Let's be the movie AIRPLANE!

I'm NOT Kareem Abdul Jabaar, I'm the co pilot and my name is Roger Murdoch.

I'm Randy, I'm 26 and not married yet.

I'm the hat, the brooch, and the pterodactyl.

I'm Elaine's firm thighs and supple, pouting breasts.

I speak Jive.

I'm Maureen McGovern doing a great sendup of herself as the disaster movie theme song queen.

I'm the Peter Lawford pedophile jokes that have not aged well.

I'm the leaflet about Famous Jewish Sports Legends.

I'm the gayling lusting after Robert Hays, who disappeared soon after the movie was released.

Peter Graves!

I'm Johnny channeling Barbara Stanwyck summoning Jarod, Heath & Nick..

I'm a staunch non smoker, I will rail out some lines for us, though.

I am today's PC police, cutting out all potentially offensive jokes. The remaining movie will have the length of a commercial.

I'm in the hospital with Stryker. I think I'm Ethel Merman.

I'm the wrong week to quit sniffing glue..

I'm the clumsy, singing, guitar totin' flight attendant.

I'm that Ronald Reagan film.

I'm the day you picked to quit snorting glue, and I'm the wrong one!

I'm "Modern Sperm," the magazine Captain Oveur pulls from the airport magazine rack.

I'm the giant tits belonging to Russ Meyer movie queen Kitten Natividad that appear for no reason.

I’m a Hospital. It’s a big building with patients, but that’s not important right now.

I'm Billy's old man, I'm about to get a beat down from Kareem Abdul Jabaar for saying that the Lakers are shit this season.

I’m the fish.

I’m also wondering if you’ve ever seen a grown man naked?

I'm the blow-up auto-pilot who likes air head.

You are Otto R25!

I'm Jim. I never vomit at home.

I'm the young girl who takes my coffee black like my men.

I'm the Tupperware that will help you prepare for the upcoming monsoon months.

I'm Leon, and I'm getting laaaarger!

I'm the shit hitting the fan.

I'm Captain Oveur, wondering of Joey has ever been in a Turkish prison.

I am Gladiator Movies

I am the completely unfunny gay air traffic controller.

What R34! Steven Stuckey was fucking hilarious!

I find him underwhelming, R35. Compare with Leslie Nielsen, that is.

I’m the kid who shit in the seat behind you.

[quote]I am the completely unfunny gay air traffic controller.

Who died of AIDS in 1987.

I'm the queue to beat on the hysterical woman.

I’m a hat, a brooch, and a pterodactyl.

I’m Leon. I’m getting laaarger!

I’m the frazzled stewardess, and

“I need a little breather.”

I’m serious. And don’t call me Shirley.

I'm a terrorist, I would rather blow myself up instead of listen to Ted Stryker talk aout Elaine and Macho Grande. I would never be in a movie today.

I’m Lorna Patterson’s musical talent that she didn’t get to display on “Private Benjamin.”

I’m Joyce Bulifant’s excited face when presented with music.

I never thought the guy in the turban was meant to be a terrorist, R44.

I'm airport Hare Krishna who quit the cult to hawk Isuzus.

Oh really R47? Yeah I wasn't sure, I can't remember. There's one in part two, right? Sonny Bono?

I am 84% of the jokes that would be censored today.

R42 That was Airplane II.

I'm Jimmy Walker, wiping the windshield prior to takeoff.

I’m Captain Rex Kramer’s aggressive dog. I am roughing up and biting the shit out of an employee sent to pick up my master and drive him to the airport.

I’m taking a couple of pictures.

I'm Jill Whelan from The Love Boat.

I’m the co-pilot, telling the kid’s old man to drag Walton and Lanier down the court for 48 minutes.

I’m Betty, starting up with my white zone shit again.

I'm the abortion.

I’m the seaweed in the “From Here To Eternity” beach flashback.

I'm David Leisure of Joe Isuzu and Empty Nest fame as the Hare Krishna.

I’m the drinking problem.

I'm one of the fighting Girl Scouts.

I’m the “dance moves” made by the guy in the bar who was stabbed in the back.

I'm Jimmy Walker washing the plane's windshield with Windex and paper towels.

I’m an entirely different kind of flying altogether.

I'm Barbara Billingsley. Everybody thinks this is the first time I spoke jive. I used to do all the time to Eddie Haskell. I did it so severely it would make even him blush.

I am the 5-inch extra legroom that everybody seems to have on those planes. In 2024 I am dead to you.

I'm a boy, I read "Nun's Life". The nun next to me reads "Boy's Life".

I'm the sound of a propellor plane flying, even though the plane is a jumbo jet.

I'm "Staying Alive," sped up 10% for the movie. I had to get permission from the Bee Gees to be played like that.

I'm Lieutenant Zip. I died this morning.

I'm the old lady sitting near Ted Stryker. He's going to tell me stories about Elaine until I finally hang myself.

I am the European gayling who did not know who Ethel Merman is. That gag was completely lost on me.

I am the two Girl Scouts duking it out.

I’m Captain Oveur’s wife waking up in bed with a horse, a visual joke that will go over the heads of all the kids watching but embarrass their parents

I'm Clarence, I'll give you clearance.

I'm the lasagna Leslie Nielsen had instead of chicken or fish.

If you guys haven't seen this, you should! It's fucking hilarious.

"we had to turn around because David Hartman thought the brakes felt "mushy">

I am Zero Hour, the movie Airplane! directly spoofs!

Ohh now I need to watch that R79!

TCM aired Zero Hour a year ago. It was pretty spot on.

At least I have a husband!

Are your a doctor?

Yes I am.

I'm Captain Dunn, my colleagues are Oveur, and Under.

I am the blond hunk holding the baby and a machine gun with my leg over my neck.

R85 His only other screen credit was in 1983, so who knows?

What was his name R86?

R87 Get ready for this - Bill Porter.

Not to be confused with Ms. Billy Porter.

His other credit is as "Indian warrior."

I’m the courtesy phones.

“Alright, gimme Hamm on five, hold the Mayo.”

And here are ALL the actors...

I’m Rex Reed, not getting it yet again.

I'm sluggish. Like a wet sponge.

I’m the brooch, and the hat, and the pterodactyl

I’m JUST KIDDING!!!

I am Peter Graves' agent. I can believe I got him to take that role.

I’m the Amana Radarange.

I’m the sale at Penney’s.

I’m the Anita Bryant concert.

I'm that awful dress, shoes and coat.

I'm the deflating automatic pilot.

I'm Otto the autopilot enjoying a post coital cigarette with Elaine.

I am Otto‘s inflation tube.

I'm DEFINITELY not Shirley, so....

I’m the tower? RAPUNZEL! RAPUNZEL!

I am a very bad person. I just watched the original 4 episodes of Police Squad online , and I had to laugh so loudly.

I’m just telling you both good luck…we’re all counting on you.

You can watch Police Squad with the incomparable Leslie Nielsen here: