Who has been to a terrible wedding?

[quote]The worst is that most were Catholic weddings which go on forever.

Catholic weddings don’t go on forever. It’s like 45 minutes.

I have. Fat rich socially awkward billionaire’s daughter married a skinny shy transman. (small world, maybe someone here will instantly recognize who I’m talking about)

No one had much faith in the marriage and it didn’t last long. The reception was “dry” and there was some inexplicable 1.5 to 2 hour delay and they didn’t feed us much of anything, and this was not conveyed in advance. So we’re all starving, dressed up and showed up out of a sense of obligation, and a drink would at least help the experience go down easier, but nope.

I hate ALL weddings and generally avoid them in every way I possibly can.

I fainted at a Catholic wedding in Terrebonne, Louisiana.

Those endless delays, R2.

I hate waiting for the photos to be taken as everybody just sits around and even small talk peters out after a while.

I was at a wedding in which I was one of the groomsmen. I was a friend of the bride and I knew beforehand the conflict between the groom to be and the bride's father. The father was being immature and felt his daughter's fiancee was encroaching on his relationship with his daughter, which even to me as a 20 year old seemed childish and ridiculous. On the wedding day the father kept making snide remarks to the groom. After the reception the father insisted that the bride and groom call him when they reach their honeymoon destination. The groom had enough by then and told him that his daughter is married now and she doesn't need to keep checking in with her father. A physical fight broke out. It was a s stupid way to end what was a pleasant wedding day. After that they were never on good terms with the father and only visited about once a year on a holiday, even though they lives an hour's drive away.

Would a called off wedding still count as a terrible wedding? I attended a destination wedding in Palm Springs once. Both families and friends flown in. Then on the morning of the wedding the bride changed her mind and called it all off. And yet, most guests still had a great time. The wedding was called a party, everybody except the groom had the best time ever.

A less-than-stellar nepo employee I'd just nudged to resign. Stupidly, I came anyway. Had my assessment validated and big helping of schadenfreude when the band started the couples first dance music. The bride grew upset and the groom stopped them, and on mic, said, "That's not our song." The sassy singer looked at them like she'd already had quite enough behind the scenes, and on mic asked, "What's the song?" The groom said "What A Wonderful World." Sassy sassed back, "WE don't know it."

So, obvi never discussed. Groom huffed, bride retreated to the bathroom to cry, her entire family followed her noisily. The band cockily strolled off for a 15-minute break, never to return.

It was her job performance writ large in front of everyone.

I went to a "country" cousin wedding when I was in high school.

It was at VFW on a lake.

Everyone was encouraged to wear jeans, which was nice.

The actual ceremony was nice. Very quick, outside in beautiful weather. Then we went into the hall. Every table had a growler of beer, a bottle of cheapo whiskey, and a two liter each of some store brand of cola and ginger ale. There was also a gigantic fuzzy navel fountain in the front of the room.

Of course the caterer (it turned out to be a great spread of barbecue and a pig roast) was late, so the decidedly redneck side of my family started drinking hard on empty stomachs. There was also a massive amount of beer in coolers floating in the lake and a few walk-up kegs so yo could refill your growler.

Lots of crying bridesmaids and then a huge fistfight outside.

One of the bridesmaids had to be taken away in an ambulance due to a combination of tripping on a tree root and breaking her ankle and probable fuzzy navel poisoning.

They did not stay married long, but I remember that wedding (over 30 years ago now) very well.

Cleveland was in the MLB playoffs, and the groom and his friends crowded around a giant TV and watched the game rather than participate in the reception. They returned the TV to the store the next day.

Then the groom and his friends stayed out all night. The bride’s family and some friends cleaned up afterward and helped get the bride out of her wedding dress.

Not surprisingly, the marriage only lasted a few years.

Because the bride's sister (Maid of Honor) went into labor right before the wedding (which the bride took as a personal affront), I ended up as the Maid of Honor having to read the Kahlil Gibran bullshit. On top of that, it was a "black and white" wedding, and I had to wear a black dress with a bow in the back that made me look like an Amish woman. That in and of itself was bad enough.

But the highlight of the wedding, to me, was a guest I knew who came up to me at the reception and said, "David is gay, and Jen's the only one who doesn't know it!" That was the tale of [bold]that[/bold] marriage, DLers -- and I'm sure you all can write that story yourselves.

Still, it got better. Jen and David flew off on their honeymoon, and I went to the hospital (I lived around the corner from there) to check on the sister, someone I'd lusted after in the past, but didn't know well. She'd been in labor this entire time, her useless ex-boyfriend lurking in the room and acting like an idiot. But when I went to go home, a nurse approached me in the hallway. "You need to go back in there and stay with her!" I protested, "But the baby's father is there!"

