What name should the new Pope take?

Peter. The last pope.

Pope Peter II, since Trump is obviously the Third Anti-Christ.

Pope Cthulhu N+1

Pope Donald has a nice ring to it

"Sylvester" has a nice gay history to it. My best friend once met Sylvester the singer in a gay bar, and he held out his hand and said to my friend, "Kiss my hand, honey: you'll be glad ya did!"

So I could see a Pope Sylvester IV holding out his hand to visiting dignitaries, saying, "Kiss my ring, honey: you'll be glad ya did!"

Clint

Bootsie Gumdrops

Pie Ass XIII.

Mary the First.

To make inroads with the MAGA/white nationalist crowd, how about Pepe I?

Pope X Æ A-12

If he's from Africa, Pope Chocula.

Krasnov

Divine 11

Divine ll

Vivian, but not Vance

Tyler

Madyson

Justin

Francine Fishpaw

The Weasel

Pope Pious Sphincter the First

Something like Pope Urban Beatz might vibe with the younger generations.

Lindzebelle I

I hope he's a fellow Franciscan, so Francis II would be wonderful.

Maybe a stage name. Pope Gaga.

Luigi!

Sixtus VI has a nice ring to it.

Something trendy, like Pope Jaden. But spell it Jhaydhenne.

Anna Maria Alonzo-Paladino (known to her friends as Muffin)

This is why I love the DL

We had John Paul ... how about RuPaul?

R25 Francis was not a Franciscan,

Wasn't he a Jesuit?

Innocent XIV

Boniface X

Pope Judas. Here to shake some shit up, bitches!

I can't believe the late pope was the first Francis.

Pope Venti Cappuccino.

There’s never been a Connie before either.

I love the concept of Pope Muffin I, r30.

Innocent and Urban go back to the Middle Ages.

P.O.P.E.

or Pope Jesus Mary Joseph

Leave an impression.

Goddie Boi

anyone remember the DL poster Pope Buck?

Pope Ajohnapisa

R33, R34, I meant "in spirit", as I'm a Franciscan "in spirit". I was raised within a Catholic Franciscan household. I only (really) know the teachings of St Francis. Pope Francis chose St Francis as his name.

Meredith

If he’s Irish then Popey McPopersteen.

OP, you are to be commended for this thread and for the final category of Blue Ivy or Desiree (which gives just a hint of Sondheim).

Bravo!

Britney

Pope Lavar

Popey Mc Popeface

Pope George

I'm in the running.

Buttsex the First

R1 Peter the Roman to be precise.

Pope Pedo Protector

Uncle Baby Billy.

Popey McPopeFace I

R58, see R52.

Carmelita Pope

Pope Minnehaha

Anthony

Kinda like picking out a drag name isn't it? They certainly have a variety of gowns to choose from.

Pope TEENJUS!

Pope Ahmed

Huckabeast

Pope Lindseybelle

Pope Luigi it is

Pope Sheridan the Appalled

Deonte'

Trevarius

Mar'Cellus

Patsy Ramsey

Che Diaz

Endora

Pope Hilarius has a nice ring to it. There's only been one before.

Two priests walk into a gay bar...

Pope Tinymeat

Cuntifacius Sexaginto Novem

Pope Guido Sarducci

Miss Sissyboodles

Notorioous P-O-P-E

Romeo

DemiMoore

DemiTasse

"Eggs" Benedict XVIII

Suburban

Peter

Read the responses.

Pope Pancit

Carmelita

Hunter Hillary Obama II

Carole Pope

R56 You're an idiot who can't play right. Shut up and go away.

R91 - you're out of line - WTF? Take a chill pill. Or are you one of those Catholics that get upset by the truth?

Mobile

R91, R56's idea is sound but in practice it usually devolved to "Pope John Paul II."

JanetsFloppingTitty

Barbra IV

Pope Demure the Mindful

The cardinal of Jamaica has said he would like to be known as Poe.

Pupipanz

Poe, mon.

Miss B. Haven

Could B A Crackhead

His Holiness Pope Phillywhore I

Cheryl.

Absolutely vetoing Innocent. You're just asking for trouble with that name, and bad headlines.

Pope Not-That-Innocent

Pope Takesonalovah would shake things up!

Kitty

Pope Impious

Pope Prepuce

Bartholomew

The Pope of Vatican Village.

@therealpopeofvaticancity

I want someone from South America with a Japanese name

Pope Fuji, Pope Honda, Pope Sakura….

And then he shows up to be pure South American mutt.

El Pépo.

Vivian Vance

When John Paul I's name was announced, I thought that maybe it would start a tradition--when you become pope, take on the names of the two preceding popes. So John Paul II should have been Paul John Paul. If they'd only done this, then we'd know already that the next pope will be named John Paul Paul John Paul Paul John Paul John Paul Paul John Paul.

