Who will be the next Bachelor.....I mean, the next Pope??!?

Contestant #1 - Cardinal Konrad Krajewski, from Poland.

Contestant #2 - an Eyetalian, Matteo Zuppi.

Contestant #3, from Malta, Mario Grech

Is it impossible to have a slim, muscular, attractive Pope? Am I reaching for the stars here?

I hope it's r2:

[quote]Francis made him a cardinal in 2019 and later made clear he wanted him in charge of Italy’s bishops, a sign of his admiration for the prelate who, like Francis, is known as a “street priest.” In another sign of his progressive leanings and closeness to Francis, Zuppi wrote the introduction to the Italian edition of “Building a Bridge,” by the Rev. James Martin, an American Jesuit, about the church’s need to improve its outreach to the LGBTQ+ community. Zuppi would be a candidate in Francis’ tradition of ministering to those on the margins

R5 That guy also has kind eyes.

The girls are already fighting in the Interior Illusions lounge.

Michelle Visage will be covering the Conclave!

There's no way we're getting another Pole so soon after the last one. Though I still remember the gasps in St. Peter's Square when Francis was announced, so I guess anything can happen.

*Pollack!

I was catching up on some DVR stuff over the weekend and saw a feature on the conclave (the event, not the movie). The interviewer asked if the cardinals were already discussing the successor. The scholar said, no, but they likely are discussing the type of pope that the world needs right now. This kinda gives me hope, seeing how the conservative movement, in particularly Trump, is being viewed throughout the world right now. So, maybe we'll have another progressive pope, or at lease a moderate.

I have one thing to say, cardinals.

YOU

BETTA

WERK!

I can't believe he was pope for 12 years! Time goes so quickly! I must say I'm quite excited about the conclave. It will be a nice distraction to all the other bullshit going on.

Yeah, 12 years sounds wrong, feels like he's been pope for longer than that.

I will be the next Pope. Trust me!

First Jewish pope!

[quote] Contestant #3, from Malta, Mario Grech

He’ll be Pope Buttegrech!

More options, apparently.....I read another article that had a bunch of other candidates listed.

Cardinal Peter Erdo, Hungarian.

Seems to be a bit more conservative

Daddybear Reinhold Marx

Jude Law. As the young pope.

r18 No fucking way, Hungary is Europe's pariah right now, that would be an *extremely* strong political message from the Vatican.

A Canuck! Marc Ouellet.

Looks a bit drunky drunky and also, is 80.

Another Eyetalian, Pietro Parolin

What do you get for being a Pope? An annual stipend and an Oldsmobile Cutlass? What is the pay and perks package like?

Possible first Asian Pope?

Shia LaBoeuf.

Various candidates discussed here

The one from Portugal would be my pick.

He's also the handsomest.

I'm praying for this man. He's a Long Shot, but...

[quote]What do you get for being a Pope?

GORGEOUS gowns.

Sparkly red shoes.

[quote]Sarah is a traditional, Orthodox cardinal who at one time sought to present himself as a “parallel authority” to Francis, according to a Vatican observer.

Gross, but just goes to show that African Church will be a tough nut to crack for any liberal or even moderate pope. They might just sever ties and go their own way eventually, just as they have done with the Archbishop of Canterbury.

Link please, R28.

R33 This guy.

(I mean, he's not jaw droppingly gorgeous but he is handsome in a school-teacherish sort of way)

[quote] Daddybear Reinhold Marx

Ewwww. Who wants a pope who looks like Philip Seymour Hoffman?

Thank you, R34.

The worst choices would be Erdo or Robert Sarah.

[quote] just goes to show that African Church will be a tough nut to crack for any liberal or even moderate pope.

Just like that Italian altar boy when I was straight out of seminary.

MARY!

And JOSEPH

It would be cool to have an African pope, at least to make the racist assholes, all over the world and particularly here, heads’ explode.

But they do tend to be more conservative.

I like the one from the Philippines and one of the Italians.

Coming soon on Bravo...

Who Wants to be the Next Pope?

Whoever they select they need to choose someone under SEVENTY! They always choose these septa and octogenarians who look like they will pass out in the Italian sun.

R43 I guess the point of that is, whatever the new pope does they only have to put up with him for 5-10 years.

