Happily Giving Up

Seriously, OP, I could have written that myself (but you expressed your feelings better than I ever could). xo

Good for you OP. I bet your new outlook will bring you peace of mind. Enjoy your tacos! I'm getting ready to run to the liquor store to buy tequila to make myself a margarita tonight. I too love coming to the DL. I moved back to my hometown to help care of my mom before she died and I miss my old crowd of gay and witty friends. Not much in terms of a gay bar to belly up to so I fix myself a drink and enjoy the camaraderie on DL. Grateful for sure.

You deserve a margarita and an extra taco today OP

[QUOTE] I’ve been coming to Datalounge for as long as I can remember and this is one of the only daily touchstones I have anymore.

This site is actually more of a mood ring than a touchstone.

Op, you sound awesome. It's exactly how I feel.

We've all been there, and while I won't speak for everyone, I'm there now, too, OP. Remember one thing: the point of life is living it.

Be good to yourself. Enjoy those tacos! Enjoy your margarita, R2! Enjoy that walk to the restaurant or liquor store. Look for something new and different along the way, and when you find it, celebrate it, even if it's just the neighbor's dog, evidence of the changing season, or even the thought that you're here, today.

I envy you, OP. I’m in almost the same position you are, except that when I retired I moved to a place that’s all wrong for me. I miss my city desperately but I couldn’t have afforded to live there and I’m buying a condo where I am now. I guess that’s good. It has to be enough.

I'm soon to be 70, and I'm practicing giving up. I'm healthy, have lots of friends, a wonderful husband, and a lovely condo in a town I love. I even love my car. Why should I worry?

Hopefully I'll get good at this too.

Life is a banquet! Live! LIVE!!

Love you, OP. You and I have a lot in common. And I wish I could make myself just give up like that, because I'm old, tired, and physically beat to shit. I don't think I'm over that month of Covid I suffered in August -- I still haven't gotten my strength back from that.

But I continue to fight -- I don't know why. I have an appointment with the Panama consulate (two hours from me) next week, and I hope I have all of the paperwork necessary to get the Pensionado Visa in Panama, and the local consulate will approve it. This has been so difficult, and I'm still not sure I'm doing anything correctly, even though I'm taking a Panamanian lawyer's advice. I'm going to gather as much documentation as I can, because better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it. In addition to all that, I'm trudging away at my high school-era Spanish and watching Telemundo, which is making what's left of my brain turn to mush.

I envy you your mental state. Wish I felt that way -- my life would be a lot easier. Relax and enjoy!

Right now with it being Christmas season is a good time to be of good cheer. I’m seeing people going crazy with buying Christmas decorations this year like I’ve never seen before. Store parking lots are packed. Get out and mingle with everyone who is enjoying Christmas.

I’m broke, but someone should buy OP socks and underwear. I received that every year from my dad and it was a bright spot on a dark holiday.

[quote] it really feels good to FINALLY have no plans for improving my situation because everything I ever tried failed

It may sound counter intuitive, but I found that statement to be really heartening and brave. To be liberated from self-imposed expectations. I'm about 95% of the way there with you, OP. I hope to attain your full state of zen soon.

[quote] I’m broke, but someone should buy OP socks and underwear.

I tell my relatives that they can’t go wrong giving me socks, but this year for some reason I’ve already bought like five bundles of socks, most of them thermal. I buy my own underwear. I only buy it once a year, on Black Friday, since name brand underwear for men is so ridiculously priced the rest of the time.

I'm 20 years younger, but otherwise I feel the exact same way.

It's just waiting to die for me. But not in a depressing way. I do love music, books, movies, tennis, dogs.

But I know I will never have love, money, or an exciting life and that's okay.

Trump winning, oddly, has shifted me toward this new way of thinking: I seriously don't give a fuck about the larger society anymore. Since the it clearly doesn't care about itself. And I don't care all that much about myself anymore either - in terms of a larger "plan".

WoW. All of the above posts describe a very lonely, meaningless existence for you DL'ers. Y'all need to get high and get laid !!

Well, the Xtians believe the end times are coming any damned way, so they've "given up" as well.

They're waiting for Lord Jesus (and Lord Trump!) to save them from the upcoming apocalypse. And the closer Israel gets to decimating the Palestinians, the happier they'll be. And when the economy tanks, they'll be happy, because they'll know that Jesus will be here any minute!

If I believed in God, I'd say "God help us." But I don't.

I just need a break. Gentleman callers five nights a week. Cable channels interviews at least three days a week. Weekends and holidays getting me some “Trump” if you know what I mean. Junkets abroad at least twice a month. Tending to Senate business each working day. Spending hours each day on X and other social media. Oh, and having a rent boy here and there regularly.

Am so busy!

Same. I've even given up recycling. All this nonsense about the planet being salvageable is nonsense. Humanity is too selfish to work as a whole to turn things around. I'm just going to enjoy these times without a care for the future. This is my party, but thanks anyway.

OP, your life sounds a lot like mine.

OP Your new attitude is very buddhist. Give up fear and give up hope and live in the moment.

