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What's with all the later in life lesbians/late bloomers lesbians, lately?

I can't go to Reddit without readying at least one late bloomer story, a day. And the amount of celebs, they are popping out like shrooms after the rain. Valorie Curry a few days ago, Julia Fox today, Sophia Bush few months ago. It's like an epidemic. How come there's not nearly as much late bloomers gay men? And gay man apparently outnumber lesbians 2-1, 3-1. So there should be a lot more later in life gay men than lesbians. It feels like there's at least one married woman ending her marriage cause she found out she is gay, daily, in the US

by Anonymousreply 68July 12, 2024 5:13 PM

OP? WTF do you care?

by Anonymousreply 1July 9, 2024 11:29 PM

And you source of this observation?

by Anonymousreply 2July 9, 2024 11:38 PM

The was a huge sale at Cane-n-Able, and the rest is herstory.

by Anonymousreply 3July 9, 2024 11:39 PM

R2 my eyes

by Anonymousreply 4July 9, 2024 11:51 PM

What about the flipside, OP, when older lesbians become was-bians or has-bians? I know a couple of those - one even got married to a guy!

by Anonymousreply 5July 9, 2024 11:52 PM

Women treat women better than men do. If sex is no longer a priority, why wouldn't you be with a woman if you're a woman?

by Anonymousreply 6July 9, 2024 11:54 PM

There's a reddit sub called late bloomer lesbians with 100k members. late bloomer gay bros has 2k members

by Anonymousreply 7July 9, 2024 11:54 PM

If I understand where they’re coming from, it’s because men suck. They’re okay to look at but that’s it.

by Anonymousreply 8July 9, 2024 11:55 PM

I've also observed this, OP.

by Anonymousreply 9July 9, 2024 11:56 PM

Hasn't it been a thing for a long time already? Meredith Baxter-Birney, Cynthia Nixon, Anne Hehe...

by Anonymousreply 10July 9, 2024 11:58 PM

[Quote] OP?

Who’s this lesbian who joined us recently who starts every post the same way? With either OP question mark or your R followed by a question mark.

by Anonymousreply 11July 9, 2024 11:59 PM

R6 Because most women aren't attracted to women in any shape or for? Also, what do you mean by "If sex is no longer a priority"? Like sex with men is any good. Lesbian sex lasts for hours, unlike straight one, lesbians have orgasms a lot more compared to straight women, women understand women's bodies way better. So

by Anonymousreply 12July 10, 2024 12:00 AM

R10: Anne Hehe?

by Anonymousreply 13July 10, 2024 12:01 AM

R5 Those numbers are insignificant compared to all the married women coming out in recent years. There's more fakebians or lesbians until graduation among early - mid twenties confused women. The older ones that come out a gay rarely ever go back to men.

by Anonymousreply 14July 10, 2024 12:04 AM

“One question: How do you guys do it without any equipment?”

by Anonymousreply 15July 10, 2024 12:06 AM

Urban Dictionary using hasbian in a sentence: "She's a hasbian. She used to be a lesbian but now she's back on solids."

by Anonymousreply 16July 10, 2024 12:32 AM

[quote] Women treat women better than men do.

I'm laughing so hard I can't stop.

by Anonymousreply 17July 10, 2024 12:35 AM

[quote] If sex is no longer a priority, why wouldn't you be with a woman if you're a woman?

Maybe they want kids. Men also generally have more money and like to spend it.

by Anonymousreply 18July 10, 2024 12:44 AM

R16 Aka lesbian until graduations. Those are confused young women in their 20s

by Anonymousreply 19July 10, 2024 3:48 AM

As a lesbian, I've never understood how any woman can have an emotional connection with a man. Men and women are so different. I listen to my straight women friends bitch about their husbands and can't help but think how sad it is that this is what they settle for. In my experience, lesbian relationships are more equal. Most mature women know how to take care of themselves and men do not. Women understand emotions better than men and we understand women's bodies better. I can have sex with a woman for hours and orgasm multiple times whereas a man just sticks it in, rubs it around, cums and falls asleep. Women are more creative with sex (we have to be).