"No," she said, "she needs a [italic]woman[/italic] in there with her."

Now, I don't know nothin' about birthin' no babies, ladies and gentlemen, and I didn't want to know -- especially with a good-looking ingenue-type I'd lusted after in the past, but I went back in. And after awhile, you realize that, once you're in there, you're in for the duration. Ugh. You guys think a regular vagina is gross? You should see one stretched out with a baby's head coming out of it! Not a good look. [But if you're curious, The Pitt had it down surprisingly accurately (barf).]

I was up all night after a long day, but I stuck it out until the baby was born. Named Olivia, and I was told I was the godmother. I never saw either one of them after that.

And the marriage went exactly as you'd expect. I ended that friendship long ago, once the drama got to be too much.

The mother of the bride made the macaroni salad in their bathtub for the reception.

Senior Lesbian, that was HILARIOUS! I enjoy your wit and style.

About 20 years ago DL had a wildly entertaining thread about disastrous weddings. Here's hoping we get to read some of those stories again.

You know what else, R13? I was assigned by the sister/mother to take photos of the birth (this was many years ago), and I have a 2-inch stack of those paper photos somewhere around here in a shoebox. Just the keepsake I always wanted.

I went to one where the maid of honor’s boyfriend tried to steal the box of $ gift envelopes, they kicked his ass.

I've only been to one wedding that I truly enjoyed. Never been to a gay wedding.

It all seems so attention-seeking and needlessly over-the-top. I hate them. ALL the same. Cliche, meaningless, everyone stressed out over shit NOBODY cares about, etc.

I don't get it. Why has it turned into this shitshow?

I bride in one!

“This is MY DAY!!!”

R12, that is so disgusting. Did anybody even eat it?

Not firsthand but I did once read on an online thread about a groom and best man who were … close. They were or practically dancing crotch to crotch at the devotion at one point.

Was it a true story? I don’t know but it’s kinda hot.

I went to a shotgun wedding where the groom snuck off to make out with his side piece. The bride caught them and I witnessed a huge blowup - screaming match. They didn’t last a month. The groom and his side piece eventually married and have been together for over 30 years - with lots of kids and grandkids. Since I was one of the only witnesses to the wedding night blow up - they still give the side-eye, sheepish looks whenever I run into them.

My straight college roommate whom I used to suck off on a regular basis got married and got so drunk at the reception, the groomsmen ( of which I was one) had to carry him up to the honeymoon suite. He was babbling incoherently and, as I was holding him up in the elevator, he kissed me on the cheek and told me he loved me. Well, we got him to the room, plopped him on the bed, and the bride said," What are you guys doing now?" We told her we were going back to my room to play some poker and just relax." She said, " Can I come, too?" So, she got changed, came to my room with four others, and played cards. She and we had a great time.

A friend from the past used to do makeup, often hired to do brides and bridesmaids on wedding day.

One gig she she showed up at the scheduled morning time to the site (the parents of the bride’s large estate) and the mother met her downstairs and warned her daughter was “severely hungover” but they were going to go ahead with the wedding anyway.

She thought it sounded uh-oh, but might be possible if the hangover wasn’t all that bad.

She went upstairs to the bride’s bedroom where she found the bride in bed, being tended to by friends, alternately being violently ill into a bucket, or unconscious.

She told them there was no way to do her makeup with her in that state. The mother suggested she get started on the bridesmaids until her daughter “…was feeling better.” So she did.

Soon an ambulance arrived. Apparently the bride called it when no one was looking because she was convinced she was dying. They carted her away on a gurney, moaning and squirting. The mother began crying.

She finished the bridesmaids’ makeup. The parents paid her her contracted fee (full) and apologized. She left.

When she got home, there was a frantic messages on her answering machine (this was the 90s) from the mother. They had a last-minute idea to have the wedding in her daughter’s hospital room and if she could rush to the hospital they would be happy to pay her extra whatever she requested to do her daughter’s makeup last minute. On the message she left the hospital and room info, and told her the dress and flowers were on the way.

My friend hopped in her car and drove to the local hospital, where she attempted to do the best make-up she could on a woman lying in a bed with a tube in her nose. The bridesmaids and groom and many guests were there. There were flowers. It was announced the reception would continue at the house.

The priest performed the ceremony. Photos were taken with the bride still in bed and the groom standing.

My friend didn’t stick around for any more of it but said she’ll never forget it.

R24 - that's one of the trashiest things I've ever read.

Who gets blasted anymore the night before the wedding? In the past they did that to the groom with bad results. I've never understood why people fuck up their weddings that they planned so much time and effort in - just to be hungover and look like shit.

R24 Sounds like the bride may have tried to sabotage her own wedding, but chickened out.