I get it too, OP. I'm not broke, I have friends, I have a partner, and I have the trappings of a successful, happy life. But I was holding out hope against hope that this election was going to go to Kamala, and I told myself that I didn't quite know what I would do if it didn't.

Well, now I know. It is every person for themselves in this world we live in, and Trump is about to turn the dial way up on that. The money I'd been donating to food pantries and other social programs will now be funneled solely to the gay community and animal charity. I'm not doing shit for the greater good any longer. They voted against me, so they don't want my money or support.

I quit too OP! At first it was involuntarily during Covid but when lockdown ended I never rejoined the humans. The way people behaved so selfishly and childishly was sickening, and it's only gotten worse. Not that I'm so virtuous but this steady peeling back the layer of civilization is not going to end well. In addition to dystopian fears I realized so much of my life was the pursuit of status and praise. Oops, those don't last. My accomplishments and bank account are underwhelming and I wish I had been smarter, less naive, kinder and steadier. I hate being old but depression is boring and like you I find pleasure in small things. A few months ago I realized my cat was totally deaf and I'm teaching him sign language.

R22 articulated my situation and position better than I could have myself. I'm done too.

Darling OP, I love you.

DL maybe the most depressed most hopeless and sad forum I have ever seen. The first few threads like this surprised me. Now it’s a day that ends in Y.

And these are the good times we are experiencing. We live in the richest country in the world, no war, no real starvation. A safety net in place.

We have unhappy people though. And many of the unhappy are just rolling over and giving up. Wait until the tough times come many here will be jumping off high roofs.

R26, I'm not really reading depression in these posts.

It's more like acceptance and then making the best of that acceptance while not trying to fool one's self into believing things are different than they actually are.

You sound you've a handle on it BQ! Sending love! (Actually, you sound you should be signing SensibleQueen, because today inner peace isn't easily come by and you make. lot of sense.)

That’s what I was thinking, R21. It’s the letting go that opens up a world of possibilities. Give that some thought, R15.

What I’ve learned through meditation and facing challenges in my later years - from divorce, to cancer scares, to near homelessness - is it’s the hanging on that kills you. Letting go is necessary to survive, and thrive.

I really appreciate the outpouring of love and support for OP, and the acknowledgement of a shared, universal experience. Consider taking up meditation, if you’re at all interested. Based on what posters are saying here, it could benefit the state of mind you’ve already achieved.

As many said above, life is to be enjoyed. I’m glad we’re all here for each other.

Chris Murphy is right, we are in the midst of a loneliness epidemic.

Re my reply 28, thinking more on this, often “being done'” becomes a wonderful beginning.

As well, I know to proofread before hitting post, still, sometimes a typo slips through …. so BQ I clean reply 28 to finish as “make a lot of sense.” Still sending love!

R10 I can recommend some online Spanish language schools to help on that front if you like. The ones outside of the US tend to be more affordable and if you’re going all the way through with moving, it’s definitely worthwhile to dive into some coursework and conversation practice.

I’m so mentally and physically tired I have zero choice

[quote] DL maybe the most depressed most hopeless and sad forum I have ever seen. The first few threads like this surprised me. Now it’s a day that ends in Y.

This is DL, where people are always self-centered and passively dramatic. I see nothing new or unusual about that. If there were a thread about DLers suddenly starting to go out and volunteer to help their community, that would be noteworthy.

I also find the OP and responses depressing. Sure, I get the point around letting go, but OP paints a picture of no social connection, no new experiences, no engagement in the world. All those aspects of life are so crucial to how I personally find joy around me. Sure, be comfortable in your own skin, but doesn’t that need to be balanced by having some form of connection to the world around you?

I'd be your friend in a second, OP!

I'm in the same fix, except I'm also taking care of my 96 year-old Dad, who has dementia and is 95% blind. I rarely leave the house other than my medical appointments (10% of the time) and his medical appointments (90% of the time). I have lost every friend I had, and I totally get it--who wants to stay friends with someone who keeps having to cancel lunch/dinner dates, and cannot travel even as little as 15 miles to the quaint little towns that ring my stultifying city that I've always hated?

Like you, I haven't had a date (not even a fuck date) in 20 years.

So I drink.

I went to my NP early this morning, and she told me my labs were good... except for my liver enzymes. So she asked if I drank. I told her "Not gonna lie to you, but yes, I drink. My life is shit, so I drink." She gave me such a sweet look, I almost started crying, and she said "I get it, I really do. So let's get through New Year's, and make a plan to at least drink LESS often, and not so heavily."

I would say "Fuck my liver," but my Dad's caregiver's brother has cirrhosis of the liver, and recently developed liver cancer, and that is NOT the way I wanna go out.

Thank God for DL.

OP, I wish you a really happy holiday and New Year.

R26 We all have the occasional mood. Sometimes it helps just typing it out. I'm not depressed but what I am feeling more as I get older is contentment rather than excitement. And you are right about several things, mostly, it could be a hell of a lot worse. Happy Tgives, doll

Look on the bright side soon we will all be dead. Not long at all for any of us. A blink of an eye time wise.