I know there are asshole lesbians out there who try to emulate men, but those are not the ones I date. If a woman tells me she's into watching sports or dresses like a dude, I'm out. I don't date butch women, women who are covered with tattoos, or women who don't know what conditioner is.

It's likely why I'm single, but I'm happy being single...unlike many uhaul lesbians. I think straight women settle for fucked up men and then realize that they are spending their lives playing mommy to man children. I feel bad for them and totally understand why women would be late bloomers when it comes to falling for a woman.

by Anonymousreply 20July 10, 2024 4:13 AM

R20 wow you’re single? Surprising…

by Anonymousreply 21July 10, 2024 4:20 AM

Because men are demonstrably horrible at sexually satisfying women, OP. Once they go muff, they can't get enough. It's really that simple.

by Anonymousreply 22July 10, 2024 4:52 AM

Oh r21, it's ok. You and your nose ring can charm some other lesbo.

by Anonymousreply 23July 10, 2024 4:55 AM

[quote]I've never understood how any woman can have an emotional connection with a man.

r20 They can't, actually. Men are emotionally retarded. There is a reason women initiate the majority of divorces. Once they have kids, they start to resent him and their only concern is raising their children. Their husbands become dead weight and a liability always pestering them for sex that 80% of the time is unsatisfying.

The late bloomer lesbians at least have options (women). Straight women will divorce their husbands and are more likely to choose to die alone compared to men who remarry because they can't stand not having a live-in maid and sex slave.

by Anonymousreply 24July 10, 2024 5:03 AM

[quote] Women treat women better than men do.


by Anonymousreply 25July 10, 2024 5:17 AM

r17 and r25 Care to provide examples of how men treat women better than other women? Because I'm not seeing the lie.

by Anonymousreply 26July 10, 2024 5:40 AM

R20 I am queer as a football bat but you and I would probably get along - and I agree with you, I look at most straight women in relationships and find it mystifying what they've signed up for, and stay with...if he's making a lot of money, that's one thing, otherwise why?

And the straight men I know are the opposite, so many of them complain at work or in the locker room or wherever about how their wife is busting their balls and breaking their back by just having simple human expectations of give and take in the relationship in regard to the children they've created and the household they've chosen to occupy. That's why the men get treated like overgrown children needing to be brought into line, because they are. Money can solve some of it: I don't see this happening in the relationships where the straight couple has the money for a yard care service, a housekeeper, and a nanny.

by Anonymousreply 27July 10, 2024 6:41 PM

R27 What does queer mean? Are you gay or not?

by Anonymousreply 28July 10, 2024 7:05 PM

"Queer" could mean anything, r28. The poster could be a heterosexual man who identifies as a lesbian. Or he could be a straight woman with an edgy, short haircut.

by Anonymousreply 29July 10, 2024 7:14 PM

"Queer" means nothing. No one can ever define it. It shouldn't even be part of our community.

by Anonymousreply 30July 10, 2024 7:17 PM

To be more specific R29, I'm a limp-wristed, lateral-lisping, terrible at traditionally masculine tasks, practicing homosexual! Though I think I've got the hang of it by now...

I use "queer" not in some PC way but more as a word that has commonality for gays and lesbians. Both groups, I think, have a little bit of kinship of experience/overlap in terms of the way mainstream society views us and treats us. And I lived through the worst of the AIDS era, when our lesbian sisters truly answered the call and took on some of the heavy lifting when gay male friends were getting sick and dying at an alarming rate. So we should be nice to each other.

