulders. Accomplishing that feat gave her renewed vigor and a sense of purpose.

What didn’t change, however, was her rotting marriage. Why stay in a bad relationship when your time on this earth is so short? The old Cheryl would’ve kept that ball and chain and just managed until she died. That’s what a lot of women (unfortunately) do: just get through it, cause you’re too old to start over now. But the new Cheryl said fuck that. I’m going back to my family and friends without the dead weight and I’ll live my best life in New York City while I still can.

I read that whole article and studied the photos of her spikey hair and Sally Jesse glasses, but some how I missed the part where she came out as a very late in life lesbian.

Is there a part two?

I don’t know if that’s a clue. Anyone who has been in an LTR has been compromising certain aspects of their lives so it’s natural that once single again they would revel in their independence.

Heck, after my dad died, mom said his much she loved making meal choices that pleased her alone. And she would read at the dinner table… she thought it was just the best.

Take your pick, basement dwelling gay incels: women are evil incarnate and the root of all evil in today's society; or, CIS women are being assaulted on all fronts by MTF trannies, who want to invade women's prisons, rest rooms and gym locker rooms so they can be raped by MTFs.

Pick a lane and stay the fuck in it.

One of my friends who worked with me and absolutely loved his job moved out of the city because his wife found a new job. He was devastated to leave, but her career was important too. They moved and she quit the job five days after starting. He said that he would have divorced her if he hadn't loved her so much.

BonniePrinceCharlie: “ It sounds as if the husband may have been a control freak, or at the very least, always had the final say.”

The bitch says she made him move. If there’s a “control freak” in the picture, it’s her.

I guess she wanted to make sure her husband was settled and ok before she moved on. I do hope the husband is knee deep in Carolina elderpussy. He deserves it.

And now you boys can hit on him!

Agreed, r22. She was a deceitful cunt who made him move hundreds of miles away from his daughter. Then she left him and called all her cunt friends on the drive back. Then she moved to her old area so she could have her old life and their daughter all to her cuntself.

Not only do I hope he’s knee deep in elderpussy, I hope he’s getting sorority-girls-with-daddy-issues pussy too. And I hope his other daughter in Michigan is estranged from the horrid mother. And I rejoice that the cunt had to take a part-time job to make ends meet. I hope she has financial issues for the rest of her life, which I hope is short.

Eh, he might have been one of those guys, depended on the wife to manage the house. He retired but she didn’t because she still had to do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry. I can guarantee she was the one who remembered birthdays—for his family too—and mailed the cards or dialed the phone.

R5, right?

The husband couldn’t have been left in a better situation if he’d tried. There is a very large 55+ community quite close to me and the one women I know who lives there says that a single man in that place is followed around like a sheik of old by a harem’s-worth of recently divorced or widowed women.

I love how in the narrative of this story and the comments, the husband is dead weight or the problem instead of a man who might still be deeply in love with his wife of 38 years and left heartbroken and devastated. May he doesn’t want to be “knee deep in pussy.” He might just be a human being feeling abandoned and humiliated by the situation he currently finds himself in. Men are always written so black and white. If he’s not one thing he has to be the other.

You bitches are slipping.

27 replies and we still don't have the husband's name and/or a photo?

Any man who has seen I Love Lucy, Roseanne, or many other shows should know that their wife is conniving and can’t be trusted.

I'm with you R29 and even worse, there's no verificata of size meat for the ex-husband!

R28 Trust us, he can't wait to be knee deep in pussy. Did you even look at that dour frau he was married to?

I think this is the guy. When I googled her name this last name came up, and then when I googled that last name and West Orange NJ this guy came up.

He has a FB page where one of the photos looks a whole lot like a younger version of Cheryl.

Hard pass, r33...

[quote] one of the photos looks a whole lot like a younger version of Cheryl.

Stink lines?

One of the biggest lies in life is the absolute prioritizing of personal happiness over all else. Life isn’t always about the pursuit of happiness.

But for many it is. So there you go.

As described in the OP, she sounds like a narcissist and he a passive tag-along.

R36 are you saying she should’ve stayed married to him even if she didn’t want to? What kind of logic is that? She’s already got one foot in the grave. She can’t try living on her own before she puts the other one in there?

No one is saying should have stuck in a marriage she didn't want to be in, but what she did here is essentially put him on an ice flow while she jumped back on shore.

Maybe HE has golf buddies in Jersey he liked to hang out with? Maybe HE wanted to get to know his granddaughter more?

Plus, he's the one stuck unloading the new place before he can move back. Not to mention the lack of a Jewish community in NC, if that is of importance to him.

I hate working for a woman.

[quote]How the fuck does a nothing story like this land in the fucking New York Times?

Because this is an episode of "Dateline" in the making.

If the husband had deserted his wife 3 days after moving to NC from the metropolitan NYC area just after retirement, there would be all kinds of harsh judgment against him. Just think about it.

