I'm hooked on THE VALLEY on Bravo and I've never seen an EP of Vandercunt Rules.

I watched the first episode, but only because they pulled that tricky seque from Vanderpump Rules right into the show.

I could barely get through it. These people are obnoxious, every one of them.

And Kristen is an obese cow these days. The only part of the show I liked.

There isn't a single person on this show who is appealing in any way.

Brittany is a walking, talking stereotype of southern white trash. I wanna scream every time she says "whenever" when she should be saying just plain "when." And has anyone else noticed how the sides of her mouth always turn down, even when she's smiling?

And of course, they had to cast a stereotypical gossipy, bitch gay man. What is up with his hair, anyway? It looks he put a wig on backwards.

Then there's Kristen, still unable to keep her ignorant mouth shut, constantly stepping into shit, then blaming everyone but herself for her poor decisions.

Zack is definitely wearing a wig and it's weird that no one addresses it.

R3 That'll probably be the next thing Kristen blurts out.

I am enjoying this show. I never needed to see coke /steroid abuser Jax or his hick wife Brittany again, but Kristen has been missed on Vanderpump Rules-she is such a strange agent of chaos and is perfect for reality TV.

Is the gay wearing a toupee, or is it a really bad dye job? He’s fucking obnoxious.

Brittany’s plastic surgery is appalling. She has Joan Rivers’ eyebrows now. And her tits look like they’re trying to escape or strangle her. And everything she wears is too short and tight-it always looks like we are on the verge of getting a flash of tits or pussy from her.

What was the point of the dinner in the multi-million dollar Beverly Hills house? Were they trying to sell the house? If so, why did they only invite friends who could never afford to buy it?

It made no sense. And that husband realtor is a fucking prick.

Jesse (the realtor husband) is a massive douchebag and he convinced the homeowners to let him film there so he could show everyone how successful he is. He is disgusting, from his white flip flops to his utter contempt for his wife.

I do want to see more of the ex-Miss USA, the one that married the voiceover actor. I enjoyed her story about twisting the arm of one of Trump’s pig friends when he tried to grab her by the pussy backstage at Miss USA.

Jesse gives me major closet case vibes.

The twunk married to Miss USA has a hot little body. I wish the camera had been on the other side of him when Jax pulled down his pants.

Wait- I am on Episode 1. So the dude with the wig is gay? I thought that he was the queeniest straight guy ever. I thought that he and the chick are married? I am lost.

I kept going - are they kidding me with this queen?

Not only did that idiot hick brittany have a facelift , Jax clearly did as well. I think that was in a tabloid a year ago too...

Here’s how I keep from confusing them-

Luke is the gay with bad hair/wig. He’s BFFs with Brittany (they went to school together), Kristen, and the bi black woman who used to work at Sur-her girlfriend was on The Bachelor.

Jesse is the douchebag realtor with the white flip flops, who treats his wife Michelle like shit. He makes Jax seem easy going. They are probably Republicans.

Danny is the midget twunk voiceover actor. He’s married to Nia, the ex-Miss USA. They have a litter of kids and have a condo, but seem happy. They also are religious-they met at church (probably Hillsong)..

Janet is the pregnant one married to Jason the sexy lawyer. I am guessing she is an absolute monster. This is based on her casually admitting on camera that her mother was so terrified of her as a child that she gave her the master bedroom.

Kristen and Katie from Vanderpump live in the same building. Kristen and Luke’s relationship is alcohol fueled; in the scene last week where they were moving in together (in the daytime), there is a half-empty bottle of Maker’s Mark next to him, and next to Kristen is a full tumbler of booze.

Wow- That guys wig is very very bad.

My mom would cut my hair as a kid and use "thinning shears" for the back because it was so thick.

I want to take a pair of thinning sheers on that thing and just go to town!

I could make that shit look real-

Who are these trash people?

Just watched the last episode. Jesse’s jacket was ridiculous. In 20 years he is going to like Roger Stone.

*look like Roger Stone

Nick was my favorite. He was so hot. Most anything Barbara Stanwyck was involved with was good.

