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Let’s be an Eldergay’s house

Since we’ve got the lesbian thread…

I’m mother’s ashes, pride of place in the centre of the mantle, underneath the portrait of her and Pookums, her beloved Pomeranian.

by Anonymousreply 278April 13, 2024 4:21 PM

I'm the lingering odor of scented candles, Obsession and shart.

by Anonymousreply 1April 3, 2024 6:05 AM

I'm the wall calendar of hot men hanging by the fridge. Yes, I use the calendar app on my phone and tablet, but they don't have hot, shirtless guys.

by Anonymousreply 2April 3, 2024 6:15 AM

I’m the drugstore reading glasses, one pair in every room.

by Anonymousreply 3April 3, 2024 6:23 AM

I’m the Chinese slippers in every colour of the rainbow. I make the closet floor look like a pride flag.

by Anonymousreply 4April 3, 2024 6:48 AM

I am the complete leather-bound set of Encyclopedia Brittanica, the globe of the world, the rotary telephone, and the crystal bowl of hard candies. Sherlock Holmes and his friend and colleague, Dr. Watson, are expected to arrive at any moment. They will appreciate me.

by Anonymousreply 5April 3, 2024 6:56 AM

I'm the collection of caftans and earrings.

by Anonymousreply 6April 3, 2024 6:58 AM

I'm the nacreous layers of permacum.

by Anonymousreply 7April 3, 2024 7:06 AM

I'm the red bathroom.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 8April 3, 2024 7:15 AM

I am the wall of dusty old books that I use a decor circa 1970 design trends that tells the world how worldly I am. I wont let go of this outdated concept no matter how many decades have passed me by.

by Anonymousreply 9April 3, 2024 7:21 AM

We are the hundreds of antiques littered throughout the space bordering on being a hoarder. Less is more or minimalism is a concept we do not understand.

by Anonymousreply 10April 3, 2024 7:23 AM

I am Mother's many place settings of Wallace 'Grand Baroque' silverware stowed carefully in its original Chippendale Style footed canteen with campaign handles. 'Do you know about Campaign Furniture? Well, let me tell you about it even though you said you do know...'

I am more Fauxlonial corner cupboards than will fit in two octagonal rooms, stuffed with Mother's many sets of porcelain dinner ware. I have scrimped and saved and spent my meagre income as appointments manager at a dog hospital bumping up all her place settings for 6 or 8 into place settings for 12. Those fellows at Replacements in North Carolina are practically like family! I've spent I don't know how many thousands completing these sets of good china and now they are worth a cumulative $200. But they were Mother's and I do like the idea of a dinner for twelve, even if I've never done it. My friends all call me Hyacinth, you know, for Hyacinth Bucket.

I'm the stack of worn Fiestaware reproduction plates in off-colors that I eat off every day. I bought them at Bamberger's in the Eighties.

by Anonymousreply 11April 3, 2024 7:53 AM

I'm off the hook.

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by Anonymousreply 12April 3, 2024 7:56 AM

I’m the Windows 97 still being used to log into the Datalounge, tastefully hidden away in an Empire era secrétaire.

by Anonymousreply 13April 3, 2024 8:17 AM

I'm the sadness.

by Anonymousreply 14April 3, 2024 8:55 AM

I'm the smell of the piss if Mitzi, a tiny bug-eyed Chihuahua. "It's just a little spray, like mist! Only when she gets excited."

The oriental rugs are now more dog piss than wool, but Mitch and Edward do love their little snaggle-toothed snarling, yapping monster, even if they are too fucking lazy to take the rat for walk, what after that elevator incident with Mrs. Collins in 11C. The neighbors and what few friends they have left do not love Mitzi.

by Anonymousreply 15April 3, 2024 9:12 AM

*piss of Mitzi

by Anonymousreply 16April 3, 2024 9:13 AM

I’m the Barbra Streisand CDs. I’m in chronological order.

by Anonymousreply 17April 3, 2024 9:16 AM

R15 is not joking. What is it with elder gays and letting their dog piss everywhere? I became friends with an elder gay couple in my building a long time ago. After one of the died, the other sold the house and moved to Arizona. He's in his late 70's now. He kept asking me to visit, said he had a spare room and so I thought I would be nice and catch up with him. OMG is little scruffy dog had pissed is so many place I was gagging all night with a pillow over my head to filter out the smell. At one point the dog cam in my room, pissed on the carpet and when I notified my friend about cleaning it up, all he did was put some paper towels down and blot it. That's it, no shampoo, no water, nothing. How many hundreds of times did it happen before I got there. "it's just a little spray Dear, it doesn't bother us".

by Anonymousreply 18April 3, 2024 9:41 AM

I’m the Tina Turner wall clock.

by Anonymousreply 19April 3, 2024 9:59 AM

I am the full size black and white naked man posters in the living room trying to pawn that off as "art".

by Anonymousreply 20April 3, 2024 10:32 AM

I'm the house of a self-aware modern eldergay..

1. My decor is updated every five years to reflect current trends ( that appeal to me) and to fit my current lifestyle.

2. I have one enclosed cabinet with memorabilia and collectables.

3. I do have "mothers crystal and china" only 10% is displayed that is of mid century design. I do use these items frequently . The rest is packed away in boxes.

4. Coffee table books have been gone since 2010, Mapplethorpe is in a cabinet and no Herb Ritts prints on the wall. No one needs to walk in the door and think. " must be gay" .

5. I purchase current and well-made textiles. No embellished tea towels in the kitchen or bar. No monogramed towels in the bathroom. No dryclean only comforters in the bedroom.

6. Landline Phone gone since 2004. No desktop computer, one Windows 10 laptop, one Chromebook and of course one Android phone.

7. I have the same rule in place as I do with men regarding possessions. If you haven't touched it in 6 months ( unless it is a seasonal item) it should be gone.

8. Most importantly if you are concerned about what people think about you based upon your house, focusing on maintaining a uncluttered ,well organized and scrupulously clean house is way more important than following whatever the trends you see on Wayfarer or Ikea are.