And hey, the D has been a source of extreme pleasure and extreme pain in my life. If those late-blooming lezbos can give it up altogether and truly be happy, more power to 'em. It makes straight guys crazy when they see women who absolutely and unequivocally100% DO NOT NEED THEM FOR ANYTHING.

by Anonymousreply 31July 10, 2024 7:27 PM

Guys know what gender they like as soon as they can get boners

by Anonymousreply 32July 10, 2024 7:29 PM

they forgot to do it in their early 30s.

by Anonymousreply 33July 10, 2024 7:29 PM

r37, just use "gay." That word encompasses both lesbians and gay men far better than the slur "Queer."

by Anonymousreply 34July 10, 2024 7:31 PM

R31, we lesbians are happy with "gay" being used as a commonality for gay men and women. "Queer" implies a whole bunch of other things that have nothing to do with homosexuality and are in fact an attempt to undermine homosexuality.

by Anonymousreply 35July 10, 2024 7:32 PM

Well, I consider myself politely schooled, which is one of the things I've counted on DL to do for (gasp!) 20+ years. Thanks, all at R28-35.

by Anonymousreply 36July 10, 2024 8:01 PM

R4, aren’t you special! I see no change in my some 50 years as an adult.

by Anonymousreply 37July 10, 2024 8:04 PM

If you've been on DL for 20+ years r36 then you'd be aware that "queer" is not what we were calling ourselves back then.

by Anonymousreply 38July 10, 2024 8:05 PM

As for my observation as a life-long lesbian as to why there are "so many" late bloomer lesbians, I assume it's because in their 20s and 30s these women - who are probably bisexual more than lesbian - were aiming to have children, a family, a husband, all the trappings. For many women who have enough attraction to men not to fully comprehend their attraction to women too, meeting a decent guy, settling down, having kids was the goal. Once they'd done that and the marriage had run its course (as many marriages do) they found the opportunity to explore this other side to them that they'd previously tried to ignore.

by Anonymousreply 39July 10, 2024 8:11 PM

R39 But why isn't there not even remotely the same amount of late bloomer gay men?

by Anonymousreply 40July 11, 2024 8:15 AM

R20 Isn't domestic violence high in lesbian couples?

by Anonymousreply 41July 11, 2024 8:16 AM

I don't know, r41. I've never encountered that but that's probably because I don't date the butches.

by Anonymousreply 42July 11, 2024 9:03 AM

Simple- as women age, their estrogen levels drop. Sometimes their testosterone levels- by contrast- appear to be higher or equal to their estrogen. These shifts can greatly impact your drives and what/who you feel attracted to.

by Anonymousreply 43July 11, 2024 9:10 AM

R40, I suspect that bisexual men figure out that they're attracted to men more easily than bisexual women work out that they're attracted to women. For women, the drive for family and kids might be stronger than it is for men, especially as there is a cut-off date as to when they can have kids, so it's more of an imperative for women to get that out of the way first.

The other factor could also be that women are more into relationships. So, a divorced woman in her 40s is more willing to start a relationship with another woman than a divorced man in his 40s, who may be content just with sexual encounters.

by Anonymousreply 44July 11, 2024 10:22 AM

r44 Women are also socialized that we're not supposed to like sex and to view men as, one-note, hypersexual oafs that we must "tolerate" in order to have the families we want. Boys are socialized to want sex 24/7, 365. So, it's very easy for a girl to confuse sexual disinterest in boys as "normal." Depending on the upbringing, female sexuality is even discouraged by parents and/or guardians.

I remember very clearly telling my super religious folks when I was around 12 or 13 that I didn't like boys (my exact words) and they basically encouraged that and told me to "stay that way." I guess in their minds they were just relieved they wouldn't have to worry about me "being fast" and going out and getting pregnant.