Trashy trashy trashy

I did love the episode that centered on the "huge accusation" that a cast member was a ... Republican. It was literally treated as libelous for an entire hour, even amongst these Valley meatheads.

It's been renewed for a second season which should really be interesting since two of the couples have split up.

letting these people raise children is a crime

I've watched every episode and I have trouble distinguishing the couples, except for Jax and Kristen.

This show makes me realize that Kristen’s lunacy is what made Vanderpump Rules a success. She was made for reality tv, as is her soulmate Jax.

Lala should move to this show and marry a divorcing Jesse, so her new name would be Lala Lally.

Jesse is the perfect man for her. Douchey, tacky and label obsessed, like Randall Emmett, but 1000% better looking, so she won’t need to wear a sleep mask when he’s thrusting away for 90 seconds.

VPR cast needs to stay away from this show. It’s perfect as it is.

I hope there's more of Kristen next season. The finale is going to be intense.

Kristen is such a train wreck, she is dying to get pregnant with no real career an no plans to get married and not even sure where they are going to live. Jax is the male Kristen. He just seems hell bent on being a douche.

Lego haired gay Zach cracked me up when he was mocking Janet’s other gay last week “YOUR PINK BOOTED FRIEND”).

Jesse is an asshole, but Michelle’s infidelity and refusal to tell him she’s done with the marriage make me somewhat sympathize with him.

Janet is a dollar store Stassi. Apparently SHE was a registered Republican as late as 2016, and she moved to LA to worm her way onto Vanderpump Rules- she met Scheana and used her to meet the rest of them.

I don’t trust Danny and Nia. I think he’s very controlling off-camera.

And Jax is still coked up after these years. How has he not had a heart attack?

It's so good. You can tell a lot of the tension is real.

Danny gets darker and darker with each episode. Love how Nia kept reminding him he was on camera. This is the best show on Bravo and I can't wait for season 2.

I love a good trashy mess as much as anyone, but I can't find anything redeeming or even interesting qualities about these people in their soulless Pottery Barn knock off homes. Jax and Brittney are horrible - those two deserve each other - and the only somewhat interesting quality is to see how torn up Kristin is these days. Brittney used to be so pretty, but she looks like she should be shuffling around the Walmart picking up chips and smokes.

Notice how all the VPR cast are buying houses in the Valley? Except for Arianna.

Arianna has found other sources of income and doesn't need VPR or The Valley and I'm sure that's killing the rest of the cast except Katie.

Their sandwich shop opened and had a six-hour line. Only Tom Schwartz promoted it.

Apparently, to no one's surprise, Jesse and Michelle have split and they already have new partners. I fully expected Jesse to find a male lover - he seems so gay to me - but I guess he hooked up with a woman.

Could Michelle be more dull, boring, and bland? I can't imagine her being successful in real estate; she has zero personality.

Janet seems like a royal cunt. Her husband seems so nice. Why are they together?

And can someone please, for the love of God, teach hillbilly Brittany that the words "when" and "whenever" are not interchangeable? If I hear her say, "Whenever I went to the store last week" again, I'm gonna throw a brick through my TV.

^not to say that her ignorance isn't real, but I watched a VP marathon a couple of weeks ago (I was sick on the couch) and while she was clearly very "country", she didn't lay on the Uncle Cornpone/Minnie Pearl schtick quite as thickly as she does these days. That & I think both she & Jax are now raging addicts, which may be in part why Jax doesn't want more kids.

R35- what do you think they’re addicted to? My guess is pills and booze for Brittany and booze/blow for Jax. Do you agree?

[quote]what do you think they’re addicted to? My guess is pills and booze for Brittany and booze/blow for Jax. Do you agree?

Seems like a reasonable guess; for years, everyone blathers on about how sweet Brittney is & so much better than Jax, but while I think famewhoring is a big part of their existence as they've had multiple failed attempts at reality TV shows (they owe Sandoval a lot of bringing them out of the wilderness & making Jax seem not quite as loathsome), I have to think it's addiction that keeps them together. If one of them became sober for any sustained period, they'd never be able to stand the other one for 5 minutes.

