HE is RISEN to me!

Apparently the people of olden times were unfamiliar with the practice of grave robbery.

Lord love a duck!

Nor did they appreciate good grammar--ditto Tebow.

Pilate had guards posted at the tomb for three days, r1. Those soldiers were then scared away by a conveniently-timed earthquake and the boulder at the entrance was then removed by God Himself, appearing as brilliant light.

My favourite YouTuber had a lecture about this earlier this week, that's why I sound so knowledgeable about it.

I'm borrowing this from something I read on Twitter last year.

They say Christ died for our sins. He was crucified on a Friday, rose from the dead on a Sunday, then went to heaven.

So really, Christ gave up his weekend for our sins.

Very ballsy of him to post this. I know Jesus rose from that tomb too because I’m clairvoyant but I wouldn’t dare say so as a celebrity. Too scared of the backlash.

If it wasn't for that whore Eve, we would not have jelly beans today!

I was risen when I woke up.

R6 He's sticking his tongue up the anus of white male Republican culture. This is craven performative bullshit.

Tim Tebow is a COCK SUCKER closet case!

Hey, Tim, I'll be waiting for you in the afterlife, where we can suck each others' cocks again.

Athiests?

Why the fuck can’t fundies and conservacunts fucking SPELL?

R9 you know it’s funny because when people like you post this shit. Black people are the backbone of the Democratic Party and 90% religious. A lot of them literally believe this too. Why does he have to be sucking up to white conservative male cunts when he didn’t express anything towards that.

"Greatest comeback in history"? He was just mad at the dirt.

I went to years of catholic school—and I STILL don’t understand what “paying for our sins” even fucking means.

R15 Right? It doesn't make sense. Because he suffered and died? Compared to millions of people he didn't even suffer that long. That's why the believers had to manufacture miracles, otherwise Jesus (who probs didn't even exist) is just an ordinary prophet.

There used to be a name for this kind of online post, "glurge." I don't see that word anymore, but it's this kind of dramatic, sickly sweet emotional crap. And why do they act like this is news and it just happened? "HE IS RISEN"? No, this is the commemoration of when that is supposed to have happened, 2000+ years ago. Do you not understand anymore what a holiday is?

R13 If he's not looking for attention (which he hopes to translate into money), why do YOU think he would do this?

Seriously.

Paying for our sins means that Jesus was the first human being to let other human beings know there are consequences for our actions and exists an Omni metaphysical entity higher than us but not like the many demi-gods, so much rooted in human bad behavior, of Ancient Rome.

He let society know through his murder and sacrifice. Simultaneously he pays for our sins because the metaphorical story of Adam and Eve and their choosing(FREE WILL) to eat the apple after they were instructed not to, embodies the original sin. This sin causes human beings to be sinful and thus kill Mary’s first child. Adam and Eve is all fiction btw but Jesus really did rise from the dead.

And yet gay Tim couldn't get his cock to rise to inseminate his wife.

Is IVF the Holy Ghoster?

To the extent I've done things that are wrong---things that are actually and not violations of insane biblical.rules---what does this guy dying 2000 years do anything to make that better

R21 Sis hit the Jesus juice early this morning.

[quote] Paying for our sins means that Jesus was the first human being to let other human beings know there are consequences for our actions

Then why did HE pay for them. And if he paid for them, how come we are still born in original sin? At least the Mormons recognized the contradiction here and did away with original sin.

Jebus is who is is. Which is a white man with blue eyes and ombre hair. That's just the way it is folks. And Jebus stands behind our great white leader, Donald Trump.

I saw this posted in another Easter thread and nobody answered it - but can someone answer how he died on Good Friday and was buried (Jewish burial is very fast), then rose on Sunday morning. Where was the 3 days? Looks like all he missed was a Saturday.

Is Good Friday just commemorative and they squished it together for simplicity and to make it like a festival weekend?

Happy Easter dear friends.

I have always felt Jesus’s message of “love God, love one another” is the true everlasting life. The resurrection stuff is just Paul mansplaining Jesus

Substitutionary atonement theory came much later after Jebus. Especially with Paul, Augustine, Anselm, and Reformation thinkers like Luther and Calvin.

Eve was a cunt and, being a woman, fucked it up and led man into Evil.

Some Jews killed a white man to make it all better.

If you don't believe this we will kill you.

R26 Don’t ever and I mean EVAH and in no way am I being satirical or humorous, compare Jesus and Donald Trump in the same sentence. Don’t ever let that come out of your dick suckers. You mines well be a suicide bomber you gon be that blasphemous.