Everybody has heard the story of the groom (or the bride, depending who’s telling the story) stops before the vows as they want “thank” everybody and then thanks the bridge for sleeping with his best man and then walks out of the church.

That story always makes its way into wedding threads and it’s a total urban legend. I believe “The Bold and the Beautiful” even did a take on it.

R23, what happened to their marriage?

R24 Please tell me this was in New Jersey

r20, it was WV - everybody ate it, even the few who knew.

I've only been to one and it wasn't terrible but no one at my table wanted their Champagne so I drank theirs. Terrible was the hangover I had the next day.

Two words: Cash bar.

And the couple were highly-paid lawyers.

I went to one in Phoenix years ago in a park pavilion. It looked thrown together at the last minute, even though it wasn't. Trailer trash guests in Daisy Dukes swigged beer, belched and talked during the 'service'. There was NOTHING to eat or drink afterwards. Probably close to 100 degrees that day.

There was one near me that made local news as the bride and groom got into a fight at the wedding and the bride was picked up by cops on the side of the road.

East Windsor, CT (figures).

R9, if that was a country wedding over 30 years ago, it must have also been a fest of terrible hairstyles.

It’s not the catholic ones that go on forever, it’s the orthodox ones. Been to enough of those to know to never go to another one. Never mind the funerals.

My niece was an hour late to her own wedding because she didn't like how the hairdresser did her hair and had her mom fix it. She didn't even call anyone at the wedding venue to let us know,.

She was never forgiven for this in our family. if her name is brought up, someone will always say, "Remember when she made us wait for an entire hour before her wedding?"

Anglican/ Episcopalian ones also go on forever.

A friend of mine told me that his wife's father and brother got into a fist fight and ended up hitting two other guys who then joined the fight. The friend said he and his bride exited the wedding all smiles as the four men were put into police cars. He told his bride he was sorry that happened and the bride nonchalantly said "fuck em". Their wedding videographer caught her response.

A few months ago I got an invitation to a Catholic wedding that was potluck. Needless to say, I didn't go.

I didn’t but my parents did. Years ago they went to the wedding of the daughter of a well known business friend. He was Hispanic (so are we) so the celebrations were guaranteed to go well past midnight.

My parents returned in an hour looking shocked. I asked them what happened- “The father of the bride collapsed and died on the dance floor during the Father-Daughter dance.

Wow, R41 - I think you win.

Back in the early ‘90s, attended a dear friend’s wedding. Her brother, who’d been in the hospital, died of AIDS that morning. It was heartbreaking. The family tried to carry on in the spirit of “he would’ve wanted her to be happy” but it was pretty grim. We left early. The marriage didn’t last two years and later my friend said it had a lot to do with that. I think she felt let down that her husband didn’t put a stop to it or manage it better.

Wasn’t a terrible wedding except for the fact that the father of the bride was missing without any explanation to the groom’s guests. Turns out he was in prison. He was a mafia boss.

Think how much more fun the wedding would have been if we had known.

I’m confused r43, the bride’s brother died but she blamed the groom because he “didn’t put a stop to it or manage it better”?

[quote][R23], what happened to their marriage?

Well, ( surprise, surprise) they got divorced, but the marriage lasted five years. He eventually moved to OKC, met a younger woman, and re-married. Interestingly, we hooked up twice right after his divorce.

Amy's drunken wedding disaster.

My cousin asked me to a groomswoman in his wedding in 2011. His then fiancee/ now ex (they divorced last year) wife had a lot of drama on her side of the family. Ten years before, her parents had divorced after it was revealed that her dad had impregnated his mistress. The dad had 50/50 custody of the child (a girl). My cousin's ex refused to view the girl as her half-sister. Her brother accepted the half sister. My cousin's had set up in which she wouldn't go over to her dad's house if the child was there and she would refused to extended family events if the half sister was there.

My cousin's ex wife was in physical therapy school at the time of the engagement and my cousin was in grad school for his MSW. They didn't' have the money for pay for a wedding. My cousin's now ex-father in law split costs with my uncle and aunt (cousin's parents). The ex FIL's agreement with my cousin's ex-wife was that if he was going to help pay for the wedding, then his other daughter would have to attend. My cousin's now ex-wife agreed to it. But, when the wedding day rolled around there was a lot of drama between her and her father regarding the half sister's presence there. She had the half sister sit with one of her relatives near the back of the church. This irritated the dad. When the photographers did the church pictures, the dad requested that the half sister be in one of the pictures and this lead to major argument between him and my cousin's ex wife. It was awful to watch in part because the half sister was near tears.

In the years after that, there was constant drama between my cousin's ex and her dad. Her dad died of covid in 2021 and it was revealed that two years before, he re did his will and left no money to my cousin's ex-wife. He set up an educational trust fund for the two kids my cousin and ex wife have. The rest of the money and assets were split between the brother and the half sister. My cousin's ex ended up estranged from her brother.

