2024,the hits keep coming
I am euthanizing my 13 year old dog tomorrow. He's my best friend, the love of my life, the reason I get out of bed in the morning. He has lung cancer and is in end stage congestive heart failure. I have been ugly scream sobbing since around noon today. I am filled to the brim with medication right now and holding on. We're snuggling in bed, he's coughing and panting but enjoying the cuddles still.
I put in for being a respite foster over Thanksgiving with one place and longer foster term elsewhere. I think they're going to be dropping off an 80 pound catalouha mix with blue eyes from Texas. I will not hold him being from that traitor state against him.
I am not talking with all my real life friends about it because they all want to help and be here for me and hug me or just sit with me. I can't do that and being my friends, they understand.
My Big Guy, man, he's the best dog. He loves holding hands and always wants me to scritch between his toe pads. I also always feel so safe with him around. I ordered cameras for outside so I stress less.
BG was the first dog I ever pulled from SC. Hundreds and hundreds of dogs later and I have learned so much from him. He failed with the dog whisperer, he failed with months long boot camps. He failed with every dog training device and method. Just trusting me and being loved was the only thing that helped heal him.
He has a weird kindness to his vicious self, he never barked at anyone in a wheelchair or elderly or children. Anyone else was fair game. He is good with puppies, kittens and sick animals, any others are fair game. Basically, he's an asshole but not a bully.
I am so much of a better person because of him. Please tell me about your special pets, celebrate the loves we've lost but still think of.
by Anonymous | reply 63 | December 1, 2024 3:55 AM
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I completely know what you're going through and it's probably easier having skin removed. Sending you my best wishes.
P.S.. You should let your friends mourn with you. My dog was a part of my life and they really miss her as much as I do.
by Anonymous | reply 1 | November 26, 2024 2:53 AM
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Good luck OP and good thoughts to you this week as you deal with this. Know you are doing the right thing and that he's going to a better place, free from pain and suffering. He had a great life with you.
by Anonymous | reply 2 | November 26, 2024 2:57 AM
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OP, I had to put down my soul dog in 2023 because she had dementia. It was 4 months after my dad died and when I realized my mom had dementia. And a mentor got pancreatic cancer and died within two months. And my company got sold.
I don’t know why we have to face this. But you can let it drag you down or you can drive through it.
I have a new dog, a new job, and new resolve. You can drive through this.
by Anonymous | reply 3 | November 26, 2024 3:00 AM
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I’m so sorry to read this Rescue Chick, it seems to me you’ve got the right priority set though and I hope you both enjoy the night together. Much love, tail wags and wet nose kisses being sent your way tonight…
by Anonymous | reply 4 | November 26, 2024 3:56 AM
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Rescue chick- I’m so very sorry. How lucky are we to know and love animals? They love us unconditionally and without ego.
I lost my beautiful beloved dog last month. Out of the blue she was diagnosed with bone cancer. It was fast and aggressive.
She was my best friend and I’d do almost anything to hug her one more time. Still cry about her most days. What a joy it was raising her, adopted her at 8 weeks old.
I sometimes think I didn’t really know what it meant to be truly loved until I met her. She was my baby.
Perhaps the only thing that brings solace is knowing she had a great life, just as I’m sure your boy has had. In fact, I imagine you’ve given him a wonderful life. He knows he is loved.
by Anonymous | reply 5 | November 26, 2024 4:01 AM
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Ugh, I am aching for you, rescue-chick. I said goodbye to my 15-year old lab mix in July and…it just hurts. So I’m sending peace and love and strength to you both during this journey.
And thank you for fostering from Texas - there are still decent people here and we appreciate you taking in one of our needy dogs.
by Anonymous | reply 6 | November 26, 2024 4:01 AM
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I am going back and forth with completely disassociated and and a sobbing mess. I gave BG some more pills and a third dinner and he's resting peacefully for now.
I fear I am going to be one of those crazies who wear a bit of ashes in a container on a necklace or bracelet. I suspect this based on my saved lists, hopefully it's a passing thing because I am not that basic. I think I am just scrolling because I can't focus.
I knew his immune system was shot when this week his staph infection on his belly, which is usually under control, bloomed across his genitals and chest a little bit.
Last night was a bit rough but really made me realize that he was declining quickly. I would rather be a week or two too early than a day too late.
It's only been 12 years but I feel like I have had him my entire adult life. Every minute of every day, every decision has been based on his needs from food to apartment to my finances, friendships, work choices. Everything. I don't know how I am going to get by without him.