The husband is pretty unfuckable.

Team Cheryl!

[quote] Team Cheryl!

First time in the history of datalounge that phrase has been uttered.

She keeps saying how she was always the good girl and doing what was right and expected of her. You don't think her husband had the same expectations? Working 60+ hours a week as an attorney, providing for her and the family, doing what was expected of him as a father and a husband?

He packed up HIS life to move to where SHE wanted to be - only for her to last 3 fucking days? "It was my idea" she says confidently to move to North Carolina.

She paints herself as both a victim and some sort of brave soul. I'm 100% positive she was not some wallflower who just did what her husband says. She's trying to justify her actions.

You want to be divorced? Just go ahead - but this is a really mean way of going about it. And I'm sure her daughter and son-in-law were oh so happy to have mom move in with them for months while she got her life settled.

Everyone has the right to live out their remaining years as they like - but forcing your husband to sell the house, move several hundred miles away, then abandon him 3 days later and move in with your daughter (who I'm sure heard an earful of terrible things about her husband as justification) isn't the best way to do it.

Everything R46 said, PLUS telling it all the New York fucking Times.

She didn't hatch her second move whilst unpacking the boxes of her first move.

[quote] I can guarantee she was the one who remembered birthdays—for his family too—and mailed the cards or dialed the phone.

You can guarantee that based on what? Your gut feeling?

Forgive me if I cannot accept that as the source of rationality and truth.

R46 here - on reflection, the one saving grace I will extend to her is that they moved in Oct 2021 - so just after the 18 month lock-up of the pandemic.

I could see how being at home for that long with your husband all day would want you to reconsider your options - and moving someplace warmer. The pandemic made a lot of people re-evaluate their lives. A lot of relationships did not survive.

She may have thought moving to somewhere new and warmer would resolve those feelings - but it didn't. So, with that perspective of the pandemic, I'm going to give her a lot of grace here.

Particularly when you're older and you've just spent 18 months cooped up with your husband and all the anxiety - particularly for older people who were so much more vulnerable to COVID.

I think the pandemic caused a lot of people to re-assess their lives. I just wished she had expressed that in this interview - because that would make everything make a lot more sense instead of how she's telling the story of some new, unchained liberated woman who wasn't able to do what she wants.

I think buyer's remorse in retirement places is more common than what is talked about. Yeah, give it more than 72 hours obviously - but there was a bigger issue here she was trying to scratch - exacerbated by the lockdown. And who knows what that 55+ community was like in NC - you can't discount the amount of conservative MAGA boomers in these places.

I'm 99% sure this older Jewish couple from NJ were NOT maga in the least.

Last thought - because of the pandemic, they may have not had the chance to meet a lot of residents or get a great feel for the space during lockdown. So many 55+ and senior places were in lockdown - I know, because I tried to get my mom into a place and ALL of them wouldn't allow me to visit or for her to even leave her place.

So they found something online, maybe toured it without really seeing the people and community and then was hit hard in the face with who they'd be living with.

Stop posting these stupid assumptions about the backstory of this couple.

Unless you can prove something, you're just using this story to spin fantasies based on your own stereotypes.

R46/R50 made that long ass judgmental post condemning this poor woman then came to his senses 20 minutes later.

R25 "I can guarantee she was the one who remembered birthdays—for his family too—and mailed the cards or dialed the phone."

This describes my FATHER to a T! My mom never sent a Christmas or birthday card. She said that you will always forget someone and then they'll be angry. She just figured it was best to forget everyone. I'll admit I'm also guilty of this. Once Dad retired (Mom didn't work outside the home), he would sit down and send holiday cards to all the family (including Mom's side) and friends.

It's best not to assume anything not said in the article. She admits it was HER desire to relocate to NC and not his. She then skipped out on him 3 days after the move and returned to the NYC area. Had he been the one that wanted to make that move late in life and then decided to leave the marriage and return to where they lived previously after 3 days, there would be an entirely different reaction. Admit it.

R52 - yes I did - both can be true. But I had to remember what it was like during the pandemic - particularly for seniors and my own trouble with my mom. If they would have led with the pandemic stress and re-evaluation, I think everyone would have a different take.

And I am right about the senior places - they were very locked down, even way into 2021 out of caution. They opened up again late summer/early autumn - which is when they moved - close to the nearest available date.

She still didn't do it the right way, but it feels different with a full picture and what was going on at the time. I know of so many relationships (many older people) who didn't survive the lockdown.

Part two will be when she starts struggling with dementia, needs a hip replacement or other age-related health issue. Suddenly her new independence won’t be so sweet. LTR’s can go through bad patches but at least, they can help each other when needed. I don’t think her kids are going to be enthusiastic about needing to drive her to doctor’s appointments, pick up medication…

R55 Don't worry. The divorce will just be finalized at the time the dementia sets in and the hip needs replacing. Her husband can then be judged for going ahead with the divorce.