[quote]The resurrection stuff is just Paul mansplaining Jesus

And he never even met the guy! But then immediately turned into the biggest know-it-all with those damn letters, I swear converts are always the biggest zealots. And the worst part is, we got stuck with the Paulian church to this day.

R27, it's "on the third day, he rose again, in fulfillment of the scriptures." Good Friday, Saturday, then Sunday is the third day.

R9 sounds mentally unhinged

R21's apologetics are predictably spurious (as is the nature of apologetics), her history is incorrect, her understanding of scriptural development willfully naive, her interpretation of Christian dogma is unorthodox, and her English seems to have been co-written by Joseph Smith and a Sri Lankan.

And shouldn't an actual cultist have other things to do on the all-holy Resurrection Day morning.

You don’t need to do much guesswork to see why smart Christians in Silicon Valley are growing more emboldened. After all, there are billionaires among their ranks. One of them is Peter Thiel, who has spoken about his evangelical leanings for more than a decade and who has lately shared his views on his faith with increasing frequency. “I believe in the resurrection of Christ,” he said in a 2020 talk. “The only good role model for us is Christ.”.... “When you don’t have a transcendent religious belief, you end up just looking around at other people. And that is the problem with our atheist liberal world. It is just the madness of crowds.”)

THE WORLD ISN'T SAFE FOR MURDEROUS, HATEFUL XTIAN CULTISTS WHO DEMAND A THEOCRACY BASED ON GREED AND DISTORTION OF FACTS.

[quote] They say Christ died for our sins. He was crucified on a Friday, rose from the dead on a Sunday, then went to heaven.

[quote] So really, Christ gave up his weekend for our sins.

As a child in Catholic school, we only did the rituals but I never understood what Easter was about. Around age 10, I went to a friend's church and recall a Methodist preacher telling us that from Friday to Sunday Christ was in Hell saving the souls of the people who had died before his crucifixion. People who died before Christ's sacrifice automatically went to hell. That was such a horrifying thought and I felt so reassured to learn that Christ had died so none of us would automatically go to hell.

There was no historical Jesus, and Paul's Christ was an angelic figure who was crucified in the lower heavens, not on Earth. Christian dogma is the result of hundreds of years of synthesis and internal battles to suppress or feature strands from many different influences.

Fuck. This. Shit.

These mushrooms are really zazzy!

Bless his heart!

R39 - Paul really made up a LOT of stuff out of thin air to create a new religion. He never met Jesus, he wasn't part of the Apostles and he ignored what some of the other apostles said about Jesus.

He really had a lot of balls to step in and take it over, all things considered. He's the one that threw out circumcision to get non-Jews to convert to Christianity as he wasn't having much luck converting Jews.

This film is really good - Marketing the Messiah. Very entertaining and well researched.

R42 does a great job in how Roman ideology and pervasive thoughts around the time got infused into what we now attribute to Jesus. But it was borrowed.

It's eye-opening stuff - and a lot of info that's not talked about, for obvious reasons.

Another Gayle King thread.

I could never believe in these fairy tales, but to each his own. The appalling behavior I see from American Christians is amoral and extremely cruel. Since they proclaim follow Jesus’s teachings I’ve come to believe that he was an outright sadistic asshole of the highest order, so I’m not a fan. I don’t want to hear from theologians how they don’t follow the real teachings, blah blah blah. In America Christians are nasty, hateful and Republican. Period.

[quote] Lord love a duck!

?

Teboq.

If the story ever actually happened (which history records shit like this did happen, & crucifixion was a norm then), then he rose again, because he survived his wounds, which surely, some did.

I also believe that if Saint Peter was crucified upside down, they lynched him in this manner because he was a total asshole & people despised the man. Just read the apostles, & Peter stands out as the most annoying grifter of his compatriots.

If Jesus was real, as in Jesus the man, he hated Peter’s guts, too.

Anyhow, Happy Easter!

R13 There is a group of people who believe liberalism and Democrats mean anti-Christian. You can only be liberal and allow other non-Christians religions to participate like Jews and Muslims.

I’m an Atheist but I’ve absolutely grown out of mocking people for their belief in God and Jesus especially on a holiday.

It’s controlling and authoritarian and everything they claim to stand against.

Let Tebow have his Jesus.

R49 No one's saying closet case Timmy can't have his Jeebus.

We're just rolling our eyes.

He ish rishen.

Shtory of my life.

The Onion never fails to deliver.

But did he see his shadow?

They stole that from the movie 'Rapture-Palooza'(2013) starring Anna Kendrick and Craig Robinson, R52.

