Who shit the bed at Paltrow's house?

"Goop was coming out both ends!"

Shitty Little AnnE.

Drew Barrymore.

WHAT IS THAT SMELL?!

"Two": More horrific than "Seven."

Oprah.

Ozempic happens.

[quote] Oprah.

[quote] —GK

Is it still coming out both ends, Gayle?

The lawyers have been busy.

[quote]There are no suggestions that Paltrow herself has ever used or was using Ozempic or similar medication, only that a guest at her house might have experienced the unpleasant side-effects of the drug.

[quote]MailOnline is also not suggesting that a celebrity named or pictured in this story is suffering or has ever suffered from the gastrointestinal side effect described in the Popbitch newsletter.

Whoever it is, I want to marry them.

I can't breath.

She’s not aging well.

[quote]There are no suggestions that Paltrow herself has ever used or was using Ozempic or similar medication

I'm sorry: what? I remember seeing much more of her around 2000.

It's Melissa McCarthy. She's getting Ozempic Face. Her husband is probably slipping it in her food.

I'm in the clear.

[quote]She’s not aging well.

That's also a really creepy choice for a thumbnail photo.

Apple! Moses!

I've had to let Helga go. I need your help at home this weekend.

Who leaked the story? Paltrow or the staff?

R14 her tits have never been that perky.

Whoever it was I hope they did it on her bed.

This story is bullshit. I can’t believe they wouldn’t spend an hour or two in the private guest en-suite washing it out rather than just walking away.

I had no idea Goop was tending to “patients” at her house. Yikes. Maybe Ozempic was confused with Olestra and her patients shit their beds from eating 20 year old cans of Pringles.

Ozempic will do that to you. Idiots.

Adele.

It's not like Goop has to wash her own laundry. Poor Juanita had to deal with it.

Yes, I agree with above poster. She's aging like shit.

What were her bed linens like? I hope she lauandered everything including the mattress pad in Tide and Clorox,!!!! The mattress should be sprayed down with Lysol!!

Seriously, if this had happened to me I would have scrubbed everything down in the bathtub, quietly contacted the housekeeper or top staffer and quietly had the sheets washed and the bed changed. People get intestinal flu - claim that. It's what you do. You don't abandon it and flee. WTF!

This reads like an urban legend.

Or some rumor Goop made up to spite one of her frenemies.

Amber Heard

Goop likely leaked this. But why? Who is she trying to shade?

It all gets bagged and thrown out...why would anyone try to clean it.

Why? ^^^ To get back at whoever shat in her bed and didn't have the decency to clean up.

How does cleaning a shit stained bed "get back" at the shitter?

Because we're all speculating about who the shitter is. And when the shitter is revealed, we'll judge them.

If I like someone enough to have them stay at my house, I’d do anything to protect their privacy.

Hell, I’d probably even protect someone I don’t like that much. It’s part of being a good host.

Goop is so trashy (if she did leak this.)

Thank god Patty Dook (ie) isn't alive to see this shit!

Did Patty Duke shit in someone's bed?

Isn't Gwenny besties with Jay Z and Beyonce?

R40- If you know, you know.

RIP Patty Dook!!! (IE)

Biden.

If Goop leaked this, she's dumber than a box full of hair, asking to be ostracized from all NYC/Hamptons wealthy society for an unforgiveable indiscretion. No way. She'd be a social pariah. Question is who planted the story. It could be anyone from a disgruntled employee to a disgruntled "friend."

probably herself

Trump shits the bed all the time, maybe he's the culprit. 💩

It's a man

R32 it was THE DOG!!!

Obviously, somebody was pumping her hubby and he didn't douche beforehand.

I’ve been wondering what Mario Batali has been up to since he got cancelled!

It was probably Juanita who leaked the story, after spending hours trying to clean up A-list diarrhea.

What the...???

Don't look at me. I'm far too slender to need Ozempic. Plus, when it comes to shitting on other people's property, I specialize in wigs.

Instead of Goop, it’s POOP! 💩

I hope it was Jessica Seinfeld

It was Amber. It's her thing.

Her eye lift is terrible. She has that Burt Reynolds faux Asian eye thing.

Apparently it was a man, not a woman.

^ George Clooney with not-such-a-surprise anal.

Andy Cohen! Was he there?

Jake Gyllenhaal forgot to douche.

John Goodman? He was a great big fat person once.

Also, this could be fake gossip. She could be testing to see who in her inner circle can be trusted.

That look of hers is eternally smug. She’s always had it. Privileged mean girl nepo baby.

Sorry, but who wouldn’t befoul Gwyneth’s house? It’s why we don’t know her.

Was this another one of those $50 candles that exploded?

This story is just exploding

R64 Resting Smirk Face

It’s time for Gwyneth to be canceled.

This reminds me of Succession, when Kendall shit the bed.

They’re going through all the surveillance videos of the businesses and the private homes

^ for the getaway car/perpetrator

How can I wrangle an invite to the Paltrow manse?

