Let's be a DL murder mystery

😂 😆 😆

I'm Muriel in a blood-soaked caftan.

[quote] I'm Muriel in a blood-soaked caftan.

I'm Muriel's period. I happen twice a month.

I am the vague odor of fish and prunes coming from the kitchen, not-quite-masking the stench of a dead body.

I'm the Tina Turner clock, missing from the wall.

Colonel Mustard killed Cheryl in the study, with a knife

I'm the copious amounts of pot, silly. No one knows if I'm poisonous and nobody cares.

I'm the wall of books in the victims apartment. He thinks it makes him look cultured and sophisticated.

I'm Truman Capote and I've called all the DLers together to my manse.

Hopefully, I'm the victim.

I'm Gore Vidal's murdered corpse. Capote murdered me!!!

I'm the perpetrator's doll and curios collection.

I'm a high heel through the eye.

I’m the dark and stormy night playing hell with everybody’s hair.

I'm this thread, failing horribly.

R15 is the killer.

The thread killer.

I’m Gerg, the cook. More monkey’s brains?

I'm the shattered soup tureen from Mother's china set. I made the most ghastly sound when I hit the wall.

I'm the lead investigator. I'm hair-triggered Butch on the streets, and an insatiable bottom in the sheets.

I'm the soft butch sous chef. I did it

I'm dialing 'M' with a pencil.

R21 wins.

I am rescue chick's pitbull gently dabbing her mouth with a napkin and contemplating her alibi.

I am the emotion underlying the motive for this crime. I am love.

Is it a rescue pit bull?

I am the poisoned nutloaf.

Will it be entitled “Squirrels, Death”?

I'm the cash bar being hastily set up for the funeral.

Let the bitching commence!

I was molested

I'm the terribly-pleased-with-myself poster musing that "something doesn't add up" about the story, in-between inhales of Little Debbie oatmeal cream pies.

I am the person accusing the corpse of being an EST.

I'm the utterly useless clue that an eldergay wearing a caftan was seen fleeing the area, screaming "I look 25!"

Well, no shit, Sherlock. Can you narrow it down a bit.

I am the layers of nacreous permacum congrealing on the bedroom floor.

I have nothing to do with the murder, but I will keep the forensic team busy for months!

I'm Janbot with a pink bedazzled rifle.

I am the mysterious femme fatale played by 70s Islamic supermodel Ypir.

I am the emotional courtroom confession.

I'm the fat whore.

I just wish they'd stop telling me "I am NOT one of your fans!" r36. I really don't care.

Also, I know you're not the perp. Just stop.

I'm the clandestine meeting between partners in crime.

In the second floor men's room in Macy's at 8pm.

I’m dialing from inside the house - with a pencil.

I´m the second victim. A beloved sassy musical star who after performing her signature number is warned by her mousy dresser that there is a murderer in the building.

My last words in life are "Stop acting like a silly school girl! The only murderer here is the Orchestra Leader."

I´ve planted my last tree....

I'm the cryptic note, "Ask for a murdered bussy, get a murdered bussy"

Don't you dare fucking look at me.

That's Darfur Orphan in the kitchen! He's raiding the fridge!

i'm the loaf of bread left in the Refrigerator

I'm Jessica Fletcher, volunteering to help catch the murderer

I'm the sassy maid. I know everyone's secrets and where all the bodies are buried, literally and figuratively.

And I ain't nobody's damn fool.

I'm the DOGE inspector reviewing the gender and ethnicity of the cast for deviations from the 1928 original. If I find one more hint of DEI, your funding is GONE!

I'm the hushed whispers in the courtroom:

Psst**

"Look at the cheekbones on Darfur: surgery or diet and exercise?"

"And those flies flying around his head, gurl needs to change his cologne."

"Bitch is guilty, though."

I am risen, 'cause I know the shit is going to hit the fan any moment now.

The murderer was an illegal!!!

There is no mystery here.

[quote] I was molested

Amazing that you worked that into the victim's eulogy, Lorna.

"I'm Jessica Fletcher, volunteering to help catch the murderer"

This is THE DATALOUNGE. Let me fix this for you:

I'm Jessica Felcher, volunteering to help...

I'm Jan Terri, your singing telegram!

I'm sorry miss OP, but with all due respect, I've got problems of my own!

Jessica, take your old ass back to Cabot Cove. I got this!

I hate to step on anyone's toes, of course, but FUCK YOU, LaToilet.

I'm the Last Will & Testament of the murder victim. At the reading, in the presence of the detective and the suspects, gasps and choked cries were heard at these words: "I hereby do not make any provision for any of my children. For reasons well known to them."