R45 You are not thinking of all the good Christians you know, beautiful soul.

R55 - You're not doing enough to promote your cause. R45 is correct - the face of US Christianity is hate now - whether you like it or not.

If you 'good Christians' would speak out more against the other ones, then maybe it's something people could not think is destructive and hateful. But you don't - or not enough.

Almost every Abrahamic religion has been co-opted by extremists and corrupt power-hunger people the past 40 years.

[quote]Almost every Abrahamic religion has been co-opted by extremists and corrupt power-hunger people the past 40 years.

Possibly somewhat longer than that.

[quote] Checkmate, athiests. 😏

Oh, [italic]dear.[/italic]

Noah Webster is risen to Datalounge, OP.

Risen!

Jesus Wept

R4 Wait - are you believing these stories ?

Jesus Swept

Tim has risen when he looks at pictures of hot guys

I still don’t get why people still believe in this 💩. Some well educated folks too. WTF 🤬.

R55 You good Christians destroyed my country.

It's crazy how much of human history across 2000 years, so much mass murder and sheer idiocy has been shaped by such an absurd story. But for those who buy into it, happy resurrection day, enjoy your chocolate and eggs

Nobody beats the Riz!

Bite the weenie!

He is Riz Ahmed to me

Why does anyone anywhere believe this shit. Thousands of years old myths made up by superstitious dark age drunks. Please

None of this makes any sense when you think about it dispassionately. That's why I'm an atheist.

Back in the day, some societies with god(s) required blood sacrifices. It was (and still is) very primitive thinking to make a blood sacrifice to a god.

[quote] For example, the Aztecs, Mayans, and Inca practiced human sacrifice, often as a way to honor deities and ensure favorable outcomes. In ancient Judaism, animal sacrifices played a significant role in temple worship and atonement for sins, as prescribed in Leviticus. Islam also includes the practice of animal sacrifice, primarily during the pilgrimage to Mecca.

And speaking of the primitive belief in human sacrifice to appease a god, the Xtian Jesus was sacrificed on the cross "for your sins," yada yada yada.

These religions are based on some really primitive shit. Even as recently as the Civil War, doctors had no idea germs even existed. Leeches were used in Europe to drain blood from sick people to make them better. So imagine the primitive beliefs prevalent in 1 BCE or earlier!

To my mind, anybody who believes in this BS needs his/her head examined. But you know what I always say: whatever you need to believe to get you through the night is fine with me, as long as you don't shove it down my throat.

R72 - the idea of human sacrifice is indeed linked to Jesus's death - but tied in with the two goats of Yom Kippur, where one goat is saved (Barrabas) and the other is sacrificed. Barrabas also means son of the father - so we have two guys, son of the father to choose from. Just like the goats - it was symbolic and a reference everyone knew.

I don't agree with you though - people who believe in false stuff inevitably affects the culture and people around them. It's not an individual belief that they came to on their own - they were told to believe it. Big difference.

JESUS WAS WHITE! SANTA TOO!

One time I farted and it sounded like it was saying Barrabas.

[quote] And speaking of the primitive belief in human sacrifice to appease a god, the Xtian Jesus was sacrificed on the cross "for your sins," yada yada yada.

It’s not just ritual human sacrifice, R72. It’s also ritual cannibalism:

[quote] Amen, amen, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you do not have life within you. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him on the last day. For my flesh is true food, and my blood is true drink. . . . Just as the living Father sent me and I have life because of the Father, so also the one who feeds on me will have life because of me. (Jn 6:53-57)

[quote] and when he had given thanks, he broke it, and said, "This is my body which is for you. Do this in remembrance of me". ( 1 Corinthians 11:23–24)

This is where Roy Cohn got it. Repeat a statement over and over, and sooner or later people will believe it as fact.

I don't believe he was real

R78 - well a lot of scholars think that. A lot of the stories about Jesus were added in much later - and not said by his actual apostles. The resurrection, Virgin birth, Lazarus - all added on later.

Plus - just think about it. If God wanted to send his son down to save people - why be so subtle about it at the time to not have any written evidence or historical documentation? All we have is stuff written after he died - and by many people who never even met him - including Paul.

Paul got into fights with the supposed original disciples and said that he learned everything from Jesus in divine inspiration. So he just made it all up. Never met the guy. Why should we believe what Saul/Paul said was told to him by Jesus's ghost basically?

I’d rather hear an Easter message from Tim Tebow’s Nutsack

Did you mean to die like that, was that a mistake or, did you know your messy death would be a record breaker?

I only wanna know now.

