I'm hooked on THE VALLEY on Bravo and I've never seen an EP of Vandercunt Rules.

I watched the first episode, but only because they pulled that tricky seque from Vanderpump Rules right into the show.

I could barely get through it. These people are obnoxious, every one of them.

And Kristen is an obese cow these days. The only part of the show I liked.

There isn't a single person on this show who is appealing in any way.

Brittany is a walking, talking stereotype of southern white trash. I wanna scream every time she says "whenever" when she should be saying just plain "when." And has anyone else noticed how the sides of her mouth always turn down, even when she's smiling?

And of course, they had to cast a stereotypical gossipy, bitch gay man. What is up with his hair, anyway? It looks he put a wig on backwards.

Then there's Kristen, still unable to keep her ignorant mouth shut, constantly stepping into shit, then blaming everyone but herself for her poor decisions.

Zack is definitely wearing a wig and it's weird that no one addresses it.

R3 That'll probably be the next thing Kristen blurts out.

I am enjoying this show. I never needed to see coke /steroid abuser Jax or his hick wife Brittany again, but Kristen has been missed on Vanderpump Rules-she is such a strange agent of chaos and is perfect for reality TV.

Is the gay wearing a toupee, or is it a really bad dye job? He’s fucking obnoxious.

Brittany’s plastic surgery is appalling. She has Joan Rivers’ eyebrows now. And her tits look like they’re trying to escape or strangle her. And everything she wears is too short and tight-it always looks like we are on the verge of getting a flash of tits or pussy from her.

What was the point of the dinner in the multi-million dollar Beverly Hills house? Were they trying to sell the house? If so, why did they only invite friends who could never afford to buy it?

It made no sense. And that husband realtor is a fucking prick.

Jesse (the realtor husband) is a massive douchebag and he convinced the homeowners to let him film there so he could show everyone how successful he is. He is disgusting, from his white flip flops to his utter contempt for his wife.

I do want to see more of the ex-Miss USA, the one that married the voiceover actor. I enjoyed her story about twisting the arm of one of Trump’s pig friends when he tried to grab her by the pussy backstage at Miss USA.

Jesse gives me major closet case vibes.

The twunk married to Miss USA has a hot little body. I wish the camera had been on the other side of him when Jax pulled down his pants.

Wait- I am on Episode 1. So the dude with the wig is gay? I thought that he was the queeniest straight guy ever. I thought that he and the chick are married? I am lost.

I kept going - are they kidding me with this queen?

Not only did that idiot hick brittany have a facelift , Jax clearly did as well. I think that was in a tabloid a year ago too...

Here’s how I keep from confusing them-

Luke is the gay with bad hair/wig. He’s BFFs with Brittany (they went to school together), Kristen, and the bi black woman who used to work at Sur-her girlfriend was on The Bachelor.

Jesse is the douchebag realtor with the white flip flops, who treats his wife Michelle like shit. He makes Jax seem easy going. They are probably Republicans.

Danny is the midget twunk voiceover actor. He’s married to Nia, the ex-Miss USA. They have a litter of kids and have a condo, but seem happy. They also are religious-they met at church (probably Hillsong)..

Janet is the pregnant one married to Jason the sexy lawyer. I am guessing she is an absolute monster. This is based on her casually admitting on camera that her mother was so terrified of her as a child that she gave her the master bedroom.

Kristen and Katie from Vanderpump live in the same building. Kristen and Luke’s relationship is alcohol fueled; in the scene last week where they were moving in together (in the daytime), there is a half-empty bottle of Maker’s Mark next to him, and next to Kristen is a full tumbler of booze.

Wow- That guys wig is very very bad.

My mom would cut my hair as a kid and use "thinning shears" for the back because it was so thick.

I want to take a pair of thinning sheers on that thing and just go to town!

I could make that shit look real-

Who are these trash people?

Just watched the last episode. Jesse’s jacket was ridiculous. In 20 years he is going to like Roger Stone.

*look like Roger Stone

Nick was my favorite. He was so hot. Most anything Barbara Stanwyck was involved with was good.

