How old were you when you left your party and/or promiscuity days?

Me too - 33. And I was just too embarrassed to live like that anymore. Like, is this really the adult me? Really? Shake it off.

31.

I was a circuit queen and a slut from about 27 - 30, but at 31 I met my partner and we move in like two lesbians in flannel and never looked back.

Early 40s. I had fun. No regrets.

Late forties for me.....craigslist was the killer.

I quit partying at 27. I did a lot of coke in my mid-20s and woke up one day and told myself, "You've gotta stop this shit."

However, I was quite the whore in my 30s -- no coke (or alcohol) required!

At 29 years 3 months 4 days old. But who's counting? After a point, its just NOT CUTE.

R2: “ but at 31 I met my partner and we move in like two lesbians in flannel and never looked back.”

Me: …but at 37 I met my partner and we move in like two lesbians in flannel and never looked back….

To be specific: At 29 I gave up alcohol, cocaine, XTC, cigarettes, caffeine,sugar and meat. I'm 64 now. I'm living with crippling depression and anxiety, along with type 2 diabetes, chronic kidney disease and have had two open heart aortic repair/replacement surgeries.I sincerely wish I had not only continued my substance abuse, but also turned to heroin and died by overdose sparing me this irreversible spiral into mental and physical hellishness I am tormented with every day now. And how are you, Michael?

57. Had a stroke. I miss MDMA, ketamine, and weed.

65, so far I'm the oldest whore on this thread.

When I be come Professional Architect Lady, I stop party and start Getting the Money.

[quote]How old were you when you left your party and/or promiscuity days?

Older than I ever intended to be.

I was 18-19 and then I stopped because I had an STI scare. Thankfully, it wasn't an STI but I was done with hookups anyway.

Quit my partying mid 20’s, largely because I had some bad health issues which left me with no energy for staying up late. I eventually bounced back and although I was no longer into partying, was a bit of a slut from 31-36. Frankly it wasn’t so much because I even was horny and wanted sex, I think I was more just looking for validation and to feel wanted.

Pandemic hit and I got sicker again, much sicker, no interest in sex at all now. But I found a place in myself where there’s happiness just in simple little everyday things. Maybe it’s a sense of “fuck it-ness”.

I was 25.

Mid 30s. Most of the time the hook ups were not even worth it. A lot of guys don’t know what they are doing. I think i got more from the thrill of the hunt. It was all a lot of wasted time in hindsight.

Thirty-six or thirty-seven.

I git tired of the effort just to meet mostly tweakers and I realized I could stop at any time.

32. I came home after an awkward hookup, decided that wasn’t who I anymore and that was that. As for partying…35.

Who I *wanted to be anymore.

32 or 33. I have always had anxiety and depression, but they were exacerbated by the partying. I wanted to live a healthier lifestyle.

48, when I met my partner. He stopped at the same time, but at 47.

40s. Came out “late” not until my late 20s, actually. I was of the era that gay social life was basically the clubs. Every weekend pretty much at the clubs, actually enjoyed the music, excitement, sights, seeing and being seen, getting a buzz, and occasional hookups. A few non-club interrupting relationships in between happened, too. But the scene, times and I were all changing. In fact I went back to school in a graduate program and just didn’t look back. Everything’s got a time and place, and I don’t regret all the great memories and times in the late-night clubs scene but that’s not me now.

Early 30s. That's when you usually age out. I'm in my forties now and I don't regret my party days - I had a lot of fun - but the mere thought of staying out until 6 in the morning - and drinking the whole time - holds absolutely no appeal to me at this age. It just makes me feel tired.

[quote]After a point, its just NOT CUTE.

That used to make you look cute. Now it just makes you look DRUNK.

Mid thirties.

Don't despair, r8; after all, the pills are paid for!

I didn't really start partying until my early thirties. Prior to that I was going to school, starting my career, and struggling to pay rent. I lived a reckless life from 32 until around 35. My boyfriends were all much younger, and looking back, it was embarrassing. I'm glad that I quit. The lifestyle was wearing me out and I knew that I couldn't waste ALL of my thirties. . .

Twenty five . Seemed a good time. Prohibition had passed.

So you are all sober and celibate?