There's a pope joke I tell frequently, and because it was told to me this way, the pope involved is named Pope Gelatin the 3rd. It has a very nice ring to it and I think it would be a dandy name for the new pope. (Somehow Pope Gelatin the 1st doesn't roll off the tongue as easily).

The last pope born in Africa was Gelasius I. Pity the current sub-Saharan African Catholics are so conservative.

What's the joke, r118?

It's a long joke, so anyone with a limited attention span should just skip to the next post.

It was the middle ages in Rome during the reign of Pope Gelatin the 3rd. A delegation of Roman businessmen came to the Pope and said, "you have to evict all of the Jews from Rome. Their business practices are driving us to ruin. Plus, they are allowed to do business on Sundays. We just can't compete". The pope said, "Gentleman, I can't just evict them for such a reason without warning or cause. But I propose that I send a message to their community challenged them to a debate, and depending on the outcome, either they can stay in Rome or leave the city. Because they are notoriously skillful orators, I'm going to propose to have the debate using sign language"

They agreed that this seemed like a great idea. The pope sent an envoy to the Jewish community with this proposal. The Jews were both horrified and mystified. How were they supposed to conduct a debate using sign language? But it seemed they had no choice. Finally they determined to select Moishe the Tailor as the debater since he was so quick and skillful with his hands.

The appointed day arrived. The pope set out from the doors of St. Peter, long red carpet rolling out in front of him to the center of the square lined with robed clergy all along the route. The Jews were gathered at the far end, and they thrust a very reluctant Moishe forward towards the pope. The pope began the debate. He pointed a forefinger at the sky. Moishe looked at it for a moment and jammed a forefinger into his palm. Then the pope raised three fingers. Moishe raised one finger. The pope gestured to an aide who gave him a carafe of wine and a loaf of bread to hold up Moishe reached into his pocket and brought out an apple, which he also held up. The pope finally spoke out loud. He said, "Moishe the tailor has won the debate and the Jews will be allowed to stay in Rome"

At those words, there was a great hubbub and outcry. The clergy surrounded the pope and said, "your Holiness, how could this have happened? You're a world: renowned scholar, philosopher, and theologian, and this is a man with no formal education". The pope said, "what could I do? His answers were profound and I had no response to them". They said, "what did you say to him?" The pope said, "I pointed to the sky to say, "God is Eternal". But he answered by pointing to his palm, "But God is also imminent". I held up three fingers to say that God manifests Himself in three ways. But he held up one finger to say "Ah, but His essence is ONE". Then I held up the wine and bread to say, "Jesus brought these gifts to conquer sin and evil in the world". But then he held up an apple to say "perhaps, and yet sin and evil obviously still exist in the world". He had a profound answer to every argument. I had to acknowledge that he won.

The Jews came clustering around Moishe. "Moishe, Moishe, how did you win this debate against a Christian with all his strange philosophies and crazy religious beliefs?". He said, "heck if I know". They said, "What was he saying to you?" Moishe said, "he held up a finger which said to me, "All you Jews gotta get outa Rome" And I pushed my finger on my hand to say, "there's absolutely no way we're leaving". He held up 3 fingers to say, "You have three days to pack your bags, abandon your property, and leave the city". And I held up a finger to say, "And I'm tellin' you, not a single one of us is goin' anywhere".

"Then he held up his lunch, I held up mine, and the debate was over".

Popeahontas

Magnolia Thunderpussy

R91 Priests like boys?

Why have there been so many Pope Urbans, but no Pope Rusticus? Our rural parishes deserve better.

R121 my sides

[quote] Magnolia Thunderpussy

CinemaCapMan

Luigi The Innocent

I can't believe how many popes were called Innocent. It's like they were purposefully hiding something.

Shy little pope, twirling his robe, aww....shucks...I'm innocent.

The hell you are! Oh baby, baby, You're NOT THAT Innocent! (shout-out to BritBrit)

Kyle.

Get R45 and R77, I’m available!

That's a spicy pizzaballa!

Desiderio, meaning longing for God.

I say they really jump the sharp and go with Pope Fun Bobby.

If you really want to jump the shark, go with Pope Cousin Oliver!

Pope Apple Pius!

How about Bendmydic XVII

They're going back to the original name: Peter.

So the Italian Pietro Parolin has it in the bag, or red purse if you will.

Do any of the candidates have a taste for red Prada slippers?

Pope Caftanius

Pope Androgynous The Highly Suspicious

Pope on a Rope

Kyle

Zack

Judas

Chad

[quote]Some really cool medieval pope's name, like Gelasius or Sylvester or Boniface

I voted for this option. Always had a soft spot for Anacletus.

I liked Jude Law as Lennie the pope on that weird HBO series. The pope should be HOT.

Pope Antipope.

PoPo Siwa

‘n Fresh

Peter II

Frances

Abby Normal

[quote]Do any of the candidates have a taste for red Prada slippers?