I agree, drive through or sink. It's why I have been preemptively putting in applications and working so many hours and making sure my home is clean and stocked with food because I don't want to sink.
by Anonymous | reply 8 | November 26, 2024 4:12 AM
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[quote]Know you are doing the right thing and that he's going to a better place, free from pain and suffering.
Canada?
by Anonymous | reply 9 | November 26, 2024 4:46 AM
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I'm sorry, RC. It's the last thing we can do for them, and the hardest.
You're a good soul to help animals.
by Anonymous | reply 10 | November 26, 2024 4:54 AM
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Sorry to hear, rescue chick.
by Anonymous | reply 11 | November 26, 2024 4:58 AM
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RC - I'm coming up on the 1 year anniversary of putting my 13 year old pug Hercules down, so you have my deepest sympathy. He couldn't walk anymore, and he couldn't even roll over on his own. I spent about 2 months putting it off but finally, when he would let out a little whine toward the end, I just had to put aside my sadness and put him out of his misery. It was so incredibly hard, and after the vet tech told me his heart stopped, I let out the loudest wail and cried my fucking eyes out. It was horrible. I'm glad that my best friend (who knew him from the beginning when I brought him home) was there to help me take him through the last phase of his life.
It is still hard. A week later, I helped my friend's dog give birth to 7 puppies (2 were born dead), and 3 months later, I took home my Pug 2.0, Apollo.
I want to say that helped me, but to be honest, I still cry from time to time. The only "out there" think I've done though is his ashes are sitting in a mahogany box on one of my side tables with his nametag and footprint.
I have had 2 children, but for 13 years, Hercules was also my child. I'm sure it's the same for you with BG.
Again, you have my deepest sympathy.
by Anonymous | reply 12 | November 26, 2024 5:06 AM
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I’m so very sorry.
My 14 year old is snuggled next to me. I love her with all of my heart. She recently lost her hearing. I miss our “conversations.” She understood so much.
I have two 13 year old littles and one large 5 year old.
I still miss my sweet Golden who died in 2005 and my funny dapple dachshund who left a few years later. I have their ashes.
by Anonymous | reply 14 | November 26, 2024 5:22 AM
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I’ve only had one dog (a stray from my street) and I just loved him. He became so devoted.
My cat now is an orange mix of Siamese and Tabby. They’re not as relaxed as the Ragdoll breed… but still very compliant and affectionate, sort of like “puppy cats.” Wherever I am he wants to be, and preferably curled up on one of my limbs. Sometimes I’ll realize he’s fast asleep, embracing my calf and using it as a pillow, and I didn’t even notice him sneaking up on it.
I’m sorry you’re having to say goodbye to your dear, boon companion, OP.
by Anonymous | reply 15 | November 26, 2024 5:22 AM
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I'm so sorry. Hugs(((❤️))) so sorry 😔 it's the worst feeling.
by Anonymous | reply 16 | November 26, 2024 6:28 AM
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R3 Those are some tough years. I’ve had some. I try to keep in mind that better days can come. I’m happy they did for you.
by Anonymous | reply 17 | November 26, 2024 6:44 AM
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I’m in the same situation.Again! because I love having dogs-no other explanation. And yes I will get another dog regardless of the numerous small wooden boxes filled with doggie ashes piling up in the cabinet next to the fireplace.
by Anonymous | reply 18 | November 26, 2024 6:58 AM
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Don't mourn in advance, rescue chick. Spend the time left together laughing and loving and playing and eating brownies. Yes, give your big guy a brownie or three. No one should ever leave without having tasted chocolate.
Today you love and give each other the time of your lives. Tomorrow, we will be here for you.
by Anonymous | reply 19 | November 26, 2024 9:35 AM
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Maybe a little laugh will help……
Joan Rivers joke: A friend died and I went to her funeral today. Everyone kept saying “she’s in a better place, she’s in a better place.” I got sick of hearing that and started saying “No she’s not, she had a place in the Hamptons with ocean views!”
by Anonymous | reply 20 | November 26, 2024 3:17 PM
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Mourn, and then, when you’re ready, adopt again. There are so many unloved dogs out there. It’s probably inconceivable ATM, but please try again someday. Hugs.
by Anonymous | reply 21 | November 26, 2024 4:59 PM
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Every time I lose a cat outside, I console myself by remembering that I helped them. They had a warm dry place to sleep and food every day. I improved their lot when they wandered into my yard. And the ones that made it indoors had it even better. RC, it seems as if BG was the king of the castle and got most of your love and attention. That's sounds like a wonderful life! I hope his passing is peaceful. Be nice to yourself. Fostering right away will keep your head occupied. See? You're already managing your grief. In the words of Kris Kardashian "you're doing amazing, sweetie"
We're here for you 🐾
by Anonymous | reply 22 | November 26, 2024 5:59 PM
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Well, it's done. and I am all alone.