I didn't have time to party in college, then I went straight to grad school where I gained a ton of weight. It wasn't until I was 28 with a tenure-track professorship that I found any time to relax, but I had a partner. We broke up when I was 32, I went to another university, and lost the ton of weight. For the first time since I was 21, I felt attractive and, well, sexy. So I spent my early-to-mid-30s going out, hooking up, and having a grand time. At 38 I met my second partner and we were together for the next 21 years. So 38?

coda: As a freshly turned-60 year old, I feel myself again sexually and, while I don't go ho-ing around, have had some great sex in the last year. I have never done drugs, except some weed in high school and college, but the dopamine I get from somebody finding me attractive is delightful.

23. Wasn't promiscuous (I wish I had been!) but I'm awkward and don't have social skills smooth enough to make that happen. My party days were less than a year - a good thing as I was headed towards alcoholism.

party 50. slut 59.

The period between the ages 29 and 34 were what I would call my "promiscuous days". Though, looking at what others are saying, maybe I wasn't all that promiscuous. Those were the years between finishing the grad school and landing a tenure-track job in academia, so, not having too many responsibilities it just felt right. I didn't need a serious relationship, so sleeping with one or two different guys on weekend seemed like a normal thing to do, living in a larger city. Then, I decided to add more stability to my life and I started seriously dating my current partner (we've been together ever since.) I was lucky I was never more than a social drinker and not into drugs, so the transition to post-partying days wasn't all that difficult. For the record, I'm 54 now.

Mid-thirties. I had career setbacks and couldn’t afford to anymore. It was a lot of fun, and I still have the occasional fun night out, but it all seems so tiring. Having to talk to people and be polite wears me out.

29 after a very enjoyable decade-plus of sex, sex, and more sex and a couple of years in a more or less open (I thought it was less open, he thought it was more) relationship which gutted me when it ended. He was a smart, funny, sexy and very obliging muscle bunny who’d do just about anything albeit with just about anyone. Or everyone, actually.

The pain from the breakup lasted for about three days until I met the guy I’ve been with for the last 44 years. We didn’t know it for about the first 20 minutes after we met but found out we were looking for the same thing and got lucky enough to find it in each other. And smart enough to realize that and to hang on for what’s been a great ride.

PS The day before we met there was a story in the NY Times about a rare cancer, Karposi’s sarcoma, appearing in 26 gay men in NYC and California. Turns out that taking ourselves off the market that night was pretty lucky, too.

I did it all backwards. I was poor and sexually insecure/shy in my 20s. Made some life changes in my 30s. Rode the Big Gay Party Horse in my 40s, did it all… if you did too I may have fucked you!

Now I’m 50something and domesticated and a lot less sexual, and frankly it’s a relief.

I don't get guys who say being less sexual is a relief. I miss the days.

At 65 my proclivities and libido are unchanged. Only the venues I use to obtain what I desire has changed. No bars, no sex clubs , no circuit parties. I've aged out of those on several levels and frankly would not be welcome there at this stage in the game anyways. Grindr has yielded some success. The gym has offered some prospects as well. My advice is to be present in the now don't try to be the person you were 20 or 30 years ago you're not. People find genuine, positive people attractive.

[quote] No bars, no sex clubs , no circuit parties. I've aged out of those on several levels and frankly would not be welcome there at this stage in the game anyways.

Same. If I walked my 47 year old ass into a bar or club full of 25 year olds it would be awkward and embarrassing in the extreme. I still have a lot of fun, but in age-appropriate places. And I don't drink nearly as much as I did in my youth, either.

[quote] I don't get guys who say being less sexual is a relief. I miss the days.

I agree with you r37 in missing the days. But the equivalent of our sexual hunts and conquests even just 20 years ago has been reduced to a demeaning, simplistic, and often fruitless online shopping spree. One, where after hours of searching for the right shirt, fabric, and color, it turns out they don’t have your size only once you get to finalizing the order.

I’m over THAT. But if I could find a bar with like-minded men (and that doesn’t mean that they’re willing to sacrifice their standards any more than I would mine!) man, I’d be there every weekend!