9. Old person things I do admit to. I have a terrazzo dish in my living room with a mixture of both regular and sugar free candy. Contents are updated seasonally. I have 2 pairs of Rx computer glasses with blue light filters for upstairs and downstairs with modern frames.

by Anonymousreply 21April 3, 2024 11:10 AM

I’m the Madonna Sex book, sitting on the coffee table since 1992.

by Anonymousreply 22April 3, 2024 11:30 AM

What happens to mother’s china once the gay son kicks the bucket? Does it end up at Goodwill? No one uses fancy floral place settings at home anymore unless said home is Downton Abbey.

by Anonymousreply 23April 3, 2024 11:51 AM

[quote] No one uses fancy floral place settings at home anymore unless said home is Downton Abbey.

No one? Your world might be a touch small.

by Anonymousreply 24April 3, 2024 12:04 PM

I am the shelf of Madame Alexander dolls inherited from spinster Aunt Helen.

Please turn "Fritzi the Oktoberfest Princess" to the wall when masturbating. He stare is far too intense!

by Anonymousreply 25April 3, 2024 12:06 PM

Sorry. No one with any taste or good breeding uses fancy floral china anymore.

by Anonymousreply 26April 3, 2024 12:09 PM

I’m the collection of vintage Playgirls carefully stored in the hall closet.

by Anonymousreply 27April 3, 2024 12:12 PM

R26 is clueless and proudly misinformed.

"Good breeding" has nothing to do with her minimalist approach to serving fish sticks on Melmac or paper towels.

by Anonymousreply 28April 3, 2024 12:17 PM

Ok Aunt Nancy. Post some pics the next time you serve five courses to twenty guests on your late mother’s Limoges service. Surely it won’t look utterly ridiculous and archaic.

by Anonymousreply 29April 3, 2024 12:27 PM

Is this thread going to devolve into a battle between old queens about dishes?

by Anonymousreply 30April 3, 2024 12:27 PM

I’m the extensive collection of Grace Jones and Pet Shop Boys CDs underneath the recessed lighting.

by Anonymousreply 31April 3, 2024 12:28 PM

Miss sissy boodles won't touch her food unless it's served on a Franklin mint collectible gone with the wind plate.

by Anonymousreply 32April 3, 2024 12:30 PM

I’m the John Davidson Cosmo centerfold

by Anonymousreply 33April 3, 2024 12:33 PM

I’m the complete set of Tales of the City books. I was actually reread within the last couple years and I still really hold up.

by Anonymousreply 34April 3, 2024 12:33 PM

I’m the jeans you wore years ago saved for when you lose weight, I know I forever will remain hanging in the back of the closet

by Anonymousreply 35April 3, 2024 12:39 PM

I’m relieved that none of these things can be found in my house.

by Anonymousreply 36April 3, 2024 1:06 PM

I'm the framed Follies poster.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 37April 3, 2024 1:07 PM

I’m the earrings

by Anonymousreply 38April 3, 2024 1:08 PM

I’m the caftans!

by Anonymousreply 39April 3, 2024 1:08 PM

[quote]Landline Phone gone since 2004. No desktop computer, one Windows 10 laptop,

Desktop computers are not out of style. Most young hard core gamers build their own desktop computes and show them off like prized cars on YouTube. Laptops just dont have as much power as what you can put into a desktop PC. Especially when we talk about the GPU and not just the CPU.

by Anonymousreply 40April 3, 2024 1:14 PM

I’m the lava lamp purchased at Spencer Gifts that still works.

by Anonymousreply 41April 3, 2024 1:14 PM

I'm Mother's portrait hanging in the dining room, looking down on all with condescension and silent judgement.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 42April 3, 2024 1:15 PM

I’m the set of crystal ashtrays I now use as candy dishes.

by Anonymousreply 43April 3, 2024 1:16 PM

I'm the chintz sofa that smells of spilled gin, cigarette smoke and cat piss.

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by Anonymousreply 44April 3, 2024 1:16 PM

Hmm, this got me thinking. What kind of liquor is Elder Gay? Scotch on the rocks? Gin Martinis? Mint Julep?

by Anonymousreply 45April 3, 2024 1:19 PM

One thing about gays (at least 35yo+ gays) is we’ll roll with some biting critiques, unlike the young’uns and the lesbians.

by Anonymousreply 46April 3, 2024 1:20 PM

All of the above, r45.

by Anonymousreply 47April 3, 2024 1:20 PM

R45 Cheap vodka.

by Anonymousreply 48April 3, 2024 1:21 PM

R45, Blue Nun

by Anonymousreply 49April 3, 2024 1:21 PM

Martini and Rossi Asti Spumante?

by Anonymousreply 50April 3, 2024 1:23 PM

I'm the pair of lucky "pulling pants," to the extreme left front rack of the closet, just behind the hanger with the Missoni knit ties not worn for years. The ties, however, were worn more recently than the pulling pants which last served duty (fit a not yet fat sprawl of an ass) in 1986. The man who once fit in me pulls me out to reminisce, too often, about the days when the gay bars were abuzz, with men in tight jeans and flannel shirts, smoking Benson & Hedges longs, swallowing dick right there beside the trough urinal, one, two, three dicks then maybe invite a good prospect back home for fucking and maybe even brunch at Hamburger Mary's! Oh how the man who used to fit into me, who sanded my crotch none too subtly, pines for his hey day. Cock. Designing Women! Benson! Mary Tyler Moore! -and Rhoda! Damron Guides. Shopping for cock rings. Shitty Felice Picano novels. Cruising gay bookshops not for books but for more cock. Cock at the beach. Cock in the back rooms. Cock as soon as you walked into a gay bar (wearing me) and taking some "trash" for the evening to be sent curbside before breakfast. Now of course its all memories for him, as distant as the prospect of every fitting into me again. He has only Datalounge.

by Anonymousreply 51April 3, 2024 1:26 PM

Gin and regret, of course.

by Anonymousreply 52April 3, 2024 1:27 PM

I'm the garage stuffed with surplus art and antiques.

by Anonymousreply 53April 3, 2024 1:31 PM

I'm mother's white doilies, placed carefully on each and every piece of dark wood furniture.

So many doilies.....

by Anonymousreply 54April 3, 2024 1:45 PM

I'm the array of framed Playbills, with a replica of the Phantom mask in the center.

by Anonymousreply 55April 3, 2024 1:47 PM

I'm the Gravy Boat that I only use for Thanksgiving and Christmas.

by Anonymousreply 56April 3, 2024 1:56 PM

I'm the competing scents of Murphy's Oil Soap, Fabuloso, the remains of a broken bottle of mother's Enjoli, and a bag of mothballs.