I wish I knew you, OP. I would be your friend. I am in a similar situation.

I am happy

[quote]what I am feeling more as I get older is contentment rather than excitement.

I’m old, but I’m traveling to a bucket list country next year and I’m excited about it. I’m excited about my trip over Thanksgiving weekend and the restaurant where I’ll be eating Thanksgiving dinner. I’m excited about throwing out some stuff today and attacking my laundry pile. If you can still move around, there are unlimited things left to do to be excited about.

OP, if you're happy then that's all that matters.

Jesus!

The D R A M A!

In AA, we have this little saying:

“Let go & let God”

Being the atheist that I am, I say:

“Let go & let the universe do, whatever the universe does.”

It’s NOT over for you, or most of us, OP. Not by a long shot.

Have as much fun as you can before it’s REALLY over. If you’re still alive? It ain’t over ‘til it’s over.

R43 I prefer the short version: FUCK IT!

OP Wow so many WWs and yet your thread is crossed out. Thats bullshit! Someone went out of their way to cancel you. Struck a nerve?

Thank you everyone! This is another reason I love coming here.

And actually, my whole career is based on helping other people. It’s been my whole life’s work, so I’m not looking to now go out and do volunteer work to help people. It’s time to focus on my own joy.

R45, adjust your settings to Asbestos Eyeballs, & his thread becomes uncrossed out.

I think I know how you feel, BITTERQUEEN.

I’m still in my 40s, but I feel increasingly hopeless. And yet I feel guilty for feeling so hopeless. I’ll never be rich, but I own my home and have a little money in the bank. I have a job which is ok (even though I will never progress there). I have some wonderful friends who want the best for me, and who enjoy my company. I have family who love me.

But increasingly, I feel hopeless. The world is going to shit, and seems to have been in uproar for a decade now. Even though I love D/L, and spend a lot of time online, social media seems to be so toxic now. I think our addiction to technology is destroying our capacity for empathy, and fuelling a sense of inadequacy in the face of people who seem to be living better lives than ourselves.

Life is losing its attraction for me, which sounds absurd even to me, but I’m exhausted, I’m fat, and my health has really started to decline. My teeth are bad, and I am dreading the work to put them right. A few years ago,I would have felt more resilient, but now I am just so tired.

I love my family, and I know they love me, but increasingly I notice how I, as a singleton, fit into their lives while they play little part in mine. They live on the other end. of the country, and I am always a welcome visitor, but I couldn’t tell you when they last visited for anything other than a work visit in my city. It hurts a little to realise that our relation is a little one-sided.

I’m lucky in my friends, but increasingly I feel alienated. Most (if not all) of them are more successful than me, and I wonder what they see in me. I don’t even like myself. Why do they?

I really feel as if I am at a crossroads: if I don’t get my act together, I can honestly see me not being here by my mid-50s. I want to find the strength to do what I need to to feel more content and more in control of my life, but I don’t yet know where to find it.

It is always important to be able to laugh at yourself; at your own pathetic-ness even

I’m 50. About 5 years ago, I completely gave up dieting/exercising. I’m SO much happier. Fat and happy as they say. No longer staring in the mirror and disliking what I see. I’m also very proud of accomplishing what I did in my career. Ther a nothing left to prove

OP come sit next to me!

Why is OP greyed out when so many of us feel for him?

My suspicion is our resident troll who likes to flash shitty behavior for attention doesn’t like the fact that OP got more than he ever could just by being humble and honest. No black face needed. So he FF bombed OP with his many sock puppets.

MARY! Get in line, 50% of America feels that way.

At least you can find small simple things that make you happy, I can't even figure that out.

[quote] Why is OP greyed out

He's not greyed out for me. Check your F&F slide bar and make sure it's all the way to the right to asbestos eyeballs.

We should have a national boot camp for all young boys of a certain age to toughen them up for life. Clearly whatever is happening now is not working. Weak, overly sensitive, depressed, afraid and running and hiding is what we seem to have now from far too many.

Kind of pathetic

There is an element of sadness to OP's post. I am in a very different place than OP, but I do hear and understand what they are saying. It makes perfect sense.

R48💋 Thanks doll. That worked.

It's the idiotic, thoughtless parents who need the boot camp first, R56. Force them to think critically about the planet they're overcrowding and the poor prospects of the offspring they're blithely spawning into existence. At the rate we're going, Earth is going to be mostly uninhabitable by 2075. Boot camp or not.

Pink tacos for me!

R36, I am so sorry. Would you be uncomfortable having your father in a nursing home? I understand that's not a happy option, but you should not have to give up your whole life this way. You have a life, too.

I hope I'm not offending, here.

Dont let the Magabillies get you down OP. Sooner or later they will realize their owner are just fattening them up for the slaughter.

[quote] Store parking lots are packed. Get out and mingle with everyone who is enjoying Christmas.

And turn that frown upside-down!

Sometimes I feel like not recycling, but I'm already disciplined about it. It is satisfying to recycle cardboard, bi-metal cans, glass, and plastic (## 1 and 2).