1980. I was 28. I was at the Underground in NYC on a Sunday with friends. We were dancing to Blondie's "Call Me" and I had one of those transformative moments when I clearly saw that my party days had to stop. Everyone I was with looked different. It was like a color photo changing to black and white. I felt silly. I knew that although it had been fun, I was wasting time and being a party boy was not a career. It was time to move on. I shifted focus and got a career on track.

35. Peak slut years were my late 20s. Never was much of a partier.

Stopped partying at 30, never a huge slut but that stopped mid 30s.

Now 62 and much more sexually active than I have been in years, downright slutty. Lots of beautiful young guys with daddy issues. Still sober. And I still go to clubs, just stand in the corner and listen to music but don't feel out of place. I don't try to pick up the guys there, but enjoy the atmosphere.

40. The freebasing was hard to quit, but it’s all behind me.

Late 40s. I was the most promiscuous in my 40s which is probably much later than most people. But that's when I looked the best and attracted great looking men, also older. The fact that most of them were also generous didn't hurt.

Do we have to leave??!

r34 Introverts represent!

Some of us with substance use disorders have waves of stupidity followed by ONE year of repentant celIbacy.

I stopped drinking about ten years ago at 35. Going to clubs and bars not drinking is boring as F. I met my partners shortly after that and we were together for 8 years including some of that married. No regrets. I was a major slut between 21-35-ish and it was fun, glad I did it and have lots of fun memories and stories. Still good looking for my age but don't feel the "scene" is for me anymore so.... single A.F.

[quote] A lot of guys don’t know what they are doing.

Ain’t that the truth. So many awkward hookups. It’s surprising rare to completely mesh with a stranger sexually; I found sex in relationships could be better because you know what each other like and don’t like.

Clubbing drinking and hooking up heavily 21-26. I was young and hot and don’t regret it. Mid to late 90’s. The problem was I got a rep. Even if you live in LA or NYC there are only so many clubs and it’s the same fucking people most of the time. Quit at 26 due to a relationship until I was 32. Had 6-7 months at 32 of drinking, drugs and hooking up but it was much more difficult and unsatisfying at32 than it had been in my 20’s. Met my husband at 32 and quit everything. It’s been 19 years of sobriety and celibacy. Miss the clubs and the thrill of hooking up, but it would never be the same now as it was then….

[51] you go R51 - 90's! Awesome.

late thirties I sort of stopped sleeping around and had more steady relationships

I'm still out there every night and loving it!

It's revealing how many of you feel compelled to say you're still attractive and/or still getting laid.

Gay men's insecurities run deep.

When I was in my 20s I was out at all the gay bars, gay vacations, gay everything and partied. I stopped in my early 30s. But then started up again in my 40s but this time at straight clubs (Bushwick), dining at the bar meeting visiting strangers, flirting straight bartenders, with tons of coke and X. It was a blast, I must say if not a little big disconcerting. I was escaping, mid-life crisis type of thing. But I have great stories. Not as much sex in my 20s, but very sexual. I stopped around 46 when I moved from NYC. It's hard not to be perpetually horny in NYC, even if you don't go out to bars and clubs and sit on your couch all day. It's so easy to find dick it makes it hard not to look for it constantly. But you do have to grow up at some point.

Being a slut is fun. But it's also nice to settle down and share your life with someone.

34, when I met my life partner.

The end of my slutty era? Not even close! I'm in my early 60s, my husband is in his early 50s, and after 15 years together, we’re still living our best slutty lives. We're as promiscuous as ever, with threesomes, foursomes, and plenty of fuck buddies on the side. Hell, we even organize our own group orgies. The only difference now is that we’ve got technology on our side. We don't need to hit the bars anymore; everything’s arranged online. And because we love to host, we barely have to leave the house. It’s all about comfort and convenience—because why settle for anything less?

Datalounge, as usual, seems to be stuck in a boring beige mindset when it comes to sex. Just because we’re in our 60s doesn’t mean we’re hanging up our jockstraps anytime soon!

R10- I have one thing to say -

You go GURL!

Partying, I was pretty much done with that by my late 20's. Promiscuity I'm still going strong

R23- STRAIGHT guys age out of the scene in their early 30’s. Gay men are barely getting started.

H and I still go out to bars. We're not dead but we prefer day drinking now, for the most part. If there's an event or concert at night, sure but it's not the norm. We go to some football (aka soccer) or NFL games during the day too at bars. Not waivered since married. Sometimes we go out with separate friends, solo.