[quotes] Anglican/ Episcopalian ones also go on forever.

If true, it's probably because they sing ALL of the verse of the hymns.

Geez, R48. I need a spreadsheet to figure that out.

I went to a wedding (that was a lot of fun, actually). The bride and groom left the reception at the end of the night. She looked so beautiful and had the time of her life. But, when she and her husband got to their hotel room, she collapsed and died, right there in the hallway.. Turns out she had an undiagnosed heart thing.

Needless to say, the brunch the next day was a real downer.

I went to a wedding at an air force base. I don't know why it was there. It was a lunchtime reception but they had a three-piece polka band playing that seemed to be high school students. Nobody danced.

R52 - military discounts. You can get those places cheap.

I went to a wedding in which the groom married a real fundamentalist Christian. The reception featured orange punch and cake - nothing else. There was no music or dancing ( an occasion of sin) and the reception " hall" had three rows of chairs back to back to limit socializing. We stayed twenty minutes then all went to dinner.

Bitch, you have no idea!

Atvtheseceeddibfsxwgerevtherecwss no food, I take it that was not explained on the invite?

Orange punch and cake is pretty pathetic.

I have no idea what happened to my keyboard.

It was “At the weddings where there was no food, “

I read r11 wondering during the first two paragraphs if it was Della. Then, when I saw senior-lesbian in the signature line, I lost it. I scream laughed

The bowed dresses. 😱. Even most straight adult women would find a bow annoying. My bridesmaid's dress was a dusty pink horror. No bow, thankfully. I had a nice pre-approved, tea length Jessica McClintock picked out (yes, it was the 80s), but at the last moment the bride picked dusty rose for the groom and best man's cumberbund color. So I got to wear full length, long sleeved tafetta dress because it was the only off-the-rack dusty rose available on short notice. It was an outdoor wedding and reception in California in June.

R65/R57, it was not explained on the invite; it was just a regular invitation. That explains the swift retreat by my friends and me.

I was in grad school and my department’s administrator’s son was getting married; she asked me to be the bartender. She offered a couple hundred dollars, so I jumped at it. A few days before the wedding, I asked about the set up, you know, number of guests, when the supplies would be delivered, etc. She said her husband was handling all of that. Whatever.

I showed up and went to the reception hall, next to the church, to set up. All I found was walk-in coolers full of cases of Budweiser and Natural Light in cans. I looked everywhere for liquor and wine, glasses and napkins, but found none of them. The father of the groom came in and when I asked him, he said it was beer only, no cups. Aside from wondering why they needed a “bartender” I thought how de classé it was.

So I set out a case of each beer on a table and planned just to keep the table well stocked. About thirty minutes into the reception, while the bridal party was still doing pictures, four police officers appeared. They came up to me and asked me where the beer came from and I told them I didn’t know for sure, but the mother of the groom said it was procured by her husband.

TL;DR The dude stole thousands of dollars of beer from his work, as a salesman for the local Anheuser-Busch distributor, and invited his manager to the wedding. The manager called the police. I skipped out and heard later (not from the department admin) that he was fired and charged with felony theft. Incidentally the department admin was fired for embezzlement a few years later. I guess it ran in the family.

Did you get paid, r60?

They have almost all sucked and more than half ended in divorce. I agree that the worst ones are the super religious ones with no music, dancing or alcohol. Beyond boring. I avoid them and haven’t been to one in over ten years.

My niece is engaged and I’ve begged her to have a destination wedding somewhere far away so I won’t feel obligated to go. Elope! for the love of god!

This thread is great fun!

R61, yeah, she prepaid me. Haha.

An extended family member invited us to his wedding and we went mostly because it was in Florida in April and we thought we could combine it with a nice stretch at the beach. It was in central Florida (Orlando area) and it was hot as hell. The day of the wedding we all got a frantic phone call from the father of the groom (my relative) saying that the church double-booked or something and the ceremony was now at 1:00 PM. It was unbearable, the church was small and stuffy -- the air conditioner was working but not up to the task of cooling a hundred people jammed into it. When we got in the super-heated car, every drop of moisture in me left my body -- it took almost an hour for my core temperature to cool down. Then -- THEN! -- we get to the reception but no one told the caterer that the party now started at 2:00 instead of 6:00. Infernal and muggy, nothing to drink, and no food. Some of us ran to the liquor store to buy supplies and snacks, and my siblings and I (restaurant folk) were pressed into service as the bartenders and servers. Served cool-ish beer, watery drinks, and chips and salsa. The caterers were the heroes of the day but it still remains the most awful wedding many of us remember. Well, maybe not awful, but certainly unfortunate.