R39, I actually think that it’s likely there was a historical figure that the oral histories about Jesus centered around. I even think it’s probable there was truth to the “resurrection,” not literally because of a miracle but because people couldn’t tell the difference between comas and death at that time. That’s behind the tradition of wakes and coffins that had bells built into the interior so you could ring if buried alive. Rome used crucifixion as a means of mass punishment, sometimes of up to 6,000 people at a time, and people who were crucified died of suffocation, often becoming unconscious before death. Roman guards were supposed to stay on the site until death was confirmed. But with crucifixion being an extremely painful way to die and a punishment for treason (or even loose association with treason, like when 400 slaves, including children, would be crucified because one killed a master), who would want to say in writing that someone survived it? Would they (writers, historians) even be likely to know in the first place, especially since it was a punishment reserved for non-citizens?

Looking at the differences between Jesus and the church that came after him, they are extreme. Jesus fed the hungry with fish, said the poor would inherit the earth, and said it was harder for a rich man to enter heaven than for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle. The church of the Middle Ages meanwhile sold “indulgences” for money. There are so many changes between the actual history and the church, but Jesus seems like a historical Bernie Sanders whose message was about surviving persecution. At least that’s how I choose to see him. I’ve been an atheist since 13 but was raised a Methodist.

Apologists believe that Jesus truly died on the cross, and claim he could not have fainted or faked his death (Schonfield 1965; Price 2011), or survived crucifixion (Strobel 1998, pp. 265–271). But some scholars have suggested Jesus survived, and point out that some early religious factions believed he did (Thiering 1992; Price 2011). Clues from the New Testament also suggest a survival story was present when the Gospels were written (Price 2003, pp. 326–330). There are several reported instances of survival from crucifixion (Derrett and Duncan 2005, p. 394, 405, note 6).

Has the man risen into the man?

R82 - Paul was the first to write about the resurrection - and he didn't know Jesus and wasn't there. Some of the other later gospels borrowed from prior ones.

The virgin birth story starts with Matthew and Luke (written much later) just repeats it. Mark and John don't mention it at all - which would be a huge oversight for them, you would think.

No, the resurrection was made up - and the virgin birth - and Lazarus - the stuff was added on and added on later. How is it that they all have differing accounts?

Then there's the gospels that the Church left out - including the young Jesus who was basically a Bart Simpson character, creating chaos with all of his super powers.

[quote] including the young Jesus who was basically a Bart Simpson character, creating chaos with all of his super powers.

There goes that Jesus kid again! (shakes head) Causing mischief.

That lil bastard will never amount to anything what with his father the centurion hightailing back to the encampment never to be seen again. “Poke ‘em and leave ‘em” is their motto.

For R85

"In another episode, a child disperses water that Jesus has collected. Jesus kills this first child, when at age one he curses a boy, which causes the child's body to wither into a corpse. Later, Jesus kills another child via curse when the child apparently accidentally bumps into Jesus, throws a stone at Jesus, or punches Jesus (depending on the translation).

When Joseph and Mary's neighbors complain, Jesus miraculously strikes them blind. Jesus then starts receiving lessons, but tries to teach the teacher, instead, upsetting the teacher who suspects supernatural origins. Jesus is amused by this suspicion, which he confirms, and revokes all his earlier apparent cruelty. Subsequently, he resurrects a friend who is killed when he falls from a roof, and heals another who cuts his foot with an axe."

This gospel and many others were not liked by the Catholic church so they got rid of them and made them heretical. Nobody knows anything what he was like between 12 and 29, which is a long omission.

Here's a list of all the other writings we know about Jesus - it's HUGE - and none of these were put into the Bible. This doesn't account all the copies of potentially other texts that were burned and gotten rid of altogether.

Why some are taken 'as the gospel' and a whole fucking lot was thrown out is pretty suspicious.

[quote] Where was the 3 days?

He died and was buried on the first day, remained in the tomb the second day, and rose from dead on the third day (not AFTER 3 full days had already passed).

R87, see R5.

R86, is this Jesus?

R84, Mary Shelley could have written FrankenChrist.

I think I’m more straight than he is and I’m the DLiest of DLers. Tim TeenyBow is not fooling us.

Jesus is an absolute asshole in the infancy gospels.

These gospels were also very popular in the Middle Ages.

That's a disturbing combination.

Myths are fun. ‘’Trump has an unusually large penis’’ but at the end of the day we adults know it’s just a story.

R93 he wishes he were hung like a mob boss

[quote]he wishes he were hung like a mob boss

A DAGO Mob Boss.

🍄 cocklet and Yeti pubes R93