R37 One thing we know for sure is if Brittany is addicted to pills, they ain't the diet kind.

Jesse’s hair dent from the headband he wears is very distracting.

There wasn’t enough Kristen in the last episode. Even though she’s mellowed since her Vanderpump days, she’s still delightfully unhinged.

Too bad Kristen couldn't have found a boyfriend with a chin.

R40. And a backbone.

I think Kristen's one redeeming quality is that she has just a tiny bit of self-awareness so that while she's still completely bonkers, she does seem to have some clarity and she is often right in her observations - but then she flips her shit & ruins it all

Kristen is a shit stirrer. That is truly her only function on these shows.

And of all the VP cast members, she's aged the worst. She's fat, she has a huge ass, and her tits have drooped to her belly button.

Jessie will end up with Lala. They’re both obnoxious big mouths.

R44 Lala's gonna need a lot more money than what a realtor can provide her.

That girl won't settle for anyone who makes under eight figures annually.

Great finale. Curious how next season will work now that two couples have split. Jessie is no prize but Michelle is one cold bitch.

So is Jax and Brittany's son autistic?

She said he stopped being verbal, and the kid looks dazed most of the time he's on camera.

How will season 2 work? Most aren’t friends anymore.

How do you watch this show on streaming? I do not have a TV. Thanks.

Subscribe to Peacock TV, R49.

True r45, but I can see her screaming at him about not making enough money and him screaming at her about her brother and mother. Then they make up and start making out on camera.

They would be like those characters Jason Sudeikis and Kristen Wiig played on SNL-“two a holes.”

I remember watching this in the afternoon when I was a kid. Nick was always my favorite.

Jesse is an A+ a-hole, but damn, that Michelle is one cold bitch.

I'm not at all surprised it's rumored that she's a racist Republican.

How long do you think it's gonna be before Jax's bar fails?

Britney should've been slapped for choosing that gawdawful wallpaper.

Her taste is so Kentucky trailer park.

It was so obvious in the episode last night that Jax himself calls TMZ. You would think someone who lies the way he does would be better at it.

I wonder if Janet lost that baby weight yet.

I thought the last episode showed Brittnay in a good light. She called Jax out on his bullshit. "You only made an appointment with a Therapist for the cameras" and then she looks at the camera and says "I bet you a million dollars he won't go." cut to Jax. "I didn't go. It was too far.." lol. Seeing her on camera that Jax is the man everyone told her he was and waking up to his bullshit was fantastic tv.

Jesse's new girlfriend Lacy Nicole is so much more attractive than basic Michelle.

She's worth a lot more money too. Lacy is described as a "wealthy socialite."

They make an nice looking couple.

R58 Good God! She looks like an ostrich with feed stuck in its throat!

I am more concerned about the chunky highlights and horrid gay bffs, r56.

Janet was on Watch What Happens a month ago and she was shocked when the audience poll questions clearly showed the audience loves Kristen and hates her.

R60 I wish I'd seen that WWHL episode.

Her marriage to the nice Asian guy will certainly implode within the next couple of years.

For you r60.

I love this war between Kristen and Janet’s gays. My money is on Lego hair.

Oops

[quote] I remember watching this in the afternoon when I was a kid. Nick was always my favorite.

Fond memories of running home from school to watch The Valley. Good times.

r53 Michelle has hardcore republican energy. Her eyes are darker than the La Brea Tar Pits.

r45 Are you trying to get POPPED?

Kristen needs to wear a bra.

There is something weirdly creepy about Michelle.

R63 Ha! That seething look Janet got whenever Kristen's poll numbers were higher than hers. I love it!

r67 It's her creepy black doll eyes. There's also a stillness to her that seems unnatural.

The extended episode on Peacock had a key scene not included in the episode that aired on Bravo.

Kristen miscarried and Zach is in a relationship-considering how Kristen’s attempts to get pregnant were a big part of the season, I thought that was odd.

They are not having a reunion (probably because of Andy’s vacation schedule).

Jesse was on Watch What Happens with Michelle Buteau. He seemed a lot calmer than on the show. He tried to flirt with Michelle and she wasn’t having any of it. Then he chastised Andy for not having a reunion and Andy looked pissed.