Man, he fought right up to the end. They dropped off two (non needle) plungers of sedative. One should have taken him down enough after half an hour. nope. did the second. Half an hour later, with enough sedation to knock out a horse, he stood up and tried to attack the vet through the gate.
She gave him an additional 'Michael Jackson' shot, double dose and he finally, finally settled enough to proceed. Longest 2 hours of my life today.
I have a 3 - 5 day foster being delivered tomorrow morning at 10am. She is going to be here until either Friday or Monday morning. She's been in rescue for 2 years and hasn't been adopted, she's actually one I was looking at if I were ready to adopt (I am not). She's a 50 pound, 4 years old silver and white pit. She's animal aggressive and hates machinery so I will vacuum today before she arrives.
Then the catalouha rescue has a dog for me, not the one I thought. She's a teensy year or two old heeler mix, no more than 35 or 40 pounds.
The worst thing about being a high anxiety person is when you're anxious about nothing. The best is when the world is ending and you have preemptively planned everything to get through it within the normal emotional parameters.
by Anonymous | reply 23 | November 26, 2024 7:01 PM
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I get it, Rescue-chick, and the same way: when all is going well my anxiety rings through my head all day. When things are stressful or there's a real crisis, I'm one of the most organized and prepared people to deal with it. Living on the knife's edge, mentally, works funny like that.
Glad you are through (arguably) the worst part. You did good. Best of luck with the new rescues this week.
by Anonymous | reply 24 | November 26, 2024 7:08 PM
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Wow, you'll have your hands full which is probably for the best. Heard this song before and I thought of you.
Offsite Linkby Anonymous | reply 25 | November 26, 2024 7:16 PM
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Hi Rescue Chick, sending you support thoughts. Saying goodbye to a beloved dog, and being the decision maker.. even when you know you're doing what must be done, it is so hard.
Wishing you an easier 2025.
by Anonymous | reply 26 | November 26, 2024 7:20 PM
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Regards to all of you who have lost a pet. Although it's sad, this topic is the only one on DL which is not littered with snide remarks.
by Anonymous | reply 27 | November 26, 2024 9:17 PM
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I'm so sorry for your loss. It's truly a heart wrenching process. We had to put our sweet gal to sleep two weeks ago today. She was my best buddy for almost 16 years and I miss her terribly. I know that the memories will bring you a smile, a tear and a lot of comfort for the rest of your life. Why they can't be with us longer is beyond me. Damn, now I'm crying ... again. Hugs to you.
by Anonymous | reply 28 | November 26, 2024 9:32 PM
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Oh jeese RC. I feel it. Been through it, and will again with our happy trio (two cats and a big goofy shepherd-lab mix) unless I go first.
In the past I rationalized it by saying it was part of the contract but sometimes used that as a way to skip the grief, but you can't.
Let yourself feel it.
by Anonymous | reply 29 | November 26, 2024 10:35 PM
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(((rescue-chick)))
Big hug for you. BG was one lucky guy to have chosen you to be his human. Smart, too.
by Anonymous | reply 30 | November 26, 2024 11:14 PM
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Rescue-Chick, I’m so sorry. This year has just *sucked* so bad, for every single person I know.
by Anonymous | reply 31 | November 26, 2024 11:19 PM
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[quote] They love us unconditionally and without ego.
Hah!
by Anonymous | reply 32 | November 27, 2024 12:00 AM
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You are doing the right thing! Best thing for the dog!
by Anonymous | reply 33 | November 27, 2024 12:05 AM
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So sorry for your loss. Huge hugs to you.
by Anonymous | reply 34 | November 27, 2024 1:34 AM
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I’m so sorry, OP!
I’ve gone through this several times with pets, and while every person deals with the death of a pet differently, I eventually found out that getting a new pet almost immediately, helps out the most.
I am at my very best when I have a pet to love, feed, & care for in all of the ways we care for our pets.
Do whatever works best for you, and may your baby pass on painlessly over the rainbow bridge.