None of them are subtle, and none of them will go away.

by Anonymousreply 57April 3, 2024 1:57 PM

I'm the vast collection of hemorrhoid creams in the bathroom closet, next to an ancient douche bag.

by Anonymousreply 58April 3, 2024 2:06 PM

I'm the stained glass boudoir lamps

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by Anonymousreply 59April 3, 2024 2:21 PM

I’m the magnifying glass I keep in the kitchen in order to read labels and directions.

by Anonymousreply 60April 3, 2024 2:55 PM

^finally, you nailed me.

by Anonymousreply 61April 3, 2024 2:57 PM

I'm the OCD Dowager Queen known as R21

by Anonymousreply 62April 3, 2024 3:08 PM

I'm the Jackie doll.

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by Anonymousreply 63April 3, 2024 3:13 PM

I’m the cat toys on the floor that Roomba regularly inhales.

by Anonymousreply 64April 3, 2024 3:19 PM

If only your pair of pants could talk, R51!

by Anonymousreply 65April 3, 2024 3:22 PM

I’m the Mitchell Gold sofas.

by Anonymousreply 66April 3, 2024 3:27 PM

I am the of concoction of preparation H, lube, dust, and cat hair that spreads all over the house.

by Anonymousreply 67April 3, 2024 4:05 PM

[quote]I’m mother’s ashes, pride of place in the centre of the mantle

Oh, dear.

by Anonymousreply 68April 3, 2024 4:24 PM

I’m the framed old travel posters in the guest room…they were cool at one time!

by Anonymousreply 69April 3, 2024 4:38 PM

I am the contents of the freezer in the kitchen - Lean Cuisines (neatly stacked), a handle-sized bottle of Smirnoff and a carton of Marlboro Lights Menthol 100s.

Mother always said to keep your cigarette carton in the freezer to keep the cigarettes fresh.

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by Anonymousreply 70April 3, 2024 4:52 PM

[quote]I’m the Barbra Streisand CDs. I’m in chronological order.

I'm all of Barbra's movies, concerts and tv specials in chronological order. On VHS.

by Anonymousreply 71April 3, 2024 4:53 PM

I'm the framed Patrick Nagel print in "the parlor," as Mother always called it. Behind the Patrick Nagel print is an old stain from when Christopher threw a glass of Merlot at Richard's head and missed, during a heated argument about who did the best rendition of "I'm Still Here" from "Follies," during the Oscars party in 1986.

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by Anonymousreply 72April 3, 2024 4:58 PM

So far I have none of those things.

by Anonymousreply 73April 3, 2024 5:00 PM

[quote]I'm the array of framed Playbills, with a replica of the Phantom mask in the center.

Peak Eldergay! 😂

by Anonymousreply 74April 3, 2024 5:06 PM

I'm the bore that is R73.

by Anonymousreply 75April 3, 2024 5:07 PM

I am the 32" waist jeans folded and stacked on a shelf in the back of the closet. My owner will be able to fit back into them "someday."

The last time my owner had a 32" waist, Ronald Reagan was President of the United States.

by Anonymousreply 76April 3, 2024 5:11 PM

I’m the laminated DNR next to the stack of homoerotic coffee table books atop the knock-off Noguchi.

by Anonymousreply 77April 3, 2024 5:24 PM

And the posters are blue now R69 because all the other colors have bleached..

by Anonymousreply 78April 3, 2024 6:02 PM

R12, what's that? A rotary phone dialer?

by Anonymousreply 79April 3, 2024 6:04 PM

Is that a pencil.....with feathers at the end?

by Anonymousreply 80April 3, 2024 6:30 PM

"What happens to mother’s china once the gay son kicks the bucket? Does it end up at Goodwill? "

Yes. Where it is purchased by a young Nicolas Fairford wannabe who is decorating his first apartment. We roll our eyes at him, but secretly want to fuck him.

by Anonymousreply 81April 3, 2024 6:34 PM

I’ll have you know MY Noguchi is fully authorized.

by Anonymousreply 82April 3, 2024 6:34 PM

I'm the pencil next to the rotary phone.

I use it to dial.

by Anonymousreply 83April 3, 2024 6:41 PM

Why do eldergays dial with pencils? Stubby fingers? Germophobia?

by Anonymousreply 84April 3, 2024 6:47 PM

This thread brings back memories of an elder gay I hung out with when I was teen. He kept his Seneca filtered cigars in the freezer. There was a 1970s black and white studio portrait of him and his deceased partner on the wall. He had the complete dvd set of The Nanny, Marilyn Monroe movies, and a ouija board. He told me about the time some kids stole his dog's ashes thinking it was cocaine.

by Anonymousreply 85April 3, 2024 6:51 PM

Woman used to dial with a pencil to protect their nails. Eldergays do it as a homage.

by Anonymousreply 86April 3, 2024 6:53 PM

[quote] This thread brings back memories of an elder gay I hung out with when I was teen.

That sounds positively sordid.

Do tell.

by Anonymousreply 87April 3, 2024 6:54 PM

I'm the aging Dirt Devil with a grey wig and googly eyes glued to it.

My owner calls me "Georgia Engel," and performs for me a few times a week.

by Anonymousreply 88April 3, 2024 6:54 PM

I’m the ancient computer running outdated operating systems

by Anonymousreply 89April 3, 2024 6:56 PM

I don't get that stereotype, R89. I am an eldergay, and all of my eldergay friends are very up-to-date with tech. They have new computers, tablets, and phones (usually Apple all around), and they update software all the time. I think you're holding onto a false image. Maybe you're thinking of older straight people?

by Anonymousreply 90April 3, 2024 7:13 PM

I'm the "Dress Up David" refrigerator magnet set — Michelangelo's David, along with accessories like tank top, shorts, etc. My magnets still work but I am very, very faded.

by Anonymousreply 91April 3, 2024 7:37 PM

No I’m thinking of DL

by Anonymousreply 92April 3, 2024 7:38 PM

I’m the collection of personal correspondence with Faith Prince.

by Anonymousreply 93April 3, 2024 7:46 PM

I’m the wall(s) of commercial-grade wire racks in every room of the apartment. Every shelf is overflowing with whatever the fuck it is. Tasteful woven baskets on a few shelves before all hope is lost and then it’s allllll Rubbermaid clear plastic.

by Anonymousreply 94April 3, 2024 7:57 PM

[quote] I'm the framed Follies poster.

You’ve got me here.