No Valley reunion. No Below Deck reunion. No RHONJ reunion. What's up, Bravo?

Bravo must be broke if they're cancelling all the reunions.

Looks like they can't afford to host these events, since they're pretty expensive.

Bravo has to pay for the venue, hair and makeup, green room refreshments, as well as paying the cast to attend.

It's expensive, and I can see why it's just easier and cheaper just to cancel the event.

I think Bravo skipped the Below Deck and RHONJ reunions because both were lackluster this season. Do we need to have them rehash it?

Not having the Valley do at least a Watch What Happens reunion is wild. The show is doing well in the ratings and the Bravo fans have been praising it. I think that choice has more to with Andy’s schedule-I don’t why he must be the host of it, there are others who could do it.

Bravo just threw a party to celebrate 15 years of WWHL which proves they're not worried about budgets and they support Andy Cohen.

r40 Why would Kristen care about someone with a chin? She barely has a neck at this point.

Jax's bar is not a "bar" but more like an extension of an existing bar/restaurant just decorated as Jax's sports bar. The could easily re-theme.

R76 So does Jax actually "own" this bar or is he just paying to have this extension of Rocco's branded in his name?

LOL! Backwoods hillbillies, y'all.

Jasmine is another gift to this show and I love how her gf stays off camera and doesn't get involved. Her confessionals are hilarious.

r77 he said on the show he has no financial involvement - meaning he did not invest in it, they paid him to license his name and have him be there. It's a smart business model for them and Jax as once VPR goes off air no one will be going to Schartz and Sandies.

Jax's bar is getting flooded with negative reviews. Who has that much time on their hands?

Brittany fans r81. Ariana’s fans did the same thing to Schwartz and Sandy’s last year, and Tom Sandoval/Lala and their bot army did the same thing to Katie and Ariana’s sandwich shop a few weeks ago.

But they’re really friends, all of them!

[quote]Kristen miscarried and Zach is in a relationship-considering how Kristen’s attempts to get pregnant were a big part of the season, I thought that was odd.

After marinating in Jack Daniels and Xanax the fetus probably just popped out on it's own, knowing it was all only going to get worse from here.

I'm kind of convinced that Kristen's heavy, disheveled appearance is the result of anti-depressants. And yes, she needs to accept that she no longer has perky little tits and get herself a bra.

I prefer The Big Valley, with DL fave Barbara Stanwyck.

If this was a thread about Big Valley, we would be on the cusp of starting a second one. But au courant Valley is sputtering at 84 after a whole season.

R83 Thank you! Your comment about Kristen's baby made me laugh so hard, I got tears in my eyes and I couldn't catch my breath!

I haven't laughed that hard in a long time!

Season 2 premiere was great. Shame Janet hasn't lost the baby weight.

Janet is a cunt.

Danny and Nia-there’s darkness there.

Jesse is a pretentious douchebag.

When Kristen Doute is the most stable person in the cast, you know you are dealing with lunatics.

Anyone watch last night?

That confrontation between Brittany and Jax was very dark. Their son is terrified of Jax. And he was clearly forced to go away for treatment by production.

And Legohead ‘s boyfriend is married and in the US on an expired visa? No wonder he’s friends with Kristen and Brittany, they all have the sane bad taste in men.

........

Agree about Jax and Brittney. It was hard to watch and, I think if production hadn't been there, Jax would have gotten violent. Again. On the other hand, douchebags Jessie and Michelle ripping each other to shreds was highly entertaining. Kristen and Nia were on WWHL and it's clear they both hate Janet.

Brittney looked like a blow up doll on WWHL.

The first 5 seasons of Vanderpump Rules is glorious - so petty, everyone fucking each other - it's trashy, but it's good. Before they were 'stars'.

Janet is a creepy stalker.

She moved to LA from Ohio with the express purpose of getting on Vanderpump Rules.

She somehow arranged to meet Scheana Shay at a party, and wormed her way into a friendship with Scheana and used that to get on VPR in the background, and eventually onto The Valley.