Choosing a younger pope means they might have to put up with that dude's bullshit for 30-40 years.

Paul VI - 15 years

JP I - 33 days

JP II - 26 years

Benedict - 7 years

Francis - 12 years

Wasn't Paul a big homo?

Anyone but the African candidate.Thus is in no way a racial slander. In the past several decades the Catholic Church in African countries have become hard-core extremists, arguing against Vatican II, prosecution of pedophile priests, and acceptance of gay rights and women’s rights. These bishops we’re outwardly critical of Pope Francis.

How many young seminarians have these guys banged?

“In June 2022 Cardinal Zuppi was accused of hiding what critics called blessing a gay couple after their civil wedding. The editor of the Italian conservative Catholic online newspaper said the Archdiocese of Bologna made a number of false claims in a statement attempting to justify the ceremony. The "blessing" of Pietro Morotti and Giacomo Spagnolli took place in the presence of six priests at the church of San Lorenzo di Budrio. Cardinal Zuppi was not present, and had no part in the ceremony.[23] In 2023 Pope Francis asked Cardinal Zuppi to carry out a peace mission to try to help end the Russian invasion of Ukraine. Zuppi met President Volodymyr Zelenskyy; he did not meet President Vladimir Putin,[24] but he did meet with Patriarch Kirill of Moscow.[25] In July 2023, he flew to the United States to meet with President Joe Biden.[26] Cardinal Zuppi visited Moscow in October 2024 to promote humanitarian collaboration amid the ongoing conflict.[27]“

Pierbattista Pizzaballa!

Zuppi for the win!

Pizzaballa has the best name of course, but remember he'll be taking a new one.

Remember those who go into conclave a Pope, come out Cardinals… Tobin and Zuppi are both no. Tobin has the scent of the US on himself, it won’t be any American for that matter. Zuppi has his own issues, namely the Neocatechumenical Way. The NeoCatWay folks are kind of like theological hippies stuck in the early 70s and viewed as best kept at arms length.

It has to be the craziest feeling, arriving to the Vatican for the funeral and later to the conclave, being fully aware that the media has you on a list of the likeliest new pope. That was really well conveyed in The Conclave movie as well.

Cardinal Fridolin Ambongo would look lovely in a white gown!

My parents were still laughing about the prospect of a black pope when I brought it up today. Mom said she'd never bend the knee to a... well, a very unfortunate term was used, as you can imagine. I think even an Asian one would turn them agnostic overnight. Not Protestant, mind you, because those are even worse than the blacks, smh.

Can’t wait to see the Conclave Snatch Game!

Humans are a ridiculous species with all their rituals and awards and orders. Wearing funny hats and elaborate gowns while swinging a brass container full of incense, or smudge ash on one’s forehead for a thing they can’t be seen. Bowing on a magic carpet facing in a certain direction 5 times a day. Wearing funny curls, ill fitting hats and black suits while not being able to hit an elevator button during a particular time.

Or, if in the military and you do well, someone pins a fancy piece of metal on you. If you do real well, you get more! If your hog is the biggest at a fair, you get a satin blue piece of cloth. If you mimic another human well, you get a gold statue. Don’t get me started on weddings.

I doubt they will choose anyone under 70. They don't want anyone 'too young' who will hang on to the seat for over 20 years like Pope John Paul II did (nearly 27 years of one Pope was never the plan). They want someone in and out, hopefully 10 - 15 years, tops. They want change every dozen years or so, as much as the followers do.

[quote]They want change every dozen years or so, as much as the followers do.

I think this is exactly it, try some change and see how the world reacts. They chose a reactionary with Benedict and a "liberal" with Francis, who knows what direction they'll go in this time around.

That's apparently been the norm...a conservative pope that pleases the old timers then a liberal pope who makes changes that please the more liberal Catholics then back again.

Rinse and repeat.

When John Paul II was crowned in October, 1978 he was only 58 years old. Back then, male life expectance was about early - mid 70s, so they were happy with that. They expected him to be dead by the mid-90s, and they'd bring in someone new/conservative to usher in the new century. But JP2 was like QE2, and wasn't going anywhere - no giving up the crown for him. He finally died at (nearly) 85 - a decade longer than what was in the plans.