I was always praised by my family for being "such a nice and decent girl" because I showed no interest in boys and could, thus, remain abstinent instead of committing such a "horrible sin" as engaging in premarital sex. They, lowkey, cheered on my lesbianism. I love bringing this up to them whenever I'm feeling especially petty.

by Anonymousreply 45July 11, 2024 12:54 PM

Darling, R45, it isn’t socialization, it’s nature.

by Anonymousreply 46July 11, 2024 8:56 PM

Socialized into wanting 24/7 sex WITH WOMEN ONLY. That’s the socialization part, right?

by Anonymousreply 47July 11, 2024 9:05 PM

I think part of this is that women are cultured to take care of others' needs first from an early age. You take care of your siblings, often parent your parents, ease their way about your choices, want them to accept you, keep in your mind's frame "what would they think" and what it would do to them if you came out, took a chance, etc. Women until recent decades, were not culturally taught it was ok to want sex or like it, or demand sexual satisfaction from a partner - straight (especially) or gay or bi. You are an "other", you are a servant. (culturally). This is how I was raised. I have a brother and his needs or wants in the household and my mom's and dad's always, always came before mine. I was expected to settle, to give in, to make do, to understand, to acquiesce. And I did. I few friends knew I had bi tendencies in my 20s and I acted on it then, but rarely. Now I'm married to a man, over 20 years but if I had to do it again, would I? He's great in a lot of ways but not as a romantic partner, not since the few first years of our relationship before we got married. After we got married, it became all about him-- in life and in the bedroom. But the pet peeve of it all is in life. I'm still bi, but if I were suddenly single now I'd go for women probably, exclusively. I still find men hot and attractive and like their bodies but their jerkdom mostly turns me off, and the pickings at my age aren't many.

by Anonymousreply 48July 11, 2024 9:27 PM

Women are not just cultured to take care of other. Look in the animal kingdom. Reduced to their minimum common denominator, men are essentially drones who work and breed the females to create more babies. Of course, human evolution and intelligence mask all of this and by no means should we be limited to this very basic principle.

by Anonymousreply 49July 11, 2024 11:01 PM

R42 You think only butch women can be aggressive. Some butches are the most gentle people. And feminine women can be extremely aggressive. So I don't get your point.

by Anonymousreply 50July 11, 2024 11:04 PM

[quote]Look in the animal kingdom. Reduced to their minimum common denominator, men are essentially drones who work and breed the females to create more babies.

We don't do that here.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 51July 12, 2024 2:38 AM

Oh for chrissakes, OP, there's *lots* of later in life gay men.

by Anonymousreply 52July 12, 2024 2:40 AM

R52 Not really. That number is insignificant compared to later in life lesbians

by Anonymousreply 53July 12, 2024 3:52 AM

Is it a contest??

by Anonymousreply 54July 12, 2024 4:00 AM

[quote]if I were suddenly single now I'd go for women probably, exclusively.

r48 I don't blame you. I'm not a goldstar and I thank the heavens constantly that I never signed on any dotted line and went on and married a man.

In my experience, they are emotionally dead inside sex bots. And the one I'm talking about was actually bisexual, ffs. You would think he wouldn't have fallen victim to gender stereotypes, but he was still very emotionally retarded and only capable of communicating (poorly) his feelings with his penis. He was also very mentally unstable (bipolar) and closeted to everyone else but me which was a very chaotic nightmare cocktail of crazy.

If I wasn't a lesbian before, the bullshit he put me through made damn sure I'd never touch a man with a 10-foot pole again if for no other reason than personal safety and peace.

by Anonymousreply 55July 12, 2024 4:06 AM

R20 we could be twins. Don't give up, you'll find a wonderful woman when you least expect it. Do you ever feel that straight married women are flirting with you? It happens to me a few times a year in social settings after they've had a couple cocktails- I ignore because I am in a committed relationship but the gorgeous sweet ones make me smile. I think many of them have always had feelings for woman but no idea how to go about it. For myself, I didn't realize until I met my wife and reflected back on my childhood. The prettiest girls in school were my friends but I wasn't in the "popular" group. I had one on one friendships with the prettiest and the unattractive popular girls weren't as nice so I ignored them. I'm so thankful I realized my sexuality before I landed a rich husband and bred....that was every girls plan where I grew up.

by Anonymousreply 56July 12, 2024 4:36 AM

All ugly

by Anonymousreply 57July 12, 2024 4:38 AM

R56 How can you not know you are attracted to women?

by Anonymousreply 58July 12, 2024 1:27 PM

This thread is only one of the reasons She Who Shall Not Be Named should bring back the DL Lesbian section.