Her husband Jason used to fuck Scheana.

Except for Luke, Danny and Nia; the other people on the show are seen in the background of old episodes of Vanderpump Rules.

This is back! Watching

Brittany’s breasts look like they’re strangling her.

Jessie is a dick but Michelle is the cuntiest cunt who ever cunted.

The straight men on the show clearly loathe Zack. There's a lot of hostility there. Too many shots of Jessie in his baggy briefs tonite. He looked like he was wearing a diaper. Honestly, Luke and Kristen are nicest people on the show.

I can’t watch VP now. Everybody I liked is gone and I’m not watching the fake Tom/Ariana plot. They never had sex, she was depressed the whole time they were together, she did not want children or marriage. All deal breakers and who couldn’t see that coming?

I swore I wouldn't watch the show last season, then got sucked in. I swore I wouldn't watch the show this season, then saw the previews and got sucked in.

Wow. It's like a Greek tragedy featuring extremely stupid people. The Jax/Britanny story is especially heartbreaking. Jax is a mess and is likely to die before he hits 50 if he continues on his addiction path. Brittany is as dumb as a box of rocks, but I feel for her having to deal with this while trying to shield her autistic son from the mess.

Jesse and Michelle deserve the misery they got themselves into. They're both dark, soulless pieces of shit, but I hate Michelle a little bit more because she's a whore trying to pretend she's an innocent victim. I do believe she's fucking someday to cover her rent. That poor sweet daughter of theirs will pay the ultimate price for their hatred for each other.

The only person I actually like on the show is Jason, but what in the world attracted him to that trash pile Janet?

And I don't care what he or anyone else says...Zack's hair is a wig.

Zack was on Watch What Happens. Andy yanked on his hair and pronounced it was real.

Also, Zack and Brittany’s relationship seems a bit strained right now.

They’re shooting the reunion tomorrow, because Kristen and Nia are so close to their due dates.

I do not care for Danny. He is a Jesus freak with an issue with women. I want to like Nia more but that fucking voice is nails on a chalkboard. The way she is so desperate to control the narrative about her family makes me think something is fucked up behind closed doors.

And Jason is just as trashy as Janet-he is good friends with Jax and Jesse and he used to fuck Scheana before marrying Janet. He’s just smart enough to keep it hidden.

R101 Hairpieces are made well these days. Yanking on it proves nothing. I'm sure Andy's yanked on other parts of Zack, too.

Zack is a "self-employed public relations and media consultant."

In other words, unemployed except for The Valley.

I'm wondering why Brittany's trailer trash mom isn't featured on this show. That homophobic wench used to show up all the time on Vanderpump Rules. You'd think Brittany would want her around to help with her son while Jax is off trying to straighten himself out.

You just know Brittany's mom is the one who encouraged her equally trailer trashy Kentucky daughter to sink her claws into Jax and follow him to LA so she could get famous.

"Ya git yer titties out ta Hollywood, Brit, git that man, and git yerself knocked up. Ya ain't gonna be able to do nuthin' else in life that's gonna make ya any money."

This show just keeps delivering hot mess. Also, Jax has been absent for several episodes and is not missed.

I have been saving up my epsiodes for Season 2 (and did not even read these posts)

I thought that I would never watch this one last year. By episode 2 I was insanely hooked. (I am sure that I posted here saying the same thing last year)

I have heard already that this season is delivering epically!

A perfect show to watch with a glass or two of wine.

This show and Below Deck Down Under have basically wiped the floor with Real Housewives, minus SLC!

Who is the old queen sending Jessie money, as Michelle alleges? There is nothing desirable there. It was wild that the two of them entered into a screaming match over who is the bigger prostitute.

Love that Kristen has calmed down so much. Luke has been good for her.

I liked seeing Nia activated-you can tell she’s a stealth cunt. I hope she makes that Kentucky Fried Moron Brittaby (who never apologized for being a Sandy Hook denier, by the way) cry next week.

Luke is hilarious. Last season he was very quiet but now he's going full blast inserting himself into the drama. Love him and Kristen.

