Let's Be an Opera

I'm Renata Tebaldi

I'm the funny Falstaff

i'm the tomatoes

I’m neon colours, inappropriately used to “spice up” classics like Don Giovanni and Gianni Schicchi

You make me feel good, r1.

I'm the extra (m) in a dress. I'm in every opera. It's regietheater, baby!

I wish you were Renata Tebaldi r1! Then I wouldn't have to become accustomed to the acidulated voices of current performers before I can appreciate the Opera itself!

I'm a MAN writing an opera about a WOMAN. How deliciously absurd!

I'm the outrageous nudity forced on the supers by a superstar Regie director from Germany or Poland.

I'm Franco Zeffirelli

I'm the earplugs and pillow that the audience need, STAT.

I'm the fat lady singing.

I’m “La Boheme”. Old ladies in Brooklyn and Jersey see me and feel very cultured.

I’m the overture to “Carmen”. When I start, you hear somebody nearby say, “OH , I know this!!!”

I'm Pat Benatar.

I'm the black, white, and gray sets and costumes for [italic]La Wally[/italic]. The stage is multilevel chrome and canvas. The audience doesn't know what the fuck is going on.

I'm the Queen of the Night. This is the only aria 97% of people know

My song.

[quote]r12 = I'm the fat lady singing.

Thread over.

I'm the Viking helmet

I’m the audience. I’m dead.

I’m the Phantom!

I’m death

I'm the wobble. All the "best" current singers have me.

I’m all the pop singers who claim they had “operatic training.”

Oh, STFU

I’m Charlotte Church. All the spin trying to sell her to the standard audience as an “opera” singer wise beyond her years fell apart when she became an unwed teenage mom

I’m the empty theatres

I’m the 100th La Boheme the casual goer pretends to enjoy in the park

I’m a fatty

I’m 87–the average age of the patrons

I’m Leontyne Price, a goddess

I’m Renata Tebaldi’s pussy, which has reported been munched on by many a lady

I’m Rene Pape who hates fags but has been forgiven and is back at the MET. He’s thanking God he didn’t type about hating Jews

I’m boring as fuck!

I’m the MET Opera, 4000 seat space that is rarely at capacity because its patrons are quickly croaking

I’m the crazy opera elders who argue nonstop about long dead divas on Opera-L

I am American proletarian believe that it ain’t over until the fat lady sings.

I'm a new work by a "hot" young gay composer, commissioned at great expense by three or four opera companies, that will be forgotten once it's debuted at each house.

I'm the opera queens who attend every opera, but find some fault in the production

I’m a woman playing a man playing a woman.

I’m “la voce”

I’m supposed to take place during the crusades, so naturally this production takes place in the New York Stock Exchange.

I’m Beverly Sills!

Hi, Bubbles.

I'm Australia. We have the most admired opera house in the world. Problem is the exterior is in Sydney, the auditorium is in Melbourne and the parking is in Adelaide.

I'm the fat queen playing Rigoletto. Everyone calls me Pigoletto behind my back

I'm the ridiculous lyrics that sound fascinating and cultured when sung in Italian, French, German but literally say, "I cannot be alone so must die!"

I'm the plot of a Three's Company episode in every comedy - someone is eavesdropping, there is a misunderstanding, someone hides something, someone comes to town!

I’m the count (or duke)

I am the cunt. I sound better as “Semiramide” or “Clytemnestra”.

I'm a woman falling down dead

I'm Mephistopheles!

I am sung by the likes of Boris Christoff, Sherrill Milnes, and Samuel Ramey. You can't help but love our deep, powerful booming voices. You are lowkey rooting for us to win.

I'm the extra braces under the stage floor.

I'm a Russian soprano who vocally supports Putin, and who was cancelled 2-3 years ago but will now be invited to all the major American opera houses with Trump being in power again.

I am the 2 hours of singing with open Tuberculosis until I am finally croaking.

I'm Placido Domingo getting handsy with the female summer intern

I am Placido Domingo, Opera Great, who has supported the careers of countless singers being smeared by the mediocre and talentless.

I'm THE Kathleen Battle!

I will arrive when I arrive. Do not look at me. Do not talk to me. If you must talk to me, go through my agent. When I am singing, you should be awe-struck. I expect champagne and caviar in my dressing room after the performance, too.

That pedo James Levine puts up with me because I know his secrets and I will expose him.

I'm the San Francisco Opera crew's T-shirts that read "I survived the Battle."

I am the Haskell Free Library and Opera House in Derby Line, Vermont and Standstead, Quebec. The building straddles the US/Canada border. The building entrance is in VT and the books are in Canada. Some of the audience seats are in VT but the stage is in Quebec. I find this fascinating.

I am Mrs. Peter Gelb, and that Russian sow will never appear on my husband’s stage again.

I’m the fat soprano and tenor playing starving kids in Paris

I’m the quiet farting elderly audience members do when the music swells

I’m that Russian soprano Putin-lover whose voice is an absolute wreck at this point but opera companies want us to pretend it’s glorious

I'm the scene in the action film showing the villain attending an opera because the villain is sophisticated

I'm Glenn Close listening to opera in Fatal Attraction to show she's nuts!

I’m Glenn close in an actual opera

I'm the Marriage of Figaro, and the DL offshoot The Marriage of Bigaro

I'm Kiri te Kawana

I’m dumb as a box of rocks

I'm Cheryl Studer, a very good and underrated soprano

I'm Mario Lanza, going on a crash diet

I’m BOREDOM

I'm Baby Doe Tabor...Bubbles' breakout role.

I'm the daring, minimalist production of some great work that features elements that make no sense given the libretto. My supporters will tell you I'm the key to saving opera and appealing to hip youngsters. Nevermind that I've been tried for decades and opera's relevance continues to decrease.