But my poster was signed by members of the 2001 revival cast:

Blythe Danner

Gregory Harrison

Judith Ivey

Treat Williams

Polly Bergen

Marge Champion

Betty Garrett

It was a wonderful show and I got this poster for my husband who loves “Follies” and who adores Blythe Danner.

We were seated just behind Steven Spielberg and Kate Capshaw. Also seated nearby were Walter Cronkite, and Kevin Kline and Phoebe Cates.

A great evening.

by Anonymousreply 95April 3, 2024 8:24 PM

Mitzi is a Lhasa Apso, R15.

by Anonymousreply 96April 3, 2024 8:30 PM

R5- Crystal bowl of hard candies?

That sounds like Grandma 👵!

by Anonymousreply 97April 3, 2024 8:35 PM

I don’t put hard candy in a crystal dish, but I do have hard candy that reminds me of my grandmother.

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by Anonymousreply 98April 3, 2024 8:45 PM

The hard candy mentioned above is dusted with confectioners' sugar.

Does anyone remember it?

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by Anonymousreply 99April 3, 2024 8:48 PM

r99 I remember it, Greg, but in Butterscotch. I get it on Amazon from time to time.

by Anonymousreply 100April 3, 2024 8:53 PM

Yes, R100 — Creamy Butterscotch Drops!

by Anonymousreply 101April 3, 2024 8:56 PM

Greg, I liked Callard & Bowser's Butterscotch better. I wish they'd not stopped making that. But now I'm in a butterscotch mood. Maybe I'll order some of this.

- r100

by Anonymousreply 102April 3, 2024 9:01 PM

I’m the delusion that my house could feature in a ‘Tasteful friends’ post on DataLounge.

by Anonymousreply 103April 3, 2024 9:02 PM

R16 the booze! It’s the booze!

by Anonymousreply 104April 3, 2024 9:05 PM

[quote]Why do eldergays dial with pencils? Stubby fingers? Germophobia?

For the crispness, R84. The crispness.

by Anonymousreply 105April 3, 2024 9:25 PM


You might enjoy this little essay.

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by Anonymousreply 106April 3, 2024 9:58 PM

R51. “shitty Felice Picano novels”: redundant

by Anonymousreply 107April 3, 2024 10:17 PM

I'm the framed pics of Barbra Streisand.

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by Anonymousreply 108April 3, 2024 10:36 PM

I'm the extremely uncomfortable rent boy

by Anonymousreply 109April 3, 2024 10:38 PM

"Good breeding" is a ridiculously outdated concept.

This isn't 1952 any longer.

by Anonymousreply 110April 3, 2024 10:41 PM

I’m the framed programs from every production of “Sunset Boulevard” that’s ever run.

by Anonymousreply 111April 3, 2024 10:46 PM

At least one room (probably the guest room) has Beverly Hills Banana Leaf Gold wallpaper and a peacock wicker chair in it.

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by Anonymousreply 112April 3, 2024 10:52 PM

I'm the Gene Marshall doll collection.

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by Anonymousreply 113April 3, 2024 10:57 PM

I'm mother.

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by Anonymousreply 114April 3, 2024 11:00 PM

I’m the lanai. The homeowners and their friends can’t help but sashay like Blanche whenever gathering there for brunch.

by Anonymousreply 115April 3, 2024 11:07 PM

Most young hard core gamers

Most people are not hard core gamers at all, old gays have desktops, we had one but no more.

by Anonymousreply 116April 3, 2024 11:20 PM

I'm the VHS box set of Dynasty.

by Anonymousreply 117April 3, 2024 11:37 PM

[quote]I’m the drugstore reading glasses, one pair in every room.

As the kids today say: I feel seen.

by Anonymousreply 118April 3, 2024 11:38 PM

Were the 14 plastic bags of different store-bought bread loaf uneaten end-slices!

by Anonymousreply 119April 3, 2024 11:49 PM

I'm the original cast albums on vinyl and you better not refer to them as SOUNDTRACKS, buster.

by Anonymousreply 120April 3, 2024 11:51 PM

R82 I joined the fucking Noguchi museum so I could get 10% off my Noguchi.

by Anonymousreply 121April 3, 2024 11:52 PM

I'm the manila folder containing takeout menus from all restaurants within a three-mile radius.

by Anonymousreply 122April 3, 2024 11:57 PM

I’m the People Magazine subscription I’ve had since 1974.

by Anonymousreply 123April 3, 2024 11:57 PM

I’m the souvenir Fire Island shot glasses from 1980-2002.

by Anonymousreply 124April 4, 2024 12:11 AM

Follies poster? Posters -plural! I have a wall with the original Broadway posters of every Stephen Sondheim show in chronological order, including revivals. I also have a half-sheet of the MDA "Scrabble" concert on the facing wall. In my office there's an original half-sheet for Follies -sans cast list. It was ready for the second cast that never came.

I never need to come out to visitors!

by Anonymousreply 125April 4, 2024 1:38 AM

Why, R103? Tasteless, overdone homes are abundant in “Tasteful Friends” threads.

by Anonymousreply 126April 4, 2024 1:59 AM

R99- Those look good.

by Anonymousreply 127April 4, 2024 2:19 AM

I'm the placemats with plastic backings. There are some tablecloths in the house, but those are folded in the drawer, taken out only for - maybe - Thanksgiving.

I'm the Corelle or Fiestaware. I'm used 364 days of the year ... on top of the placemats.

by Anonymousreply 128April 4, 2024 2:45 AM

I'm refuge from cunts.

by Anonymousreply 129April 4, 2024 2:50 AM

I'm Greg.

by Anonymousreply 130April 4, 2024 3:16 AM

I'm the stale Lorna Doone Shortbread Cookies.

by Anonymousreply 131April 4, 2024 3:18 AM

I’m the extensive and pristine collection of International Male catalogs. Oh how Mother used to frown when she found them in the mailbox!

by Anonymousreply 132April 4, 2024 3:19 AM

I'm the Ativan and wine coolers.

by Anonymousreply 133April 4, 2024 3:20 AM

I'm looking for something.

by Anonymousreply 134April 4, 2024 3:21 AM

I’m the stacks of books on Klismos chairs.

We keep hefty visitors from breaking the furniture around here.

by Anonymousreply 135April 4, 2024 3:34 AM

I'm Joel, installing a Ring doorbell

by Anonymousreply 136April 4, 2024 3:35 AM

[quote] I'm Greg.


by Anonymousreply 137April 4, 2024 3:51 AM

[quote] We keep hefty visitors from breaking the furniture around here.