Similar to R54, I was in high school when I was invited to my music teacher’s wedding. She was actually marrying one of my friends who had just graduated. I don’t remember the age difference, but she was quite a bit older.

Anyway, they were Wesleyan; no drinking, no dancing, no jewelry, etc. The reception was more like a birthday party. It was held in the basement dining room of the church. After a buffet of sandwiches and salads made by the grooms mother and aunts, we sat there and watched as the bride and groom opened their gifts. It was such a trainwreck, but since there weren’t a lot of people, there was no way I could make a discreet exit.

You were forced to buy alcohol and snacks but

[quote]The caterers were the heroes of the day?

Every wedding I’ve been to has not had drama but has been boring as hell.

Compared to the stories here, mine is pretty tame but I once attended a wedding where the father of the groom got a DUI on the way home.

A wedding reception in a church basement is unbelievably tacky.

Conversely, I think over the top, over/decorated and over-planned receptions are also tacky.

Those too r72

A friend of a friend had a destination wedding in Greece last year and he and his then-fiancee made a website for it with many, many instructions and rules for the guests to strictly adhere to. The groom and bride live on the West Coast but they thought it would be "fun" to have everybody schlep halfway around the world for their stupid wedding. This is the second marriage for both, btw, and they're both middle-aged. The website is still up and beyond ridiculous. I'm not going to post it due to privacy concerns but I wish I could.

I think R67 wins. That, to me, sounds unbearably awful

These were 30 year olds (one a school teacher, one a lawyer) We had to trudge up 1/4 mile of dirt road to their parents cabin where they said vows to each other. When it was time for the “reception” a card table was brought out with a gallon of sweet tea, a gallon of lemonade (still in the handled gallon jugs), a 3lb block of cream cheese with a bottle of cocktail sauce poured on top and a box of saltines. This was for 40 people. We stopped at a drive thru to get something to eat afterwards. Should have just stayed at home.

What were some of the rules and instructions, r74?

Fun to search YouTube for wedding fights although some show videos where the groom slaps the bride in what looks like an arranged marriage (usually look to be Eastern European or Near East) and what assholes.

When I was 22 and in my first job, a secretary in the office invited the entire staff (30-odd people) to her wedding. This was before I was old enough to understand that some invites are made just for form and it's better for all involved to just send regrets and a gift, so I went. Tacky-ass wedding in a tacky-ass church with sea-foam green carpet, followed by a reception at the Sheraton. I'm at a table with my miserable colleagues when the bride comes over and lights into US about the other members of staff who had RVSP'd "yes" but not shown. "We wasted $50 a plate!!!" Don't yell at me, bitch, I'm here! (And BTW you was robbed, 'cuz this food is nasty.)

[quote]What were some of the rules and instructions, [R74]?

Strict dress code for the wedding (it was a "theme"), NO significant others who were not pre-approved (I am not kidding), no kids (leave them with someone for an entire week while you travel halfway around the world. We don't care). A checklist of various pre-wedding events (which they called "adventures") that you are pretty much required to attend. There were several others. It was just obnoxious.

Oh, and they had a registry. These are two middle-aged people who are white-collar professionals, have a gorgeous house in a very well-off neighborhood and want for nothing. Tacky, tacky, tacky.

BTW, my friend didn't go. He had "other committments."

It was horrible, no open bar.

A girl I knew in high school decided to get married during college to a guy like 15 years older than her who I think had a job at the record store at the mall. She dropped out of college to marry him.

Her parents understandably were upset. But they greeted everyone coming into the reception like it was a funeral, saying how awful it was to see us under those circumstances.

The food was grocery store deli meat, wonder bread still in the packages, and bottled condiments. Somehow they actually managed to run out of this food. I was screaming (internally) for them to at least arrange it on/ in serving dishes, but it remained in the plastic.

Needless to say they divorced fairly quickly. I only know her on Facebook now but it appears she never went back to college.

I have never attended a wedding. I have been asked to be a part of several wedding parties by female friends but always declined once their demands became more and more outrageous.

I’ve heard it all, destination weddings, expecting me to plan their entire wedding, do their makeup, take photos, etc…all free of charge of course. I don’t understand how people can be so entitled.

And there’s always dozens of activities planned prior to the wedding that you’re expected to attend.

R11 I read that story imagining it being told from the perspective of a straight man which made it even funnier.

And there’s always dozens of activities planned prior to the wedding that you’re expected to attend.

Sure, if you’re marrying into the BRF. For the rest of us, not true.

Close enough, R84.

R23 Lem Billings writes from beyond the grave....

r83's story would make a great movie.

I’ve been to several. But they weren’t terrible until I got there.

In case anyone reading this thread is engaged, I know you won't listen but NOBODY is as interested in your wedding as you are, even family.

Went to an indoor wedding… in July… in the South… and the AC broke.