Trashy trashy trashy

I did love the episode that centered on the "huge accusation" that a cast member was a ... Republican. It was literally treated as libelous for an entire hour, even amongst these Valley meatheads.

It's been renewed for a second season which should really be interesting since two of the couples have split up.

letting these people raise children is a crime

I've watched every episode and I have trouble distinguishing the couples, except for Jax and Kristen.

This show makes me realize that Kristen’s lunacy is what made Vanderpump Rules a success. She was made for reality tv, as is her soulmate Jax.

Lala should move to this show and marry a divorcing Jesse, so her new name would be Lala Lally.

Jesse is the perfect man for her. Douchey, tacky and label obsessed, like Randall Emmett, but 1000% better looking, so she won’t need to wear a sleep mask when he’s thrusting away for 90 seconds.

VPR cast needs to stay away from this show. It’s perfect as it is.

I hope there's more of Kristen next season. The finale is going to be intense.

Kristen is such a train wreck, she is dying to get pregnant with no real career an no plans to get married and not even sure where they are going to live. Jax is the male Kristen. He just seems hell bent on being a douche.

Lego haired gay Zach cracked me up when he was mocking Janet’s other gay last week “YOUR PINK BOOTED FRIEND”).

Jesse is an asshole, but Michelle’s infidelity and refusal to tell him she’s done with the marriage make me somewhat sympathize with him.

Janet is a dollar store Stassi. Apparently SHE was a registered Republican as late as 2016, and she moved to LA to worm her way onto Vanderpump Rules- she met Scheana and used her to meet the rest of them.

I don’t trust Danny and Nia. I think he’s very controlling off-camera.

And Jax is still coked up after these years. How has he not had a heart attack?

It's so good. You can tell a lot of the tension is real.

Danny gets darker and darker with each episode. Love how Nia kept reminding him he was on camera. This is the best show on Bravo and I can't wait for season 2.

I love a good trashy mess as much as anyone, but I can't find anything redeeming or even interesting qualities about these people in their soulless Pottery Barn knock off homes. Jax and Brittney are horrible - those two deserve each other - and the only somewhat interesting quality is to see how torn up Kristin is these days. Brittney used to be so pretty, but she looks like she should be shuffling around the Walmart picking up chips and smokes.

Notice how all the VPR cast are buying houses in the Valley? Except for Arianna.

Arianna has found other sources of income and doesn't need VPR or The Valley and I'm sure that's killing the rest of the cast except Katie.

Their sandwich shop opened and had a six-hour line. Only Tom Schwartz promoted it.

Apparently, to no one's surprise, Jesse and Michelle have split and they already have new partners. I fully expected Jesse to find a male lover - he seems so gay to me - but I guess he hooked up with a woman.

Could Michelle be more dull, boring, and bland? I can't imagine her being successful in real estate; she has zero personality.

Janet seems like a royal cunt. Her husband seems so nice. Why are they together?

And can someone please, for the love of God, teach hillbilly Brittany that the words "when" and "whenever" are not interchangeable? If I hear her say, "Whenever I went to the store last week" again, I'm gonna throw a brick through my TV.

^not to say that her ignorance isn't real, but I watched a VP marathon a couple of weeks ago (I was sick on the couch) and while she was clearly very "country", she didn't lay on the Uncle Cornpone/Minnie Pearl schtick quite as thickly as she does these days. That & I think both she & Jax are now raging addicts, which may be in part why Jax doesn't want more kids.

R35- what do you think they’re addicted to? My guess is pills and booze for Brittany and booze/blow for Jax. Do you agree?

[quote]what do you think they’re addicted to? My guess is pills and booze for Brittany and booze/blow for Jax. Do you agree?

Seems like a reasonable guess; for years, everyone blathers on about how sweet Brittney is & so much better than Jax, but while I think famewhoring is a big part of their existence as they've had multiple failed attempts at reality TV shows (they owe Sandoval a lot of bringing them out of the wilderness & making Jax seem not quite as loathsome), I have to think it's addiction that keeps them together. If one of them became sober for any sustained period, they'd never be able to stand the other one for 5 minutes.

R37 One thing we know for sure is if Brittany is addicted to pills, they ain't the diet kind.

Jesse’s hair dent from the headband he wears is very distracting.