My overweight cousin actually did break a piece of my Mom's furniture. It was one of those Scandi ottomans that matched a Scandi armchair. He just sat on it the wrong way, I guess, and snap! My mom was kind of sad about it.

by Anonymousreply 138April 4, 2024 4:13 AM

The only lube in an eldergay household is a canister of WD40 used to keep the door of mother’s cedar chest from creaking whenever he reaches in for one of her old Simplicity patterns.

by Anonymousreply 139April 4, 2024 4:56 AM

Not true, R130!! EVERY gay man of taste, breeding, and style kept a can of Crisco by his bed.

by Anonymousreply 140April 4, 2024 5:00 AM

We moved in 2021 and I very much consciously decorated in a clean, minimalist modern style so it wouldn’t look like an old-timey house, the way my parents’ house looked in their sunset years. But I’m guilty of so many things mentioned here. China and silver I use for special occasions. Gravy boats! A Noguchi floor-lamp that I would lay down my life for! And it gets worse. Ancestor portraits in gilded frames. I have no heirs, so I hope the landfill it all ends up in appreciates the nuances of all my collections.

by Anonymousreply 141April 4, 2024 5:05 AM

Can I have your stuff R141?

by Anonymousreply 142April 4, 2024 11:01 AM

I'm the freaky 'Venetian carnival masks' on the walls, up the stairs, tucked away on the bookshelf. I'm not from Venice, however, but my owner used to be a regular at the gifts shops of New Orleans' French Quarter.

Very masculine, don't you think?

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by Anonymousreply 143April 4, 2024 11:22 AM

I'm the Erté prints that line the walls. Don't you just love Erté? Don't you just love Art Deco?

Very masculine, don't you think?

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by Anonymousreply 144April 4, 2024 11:26 AM

I'm the worn, frayed afghan.

by Anonymousreply 145April 4, 2024 12:17 PM

(R141 consider a Habitat for Humanity REStore in your will)

I’m the Nik Nik shirts in the closet.

by Anonymousreply 146April 4, 2024 12:26 PM

Come on over

by Anonymousreply 147April 4, 2024 12:50 PM

R144 I’m the rest of the house, which looks like it was designed by J.C. Leyendecker.

by Anonymousreply 148April 4, 2024 12:59 PM

R110- It's not outdated for well brought up homosexual boys

by Anonymousreply 149April 4, 2024 1:04 PM

I'm my portrait over the fireplace .

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by Anonymousreply 150April 4, 2024 1:31 PM

I'm the echoing loneliness of an empty house filled with the ghosts of men who died too young of a dread disease, of men killed because of their sexuality, of partners evicted by vindictive families because of the lack of legal protections.

I sit, alone, saddened by the disdain of young gays who do not acknowledge the freedoms they enjoy today are built from the blood and sweat and effort of their elders.

by Anonymousreply 151April 4, 2024 2:19 PM

I'm the cozy fullness of a comfortable house filled with the memories of courageous uphill social battles, constitutional victories, medical breakthroughs and a culture where representation of people like me and my loved ones grows ever more varied and human.

I sit in comfort and relief to see the fruits of our efforts, younger generations who grow up with far fewer obstacles than mine faced, who are able to enjoy their youth, their instincts and their sexuality without fear or shame. They do not know how hard it used to be to simply be yourself and I hope they never do.

by Anonymousreply 152April 4, 2024 2:42 PM

Oh gee OP, another thread to dehumanize a group of human beings. How MAGA of you!

by Anonymousreply 153April 4, 2024 3:02 PM

r153 there are countless threads roasting millenials and gen z. And NOBODY here likes children. Its datalounge. not even the dead are safe.

by Anonymousreply 154April 4, 2024 3:05 PM

I don/t feel “dehumanized.” I feel mocked. That’s what we do here.

by Anonymousreply 155April 4, 2024 3:38 PM

I'm the loneliness that just drips off the walls.

by Anonymousreply 156April 4, 2024 3:54 PM

I'm the padded toilet seat.

Before he was 50, this goddamn fruit would NEVER have had me in his house. But once he tried me, he was hooked.

by Anonymousreply 157April 4, 2024 4:12 PM

I’m the towel warmer in my bathroom.

I love it.

by Anonymousreply 158April 4, 2024 4:19 PM

I'm the Cottonelle Wipes.

by Anonymousreply 159April 4, 2024 4:19 PM

That's nicer than mine, R152, but both are true.

I'm the grab bar in the shower that gets used constantly.

by Anonymousreply 160April 4, 2024 4:32 PM

[quote]I’m the Nik Nik shirts in the closet.

I got rid of mine (two, a gift) in the '70s. Damn, those were ugly.

by Anonymousreply 161April 4, 2024 5:07 PM

I’m the jugs of distilled water for the CPAP and for steam pressing mother’s beloved linens.

by Anonymousreply 162April 4, 2024 5:11 PM

I',m the collection 30" waist jeans taking up a quarter of the closet in hope of being brought back in to service one day. They hang beside the collection of 42" waist jeans that have been worn for the past 15 years.

by Anonymousreply 163April 4, 2024 5:18 PM

I think 42" is being kind, R163

by Anonymousreply 164April 4, 2024 6:13 PM

I’m the house of the MARY! at R151. I wish he would stop talking to himself and stinking up my walls with his farts.

by Anonymousreply 165April 4, 2024 8:08 PM

(quote0Most people are not hard core gamers at all, old gays have desktops, we had one but no more.

Most young straight men are gamers. It's a billion dollar industry and most gamers use desktops. As well as graphic artist, 3D animators, video editors, who all need desktop computers because laptops just don't cut it with the processing power you need for those applications. In fact, building a desktop PC has become an art form of it's own.