Apparently uber-cunt Janet announces next week that Nia has been attending Al-Anon meetings, thus implying that Danny is an alcoholic. What a bitch, no wonder Nia didn’t have anything nice to say about her on Watch What Happens.

Let us not forget that Brittany moved from Kentucky to be with Jax on the show after they met on a weekend in Las Vegas. And he paid for her boob job.

Jax and Brittany would not be missed if they didn't return for a third season. Jesse and Kristen are the stars of the show.

David Geffen getting divorced and Jesse getting money from an "old queen" hmmmmm, do the math, Jesse will be the next Mr. David Geffen and Jax will plotz. Jax would go gay for Mr. Geffen in a Kentucky muffin minute. The Season would definitely get picked up.

R112 Jax already went gay for that rich dude in Florida many years ago.

Jax is awful but you know he has a nice, fat cock.

Danny’s Neanderthal forehead kills me. It’s flat out hideous and you cannot not see it, zero in on it, every time he’s on camera.

Jesse was in the Trimspa ad campaign Anna Nicole Smih did 20 years ago, and they ended up fucking. Maybe the old queen giving him money is Bobby Trendy.

I wonder if they will address Cruz's autism this season. It must be very hard on Brittney because Jax is useless and to be a full time working mom with a special needs child is not easy. Brittney likes her tequila shots, and that will catch up at some point.

I wouldn't be surprised if there was a link to Brittney and Jax's drugging and boozing to Cruz's autism. Brittney was probably doing tequila shots and lines of coke when she was pregnant.

R118 Maybe it was the beer cheese.

Janet and Jason were both cunts on WWHL tonite. She really is vile and he's majorly pussy whipped.

What’s Brittany’s full time job?

Jason is a 9 and Janet is a 6, she must be REALLY good at blowjobs and rimming.....Jason looks like he responds well to a good rim. Nia and Danny seem like they will eventually break up, sad for the little ones. She will recover quickly and find a billionaire while she still has her beauty.

It is incredibly entertaining. I'm glad KFC is finally being exposed. And she's being exposed by someone much nicer and prettier than her! That must sting.

[quote] What’s Brittany’s full time job?

KFC hostess.

Why were there no tears when poor Ms. Beauty Queen was "crying"? She just resorts to her little baby voice and pouts. Those two have major issues. That's why Danny drinks.

[quote] Jason is a 9 and Janet is a 6

-9 and -6, yes.

Jason is a dimwit. He does what Janet tells him to do.

Jason is a Boston College graduate and a law firm partner. How he has free time to prance around with the others on this show is odd, not to mention all the gym time to be so nicely sculpted. His other partners/colleagues doing his share of the work must be pissed. How does he do it, props in a way.

[quote] How does he do it, props in a way.

Ugly people have lots of free time.

Brittney has the bounciest tits I have ever seen on Bravo and that says a lot.

Does anyone else NOT miss Jax?

You also know that bitch Janet probably calls and texts Jason every 30 minutes,, demanding he come home and help her with that kid ,so she can watch Kelly Clarkson or some other basic bitch show in peace.

The look on Britney’s face at that dinner, when Nia started telling her story about being homeless, was priceless. She knew she was going to lose the audience’s sympathy, and look like a giant asshole.

Janet clearly was pissed, too, because she wanted to give her tearful addiction story, and Nia cut her off at the knees.

Jason and Janet just seem like a couple that doesn't match. He has a gayish face and is obsessed with his body, while she is an Alpha dog who hates to exercise. I'm sure he has swung both ways at one time or another.

R134, I agree, they don't match at all. They seem liked they'd be brother and sister before they'd be a couple.

Jason seems asexual which is probably why he's with Janet. Remember when they said the wildest place they ever had sex was the couch and their favorite position is missionary? Neither seems very sexual.

His hall pass is also Lady Gaga. They seem like they’re in a marriage of convenience (to getting TV).

Imagine marrying someone just to get a tv show.

Nia will eventually dump her average in all ways husband and use her beauty to snag a Jeff Bezos type while time is on her side. Otherwise, she will be in trouble.