Every reception photo was pure sweat. We all looked unclean. It was somehow hotter outside than inside, so there was no escape. No one wanted to dance. No one even wanted to move.

Once the sun set, people fled to the parking, but by then, we all looked like the cast of Lost after a few weeks on the island.

Oh and then there was the wedding full of Republicans. The groom conveniently forgot to mention his entire family and hers were military, conservative, and in full voice. BB Bush had just been re-elected, so the speeches doubled as campaign rallies.

Somewhere during their war-hawking, "something" happened in the kitchen and we were told the food would be later than they expected so they kept TALKING. They then let other people talk. It was a whole one and a half extra hours of non-sense.

I told my table (people I worked with) I was going outside for a moment and made the fastest Irish exit. I texted them goodbye so no one thought I was dead.

Besides the dry/bad food weddings or the fight breaks out weddings there's the demand weddings: travel to my destination weddings, the guest must dress in a certain theme or color weddings, guest must record video message wedding etc.

PS. No thank you^^

When I was a kid my parents went to the wedding of my mother’s cousin’s oldest son. The cousin was an MD and the well liked patriarch of that wing of the family. Early the next morning the phone rang, mom answered it, and just said “Oh no” very quietly. Dr Jim had died of a heart attack in his sleep.

Not as dramatic as dying during the reception, but close.

R74 please please please post a link to that wedding website, it sounds fantastic. We promise to keep it to ourselves and not repost it.

R48 I've never understood why men think their kids should accept any half siblings borne out of their fucking around on their mother.

I attended a wedding where the groom (we suspected gay) announced to his unfortunate bride; i don't want to do this, but I know I need to ... in his vows.

Bridesmaids take the groom to a cheap hotel and we all know what happened while the bride cried at the head table in the fire hall

R68 -- it appears that I left out why the caterers were heroes. They corralled their staff and showed up way ahead of their schedule and took over. Guests were on their own only for about an hour and a half.

[quote][R74] please please please post a link to that wedding website, it sounds fantastic. We promise to keep it to ourselves and not repost it.

I have to say that I would love to see the snark and hilarity that DLers would have with this couple, but posting the website would be kind of a mean and shitty thing for me to do. I'm not *that* much of a cunt.

One more little tidbit - the bride and groom's first dance at their reception was to "I've Had the Time Of My Life," complete with the original Dirty Dancing choreography. When I saw the video on Instagram I nearly puked.

You’re a major cunt already …go all in.

[quote] About 20 years ago DL had a wildly entertaining thread about disastrous weddings.

That's how I originally found myself here. I can't quite recall the website I was following at the time but someone there was making fun of DL an referenced that thread.

Went to an old friend's wedding at a local low-key, small storefront museum. On the cheap. First ever iPod wedding I'd attended. Good caterers but no alcohol as our friend the bride had a religious family. The groom was crypto hippie whom we didn't know well. His best man, an amateur magician gave a speech that all ut said he was in love with the groom and that this was the saddest day of his life. We quickly escaped to a conveniently nearby strip bar for liquor some fun eye candy while we processed the whole thing.

They are still married, happily. Magician later killed himself...

Kind of off-topic, but why do so many fundie Christians have a thing against alcohol? Jesus drank wine in the Bible. Shouldn't it be ok if Jesus did it?

Fundies came up with the conceit that wine was really non- fermented.

If I attended a wedding reception and there was no alcohol I would walk straight back out the door.

Several decades ago, I worked as a co-host of a TV show in the Northeast. I adored my co-host who was living with my executive producer boss. They were a mixed-race couple but apparently adored each other enough that it was not an issue for them. Frankly, I didn't get the appeal. At the wedding, I was asked to give a toast and it ran too long, as my producer admonished me. Instantly, and without thinking, I blurted out, "The next time I will be brief." A few moments went by before I realized I had inadvertently shat all over the event. But I was more prescient that I realized. Because a few years later, they divorced.

[quote] Several decades ago, I worked as a co-host of a TV show in the Northeast. I adored my co-host who was living with my executive producer boss. They were a mixed-race couple but apparently adored each other enough that it was not an issue for them. Frankly, I didn't get the appeal.

Them being a mixed-race couple wasn’t an issue for them? You didn’t get the appeal of being in a mixed-race couple??

[quote]Kind of off-topic, but why do so many fundie Christians have a thing against alcohol

It sure saves money to not have to provide alcohol. Maybe it's because they're cheap. More than likely that they think drinking and dancing are occasions of sin.

[quote] Kind of off-topic, but why do so many fundie Christians have a thing against alcohol

you'd think because Jesus turned water into wine at the wedding at Cana they'd be all in for alcohol at weddings.

[QUOTE]They were a mixed-race couple but apparently adored each other enough that it was not an issue for them.