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by Anonymousreply 166April 4, 2024 9:51 PM

I’m the bottles of Forever Krystle.

by Anonymousreply 167April 5, 2024 2:30 AM

I'm boxes of my grandma's Harlequin Romance novels in the basement. I can't part with them. Especially the ones with Fabio on the cover.

by Anonymousreply 168April 5, 2024 3:02 AM

I'm R165 , one of the generation who refuses to learn from history because they think it can't happen to them. "I'm on PrEP bitcheeeees!"

by Anonymousreply 169April 5, 2024 3:09 AM

I'm scouring the internet for Trump related stories. I need to post at least four new Trump threads a day. This way I can say I'm only semi-retired.

by Anonymousreply 170April 5, 2024 3:13 AM

I’m the chintz tuffet.

by Anonymousreply 171April 5, 2024 3:42 AM

I'm the rice cooker.

by Anonymousreply 172April 5, 2024 3:46 AM

I’m a living will. I’m bequeathing seven figures to St. Jude’s, Habitat for Humanity, GMHC, Amnesty International, and the local homeless shelter.

by Anonymousreply 173April 5, 2024 3:50 AM

I’m the nieces and nephews for whom Uncle Bottom has made no provision in his will for reasons which are well known to them (denigrating FOLLIES, stepping on Mitzi).

by Anonymousreply 174April 5, 2024 4:03 AM

I'm one of Alexander Koch's scarfs that I bought on eBay.

by Anonymousreply 175April 5, 2024 4:05 AM

[quote] I’m a living will. I’m bequeathing seven figures to St. Jude’s, Habitat for Humanity, GMHC, Amnesty International, and the local homeless shelter.

That's not what a living will, that's a regular will. A living will is an advance health care directive.

[quote] A living will is a legal document that tells doctors how you want to be treated if you cannot make your own decisions about emergency treatment. In a living will, you can say which common medical treatments or care you would want, which ones you would want to avoid, and under which conditions each of your choices applies.

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by Anonymousreply 176April 5, 2024 4:21 AM

I’m the top drawer in the bedside table. My contents have been unused for nearly a decade.

by Anonymousreply 177April 5, 2024 7:04 AM

I am the bottom drawer where Tumms,, Ambien, nasal decongestant, and extra reading glasses are kept. I am in heavy use.

by Anonymousreply 178April 5, 2024 7:42 AM

I’m the Game Show Network. I’m like Fox News, but for elderly homos. They leave me on for 22 hours each day.

by Anonymousreply 179April 5, 2024 12:12 PM

That’s the top drawer, r178. The bottom drawer is for lube, condoms and Fleet enemas. It doesn’t get opened.

by Anonymousreply 180April 5, 2024 12:38 PM

I'm the weekly pill organizer. My main purpose is to remind Hisstopher whether he took his Cymbalta and blood pressure meds this morning or not. He always forgets.

by Anonymousreply 181April 5, 2024 8:06 PM

I'm Mitzi's birthday cake sitting in the fridge.

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by Anonymousreply 182April 5, 2024 8:11 PM

I’m the half empty case of Metamucil my nephews gave me for Christmas.

by Anonymousreply 183April 5, 2024 8:22 PM

r181 Only mornings, Hissy?

I'm Hissy's morning and night pill cases.

by Anonymousreply 184April 5, 2024 9:37 PM

I’m the cat hair.

by Anonymousreply 185April 5, 2024 10:23 PM

You stole my Kim Carnes CDs!

by Anonymousreply 186April 5, 2024 10:58 PM

I'm the '80s novelty T-shirt that says I CAN'T EVEN THINK STRAIGHT.

My owner has not been able to fit into me since 1997.

by Anonymousreply 187April 5, 2024 11:26 PM

I'm the elastic waist pants.

by Anonymousreply 188April 5, 2024 11:27 PM

I’m the curio cabinet full of circuit party souvenirs.

by Anonymousreply 189April 5, 2024 11:29 PM

I'm a squat Mateus Rosé bottle with a yellow candle stub in it, the wax around the wick a dusty white.

I am evidence of times spent in Rossino's on North Sarah where the pizza was served with mizithra cheese, before heading to the Red Bull because Albee was in town.

by Anonymousreply 190April 6, 2024 3:11 AM

I’m the Chianti-stained kimono I wear as I give visitors a tour of my vintage decanters. For the fortunate, I offer a detailed visitation of my mother’s authentic Corningware, which is catty-corner from my wall of autographed celebrity photos, most prominent the very rare Pink Lady and Jeff promo photo that’s authentically signed by all three cast members.

by Anonymousreply 191April 6, 2024 3:49 AM

R191 "Visitors?" Really?

by Anonymousreply 192April 6, 2024 7:07 AM

I’m the naughts Abercrombie and Fitch shirts. We’re missing a few buttons due to the host occasionally trying to squeeze himself back into us.

by Anonymousreply 193April 6, 2024 11:46 AM

I'm ashamed how many of these things are in my apartment.

by Anonymousreply 194April 6, 2024 11:55 AM

I’m the bridge mix and old fashioned on the occasional table beside the BarcaLounger, all set for a What’s My Line marathon on GSN.

by Anonymousreply 195April 6, 2024 12:58 PM

I’m the “Can’t Stop the Music” poster, signed by three members of The Village People and Allan Carr, that I treasure.

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by Anonymousreply 196April 6, 2024 1:32 PM

[quote]most prominent the very rare Pink Lady and Jeff promo photo that’s authentically signed by all three cast members.

Pinku Raydee!

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by Anonymousreply 197April 6, 2024 6:06 PM

I'm the Xanadu dreams.

by Anonymousreply 198April 6, 2024 6:13 PM

I'm the collection of whimsical chapeaus.

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by Anonymousreply 199April 6, 2024 6:28 PM

^Is that Vincent Price?

by Anonymousreply 200April 6, 2024 6:50 PM

I am the cheap economy car in the garage that's going on 20 years old. It's practically brand new in my mind.

by Anonymousreply 201April 6, 2024 7:24 PM

I'm the ex De Cain fan.

by Anonymousreply 202April 6, 2024 9:15 PM

[quote]Let’s be an Eldergay’s house

I'm a 1910 Queen Anne cottage with a 1920s small attached garage the present owner converted into a black-paint sex dungeon in 1977.

by Anonymousreply 203April 7, 2024 2:50 AM

I'm the medicine cabinets above the sink in each bathroom exploding with the remnants of every antibiotic created since penicillin, and a virtual tranche of topical creams, all decades past their expiry date. Despite not having had sex in 15 years, one always hopes, and as such, prepared.

by Anonymousreply 204April 7, 2024 11:21 PM

That can be sadly true, R204. I was recently going through a closet specifically to clear out old luggage that I planned to replace. Inside one I found a toiletry case from bygone days. Everything it in was long expired -condoms, motion sickness pills, Tylenol, etc. The shampoos, sunscreen, and lotions had all separated and turned brown. Disgusting. The experience prompted me to go through every cupboard, shelf, medicine chest, etc. and do a proper clear out.