Nia has been one of my favorites since episode 1, when she said one of Trump’s pervert friends got handsy with her behind the scenes of Miss USA and she used Tae Kwan Do to subdue him.

JFC, how many times does Danny (aka DANIEL) have to apologize. Melissa seemed fine with the first apology but Jazmine is determined to drag it out.

Jasmine keeps attempting to find success as a reality star.

Jasmine flew under the radar last year but she’s annoying the hell out of me this season. It’s obvious she was told to mix it up but she’s awful at it.

I need Jasmine and Janet to get the boot, so annoying and too obvious in their shit stirring. Lala on my screen was a jump scare! I’m bummed Jax will be on my screen next week, let him rot in rehab, it makes for a better show.

Such scraping of the barrel of reality stars with this cast. They are just not interesting.

R145, I find them very entertaining. Far more entertaining than RHOBH, Vanderpump Rules, etc.

Lala and Sheana were like two lost souls in search of a reality show. You could see them flailing. Brock serves absolutely no purpose. I think his only line was asking for a beer (because he’s a moocher).

R147, I like Brock on Vanderpump Rules but I don't want to see any of the Vanderpump Rules stars on The Valley (minus Kristen, Jax and Britney).

May I ask what you like about Brock? Other than his thighs, which are magnificent.

Scheana revealed last season on VPR that Brock likes when she uses a dildo on him.

R149, I think he is a chill person and he has been very open about his flawed past.

^I don't think he's chilling at all and you can occasionally see flashes of a guy with a bad temper. Poor Scheana - a reality show star aimlessly wandering in search of a show. And a bet Lala never thought she'd be in this position either - reduced to scraps from a show starring Kristen & Jax! Next thing you know, one of the Toms will show up with a pizza order or the Grub Hub delivery guy

Just got caught up on the last three episodes. Jessie and Michelle are both horrible people. It makes perfect sense that these two slime buckets found each other and got married, but it was inevitable that their collective soullessness would eventually devour their union. Jessie's hair bothers me as much as Zach's wig. Why doesn't he trim the top of it? And when he wears the hairband? Good lord.

I'm assuming Bravo pays for all these dinner parties and pool parties, right? Because I found it outright hilarious that Brittney was crying to Tom Schwartz about Jax leaving her in dire financial straits when just minutes before, we saw her hosting not one, but two parties at her place featuring hired chefs, shirtless bartenders, and various and sundry water toys. And I really don't understand why Brittney's upset that Jax rented a condo when she rented a house (other than Jax not paying their $14,000 mortgage for five months). Was the agreement that he would continue to live in the house and pay the mortgage while she moved out and rented a place?

And I just knew Brittney's Kentucky trash mom would make an appearance again, though she's looking awfully country bumkin-ish this season, unlike when she got her VP glow-up. I'm guessing the Bravo gravy train has stopped pulling up to her trailer.

And speaking of money, these cast members are some of the financially dumbest people I've ever seen. Why the hell are Kristen and her beardy boyfriend wasting their money and renting a house instead of just fucking buying one? They already lived together in an apartment! Again, is Bravo paying their rent?

I cannot get over the $14,000 per month mortgage for these two dumpster fires. They should be living over Jax's bar.

R154 I'm amazed those two coke whores could even qualify for a $14K monthly mortgage.

Why aren't we talking about the gay man who sends money to Jessie every month?

R156 - Kim Richards

14,000 might be the total sum of 5 months of missed payments?

R158 No. Brittney said their mortgage was $14K per month, and the fact that Jax hasn't been paying means they could be up to $100K in arrears.

Danny is definitely a binge drinker. He reminds me of my father when I was growing up, clean and sober Monday through Friday, but once the weekend hit, it was one beer after another from Saturday morning to Sunday night.

If Brittney had been paying attention to her finances instead of ordering plastic shark fins on Amazon, she'd have long ago known her mortgage wasn't being paid.

I think Kristen has bad credit or money problems , r153. She bought a house right before she got fired from VPR, and her boyfriend at the time (a realtor) helped her sell it shortly after buying it. The cryptic way she talked about it last season made me think she didn’t have a choice about selling it, because she could not pay the mortgage.