So if Pope's are now going to last into their mid-late 80s like the last three, no way will they choose someone under 70. Not happening.

yes, because everyone always dies by the median life expectancy age....

[quote]Wasn't Paul a big homo?

Well, he never sucked my cock.

Don’t forget that Francois (then Jorge) was 1st runner-up to Ratzinger.

What prize does the 1st runner-up in the Miss Pope competition win?

You are then deemed papabile until you’re 80.

[quote] What prize does the 1st runner-up in the Miss Pope competition win?

A year's supply of Rice-a-Roni, the Santorini treat!

And some lovely American Tourister luggage, of course.

Francis’s runner-up is no longer papabile—he’s too old at 83.

Considering that my partner is Filipino, one thing I can tell you for sure: considering all of his Filipino friends that I’m connected to on Facebook, if that Filipino guy gets selected to be the pope, I’m never going to see the end of it.

Are any of them hot?

Sadly, Miss Runner Up gets a Tesla.

None of these are going to score very well in the swimsuit competition.

Can we just pick one from the 2025 Calendario Romano?

Seriously - it's a yearly calendar of hot priests - from the Vatican. We don't have to live like this people! They could choose a hot priest if they wanted.

#DoBetter

Stink DeLink

It took five rounds of voting to elect Francis, four for Benedict, and eight for John Paul II.

Will be interesting to see how long it takes this time around. Not to use a cliché, but the stakes are higher than ever.

Next up: The Italian, Pietro Parolin

No way they're electing that Filipino.

All I want him is to give Luigi a Holy pardon in the name of the Trinity and make him a member of the Vatican Guard. He would look wonderful in that Michelangelo couture brimming with color and stripes.

r77 I also don't see what they'd gain by electing the Filipino – that country is already as Catholic as it can be, and CC's growth potential in Asia is pretty limited. Asians also famously all hate each other, so having a Filipino pope would do little to make the Church more attractive in that region. It would just alienate Europe and Africa.

I think we're getting either a black moderate or a white liberal, but not the other way around.

How about a Latino?

We just had one, didn’t we?

No way a Mexican gets in, or a North American, for that matter.

It should be the Philippino. It would be cool to have one from Africa but they are too conservative for the room. They’d send us back a hundred years.

They have a similar issue in Latin America as in Asia when it comes to their growth potential. With the added problem that they've pretty much lost the battle in Latin America's biggest religious market, Brazil, to the evangelicals. So I don't know what a Latino pope would achieve. Plus, we just had an Argentinian pope...

[quote]and eight for John Paul II

That one took so long, the losers went through all five stages of grieving during the conclave already, lol.

Looks like Pope Vivian Vance I

Pope Fabulous I

The Filipino cardinal looks like an old busboy...he ain't getting it.

And, yeah...if you take vows to be a Catholic priest, you're either gay or an incel.

Most of them are gay.

Anyone but the Hungarian, who is a right-wing whack job aligned with Orbán. Or as The Guardian diplomatically put it.

[quote][bold]Péter Erdő, 72, Hungary[/bold]

[quote]A leading conservative candidate, Erdő has been a strong advocate for [bold]traditional Catholic teachings and doctrine. He would represent a big shift away from Francis’s approach.[/bold] He is widely regarded as a great intellect and a man of culture. Erdő was a favourite of the late cardinal George Pell who believed [bold]he would restore the rule of law in the post-Francis Vatican.[/bold] In 2015, Erdő appeared to [bold]align himself with Hungary’s nationalist prime minister, Viktor Orbán, [/bold]when he opposed Francis’s call for churches to take in migrants.

[quote]Not to use a cliché, but ...

But you did, Blanche, you did. You used a cliché...

Is it true that most of the cardinals are gay? That's what an expert said.

No, he's talking out of his ass. There's just no way to know what's going inside a celibate man's head. Also, this is closely related to that "most homophobes are actually closet cases" nonsense.

When I was in high school, our show choir visited a cathedral with a seminary attached. Even to my naive young gay in the making eyes, most of the seminarians either looked like weirdo nerds or hot gay boys.

Betting markets correctly predicted November, so we'll see if Parolin really will be the next pope. The page describes him as a conservative, but I think he's seen as more of a diplomatic liberal.

All American ones and the Canadian at below 1%, lol.