Are you an "evolved" Archie Bunker or a tolerant MAGAt who understood the groom from another, darker race had money? I vote the latter since Trump allowed an Arab to marry in...

I’ve been to some shitty weddings. One was a straight couple who were so odious we all joked them marrying meant everyone was safe from their attentions. Anyway, about ten days before the wedding, the groom to be fails to return home one evening. Wifey somehow has suspicions of where he might be and tracks him down only to find him getting sucked off by a troll. Huge argument ensues, but she’s determined to have her Big Day, so wedding goes ahead.

As she reaches the altar, she hisses at him I hope you enjoyed that blowjob, it was your fucking last. He gets so drunk and enraged at the wedding reception they have a massive fight in an adjacent room and we can all hear. Somehow, they stay unhappily married for 10 years but it’s by far from the last time she finds his wandering cock.

"sucked off by a troll" of indeterminate gender?

One of the most memorable was one I attended in my 20s, right out of college. The bride was from my graduating class in high school. I don’t remember anything about the ceremony, but I definitely remember the reception at the country club in the little town where I grew up. It was wild. Tons and tons of free booze, and of course we all got drunk. . I made out in the bathroom with a hot groomsmen I’d had a crush on since junior high. Neither of us were out then—well, he still isn’t (has wife and kids). Later, several of us thought it would be funny to use the glass dinner plates as frisbees and fling them onto the golf course. Not one of my proudest moments.

Another girl from my class had dated a guy from my class all through high school, and broke up when they went to different colleges. At this reception, she brought her new husband. The former boyfriend, who still carried a torch for her, kept going around drunkenly, loudly, saying he couldn’t believe she married a “fat redneck” and kept trying to cozy up to her. Everyone was on the packed patio at one point, and out of nowhere her husband punched the old boyfriend hard in the face, and everyone had to pull them apart. The bride of THIS wedding started screaming and crying that “her day” had been ruined. Quite a night.

Yeah, I looked twice at that as well, R108.

I hope that’s not what Venezia meant but nowadays….

teI went to a wedding in a which was a bit bizarre. The bride and groom were seated on opposite sides of the altar, facing each other. When the minister finally called them up for the vows, they stood six feet away from each other. He said," And now we will proceed with the wedding vows ( pause). Is it hot in here? I'll turn up the AC." With that, he left the couple ready to recite their vows and walked to the back of the church to turn up the AC. On his way back, he would converse with the congregation, asking them if it was getting cooler. Then, the vows were finally done and the couple got to sit together. Then the minister went to the mic and said." Now, I'll bet Kyle is asking himself, 'What did I just get myself into...?'" It went downhill from there.

Just a little reminder of one of the best mother in law entrances in history.

My best friend’s dad married a new younger woman in the late1980’s. My friend was pissed about it and a total problem child. We were both 13. They decided to hold their wedding in the house that they were building. Again,it was a foundation and a frame. The bride wore a dress she had knitted from her loom. It was hideous but everyone kept telling her it was “beautiful” due to the effort she put into it. The had a bluegrass band play afterward on the deck they were building. That would have been ok in West Virginia, but this was California. Bluegrass is not fun or danceable or even listenable in my opinion. There was no space on the deck to dance even if anyone had wanted to. My friend thought she could sing, but she was pretty bad. She told the band she wanted to sing “The Rose” and they humored her. She couldn’t stay on key and one member of the band abruptly stopped the performance with a loud “NOPE” and refused to let her go on. Then her heinous grandma got on the mic to sing her own version of The Rose with no band backing. She managed to make my friend sound good. The couple then invited everyone back to their tiny rental to watch them open gifts. Some people went. My friend had a horrible attitude about everything and kept making snarky remarks about how the marriage wouldnt last while they were opening gifts. They stayed together about ten years and then divorced. It turned out that they had actually gotten married the year prior during a Hawaiian vacation that my friend was excluded from. She was livid when she found out.

Me.

Great stories everyone! The most lavish wedding we went to turned out to be fun but had a few moments that threatened to derail things. It was a tropical location, outside and super hot but we were still expected to be in black tie. As we entered the ceremony, each guest was given a small white box and told to open them once the couple kissed. The vows were lovely but when the time came to open our boxes, we all found a dead butterfly inside, roasted alive instead of flying into the sky as intended.

No butterfly in the sky

It just burned up and died

the world of heterosexuals is a sick and boring life!

Tis true!

I went to one in Napa with someone I really didn’t know, he worked at a different branch office and we had met at a company event. Said he had to stop in at the wedding the following weekend, but we could leave quickly and get on with our date. First of all, I don’t hear from him at all that week. I find out after he picked me up he was in jail! I’m dressed nicely, it’s a Napa wedding. I am the only person there who made an effort.