I was only a slut from about 19-22 but not too much of a partyer then- maybe a little if friends were around. Then I became a 20s spinster, loosened up around 30 when I met H and got into going out.

Early 20s for me, after meeting my practice husband. We were together for eight years during the height of the AIDS pandemic and rarely went to clubs during these years. He was an alcoholic and I finally cut loose and moved to the other coast where I met my for keeps husband. We’ve been together for 33 years. We still occasionally go to bars and clubs but it’s all pretty tame. I don’t regret my drug and alcohol-fueled slut years but I’m grateful to still be here.

[quote]STRAIGHT guys age out of the scene in their early 30’s. Gay men are barely getting started.

And it's sad.

Stopped fucking around at 38 when I met my now partner of 18 years. No regrets. Still a daily drinker and toker. Also, no regrets.

Ages ago.

I’m not promiscuous & my relapse was a very solo, lonely foray into coping via self medication.

Everyone is different & I don’t judge, however, I cannot ever imagine myself partying at a bar or hanging out with a bunch of people in someone’s living room, smoking weed & drinking.

I’m way too old for that shit. I don’t find it interesting, & nothing about that lifestyle calls out to me as a way to spend my free time.

To each their own, but it’s not for me.

I went to my first Pride Parade in 1988, a year or so after I came out. At that event I met an older man who stated that socializing, the parties, and sex were all fun, but to also have balance in my life. To this day, I follow that advice. For many years, I had lots of sex and went out as much as I could, though, I worked and eventually went back to school, and completed a Bachelor's Degree. I'm now 59 years old, I still have a high sex drive, though I don't visit the sex clubs as much as I used to. I'm not in a relationship, and don't know if I want one. I occasionally, go to bars because I love the social aspect, though I don't do big crowds, anymore.

Same, r67. I'm pushing 50 and if I were still going out bar hopping and partying half the night I would feel ridiculous, esp. if everybody else in the bar/club were young young enough to be my kids. It would just be too sad.

I had my day and I had a lot of fun but our priorities change as we get older. The Peter Pan guys who are middle aged but still partying like it's 1998 are kind of pathetic, imho.

I stopped my slut days at 26, simply because I joined the Army and made it a retirement career. I had a few trysts during those years, but never with military members. This was before it was acceptable. I had a brief fling with a lovely man I met in my gym's sauna when I was 60 but, of course, I was fit and looked 45.. It was the best sex of my life, but doomed to failure. He was a narcissistic swine. Now, at 70, I look but don't touch. Those were the days...

R59 what are you bed and bath linens like? I am thinking high quality and washable?

I went crazy with Craig’s List in what I now realize was a midlife crisis. Glad it’s over. I stopped about 15 years ago.

39.

Early forties after I got sober. No more gin, but plenty of regret.

Yeah, R69, but everyone is different.

For the older people who still hit bars and/or party at each other’s homes? Well, that may be their only way of hanging out with friends & socializing. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with getting together at the bar or a buddy’s pad for Monday night football. It’s the all American way, after all.

I clubbed my little heart out when I was younger, though most of it was done while sober, & I loved clubs because it was all about finding others to dance with, or even dancing alone!

I think that’s what it has to do with, in regards to my preferences: I prefer life lived as a sober person. I’ll do pretty much anything, including clubbing or bar hopping.

Now?

I’m too old for the clubs and the bars. I’d still go if invited, but I for sure wouldn’t make a habit of hitting up places where alcohol is served, without a dance floor.

And no way would I do the hang out at someone’s home while everyone else drinks & gets high. That’s no longer appealing to me, at all, whatsoever.

Young people should go out & have as much fun as I did. I had a freakin’ blast back in the day, & don’t begrudge that experience for anyone.

Getting older is nice. I’m at peace with it, & I appreciate my sobriety above all else. 🙏🏽

Me and the 90210 kids did a lot of U4EA.

I go by the decade. My first wild time was at 20, then about every 10 years.

I turned 70 and here I am again. Of course the experience has been different each time, and now my biggest issue is being creeped out by the unexpected number of men who have a thing for older men.

I never had those and at 63 it's too late.