R70 at least Kendall had the decency to try to clean up that mess.

She looks terrible. I'm surprised she hasn't had plastic surgery given how vain she is.

Are you kidding me? That's a face-lift, eye job and cheek implants

Was it Blythe? Maybe she forgot to wear her Depends.

Definitely lots of filler in those cheeks.

This is the poor man's Answered Prayers.

Not so stealth scat thread.

Shakespooer in Love.

[quote] Seriously, if this had happened to me I would have scrubbed everything down in the bathtub, quietly contacted the housekeeper or top staffer and quietly had the sheets washed and the bed changed.

As opposed to doing these things loudly? I'm glad you specified.

"ESPERANZA!!! SOMEOUT SHAT THE GUEST BED IN THE BLUE ROOM!! GET ON IT AND CHANGE THOSE SHITTY SHEETS, PRONTO!!!"

She does look terrible. She’s trying to do that “no makeup, sunburned cheeks” look that only works in your 20s. Meanwhile she has significant sun damage she doesn’t seem to care about.

That hair is a mystery. She could do something about it. It’s been piss yellow for years.

^^Blythe

Ramona Singer

Honestly I don't get the center part stick straight hair. I get it's low maintenance and okay for every day but in the evenings I sure would like to see some volume like Farah Fawcett or Fran Fine.

Kim K, Ivanka even Melania all have this look.

This is all just publicity for her new line of GOOP Poop sheets. They smell like 💩, much like her vagina scented candles.

That's what tRump does nightly

[quote]The man, a male socialite who regularly appears in Vogue magazine (I know his identity, but I am withholding it as he’s not “famous” and he’s having a hard enough time as it is), spent the weekend at Paltrow’s Amagansett home earlier this month.

[quote]According to my sources, the housekeeper — who has been with Paltrow for over a decade and is considered family, was “very upset” — as was Paltrow, who then relayed the story to Oprah Winfrey, Jerry Seinfeld, and Larry David.

[quote]Now, Hampton’s denizens are frantically ordering mattress covers to protect their eye-wateringly expensive horsehair mattresses.

If my friend shit themselves I would give them the shirt off my back to tie around their waist and I certainly wouldn't blab about it to everyone. It would be an inside joke between the two of us once enough time had gone by if I thought they could take it. She's the shitty one in this shituation.

Is leaving a shit in the bed for someone else to clean up considered acceptable etiquette these days?

I meant, "Unnamed male socialite".

Lemme find out Pooh Shoes running in celeb circles now. The bitch did tell us she would be famous.

So he's a male socalite and not an entertainment celebrity.

Just kick the turd out of the bed and on the floor. The dog will eat it.

This has Lee Grant written all over it.

Why was Paltrow caught on camera at the Riverhead Walmart buying bleach, cleaning supplies & tarp sheets 2 days before the incident?

Do they really have lavish dinners outside with all that? It's seems very gratuitous and ostentatious, nothing low key.

[quote]So he's a male socalite and not an entertainment celebrity.

Zombie Dominic Dunne!

Could have been Derek Blasberg, but he’s never really been all that fat and so would be a little surprised if he was on Ozempic.

Does everyone not remember the Skinny Bitch Housewife’s divorce filings?

What's in the bed? What's in the bed?!!

R27 😆 Not Juanita. Good one. I’ve seen IOL too many times.

I read Stallone use to leave it in hotel showers

“Shat” not “shit”, OP.

“Used to “ not “use to”, R104.

This happened to my ex in a very fancy hotel in Venice. He had recently had a change of medication. He woke me in the middle of the night and said he had to strip the bed. He spent ages in the bathroom repeatedly soaking the sheets. He was beside himself. I tried to reassure him that hotel staff are unshockable, but he was very upset. This was not the reason we broke up!

R105 = Nancy Lee Grahn

Derek Blasberg

mystery solved!!!

don't even know who the fuck he is.

Mystery celebrity who fled Gwyneth Paltrow's Hamptons home after suffering 'catastrophic' diarrhea is REVEALED - as insiders claim bowel issues were NOT caused by Ozempic

R97 should have signed his post “Keith Morrison”

who the hell is Derek Blasberg??

If *I* don't know him, I'm not sure he can be categorized as a "celebrity."

Ok...it wasn't Ozempic.

It was Mounjaro.

Or Zepbound. Symantics.

Per the Mail, goop did spread this information to her friends.

What an asshole.

Mi can’t wait to see how Derek gets revenge.

She’s such a bitch. Clearly the guy didn’t do it on purpose. We’ve all been in his situation or will be one day, maybe not shitting the bed, but something comparable. Fuck Gwyneth and her vagina candle.

Women bleeding on sheets (speaking of Truman Capote as somebody did above) is not uncommon. Goop is such a bitch. Delicious.

If they are good friends, he should offer to pay for cleaning and replacing the mattress etc right away as it happened. did he even say sorry to her?