There wasn’t enough Kristen in the last episode. Even though she’s mellowed since her Vanderpump days, she’s still delightfully unhinged.

Too bad Kristen couldn't have found a boyfriend with a chin.

R40. And a backbone.

I think Kristen's one redeeming quality is that she has just a tiny bit of self-awareness so that while she's still completely bonkers, she does seem to have some clarity and she is often right in her observations - but then she flips her shit & ruins it all

Kristen is a shit stirrer. That is truly her only function on these shows.

And of all the VP cast members, she's aged the worst. She's fat, she has a huge ass, and her tits have drooped to her belly button.

Jessie will end up with Lala. They’re both obnoxious big mouths.

R44 Lala's gonna need a lot more money than what a realtor can provide her.

That girl won't settle for anyone who makes under eight figures annually.

Great finale. Curious how next season will work now that two couples have split. Jessie is no prize but Michelle is one cold bitch.

So is Jax and Brittany's son autistic?

She said he stopped being verbal, and the kid looks dazed most of the time he's on camera.

How will season 2 work? Most aren’t friends anymore.

How do you watch this show on streaming? I do not have a TV. Thanks.

Subscribe to Peacock TV, R49.

True r45, but I can see her screaming at him about not making enough money and him screaming at her about her brother and mother. Then they make up and start making out on camera.

They would be like those characters Jason Sudeikis and Kristen Wiig played on SNL-“two a holes.”

I remember watching this in the afternoon when I was a kid. Nick was always my favorite.

Jesse is an A+ a-hole, but damn, that Michelle is one cold bitch.

I'm not at all surprised it's rumored that she's a racist Republican.

How long do you think it's gonna be before Jax's bar fails?

Britney should've been slapped for choosing that gawdawful wallpaper.

Her taste is so Kentucky trailer park.

It was so obvious in the episode last night that Jax himself calls TMZ. You would think someone who lies the way he does would be better at it.

I wonder if Janet lost that baby weight yet.

I thought the last episode showed Brittnay in a good light. She called Jax out on his bullshit. "You only made an appointment with a Therapist for the cameras" and then she looks at the camera and says "I bet you a million dollars he won't go." cut to Jax. "I didn't go. It was too far.." lol. Seeing her on camera that Jax is the man everyone told her he was and waking up to his bullshit was fantastic tv.

Jesse's new girlfriend Lacy Nicole is so much more attractive than basic Michelle.

She's worth a lot more money too. Lacy is described as a "wealthy socialite."

They make an nice looking couple.

R58 Good God! She looks like an ostrich with feed stuck in its throat!

I am more concerned about the chunky highlights and horrid gay bffs, r56.

Janet was on Watch What Happens a month ago and she was shocked when the audience poll questions clearly showed the audience loves Kristen and hates her.

R60 I wish I'd seen that WWHL episode.

Her marriage to the nice Asian guy will certainly implode within the next couple of years.

For you r60.

I love this war between Kristen and Janet’s gays. My money is on Lego hair.

Oops

[quote] I remember watching this in the afternoon when I was a kid. Nick was always my favorite.

Fond memories of running home from school to watch The Valley. Good times.

r53 Michelle has hardcore republican energy. Her eyes are darker than the La Brea Tar Pits.

r45 Are you trying to get POPPED?

Kristen needs to wear a bra.

There is something weirdly creepy about Michelle.

R63 Ha! That seething look Janet got whenever Kristen's poll numbers were higher than hers. I love it!

r67 It's her creepy black doll eyes. There's also a stillness to her that seems unnatural.

The extended episode on Peacock had a key scene not included in the episode that aired on Bravo.

Kristen miscarried and Zach is in a relationship-considering how Kristen’s attempts to get pregnant were a big part of the season, I thought that was odd.

They are not having a reunion (probably because of Andy’s vacation schedule).

Jesse was on Watch What Happens with Michelle Buteau. He seemed a lot calmer than on the show. He tried to flirt with Michelle and she wasn’t having any of it. Then he chastised Andy for not having a reunion and Andy looked pissed.

No Valley reunion. No Below Deck reunion. No RHONJ reunion. What's up, Bravo?

