The older I get, the more I hate socializing

Yes, I am like that since I was 6. I preferred to sit on my ass and play on my N64 because the people around me were smelly and only talked about bimbo junk.

Yes. I don’t mind sitting outside at a bar alone or with my husband watching the world go by, but socialising with strangers these days… nope.

Yes...as a child I preferred reading in my room to playing outside. As I grew older and better looking I was out socializing and looking to get laid. Had a few longish term live in relationships. Last break up was 2 years ago and I have zero desire to do it all again. I like spending time at home doing whatever the fuck I want whenever I want.

OP, if you were single, would you still hate socializing?

OP did not mention a partner.

Same here, and the pandemic proved I didn't need to go out so much.

I AM single, r4.

Probably for life, which I've accepted at this point.

I'm getting older I never begrudge socializing. most of you sound like miserable cunts, glad that you all want to be shut-ins

I am becoming like OP! I have no interest in listening to people espouse their theories or opinions, or rehash their life. I think most people have diarrhea of the mouth and wish they would just shut the fuck up.

Lately, I have been declining invitations to get together with friends because I find the constant chatter exhausting and uninteresting. It’s all been said many times before.

Sorry, OP / R7, I was getting you confused with R2.

I find it odd how married or partnered people claim to be the Lone Wolf, etc., when in reality, they're spending a ton of time with another person.

I'm not averse to any socializing but I prefer small gatherings at a friend's home instead of going to loud, noisy places. It seems anywhere you go now has really loud music. Music is for background noise unless you're at a concert which doesn't appeal to me anymore either.

Be careful- social isolation is about as bad for you as smoking and obesity. The most effective counter to depression related to aging is engagement with people and community.

R12, I think that's the common refrain. For some people, like me, a little bit of "engagement with people and community" can go a long, long way.

And you sound like an extrovert r8 and the kind that imagines everybody must be exactly like you.

Being an introvert isn’t abnormal, OP, but a lot of us have been conditioned to think it is. Extroverts consume more products in general, which is why they are portrayed more favorably in the media and advertising we’ve grown up with and been influenced by, while introverts are usually portrayed as nerds, weirdos, creeps, and misanthropes.

I get you OP. I'm 71, and I spent 3+ decades being forced to entertain large groups from work in my home. Now that I am long retired I am so thankful I don't have to do that ever again, unless I want to (which will likely be never). Being home, alone, in peace and quiet is what I love at this time of life.

[quote] Extroverts consume more products in general, which is why they are portrayed more favorably in the media and advertising

I googled "do extroverts spend more money than introverts" but couldn't find anything definitive.

But this does make sense.

Yeah - but you're on this site Blanche, aren't ya!

Exactly, r13. As I get older, it's more the quality of my social interactions that matter to me rather than the quantity. One-on-one socializing with people I enjoy engaging with is one thing. But I find it very difficult to get good conversations going with large groups of people. Most talk about themselves, and usually the most tiresome person present ends up dominating the conversation.

I feel refreshed after a high-quality interaction with a friend, but don't seek out socializing for socializing's sake. In fact, some of the happiest times of my life were spent alone.

[quote]Now, at 40, I would MUCH rather spend an evening alone than go out.

Just wait until you reach 70.

And yet there you are, OP- in your caftan trying to talk to us on Datalounge while watching soaps.

I am 70 and I’m fine entertaining myself. I have books and projects and there’s always something interesting on the streaming channels. Nothing’s worse than going to a loud bar or party where you have to shout to be heard.

Oh, the delicious irony of insulting DLers for posting on DL ... in a DL post.

OP I am the autism troll and even I think this is a stealth Aspergers thread.

You got tired of going out because masking is exhausting. It's easier to do when you are in your twenties.

Not every corner of human experience needs to be pathologized, r24.

[quote]I googled "do extroverts spend more money than introverts" but couldn't find anything definitive.

Actually — I take that back. I’m not sure if extroverts spend more overall, but they definitely buy more luxury goods and anything else to present themselves better in public, or to impress other people. Plug “luxury” into your search and select the “news” filter.

There was an article saying that lower-income extroverts spend more on luxury goods. However, it didn’t say anything about overall spending. Maybe introverts spend a lot of money on shit that extroverts don’t buy at all.

Yeah like books.

I just think it's hilarious that when I was in my teens my mom wanted me to socialize more, now that I'm in my 30s and tired of people she's pulling the, "Ooh, I understand" card and has become a hermit herself.

R16, Couldn’t agree more. Living alone while interacting with others when I choose to is bliss at the age of 72.

I enjoying socializing, dinner parties, happy hours, even group trips.

I receive fewer invitations these days, but I definitely still enjoy going out.

R25 if the OP did not want it pathologized, he would have just said, “This is the way I am and I don’t care what anybody thinks.”

He did not.

Pathologize away, my little webMDs!

As the song goes:

I hate people! I hate people! People are despicable creatures Loathesome inexplicable creatures Good-for-nothing kickable creatures I hate people! I abhor them!

Extroverts selfishly use others to satisfy their high social needs.

I’m mid 40s there’s few things less agreeable than having to make chit chat with strangers who I will never see again. Occasionally I meet someone who can hold a conversation and it’s a pleasant surprise because people are mostly dull. I’d rather a night at home with my husband or dinner with friends. There’s been a few recent entrances into our social group, all people I met through work who I came to like.

I recently got criticized (negatively) at work for what I feel is just introvert behavior. No complaints about my actual job performance. Someone said something about me working with my office door closed. I was / am pissed.

Meanwhile, one of the people in my division (loud ass kisser) I'm sure the boss is happy with his performance.

R36 just tell them you are neurodivergent. It’s a protected class and they can’t prove you aren’t.