Thanks for being a pet parent, OP. The world is a better place because of it.
by Anonymous | reply 35 | November 27, 2024 2:04 AM
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I forced myself to have a small turkey sandwich ona ciabatta roll. Then I ate my feelings, a VERY expensive box of fancy chocolates. Now I am nauseated but that could be from anything. I am reminiscing with his former foster family. I am going to be ok. I let myself actually cry REALLY REALLY HARD, multiple times yesterday and today and if I allow myself that I tend to not get panic attacks, I have slowly learned. I miss him. I mean, I really fucking miss him. The little things. I was finishing my sandwich and unthinkingly tossed the end of it on the rug because BG was always right there waiting. And then I had to pick the fucking food up because he wasn't there. I keep 'I should go get BG', 'I should bring BG out and give him dinner'.
I am oddly proud of him for how hard he fought to stay. It took 2.5 hours to get him euthanized. Multiple rounds of various sedatives. Even after the 2 mouth ones and the 'Michael Jackson' shot, he was up and ready to go. Such a strong soul.
And the last thing he ever did was make me laugh - really hard. He farted, quietly but it was so bad the vet gagged. He may not have been able to bite her, but, he got her good with that.
by Anonymous | reply 36 | November 27, 2024 2:07 AM
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OP ( Rescue Chick) damn I'm so sorry this is happening it's never a good time. Have this happen been around the holidays makes it a little more heartbreaking. BG was your child, don't try to distract your grief make sure that you go through it you have to. Please continue to post your stories about BG this will be cathartic for you and a means to honor his life with your DataLounge family. Big hugs and good vibes!
by Anonymous | reply 37 | November 27, 2024 2:18 AM
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Really sorry to hear it, RC. Hang in there. I hope everything goes smoothly with the fosters.
by Anonymous | reply 38 | November 27, 2024 2:37 AM
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Super rough night and morning. I haven't slept without a dog in 20 years and for a single moment tgis morning, I forgot. I forgot he wasn't with me. That was... ugly.
My foster was dropped off an hour ago. She's the tiniest pit, supposedly 50 pounds but because BG was such a big billy goat shaped dog, she seems more like 25 pounds to me.
All she wants is loves. She wants to be snuggled every minute she's not chewing on something (toys, bones) and she's a dream to walk. Sbe listens really well, she's poo'd and peed outside and is currently demolishing a bone. I am contemplating calling out from work in a bit and taking a nap with her.
She's just what the dr ordered and I had to tell her foster mom to not let me adopt her because it's too soon for me to make any permanent decisions as I am a walking broken heart.
I really REALLY needed this though.
by Anonymous | reply 39 | November 27, 2024 4:26 PM
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Glad you're feeling better and healing
by Anonymous | reply 40 | November 27, 2024 5:29 PM
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Thank you for fostering RC. She’ll help you through the grieving process, you will help her with a loving, stable home. Win/win.
by Anonymous | reply 41 | November 27, 2024 5:37 PM
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I should say, thank you for fostering, RC. Commas matter!
by Anonymous | reply 42 | November 27, 2024 5:38 PM
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more of this closeted lesbean drama.
meh.
by Anonymous | reply 43 | November 27, 2024 5:40 PM
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I've been where you are. What you are doing is the ultimate act of love. Giving up what you love most for their benefit. Removing their pain and taking it on yourself. Sorry you have to go through this.
by Anonymous | reply 46 | November 27, 2024 7:13 PM
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Removing their pain and taking it on yourself
Giving up what you love most for their benefit
Narcissistic Mary!
by Anonymous | reply 47 | November 27, 2024 7:52 PM
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I’m sorry rescue chick. What a heartbreaking ordeal.
My little guy Luca, a King Charles, is relatively new. He was owned by my best friend in life who I found deceased in his apartment. My friend had been dead for days and Luca was in dehydrated, barely alive. I scooped him up and he hasn’t left my side since. My husband and I nursed him back to health and he has since become the love of our lives.
I can’t even explain it but he is so soulful, loving and chill. He sleeps in bed with us every night and it feels just perfect.
We had been big travelers before but now we don’t even want to anymore because it’s time away from him. And we know his time is limited.
Luca reminds me of my best friend, whom I miss terribly. And when he snuggles up with me he is like my child. I love him so much.