Bravo must be broke if they're cancelling all the reunions.

Looks like they can't afford to host these events, since they're pretty expensive.

Bravo has to pay for the venue, hair and makeup, green room refreshments, as well as paying the cast to attend.

It's expensive, and I can see why it's just easier and cheaper just to cancel the event.

I think Bravo skipped the Below Deck and RHONJ reunions because both were lackluster this season. Do we need to have them rehash it?

Not having the Valley do at least a Watch What Happens reunion is wild. The show is doing well in the ratings and the Bravo fans have been praising it. I think that choice has more to with Andy’s schedule-I don’t why he must be the host of it, there are others who could do it.

Bravo just threw a party to celebrate 15 years of WWHL which proves they're not worried about budgets and they support Andy Cohen.

r40 Why would Kristen care about someone with a chin? She barely has a neck at this point.

Jax's bar is not a "bar" but more like an extension of an existing bar/restaurant just decorated as Jax's sports bar. The could easily re-theme.

R76 So does Jax actually "own" this bar or is he just paying to have this extension of Rocco's branded in his name?

LOL! Backwoods hillbillies, y'all.

Jasmine is another gift to this show and I love how her gf stays off camera and doesn't get involved. Her confessionals are hilarious.

r77 he said on the show he has no financial involvement - meaning he did not invest in it, they paid him to license his name and have him be there. It's a smart business model for them and Jax as once VPR goes off air no one will be going to Schartz and Sandies.

Jax's bar is getting flooded with negative reviews. Who has that much time on their hands?

Brittany fans r81. Ariana’s fans did the same thing to Schwartz and Sandy’s last year, and Tom Sandoval/Lala and their bot army did the same thing to Katie and Ariana’s sandwich shop a few weeks ago.

But they’re really friends, all of them!

[quote]Kristen miscarried and Zach is in a relationship-considering how Kristen’s attempts to get pregnant were a big part of the season, I thought that was odd.

After marinating in Jack Daniels and Xanax the fetus probably just popped out on it's own, knowing it was all only going to get worse from here.

I'm kind of convinced that Kristen's heavy, disheveled appearance is the result of anti-depressants. And yes, she needs to accept that she no longer has perky little tits and get herself a bra.

I prefer The Big Valley, with DL fave Barbara Stanwyck.

If this was a thread about Big Valley, we would be on the cusp of starting a second one. But au courant Valley is sputtering at 84 after a whole season.

R83 Thank you! Your comment about Kristen's baby made me laugh so hard, I got tears in my eyes and I couldn't catch my breath!

I haven't laughed that hard in a long time!

Season 2 premiere was great. Shame Janet hasn't lost the baby weight.

Janet is a cunt.

Danny and Nia-there’s darkness there.

Jesse is a pretentious douchebag.

When Kristen Doute is the most stable person in the cast, you know you are dealing with lunatics.

Anyone watch last night?

That confrontation between Brittany and Jax was very dark. Their son is terrified of Jax. And he was clearly forced to go away for treatment by production.

And Legohead ‘s boyfriend is married and in the US on an expired visa? No wonder he’s friends with Kristen and Brittany, they all have the sane bad taste in men.

........

Agree about Jax and Brittney. It was hard to watch and, I think if production hadn't been there, Jax would have gotten violent. Again. On the other hand, douchebags Jessie and Michelle ripping each other to shreds was highly entertaining. Kristen and Nia were on WWHL and it's clear they both hate Janet.

Brittney looked like a blow up doll on WWHL.

The first 5 seasons of Vanderpump Rules is glorious - so petty, everyone fucking each other - it's trashy, but it's good. Before they were 'stars'.

Janet is a creepy stalker.

She moved to LA from Ohio with the express purpose of getting on Vanderpump Rules.

She somehow arranged to meet Scheana Shay at a party, and wormed her way into a friendship with Scheana and used that to get on VPR in the background, and eventually onto The Valley.

Her husband Jason used to fuck Scheana.

Except for Luke, Danny and Nia; the other people on the show are seen in the background of old episodes of Vanderpump Rules.

This is back! Watching

Brittany’s breasts look like they’re strangling her.