When Stassi, Jax and Brittany were all cancelled at the same time as Kristen, they were able to generate revenue as social media influencers. I don’t think Kristen had the same opportunities.

R162 Make sense about Kristen, but what about her boyfriend? Doesn't he supposedly have a good job?

How would you like to be the low paid flunky whose job it is to scout restaurants in the greater LA valley area and convince them to open their doors to the Bravo cameras and these skanky cast members?

Luke isn't convinced he wants to live in 'the valley' which may be the reason he hasn't bought anything. They'll probably buy a place in the mountains and rent in the valley so they can stay on the show.

Luke has some nebulous occupation related to growing marijuana. He owns a piece of land in rural Colorado and I think he grows it there. He’s vague about it, and so is Kristen-possibly because that industry has had more than one grower murdered over the crop?

R165 Luke said in the last show he's accepted the fact that he's going to be living in the valley permanently.

I guess reality show fame was a big enough draw for him to leave Colorado.

Isn't Kristen due to give birth next month? Wow, she will be in granny pants when the kid finishes high school which will be a monumental accomplishment.

R168 She finally got pregnant?

R169. Kristen and Nia are both pregnant which is why they filmed the reunion early.

Kristen as a mom and the dad being some stoner from Colorado, this poor kid should be swooped up by CPS and adopted out to a better family, like LVP or Pandora.

What does Nia do for a living, go around and give speeches about once being a pageant queen?

Nia is a coach for pageant girls-that idiot Raquel from VPR was one of her clients.

R173 Why am I not surprised?

So basically Luke has no job but being on the show. Unless he goes back and forth to Colorado to manage his pot farms.

I wonder if Jessie gets paid by the gay guy to walk around in his skimpy little underwear like he did in Santa Barbara.

How did Luke and Kristen meet? Were they both at the same dispensary one day?

[quote] After marinating in Jack Daniels and Xanax the fetus probably just popped out on its own, knowing it was all only going to get worse from here.

I feel R83's post about Kristen's miscarriage doesn't get the attention it deserves.

R176. That underwear wasn't skimpy. It was droopy and washed out. He looked like a man who has lost weight but still wearing his fat underwear.

Luke looks just like a younger version of Sugar Bear, Honey Boo Boo's rascally sweet and simple step-Dad. Give Luke a few more years and he will be a dead ringer.

I can’t stand Brittany, but watching this marriage dissolve is very uncomfortable. Jax is an abuser, a stalker, and he is mentally ill. Something bad will happen here.

This show is so pathetic. Adults holding grudges about who said what to who... Jason/Janet are the worst. Brittany is starting to look like a doll from the cabbage patch, all cleavage and no brains. I watch this and wonder what is wrong with me. I should read more.

Jax stole Brittany’s wedding ring, surely he pawned it. The after show is even messier than the regular episodes! Hope they get Jax out of there he’s disgusting and abusive

Jax is a sociopath. He’s dead inside. He has to ape what other people say and do because he’s so far gone he’s not human anymore. It’s always “my son”. Like he doesn’t remember his name. He’s been abusing all kinds of drugs for so long he’s just crippled. He’s like those people in 12 step who always say the right things and use all the platitudes and how great it is to be clean. They are the ones who are still using and usually court-ordered.

R128. Jason is with a discount rate WC defense firm in Calabasas…more claims processing than practicing law. He’s got plenty of time on his hands.

He passed the CA bar on his first try, I will give you that.

R164 …greater LA valley area? WTH is that supposed to mean.

The valley is the valley—part of the City. A lesser part, but still.

Jax is a perfect character for our current times - in fact it's a wonder he hasn't been Secretary of the Army or the head of FEMA. He's a loathsome creep, drug addict and abuser that's been left for dead any number of times, yet keeps failing upwards. As for Britney, I feel no pity for her - she knew exactly what she was getting. The thing with the kid seems sad since having those two as your parents is already a pretty big deficit without developmental issues

R187 I think having Jax and Brittney as his parents is the primary reason why the son has developmental issues.

And if Trump ever starts watching The Valley, don't be surprised if he nominates Jax for a cabinet position.