[quote]put him on an ice flow

Here's a true fact: most of you mfers can't spell for shit.

My 74 year old cousin and his 75 year old wife just divorced after 50 years of marriage. They started dating as teenagers. It took her 50 years to figure out she was married to an asshole and decided to spend the rest of her life in peace. I'm thrilled for her.

I love NC and SC. Florida? HELL NO.

R54 here - and one last comment to add on to the lockdown experience - for many older people, selling their home is a MAJOR task because of all the memories and children don't want you to sell their childhood home.

Once you have that off your shoulders, the world can open up and options present themselves again after decades of being stagnant. So I think there were a lot of factors at play here that steamrolled together.

So much was left unsaid in that article that it's no wonder we're inferring and projecting because, well, the pieces of this puzzle don't fit together. My first reaction was to think that if my husband of nearly the same length as their marriage encouraged me to move hundreds of miles from our home, my family and everything I'd ever known, and three days into it left me, I don't know how I'd handle it. And it must have been rubbing salt in the wound to discover that she had returned to the hometown she was so anxious to leave... and leaving hubby alone, in a foreign place with no support network, hundreds of miles from his children, family, and friends.

Based on the sequence of events laid out in the [italic]Times[/italic] piece, it seems that the acts of uprooting their lives awoke a sense (or lack thereof) of self in this woman, and if she's lived the majority of her life in service to others from a father, then a husband, and then children, I can see why she had the epiphany, It reminded me of the mid-life crisis I went through when, like a lot of gay men having not had much of an adolescence, finding myself freely out, with a bit of money and freedom, it was like I had to make the mistakes that under other circumstances I would have as a teenager. But her actions were off-the-charts in comparison, and particularly because she'd built a life with this man only to come to the conclusion that it was all a lie. I can't say I hate her for it, but as others have pointed out, if the shoe were on the other foot the conversation (not to mention the [italic]Times[/italic] article) would be substantially different in tone and reaction.

If I were counseling this woman, prior to her departure I would have suggested that she give it at least three months and see how she felt after some time had passed. There would be nothing lost by waiting for that length of time, and if she was so firmly convinced that it was the only course, she would be free to make the move then, but I suspect that settling in and getting to a sense of normalcy would have altered her feelings somewhat.

All in all, this is not something I'd run to the [italic]Times[/italic] to post for the world to see.

R2 “I’ve been bisexual for years.”

-The husband

All I know, R51, is that poor man no longer has anyone to make sandwiches for him!

I knew a woman in Orlando that went from a loving,happily married woman and mother to walking out one day and ghosting her entire family .That included teens. I worked with her for a few months,and I always thought she had some sort of psychotic break or the like. She was laser focused on "Me,me,me!" to the exclusion of everything else . I met her husband one day when he came to get some papers signed .He looked like a whipped dog . I wanted to tell him "She was always crazy,she just hid it very well' . Bitch was stone cold nuts.

⬆️ My mom's grandmother did the same. She gave birth to the 5th child (Mom's youngest uncle) and deserted the entire family when he was an infant. Her grandfather raised the children. He eventually remarried once the kids were grown. Her grandmother never remarried and little is known about her life. She did live to be old and eventually lived back in the same state (but different area). She didn't remain in contact with her own parents either.

Bitch not only stated her boundaries, she ENFORCED them!

R51 Are you new here? This is Datalounge and our mission and tagline is "gay gossip, news and pointless bitchery". Learn it. Love it. Or leave it.

Why this is bad news for Harris/Walz blue to red state transplants.

55+ communities are nothing more than a HOA/condo with an additional age restriction. No such place put their resident owners in-place with no ability to move about or have visitors. They had no more restrictions than whatever general rule of law applied in their city or county. Silly R54

[quote]If the husband had deserted his wife 3 days after moving to NC from the metropolitan NYC area just after retirement, there would be all kinds of harsh judgment against him. Just think about it.

Thank goodness on this forum the wife in this case gets the proper lambasting she deserves. In the scenario you presented, we would have to look at the details to see to what degree the husband was right to dump her.

She sounds frigid!

Yes 55+ communities are basically a tax designation. Residents get lower property taxes because they are not using the public school system.

Karma will get this old bitch. She uprooted her husband's life and moved him many miles from his friends and family. This is inexcusable.

This story is a beautiful bookend to this story, thread. Bitches be crazy All Year Long.

R70 Let's just look at the facts EXACTLY as presented in the NYT article and switch from wife to husband/husband to wife and imagine how it would be looked at. Do you really think it wouldn't make any difference in the minds of the average reader as to who is sympathetic? As they say in the courtroom, a simple yes or no.