Let's just say I was shocked and leave it at that.

by Anonymousreply 205April 8, 2024 1:10 AM

R18 i had a friend like that. I imagine you become odor blind after a while. I stayed overnight and couldn't sleep because of the low key stench of dog and cat piss that permeated everything.

by Anonymousreply 206April 8, 2024 1:35 AM

I 'm the 9 cats and 12 parakeets buried under the porch.

by Anonymousreply 207April 8, 2024 1:36 AM

I’m the chandelier on the piano.

by Anonymousreply 208April 8, 2024 2:52 AM

Candleabra, R208.

by Anonymousreply 209April 8, 2024 3:09 AM

I am the drawer of wall charges for phones and technology that don't exist anymore, but some day I might need them.

by Anonymousreply 210April 8, 2024 6:58 AM

R201 But it's fully paid for and has less than 50K miles on it, so I'm good.

by Anonymousreply 211April 8, 2024 7:34 AM

I’m the countless sparkly jacket and tunic sets from the Liza Minelli Home Shopping Club hanging in the closet. They are collectors items, worth millions when Liza dies. However, they have no tags, are a size 4X, and have sweat stains around the arm pit areas………

by Anonymousreply 212April 8, 2024 7:46 AM

I’m Michael Musto’s “ironic” artwork.

(And the dust.)

by Anonymousreply 213April 9, 2024 4:05 AM

I’m the wallpaper border that hides the messy edges of the sponge painted walls.

I’m curling, but spit and sometimes Elmer’s glue fix me up like new.

by Anonymousreply 214April 9, 2024 4:29 AM

I'm all the clocks.

by Anonymousreply 215April 9, 2024 4:31 AM

I am the electric carving knife that comes out once a year for Turkey day just like mom used to have.

by Anonymousreply 216April 9, 2024 11:21 AM

I am the hideous Jonathan Adler vases. I was considered edgy in 1998 but I am really just kitsch. For some reason, there are still Johnathan Adler stores in NYC.

by Anonymousreply 217April 9, 2024 11:44 AM

We’re the Memphis candlesticks with matching tea service hidden with Fornasetti plates in the high kitchen cabinet.

We’ve lost many comrades - first to the Great Leaded Fiestaware scare and then to a manic Kondo purge.

by Anonymousreply 218April 9, 2024 12:49 PM

I welcome in all refugee Memphis pieces - especially Michele De Lucchi KRISTALL Side tables looking for a loving home.

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by Anonymousreply 219April 9, 2024 3:12 PM

I'm this in the garage... that I'm too fat to fit into.

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by Anonymousreply 220April 9, 2024 3:55 PM

I'm the Lainie Kazan shrine in what used to be the spare bedroom.

by Anonymousreply 221April 9, 2024 5:29 PM

I'm the laserdiscs of CRUISING and LUST IN THE DUST. I have nowhere to be played but Hisstopher can't bear to throw me away.

by Anonymousreply 222April 9, 2024 7:44 PM

I’m the beautiful old pottery collection inherited from Great Aunt Hilda...I’m actually pretty valuble

by Anonymousreply 223April 9, 2024 7:49 PM

I’m the collection of 12” disco singles from the Mark V Ronkonkoma NY

by Anonymousreply 224April 9, 2024 7:53 PM

I'm Great Aunt Hilda's wigs from the Eva Gabor collection, purchased in the 1970s. I am used every Halloween when her grand nephew Hisstopher dresses up as Carol Channing.

by Anonymousreply 225April 9, 2024 7:53 PM

Well, I NEVER, R225, you are an imposter . Aunt Hilda styled herself like a Ronnette with a mile high black beehive, and greaser girl tough black eye makeup. A “Sharks” girl

by Anonymousreply 226April 9, 2024 8:05 PM

I'm the 12" mix of Laura Branigan's Spanish Eddie. I'll get that victrola fixed one day.

by Anonymousreply 227April 9, 2024 8:32 PM

I'm Joel's green speedo. He won't notice I'm missing.

by Anonymousreply 228April 9, 2024 11:09 PM

R217 Somehow this stung more because I have not one but two Jonathan Adler vases that I purchased in 2017 and nobody told me they'd been played out for decades.

by Anonymousreply 229April 9, 2024 11:24 PM

I'm the treasured Thomas Kinkade masterpiece hanging in the bathroom.

by Anonymousreply 230April 9, 2024 11:34 PM

I am sorry R229 I did to mean to be so bitchy. It’s just that a friend is ALL Jonathan Adler and the vases with the faces drive me crazy.

by Anonymousreply 231April 9, 2024 11:43 PM

R231 Oh that's okay, and I do like the vases!

by Anonymousreply 232April 9, 2024 11:44 PM

...and I should clarify, mine don't have faces on them, just a pattern.

by Anonymousreply 233April 9, 2024 11:46 PM

[quote]I'm the treasured Thomas Kinkade masterpiece hanging in the bathroom.

Meth Lab In the Woods is my personal favorite.

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by Anonymousreply 234April 9, 2024 11:51 PM

[quote] ^Is that Vincent Price?

Or a man who lived in Dorchester?

by Anonymousreply 235April 9, 2024 11:52 PM

But "Cow Abducted By UFO" is a close second.

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by Anonymousreply 236April 9, 2024 11:53 PM

I'm the complete collection of Fabreze Air Freshners. Including the nearly impossible to find lilac. My favorite is the fig&plum.

by Anonymousreply 237April 9, 2024 11:55 PM

I am the matches strategically placed in every room to mask flatulence.

by Anonymousreply 238April 10, 2024 12:02 AM

I'm the entire collection of Woman's Day Encyclopedia Of Cookery still sitting on the bookshelf of cookbooks in the kitchen with zillions of antiquated recipes like Jello Mold With Lima Beans.

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by Anonymousreply 239April 10, 2024 12:16 AM

I don't cook R239 - but I'd love a set as well. I recently tracked down the Young Peoples Science Encyclopedia set I has as a kid.