Maybe start rubbing your hands a little but more in common areas and bringing up the films of Christopher Nolan for no reason.

Or print this out, frame it and put it on your desk

Absolutely despise people and I’m certain it’s a two way street. I love reading about Generation X whine about FOMO as if any of them are distinguishable from the other.

I’m pretty much an introvert, but I do enjoy socializing with likeminded people who have similar interests and a sense of humor. It’s nice to have someone to share experiences with.

I saw a post somewhere recently that really resonated with me. It said: "If it requires fake smiling, I probably won't come." Amen to that,!

I wonder if we would all socialize more if the internet didn’t provide a facsimile of a social life

I can't help but think socializing would be more meaningful sans internet, r42. And especially sans smartphones.

Hell is other people. I’ve believed that since grade school.

Although I’ve had long-term live-in relationships, as others have said, I love having my privacy and solitude in middle age. My independent ways always became an issue in relationships. I have learned that I need to live alone. Not totally closed to a relationship, but I don’t know how I’d find the energy at this time. Have extended family, a few close friends, and a dog and a cat.

I like socializing under certain circumstances. I need to balance it with a lot of solitude. My preference is to meet for meals and activities with one to four people unless it's family or people I really know well. Otherwise my social anxiety kicks in. I prefer socializing with kindred spirits.

Meals with groups of 8 or more are outside my comfort zone especially if I don't know people well. I don't like to host larger gatherings, either. I'm not a comfortable cook and up to six dinner guests is more than enough for me. I have a group, four of us, who get together regularly for meals. It's great because we're very compatible.

From my teens until my late 30s, I didn't miss a party that I was invited to. I had severe fear of missing out. But I was running from being who I wanted to be. Never had a long term relationship and seemed to be who everyone called for a sidekick, wingman, confidante when the chips were down. It got old and so did I. FInally I met my husband. We are homebodies Sun-Thursday for the most part. We like to have a plan one night of the weekend to go out either with others to dinner or some kind of function or live music. But we cannot wait to get home. I like our dog, my husband, our house, my books and peace. I get tired of people and conversation. Give me a rainy night and a good book with a nice cocktail and I am in heaven,

R46 sounds like bliss

INTROVERTS OF THE WORLD UNITE!

...but quietly and from our own homes.

DL is the online patron saint of the misanthropic anti-social judgemental introverted loner,

Praise be!

Wow! I'm glad to see that so many here think the same way I do about social interactions.

When I was a kid, I was content to sit at home and read books, play solitary games. My mother would be on my case to get out and play with the other kids (yuck)! There was a brief time in my 30's where I actually enjoyed going out and socializing (small groups).

I'm 58 and thorgoughly enjoy my alone time. I can entertain myself for hours by myself. Even if I'm not doing anything "constructive" I enjoy my solitude at home.

People are exhausting! I can only take them in small increments. I have about 3 different groups of friends and that is plenty. I prefer hanging out at this one couple's house (hetereo). We have good drinks, good food and fun conversations. It's relaxed and nobody is on their "best behaviour" - no artifice.

There may be some truth that so much alone time is not necessarily healthy, especially as we grow older, but that is my default setting, and when I try to force myself out of that, I'm just exhausted (mentally).

Introverts of the world unite. In our own private spaces, though.

There is a societal stigma that if you do an activity by yourself, there's something wrong with you. I enjoy socializing in small groups with close friends, but I also enjoy doing things on my own. I can't stand trying to make small talk with shallow, stupid people. And at a party, I usually pair off with one or two other people so we can have a good conversation. I could never work a room and have two-minute conversations with everyone at the party.

I used to go out all the time in my 20s but now I'm in my 50s and would rather stay home. I still get together with friends once a week but going to a crowded party or club sounds exhausting.

I had a great time going out in my teens and 20's and feel very fortunate for those experiences, but I resonate with r24 and gradually let it go as I got older and energy waned. I'm not evasive about going out when I need to and I love going on holiday, but I enjoy cultivating my own metaphoric garden most these days.

[quote]I enjoy cultivating my own metaphoric garden most these days.

Is that a euphemism for your mussy?

Ha! It's tended to.

I was told often, as a kid, that I wouldnt amount to anything with my introverted personality. So, believing this, I pushed myself very hard for the next 40 years... and now I'm a success, I'm done with it. I was always exhausted after social events, but I did it all. Maybe my parents were right, as I did become a big success; but at what price...I was always agitated, exhausted, carried a lot of angst and pain in my body and gave way too much of myself. Since covid I'm saying 'No', more than ever before, and once u explain yourself people aren't too disappointed. I was led to believe saying No, was a very bad thing to do and meant I was lazy or selfish. I wasnt being myself so it was a maze trying to gauge what I should do..as I had no instincts for what was correct. Fucked up parenting 101.

I'm an anxious hermit who owns nothing but the fantasy worlds inside his own head. I gave up on people when it became clear that many (most?) societal systems are ad hoc, constantly ignored or exploited, and ultimately meaningless. Most people literally rely on delusions (god, hope, karma, right & wrong, love, etc.) to feel better everyday….and that's okay. Luckily, with none of it having any meaning, there's also no "correct" life or way to live, and each human can change their delusions at any time to meet their own needs.

r57 = Henri, Le Chat Noir

R56, I literally felt like I was reading my own words in your post. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I am in the exact same place now too. My tolerance for giving away too much of myself has never been lower. I won’t do it anymore. It is incredibly liberating but also so humbling….I am 52, why did it take me so long to learn this lesson??? That’s where the humility comes in. I could blame the bad parenting, but I also believe in individual responsibility — I need to own my bad decisions. More than anything, I am great at avoiding pain, so I think I just avoided facing this deepest wound until now. It’s definitely hard work.