Sending you healing vibes and a warm hug.
by Anonymous | reply 48 | November 27, 2024 8:17 PM
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I was making lunch and saw a big suv pull in. someone knocked and when I went out it was a lady from the crematorium with BGs ashes. To say I was not prepared is an understatement. I am accustomed to people getting them back several weeks later. I put the bag with the box on a shelf and refuse to deal with it right now. I thought I would have time to ponder beforehand. oof.
by Anonymous | reply 49 | November 27, 2024 8:21 PM
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I posted upthread about the recent loss of our gal. I picked up her ashes this week. I find it comforting having her back home. One of her favorite places in the house was the kitchen. She liked to supervise while we cooked, so I placed her heart shaped urn in the kitchen window with a birds eye view of what's happening. It makes me smile. Hope you find just the right spot for your boy as well.
by Anonymous | reply 50 | November 27, 2024 8:31 PM
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Condolences, RC.
Have you ever had a small dog (say, under 25 lbs.)? A lot less to deal with when picking up, etc.
by Anonymous | reply 51 | November 27, 2024 9:22 PM
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r51, I had (with BG and before BG) a toy American Eskimo and a beagle/corgie/pomeranian mix. Both were pretty small. I am more drawn to big dogs and find big dogs less work. more expensive upkeep but less work day to day.
The running joke is I like my dogs like I like my men. Big, dumb, threat of biting and questionable past.
by Anonymous | reply 52 | November 27, 2024 9:47 PM
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with dicks the size of clits.
by Anonymous | reply 53 | November 27, 2024 10:23 PM
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yeah, I am keeping Molly. I am going to continue to 'foster' for now but she's been in rescue for 2 years now and is in foster with 6 other dogs (she doesn't like dogs) and a bunch of cats (she hates cats). She is the easiest dog I've ever had even though she's considered a 'difficult' dog. I had a couple of friends point out to me that a: as she relaxes more she's going to act out and b: she was one of the dogs I was looking at casually when I was seeing who was available for adoption.
She fits flawlessly into my life and in most ways she's the polar opposite of the Big Guy so I am confident that I am not trying to fill his shoes.
by Anonymous | reply 54 | November 29, 2024 1:23 AM
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Molly's great! We spend about 20 minutes each night in bed petting her and then she settles down under the covers as the little spoon and doesn't move all night. In the morning, she wakes me up licking my face and wants to snuggle for 10 minutes before actually getting up.
She met half a dozen people yesterday and everyone loved her. She also went to the Wendy's drivethru and charmed free nuggets out of the guys at the window.
We had a scare today. I knew she didn't like vacuums and none of my dogs ever have, they've all attacked the vacuum. I ordered a new cordless and accidentally pressed the button when I was putting it together. To say she lost her fucking shit is putting it mildly and I now know why she's labeled a difficult dog. I had to put the cardboard box between us to break her hard eye contact with the vacuum because she was fucking attacking it even when it was off. I shoo'd her into the kitchen behind the gate and hid the vacuum. I hid the other vacuum for good measure too.
It made me feel better about her being with me as she's what I consider an easy dog.
I ordered her a bunch of ruffwear, harness, leash, collar, coat etc and a diamondte (lol) name tag with my information on it.
I also ordered a couple of shampoos because she's got food allergies apparently (I am going to start her slowly on raw today) and the outer edges of her ears are crusty and she needs a bath in general.
by Anonymous | reply 58 | November 30, 2024 8:42 PM
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whoops, I see that I uploaded the same pic 2x. here is the other one
Offsite Linkby Anonymous | reply 59 | November 30, 2024 8:44 PM
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Aww, so happy to hear that! She's a dollface and she's found her forever home. That she met half dozen people and they loved her tells me she's not really difficult. She's fine in the car, walks like a dream, and she's social. I wonder if her food allergies/special diet make people think she's difficult. It requires more effort and $$$.
by Anonymous | reply 60 | November 30, 2024 9:24 PM
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I think it's the hates other animals and becomes pazuzu when there's a vacuum /lawn mower/leaf blower.
But, jokes aside it does actually make me feel better because I am capable of handling and loving extremely difficult dogs so I was feeling like an asshole with an easy (by my standards) dog.
by Anonymous | reply 61 | November 30, 2024 9:32 PM
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RC just caught up on your thread. Hugs to you! You were a good parent for BG, and made all the right decisions for him. I’m glad you’re doing better. Molly sounds like a sweetheart! Keep on keeping on! Best wishes.
by Anonymous | reply 62 | November 30, 2024 10:30 PM
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I grind a little oatmeal in a food processor and add it to my dog’s bath water, it helps ease her allergies.
by Anonymous | reply 63 | December 1, 2024 3:55 AM
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