I’m the Queen of the Night, bitches!

I’m Cecilia Bartoli. Look at the girlish bows in my hair!! Aren’t they cute?

I am Cheryl Strudel, struggling Drag Queen in Bielefeld Germany.

I'm Cheryl Studer, who could sing seemingly anything brilliantly and then suddenly whose careers just crash landed in flames. No one even remembers me at all anymore

R79 I DO! She has a beautiful voice.

The same thing happened to Cathy Malfitano

Who?

I’m Erda fellating Wotan in Siegfried. How avant garde!

I'm every voice teacher. I'm convinced that I am passing on true bel canto technique. None of my students can be heard without a microphone.

I am Nathalie Dessay. Pardon me, I need to cancel some gigs.

I’m the supernumeraries all overacting in the background.

I’m the noticeable lack of melody in most contemporary opera.

I am the urban legend about a diva doing “Tosca” and demanding a trampoline to cushion her when Tosca leaps from the parapet only to keep bouncing back up into the audience view.

I'm Michael Mayes growling through a baritone heavy role while being sexy af

I’m the barihunk, gratuitously nude in a scene

I am the desperate attempts to keep “Abduction from the Seraglio” politically correct in Germany as not to offend Muslim immigrants.

I'm Rossini!

I'm fat and I'm funny

And I am a good cook!

I’m the echo that bounces back at a spinto soprano. I step on the orchestra and the orchestra seems to lag.

I'm A=440. It took decades to agree on me.

I am Wagner. Everybody thinks that I am an insufferable prick but is eventually drawn to my otherworldly music.

I’m Sieglende’s coital scream when Siegmund pulls the sword from the tree in the first act of “Die Walkure.”

I'm in the back row with earplugs, trying to sleep.

I’m in the front row, masturbating

I am incest, murder, insanity, disease, rape, sexual assault, and massacre. In other words, a Tuesday in the Opera House.

Finally, after 100 comments, I'm Maria Callas

I’m

Transvestism

I’m Renata Tebaldi, sucking up to Lyndon LaRouche because he PROMISED me he’d get the pitch back down to 432.

I'm Rigoletto's corpulent daughter, Gilda, who spends most of the last act, downstage, in a burlap sack assumed dead, who is untied, miraculously springs to life and THEN DIES.

45 minutes in the bag, sings and dies.

True, R103, and I have never seen a Gilda on stage that wasn’t fat.

My friend sang it at the met and uh, yeah, she’s chunky

I am Turandot. I am so deeply flawed that I cannot be fixed, not even by the master. My plot is stupid.

My music is magnificent - in part.

Fat Gilda kind of works. She is seduced by the Duke as a power game and to humiliate Rigoletto. Not because she is so beautiful.

I'm the one aria that everyone recognizes because they used it in a commercial. I get a major round of applause even though I'm sung badly

Yeah, Lakme. The otherwise forgotten opera.

Nessun Dorma?

And composer

I am trying to quietly unwrap a piece of candy during the loud parts

I´m the young singer who is asked to use head voice, pianissimo "and in tune if possible" by Elisabeth Schwarzkopf in her Masterclass.

I gave up singing lessons because i needed the money for therapy.

I'm the gay twink drug to one of these by his sugar daddy. I am bored to tears.

Oh My Gosh!

I'm Tosca plunging off the roof. The audience is on the edge of their seat.

I am a 14 year old girl and my figure skating program music is Tosca.

I’m the coloratura

I’m the pretense that the world still cares

I'm Susan Lucci

I’m the diva downstage center, parking and barking.

I’m the Divo screwing his side piece in his dressing room in his slow act

I am the gay twink drugged up by his sugar daddy who dragged him into Turandot. I am enjoying my butt plug as I waiting (endlessly) for Nessun Dorma.

[quote] I´m the young singer who is asked to use head voice, pianissimo "and in tune if possible" by Elisabeth Schwarzkopf in her Masterclass

Damn she was no fun in those masterclasses. Watched a few on YouTube and honestly you feel for those poor singers she keeps scolding. She was old-school Prussian for sure.

Old-school nazi more like

I'm Hitler

[quote] True, [R103], and I have never seen a Gilda on stage that wasn’t fat.

R104 Roberta Peters sang Gilda many times, and I don’t think she was fat. I heard her sing Gilda in Boston in the 1980s, and even in her 50s, she wasn’t particularly large.

The program “book” was a single page, and the part of Gilda was listed as being sung by Robert Peters. It was one of the worst typos I’ve ever seen in a program.

I'm Dick Peters

I am Carmen run backwards because directors are ruining out of ideas.

I'm la boheme for the same (which I've literally witnessed at an opera festival)

I'm Candide, I started out as something else, but now student opera departments all love doing me

I am Carmen. I kill Don Jose at the end. Because #femaleempowerment!

I’m operetta, no one knows what the fuck I am

I'm the tenor who adopted an Italian stage name, hoping it would help him.

I am the asshole who thinks he is a conductor and needs to wave his hands as if he were conducting....

I'm the prima donna

I’m the blue haired audience

We're the two dwarves dressed in Harry Potter school uniforms and the transvestite maid inexplicably appearing throughout Calixto Bieito's megatrashy TOSCA.

Calixto Bieito is GOD.....according to Europeans. His first installment of the Ring in Paris was barely okay.

I'll be the local countertenors working as ushers "to stay close to opera," in their off moments feverishly reading opera periodicals for some sign that early baroque operas are going to be "in" again next season . . . somewhere . . . anywhere.

I'm a Wagner prelude, still dragging on more than two months after this thread started.

R140, I’m the Boston Early Music Festival