They're cardinals, it's not like they're wearing Old Navy.

Sixtus the VIth

That way all we need is one more "6".

r156 He'd be a big hit among the gays, what with all those sibilant Ss.

Pope Follies!

Sebastian I.

[quote]Patronage: soldiers, plague-stricken, archers, disabled peoples, athletes, cyclists

That way, he could show support for the gays and trans athletes at the same time.

Goestheweasel

Pope Tightas

[quote] Peter II —can you imagine?

Yes because I read r1, R2, r5 and r138.

R55 that is.

Ain't no one reading this whole thread babe, some of us have kids to raise.

And we have a pope to name, r164! Prioritize!

R20 Pope Francine ll The Unvanquished of Lower Fishpaw

Saint Francis II.

R167 here. It should be:

Pope Francis II.

Joan.

Funtastic I.

Pope Francis II

Pope Thomas

Pope Michael

Pope Michael Francis

r148, I was just thinking that! Give us a YOUNG pope!

Alexis Carrington Colby

Pope O'Catatepetl

Pope Benadryl - an opiate alternative for the masses!.

R148, ironically, HBO showed The Pope the week before he died. Coincidence or . . . ?

Pope Agoesdaweezel

R169, how about Pope Joan Crawford?

I second Cletus, or Enos, or maybe just Boss Hogg.

Teacake

Francis John Paul John Paul Not-Benedict

Pope = papa in several languages; it also means "father" and "potato" in Spanish, for example. So ... Papa Frita?

To be honest, I would be more than happy to eat out a Papa Rellena.

Maledict.

R182, "Santo Papa" (Holy Father) is what we call the Pope in the Philippines.

Popsy McPopsicle

Pope Honey Badger

Vlad the Imperator

Pope Onya Nurve

Already taken, R188.

[quote] They're cardinals, it's not like they're wearing Old Navy.

After Benedict "Imelda" XVI retired, Francis made a point of NOT continuing Benedict's standing order of custom-made red leather slippers from Prada, and wearing simple inexpensive off-the-rack red shoes.

Sorry: I made two errors.

Benedict's custom-made red leather slippers were not from Prada but from an expensive private shoemaker.

And Francis didn't even wear red shoes--he only wore simple black shoes, in a departure from tradition.

Pope Devine

Pope Ru-Paul

Pope Supreme Diana

Pope Halston

Pope Jacqueline

Pope Vivian Vance

Pope Hiram Abraham Goldstein has a nice ring to it.

Puddintane!

George Ringo

“Pope John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt” would be a nice mix of classic and new and would make a bold statement.

Pope Hungry Man TV dinner

I like the name Celestine.

R189 Pope Bonnidickt

R189 Pope Francine: So, your GOD?

Tits Romano: Yes, I was sure that my fabulous tap dancing would give me away

you’re*

American Riviera Orchard

Pope Gog

Helen Van Patterson-Patton, or her sister, Debbie.

Sharkeisha.

Sharkeisha NO

Cheryl

R209 is not r104.

Pope Priapus XXX

Pope Magog

Gog.

Apparently Gog it is!

See R205

I did.

Popo Gigio

You're clever, r217.

Pope Sufficient

Cuntasia the Whorebitch

Pope Frederic the Flintstone. In the name of The Yabba, The Dabba, and The Doo

Isadore

George

Pope Cletus

ha ha!

[quote] ha ha!

I'll say.

Johnny Paulie Yuma

Goestheweasel

Pauli

Pope Clementine Scramblehead of the Santa Susana Pass

El Popo Loco

Pope Shoes, Bitch!

Pope Papa

"I love it when you call me Pope Papa, throw your hands in the air, if you believe in prayah" His Hollahness, Pope P.A.P.A.

Pope-a, Don't Preach

R234, you're in trouble deep.

Papi Chulo I

A priest, a minister and a rabbit walk into a bar and the rabbit says, "Hold on, I think I'm a typo".

Becky.

Thatapimple

Arazzo

Ru Paul II

R241, R32 suggested RuPaul. Are you suggesting there has already been a Pope Ru Paul?

I think Pope Palpatine I has a nice ring to it.

R242, Pope Benedict was the original Pope Ru Paul. But thank you for being such a thorough thread reader, and being so unusually cheerful at your task!

Precious, based on the novel Push by Sapphire

Pope Benedict was also, for that matter, the original Pope Palpatine.

Cat Pope

I LOVE THE HOLINESS-CAT POPE!

If not Francis II, then if keeping with a Franciscan theme, perhaps Juniper, Anthony or Bonaventure

Jussie

Pope Mussy Drought

Helena Bonham Carter

Ye.

As in PopeYe.

Guiltgiver I

Pope Sister Euphemia of the Five Wounds. “Five Wounds” for short.

Of all times to leave Vivian Vance off a poll