I'm shocked and appalled that a story i mentioned in confidence to Oprah Winfrey, Jerry Seinfeld, and Larry David has made the news.

To deal with a crisis like this i medidate surounded by the 8 Most Powerful Crystals For High Vibration & Energy.

All available on my website.

Namaste

R100 called it days ago.

Goop is a nasty bitch for spreading his name. That is NOT the behavior of a good hostess.

The little BITCH did run out of her house without telling anyone, so fair game.

Courtney Cocks

Everyone comes out of this smelling like shit.

Jessica Seinfeld and Goop together (and Larry David) you know there is some vicious gossip going on and I would love to be a fly on the wall.

HOT HOT HOT

She said all was forgiven.

She said, have some “chocolate.”

Bitch!!!

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

Are the rich elite in The Hamptons so bored that someone shitting a bed sets the town afire with gossip?

These privileged pussies are no different than the simpletons they mock in Bumfuck, MO.

Bored idiots.

It was really unkind and thoughtless of Paltrow to discuss this with anybody. Nobody comes to your house to soil the bed and nobody wants to hear about it. Not nice or necessary.

Her career.

Brad fucked Derek. Derek didn't douche. Goop found out Brad was cheating on her in a spectacularly shitty way. She got her revenge on Derek with this slow leak. Falchuk better watch his back, because next time he steps out of line it will be his name that is soiled.

The etiquette is that one rolls the soiled linens and wears them out the door as stoles.

Lmao ^^^^!

Couldn’t he have just stripped the sheets and thrown them in the washing machine? Surely the washer / dryer is somewhat accessible? I don’t get it.

r132 these rich assholes would never think of that. They don't even know what a laundry room is.

How mortifying for everyone to know. Will he be shunned? Will he be invited to other soirées so he could be laughed at?

I bet Larry David would say something to his face and get a big kick out of it.

When can he show his face again?

Girl I just shit my pants!

This is very shitty of her (pun intended).

What a mean girl rich bitch she is.

She is due for a huge comeuppance. She really needs to be embarrassed at a public level to wipe that smug smile off her face.

It had to be proved it wasn't Oprah, despite the detailing story and Gayle's "coming out of both ends" remark. Derek took the fall for however much money would console him from being a laughing stock.

Doesn’t Oprah have her own house in the Hamptons? Why would she need to stay with Goop?

You don't shit where you eat, R138.

Oprah had the vapors and had to lie down after the BBQ,

The question is not who, but who hasn't.

Her new candle, Linens'n'Shits

[quote] Couldn’t he have just stripped the sheets and thrown them in the washing machine? Surely the washer / dryer is somewhat accessible? I don’t get it.

Agreed. Why flee the premises having shat the bed without attempting to clean up?

The realtors are starting to see serious blowback

This like that story Truman Capote told about Bill Paley and Happy Rockefeller.

It was YOU. Shitty little Derek.

This is a private matter!

R129, that was exactly my theory as well, even before Blassberg’s name was leaked.

I immediately said to myself, “who ever did this, didn’t do it because of Ozempic, AND it’s a man who was likely in a room with BF.”

Perhaps she doesn’t mind when she’s in on it, but this time, she wasn’t, & she’s PISSED.

If I were a guest at Casa Goop, I would deliberately shit the bed now because she's such a nasty cunt.

It's one thing to be pissed at him, curse him out, and ban him from her home, but it's a whole different story to cause him public humiliation. She doesn't know if he was sick, or has a disease that hasn't been diagnosed.

She's a vile human being. I hope she gets some karmic retribution for this.

[quote] The realtors are starting to see serious blowback

And the feedback is that the odor is absolutely heinous

[quote] How mortifying for everyone to know. Will he be shunned? Will he be invited to other soirées so he could be laughed at?

Yes, he will be allowed back, after an appropriate waiting period. But then going forward he will be required to provide proof of sufficient depends underwear for his stay and nightly check ins will be required. If, god forbid, there is a second incident, he will be banned for life and shunned by society. The stakes are quite high.

What kind of trendy, contaminated raw food is she serving her houseguests?

Didn't he blame it on the Goop gummies? What's in them? Laxatives and Valium?

She's the cuntiest cunt who ever cunted.

"Enema" (1996)

R144 No one wants to live downwind from a huge sewage problem

No Love for Goop Canal

I never realized how much space between her nose and upper lip there was. She looks odd, almost alien like.

She looks like shit in that picture.

I never thought she was the world class beauty she was promoted as by her team.

OP could not have come up with a more perfect pic to go with this thread

Christ. Just when you think this dumb cunt can’t get any dumber. (Flunking out of UCSB after one quarter?)

Only now she’s physically repulsive— nut just plain.

If Dakota Johnson is smart she will not eat or drink anything served by Goop

OT, but Goops dbag son is going to Brown in the fall.

Where is Brad Falchuk’s son going? He’s the same age as Moses.