It was outdoors, the bride and groom seem barely legal, groom is wearing wranglers, bride is wearing a too small floral cotton dress, hay bales for decor, and goats are wondering around during the ceremony. Afterwards the date says I need to say hi to my friends, be right back and just disappears for an hour and a half.

I stick out like a sore thumb, it’s all fat toothless parents and their very young adult kids, many of whom have little kids of their own. The young guys go off to drink beer, the young girls huddle up and share baby tips, turns out the bride is pregnant. I rarely get migraines, but did that day.

Date finally shows back up, clearly doing coke the entire time. He’s ready to party. I’m ready to go home, I tell him about the migraine. He’s pissed, we get in the car, and he blasts the Miami vice theme song as he’s driving. I ask him to please turn it down, he turns it up. I barely get out of the car and he peels out down the street.

Maybe I should have saved this for the worst date ever thread, but it was a wedding, and a tacky one at that.

I went to a wedding a few years ago and the celebrant was a late middle aged lady with greasy grey hair. She wore a slightly discoloured white cardigan which was all pilled and a non descriptive shirt and blouse. She read from a sheets of paper in plastic pockets. She had the most monotone voice I ever heard. It was horrid after saying how lovely the wedding was.

R124 I was also once at a wedding when my boyfriend disappeared for an hour. I never assumed he was doing coke. I figured he was banging someone.

I don't know if this is a new thing....but I went to a wedding (which seemed really nice) where I was only invited to the ceremony and cocktail hour, but not the reception. I have to admit, I took my gift back. The ceremony is already open to all. The cocktail hour was cash bar with a few cheap passed apps. No thanks.

Proud to say I have not been to one. The thought of going to someone's wedding, which is supposed to be their happiest day, and it is brain-freeze inducingly boring, is excrutiating. I rather avoid this ceremonial stuff altogether.

R128, they did not tell you about that beforehand? You showed up and found out you were not invited?

R126 = Tanya and Chook

R129 No. The invitation didn't say anything other than where/when - reception immediately following ceremony. I think it was just a grab for gifts, which is why I took mine back. I liked these people and would have loved to go to just the ceremony anyway, it's always my favorite part.

The FB algorithm has for a several days now been feeding me super-amateurish but ADDICTIVE reels by a wedding planner (Wedding Pro Cass) recounting bridezilla stories. They're like crack.

None of the weddings I've been to were terrible, but I perhaps kept the one I was best man at from becoming such by preventing the groom's dog from mauling/killing the bride's younger brother. Luckily the other groomsman and friends soaping up the car acted quickly when I told them to get the kid out of sight before the slavering guard dog could pull his chain from its post, because he'd have been able to give chase with me clinging to his neck like a scarf.

R127 So how did you find out you weren’t invited to the reception?

R134, yeah. If it said reception on the invite…

At my best friend's (first) wedding, an ex of her sister crashed it wearing a suit. This was not an affair where anyone but the groom was in a suit. He went around to everyone’s table during the reception and stole their champagne while drinking straight out of the bottle. Everyone was really pissed at the time, but laughed about it for years later.

R136 Why didn't they trow him out? I don't get situations like that.

I attended a wedding where the bride's mother and aunt, both drunk, got into a screaming brawl and the aunt RIPPED shrubbery out of the hotel's front lawn and threw it across the dance floor at her sister. The hotel manager had to come down to break things up and the wedding disbanded shortly thereafter. These were well-off New Englanders, too.

I've been to some wedding stinkers, but my personal favorite was when my mother's friend Loretta's (who had polio) parents were treated to a big surprise 50th anniversary party by 200 of their closest family members and friends.

The lights in the hall came on, people yelled, "Surprise!" and her father clutched his chest and collapsed. He was dead by the time they got him to the hospital.

That was some cold mostaccioli.

The very first friend of mine to get married had a depressing row house backyard wedding with one keg, lasagna and a carafe of coffee. Her groom was high as a kite and she was pregnant. One of the gifts was two used tires for the groom’s Camaro. I was stone cold sober but underage and sent to the package store to buy beer. The bride’s mother had to call ahead and let them know I was coming. The marriage didn’t last very long. She married another former classmate, who had a bit more ambition.

At a very high class wedding a few years ago, a married coworker brought a guy she was having an affair with, then got pissed when they were in the pictures. Dumb. Another coworker brought a date who seemed a little off. She gifted a drawing of the bride and groom and then heard us bitches remark it made it look like they had Down’s Syndrome. Her date bitched at us, but really, even the bride thought it was a crappy drawing too…in a dollar store frame.

R137 my friend didn’t want to make a scene of throwing him out. She was so happy and a nice person. I think he was politely asked to leave at some point but he drank A LOT of champagne before that happened.