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by Anonymousreply 240April 10, 2024 1:56 AM

I'm the Tucks pads and generic Preparation H that live on the bathroom counter, but get stowed away when company's comin'.

by Anonymousreply 241April 10, 2024 2:15 AM

I am the multi pair of cheap plastic Crocks in the hallways. I just love how I dont have to wear socks with these things, so stylish and popular only a decade ago.

by Anonymousreply 242April 10, 2024 3:52 AM

R222 just nailed me -and not in the good way... I still have a collection of laserdiscs and a player. Some of those discs had special features that were not included on DVD or Blu-Ray. One of these days I mean to off-load them into some digital format, so I can then dispose of the old tech. But I doubt it'll ever happen.

by Anonymousreply 243April 10, 2024 3:54 AM

I'm the 15 year old tube of KY Jelly

by Anonymousreply 244April 10, 2024 3:55 AM

I am the jar of Elbow Greases CIRCA 1980. I am probably still good, unlike my brother Crisco.

by Anonymousreply 245April 10, 2024 4:06 AM

I’m Miss Sissy Boodles’s trail of cat litter strewn like little ball bearings on the laminate wood flooring.

by Anonymousreply 246April 10, 2024 4:06 AM

I am the plates I put on the floor after eating so the dog can lick it clean. My owner just stacks me up and puts be back into the cabinet without washing. They say a dog's mouth is clean than a humans. So why bother?

by Anonymousreply 247April 10, 2024 4:12 AM

I am the dog hair piling up under the bed.

by Anonymousreply 248April 10, 2024 4:16 AM

Dog hair? Pifff! I am the pie of pubes behind the headboard.

by Anonymousreply 249April 10, 2024 4:18 AM

I’m the prayer for death prayed at least three times a day, every day……except when my shows are on.

by Anonymousreply 250April 10, 2024 4:21 AM

I'm the Franklin Mint Egg Collection.

by Anonymousreply 251April 10, 2024 4:24 AM

Oh crap,r242, I was telling a friend before I got on here that my late bf would be rolling in his grave knowing I had a pair of Crocks. It's my Mother. she sees them on sale and buys them for me.

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by Anonymousreply 252April 10, 2024 5:22 AM

[quote]It's my Mother. she sees them on sale and buys them for me.

She's only guilty of atrocious taste. You are guilty of harboring the fugitive shoes. Chuck them. Immediately.

If she asks say, "Huh? I don't remember that."

by Anonymousreply 253April 10, 2024 10:43 AM

No gay men would be caught dead wearing Crocks unless they want to like by Mario Batali.

Does your mom buy you Garanimals too?

by Anonymousreply 254April 10, 2024 11:24 AM

I am the push button wall phone in the kitchen......I only ring with sales calls and wrong numbers.

by Anonymousreply 255April 10, 2024 2:23 PM

I am the wide wale corduroy "husband" with the outside pockets the exact size for holding the TV Guide and a few back issues. I'm burnt orange in color and haven't been washed in 45 years.

Do you know what my postal delivery person told me? She said that I am the only one on her two routes who subscribes to the TV Guide? I don't know how everyone else has any idea what's on the tube, or anything about the fall premiere season and the crazy schedule changes!

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by Anonymousreply 256April 11, 2024 2:14 PM

I'm the Magnum condoms that have crumbled to dust.

by Anonymousreply 257April 11, 2024 2:32 PM

I'm the collection of fanny packs and murses.

by Anonymousreply 258April 11, 2024 4:01 PM

Ouch! I have some Old Navy croc knock-offs I wear for “inside shoes.”

by Anonymousreply 259April 11, 2024 6:56 PM

I'm the mound of yellow toe nail clippings behind to toilet.

by Anonymousreply 260April 11, 2024 11:36 PM

I'm the clogged shower drain.

by Anonymousreply 261April 11, 2024 11:45 PM

I’m a choo choo Charlie and a class act

by Anonymousreply 262April 12, 2024 1:19 AM

We’re the Tums. There’s always a roll or package of Tums on a shelf somewhere. And a backup in the bathroom drawer.

by Anonymousreply 263April 12, 2024 1:38 AM

I’m the compression socks in assorted colors.

by Anonymousreply 264April 12, 2024 1:41 AM

ABBA pouring out the walls

by Anonymousreply 265April 12, 2024 1:45 AM

I’m the fiber gummies and the CBD gummies in a candy dish.

by Anonymousreply 266April 12, 2024 12:14 PM

R266, don't forget, the fiber and CBD gummies might also be in this. Or it might contain Miss Sissy Boodles' treats (Trader Joe's brand). Open the lid if you dare, and find out!

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by Anonymousreply 267April 12, 2024 1:19 PM

R266 Either way, it's going to be a fun evening!

by Anonymousreply 268April 12, 2024 11:03 PM

I’m the Statue of David.

by Anonymousreply 269April 12, 2024 11:58 PM

I’m the tasteful male nudes, sedately framed, on the bedroom walls.

by Anonymousreply 270April 13, 2024 12:03 AM

I'm the chloroform

by Anonymousreply 271April 13, 2024 12:17 AM

I’m the mirrors that shatter the delusion of youth.

by Anonymousreply 272April 13, 2024 1:47 AM

I have been read for filth in this thread. I have a Noguchi lamp, two Jonathan Adler vases, and at least three JA containers that say "Dolls" or "Ganja" or whatnot. I have very specifically set out to decorate my house so I would not look like an old-timer, but here we are.

I guess, thank you DL, for getting me to throw out my random-ass Jonathan Adler / John Derian shit.

I mean, I thought people would be mocked for having Lladro or Hummel crap in this thread, but no, we're being smacked down for having collectables from the 2000s.

by Anonymousreply 273April 13, 2024 5:30 AM

R273 Evidently, you have terrible taste. MARY!

But do please keep the Fiesta and those delightful commemorative glasses from the re-release of Disney's "The Aristocats." It took you years of antique barn visits to assemble your set.

by Anonymousreply 274April 13, 2024 5:34 AM

R174 I mean I don't have anything like that -- it's a whole different aesthetic.

by Anonymousreply 275April 13, 2024 5:38 AM

I have nothing on this list so far. But then I have no interest in kitsch or antiques. I embrace minimalism, it's a more timeless look. And that does NOT mean Mid-Century Modern. Looking at you Palm Springs queens.

by Anonymousreply 276April 13, 2024 11:31 AM

I’m Mother’s dress form, on which hangs a seasonally rotated collection of her best beloved shirtwaists dresses. Like the nuns changing the vesture of the Infant of Prague to match the liturgical seasons.

by Anonymousreply 277April 13, 2024 2:48 PM

I'm the rescue squirrel

by Anonymousreply 278April 13, 2024 4:21 PM
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