I find Cheryl quite horrifying

[quote]And who knows what that 55+ community was like in NC - you can't discount the amount of conservative MAGA boomers in these places.

It's probably full of other snowbirds.

I'd like to imagine Mr. Kaplan is enjoying life in NC... along the lines of Rodney Dangerfield in Caddyshack.

Any gentlemen of a certain age here looking for a new drag name, I'd suggest snatching up Carolina Elderpussy quickly before someone else starts using it.

Great name for an all girl punk band too

Well gee, if hubby feels abandoned in NC, he can sell up and move back to NJ too.

I'll admit it. I would have said the man was a first class asshole if this story had been about the husband wanting to retire from the NYC area to a retirement community in NC and his wife agreed to go. Then 3 days after the move, he said he wanted out of the marriage and left her in NC and moved back the NYC area.

So ridiculous that The Times writes a "You Go Girl!" type article based on this woman abandoning her husband in a brand new state after three days.

Chicago woman retires to Kansas, then moves to Door County. Updates at 5.

[quote] Not only do I hope he’s knee deep in elderpussy, I hope he’s getting sorority-girls-with-daddy-issu - es pussy too.

Are you 100 years old? To sorority girls, daddies are 40, not 70.

Eat, Pray, Screw over

[quote]55+ communities are basically a tax designation. Residents get lower property taxes because they are not using the public school system.

Off topic, but... where does this happen? I've honestly never seen a tax-designation for a 55+ community. If this is possible, I'm speaking up at my next HOA meeting!

R83 remember, this is the super trashy Joseph Kahn-Jenifer Medina NYTimes

R87 I had never heard of such a thing either, but apparently it's applicable in some states/municipalities.

Meh - I don't have a problem with her leaving him.

I have a HUGE problem with her wasting time and money insisting they move to NC, then leaving him.

This feels very intentional. Notice that at least one of their children lives in NJ. It's giving me the impression that she wanted to leave him AND wanted him far away, so that she would see him less often at gatherings with the children and grandchildren.

There is a pettiness to forcing a move, then leaving which simply cannot be accidental. I hope during the division of assets, his lawyer somehow argues that the money she wasted by forcing the move comes out of HER half of the assets, so he doesn't end up having to pay for the move.

Agreed, R90. That's very much my impression as well. That she plotted to secure him in a place where it would be too easy to stay put (and possibly too expensive to leave), the better to distance herself from him. I certainly don't fault her for growing apart, for a fresh start, and for some post-divorce distance, but to park her husband in some cheesy 55+ community in the not-quite-the -Sunbelt then hop in the car and start speeding north to where she came from... it says a great deal about her, none of it good.

A friend of mine convinced his girlfriend to leave her apartment, job, and friends and move with him across country. Within a month of the move, he broke up with her and she had to move back and start all over

R92 never make a life altering decision for a boyfriend or girlfriend.

R93 Sometimes it doesn't even work out for a spouse.

Whatever, Miss Cheryl needs the services of a wardrobe styljst as soon as possible.

Those glasses scream "I have a Cluster B personality disorder."

What a cunt. I wonder if she did it on purpose

R90, R91 I completely agree. You shouldn't have to live out the rest of your days in a marriage that no longer makes you happy. My objection is the way she did it. I'm also irritated that some people think it's okay for a women to handle it this way, but would scream bloody murder if the man did exactly the same thing (zero differences in the scenario). Luring your partner to relocate your lives just to desert him or her 3 days later is unconscionable.

Are we sure it wasn’t a Bridges of Madison County type situation. Maybe she just left that town but not the state.

I know it has been stated above... but to celebrate yourself in the New York fucking Times.....give me a break.

He should contest any divorce and make her stay his wife until he dies and she can't re-marry.

R101 No. He should divorce, move back to near where his kids live, then marry a women 10-15 years younger that is financially comfortable. He and the new wife can buy a really nice home not too far from where the ex lives (under her nose) and take frequent holidays abroad. Living a good and comfortable life would be the best revenge.

So many married couples on the verge of divorcing do this: buy a new house or have another baby. It rarely works.

[quote] think this is the guy. When I googled her name this last name came up, and then when I googled that last name and West Orange NJ this guy came up.

Ewwwwwwww

R81 "Well gee, if hubby feels abandoned in NC, he can sell up and move back to NJ too."

He should do just that, especially since she admits in a NYT article that she was the catalyst for the move and then immediately bailed on the marriage. The actual losses occurring from the move should come from her part of the marital assets. I would have ascribed the losses to his half of marital assets if the situation were reversed. I'm fully in favor of situations like this being completely equal. I don't doubt that there have been men that have done the same/similar thing to their wives. That's not okay either. It's perfectly fine to pull out of an unsatisfactory marriage (for any reason), but not to lead someone to believe that you are moving with them, then "change your mind" 3 days later. That's a deliberate act and isolating to the spouse being left.