"Handhelds"

I rarely go out to eat, if I do pick something up it would be to take away. That being said I have much disdain for "shareables" or "small plates" (as opposed to appetizers). You didn't reinvent appetizers, you know. I also hate it when "extras" are something like more dressing or sauce they charge you for.

“With your preferred protein”.

Wrap?

Adventurous eaters

Restaurants with names like “Table” or “Fork.” What the fuck does that tell me about your restaurant? I hope you have a table and forks. Now what kind of food do you serve?

Joe’s Steak House? I have a good idea what they serve. Bambinelli’s? Probably Italian American.

These pretentious names are meaningless, childish, uncreative and an eye-rolling attempt to be “hip.” It’s silly, non-descriptive and raises more questions than answers, the opposite goal of a business name.

4Handheld

Never heard of handhelds.

There is, or was, a restaurant here called Spork, r5.

When I see that word, I always think of it as something sexual.

I got a glossy flyer the other day advertising footlong nachos.

^Subway, I'm assuming. They are trying to do footlong anything to drum up business.

I have been relieved that since the covids, I haven't heard a server say "How is your food tasting?" However, that phrase has been replaced by an epidemic of people replacing middle-t sounds with an exaggerated glottal stop (buh-in, impor-int, etc.).

HANDTORN salad greens.

“Sweet Endings”

“Sandos”

"House-made _____" puzzles me. Its a restaurant. Food is made there. If its not, its a chain.

I don't like "starters."

What's wrong with appetizers?

Curated collection of local cheeses/meats/fruit

My hated thing is the horrid mispronunciation of the inappropriate word, CHAR COOT er REE

r14 I fucking agree.

House-made should be reserved for something that would normally come mass-produced: ketchup, mustard, a special salad dressing made on the premises, even french fries (that don't come to the restaurant pre-cut and seasoned).

'sandos' makes me wanna PUKE. It sounds like baby talk, even though it's supposed to be Japanese and therefore cool.

R10 Not footlong men unfortunately.

“My bad, I LURVE that sando”

If you call it a handheld, you can charge $27. You can’t charge $27 for a sandwich.

“ 27 dollars for a SANDWICH ??!! “

But a handheld is a term used for a gaming console. In which case, $27 is a steal.

SO-and SO's 'PROPER KITCHEN'. : WTF? I gues it beats 'SEWAGE CATCH BASIN'.

LOL R23 or "SHITTY CORNER STORE DELI"

From the dinner menu of WOODBERRY KITCHEN in Baltimore: GROWERS & MAKERS SUPPORTED BY TONIGHT’S MENU: Karma Farm, One Straw Farm, Third Way Farm, Rettland Farm, Liberty Delight Farms, & Keepwell Vinegar

“endless” anything

Most DLers have handhelds.

I hate shit that is crafted

[quote] I don't like "starters." What's wrong with appetizers?

I hate both and generally cross off a restaurant if I see those on the menu. That’s because the restaurant is trying to make you pay for portions of your meal separately to get more money out of you. It should all be included in the price of the entree.

"Sides."

r17, Shah-coo-tuhree?

Three syllables

"Artisanal" anything!

"House made" drives me batty, but maybe you're not allowed to say "homemade" because nobody actually lives at the restaurant?

Any kind of cutsieness like "veggies" and "sammies" makes me want to hurl!

NO appetizer should be over $10-$12 EVER including shrimp cocktail!

Curated

Deconstructed. It's just a pile of ingredients.

This is a good article on this topic.

"You know what's really similar to a "curated" selection of cheeses? A selection of cheeses. The fact that you were able to wrangle them up in such an organized fashion as to fit them on a plate already implies you've done the correct amount of curating. The same concept applies to the words "artisanal," "natural," and "hand-selected". First, everything should be selected with your hands. They are nature's selectors—the perfect appendage for which to grab things. And though the rise of food artisans is undoubtedly a good thing, the more we use the word, the less special it becomes. Natural? It's such a bullshit word that some legislators are actually trying to ban it from food packaging because it misleads customers."

Food writing is so precious, it's enough to make you lose your appetite.

"grass-fed cheese" and "artisan sandwiches"

R30 You mean guys that are averse to butt stuff? Or mashed potatoes and gravy?

Here in Miami there is a restaurant called Jar & Fork.

If you're gonna serve it in a jar, at least give me a spoon.

Sounds like a salad place that serves salad in jars.

"lovingly selected"

[quote]Sounds like a salad place that serves salad in jars.

Don't know, never cared enough to eat there. Now, they are permanently closed.

R42 That’s how I pick my guys.

R29 You sound like a fun date!

Meanwhile, I frequently order appetizers as my entree because they are smaller portions, and appreciate them being available.

I can’t stand “sammies” either. Fuck all the way off.

Appetizers referred to as "apps" makes me want to scream.

Butcher Box sells beef that is "grass fed and/or grass finished." WTF is 'grass finished?" The cow ate Fritos and Doritos but his last meal was grass? It was eating grass at the time it was killed?

"grass finished"???? WTAF?

[quote]grass-finished beef comes from cattle that ate nothing but grass and forage for their entire lives. Grass-fed, on the other hand, may be used to label meat from cattle that were started on a grass diet but have either received supplemental grain feed or are finished on a fully grain-based diet.

Finished? Well that’s quite the euphemism.

R29 Okay Gramps

Yeah - I agree with the separating of sides. It's so the $12 burger looks reasonable - but it's not, when your sides of fries (or other options, which is nice I guess) is another $5-$6, then you're paying $20 for burger and fries.

I should be used to the nickel and diming of every product and service by now, but it still burns.

From now on, I will say that I was ass-finished instead of creampied.

“Smashed avo”.

Shakespeare In Love did a great bit when they go to a restaurant and the waiter has these ridiculous descriptions of what's on the menu

Along the same line as "house-made" is "scratch-made".

Thank you, R50!