Just a thought.

by Anonymousreply 59July 12, 2024 1:31 PM

Scissoring is a huge fad nowadays. Some older menz love doing it.

by Anonymousreply 60July 12, 2024 1:37 PM

R58, it’s very common for straight women to have lesbian fantasies, whether they ever act on it is another matter. Regardless, most women can find another women beautiful and attractive in a way that has nothing to do with sex. I’d say far fewer men feel that way.

by Anonymousreply 61July 12, 2024 2:17 PM

I think the difference between late bloomer lesbians and late bloomer gay men is this. The women who come out later in life give up the trappings of heterosexual life. They divorce their husbands. They may live with and sometimes marry the women they fall in love with.

Sure, some men who come out later on may follow a similar trajectory. But I think there are many more older gay men who stay in their hetero marriages and just satisfy their need for dick on the side (via Grindr, sex venues, etc.). Sometimes this happens with the knowledge/consent of their wives; sometimes it’s kept totally secret.

Older women who realize they prefer women have much less interest and much less incentive and often many fewer resources to maintain this sort of subterfuge.

Plus, I think many of those late bloomer lesbians genuinely were not aware earlier in life of their potential desire for women. Whereas many of the so-called late bloomer gay men actually had very early sexual experiences with men, but either repressed those urges (generally unsuccessfully) or kept it secret for years and just gradually became more open as - for example - they got divorced from their wives or became empty nesters.

I’m convinced that the number of men who are into sex with men FAR exceeds the number of men who openly acknowledge being gay/queer/whatever. I think that’s much less true on the women’s side.

(I’ve met - and had sex with - scores of such men.)

by Anonymousreply 62July 12, 2024 2:27 PM

[quote] I’m convinced that the number of men who are into sex with men FAR exceeds the number of men who openly acknowledge being gay/queer/whatever. I think that’s much less true on the women’s side.

Almost everyone knows that women are far more likely to be bisexual, but sure, whatever you say.

by Anonymousreply 63July 12, 2024 3:14 PM

R63, bisexual is a term one identifies as, it can have varying meaning. Example, a two times married to men woman I know who identifies as lesbian and is in a ten year relationship with another woman. She didn't "become" a lesbian at age 40, she says she was always a lesbian regardless of who she used to have sex with. Another 40+ year old defines herself as "bisexual" because she had a college boyfriend twenty years ago. Some of you seem to feel rejected when a woman doesn't feel the same was toward men as you do. Please.

by Anonymousreply 64July 12, 2024 4:01 PM

R58, my understanding of gay men & women was homophobic. I thought gays really wanted to be the opposite sex- all lesbians were butch and wanted to be men/all gays were effeminate and wanted to be women. Just like a religious asshole thinks today. The most simplistic homophobia, unfortunately. I do remember thinking if I was Kristen's boyfriend I would treat her better but I was a girl and I'm supposed to be with a boy so I never thought it possible. I remember being afraid of lesbians. In my 20s a cute friend of a friend kissed me on the lips at a new years eve party and I felt an electric shock. It was mind blowing and I never felt anything like that kissing a guy. But I didn't dwell because I never imagined the possibility that I was a lesbian. I remember my eye always catching bubble butt girls walking across campus but my thoughts weren't lustful more of wow, she has an awesome bootie! I was in a sorority, I was a fashionista and wore make up so there's no way I was a lesbian. Its comical but I realized at the right time for me.

by Anonymousreply 65July 12, 2024 4:47 PM

Old lady clam slam is my jam!

by Anonymousreply 66July 12, 2024 4:55 PM

[Quote]Boys are socialized to want sex 24/7, 365.

Really? Got news for you, toots, as someone who's actually BEEN a boy: no.

by Anonymousreply 67July 12, 2024 5:02 PM

R65, are you 75 years old?

by Anonymousreply 68July 12, 2024 5:13 PM
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