The Jake Gyllenhaal Roadhouse remake poster

They cannot remake Roadhouse! Not one guy is going to be able to pull off the 'I used to fuck guys like you in prison ' to-the death karate fight!

Gurl! She is trying waay too hard

Pardon me, everyone. I'll be in my room for the next five minutes.

Why not just present hole, Jake?

Yet another film property that doesn't need to be revisited.

R5 It genuinely didn't need to be visited the first time (although I love camp, so of course love this movie).

What happened to his career? He used to be great in interesting movies. And now this?

Gyllenhaal needs to one up Swayze and go full frontal

This looks like an ad for an 80’s gay bathhouse.

his stomach bothers me. doesn't look real. i prefer the Kraven poster.

R9 to be fair so did the original

Omg yes

R9 R11 They both say “Come Inside”.

No. Thank you.

Jake is no Patrick Swayze.

Jake is morphing into Nick Cage.

Jake is trying to replace that missing chromosome with steroids I see.

AI generated

Sam Garrett, Gyllenhaal is NOT.

^ Sam Elliott ^ Oh, Dearing myself for R19

Oh, that answers my question, r20.

Honestly, I didn't know which part Gyllenhaal was playing.

Serious question although DL snark is always appreciated.

Today, playing gay is a non-event for actors. 20 years ago it was still potentially career suicide.

Now that we have the benefit of time, did Gyllenhaal screw up his career by doing Brokeback? Did it deflect the trajectory of his career so much that he never recovered or is it the only reason anyone is still even talking about him?

He looks so old.

No. Gyllenhaal’s career suffered from his decision to do too many “looks good on paper” roles after Brokeback (Rendition, Source Code, Brothers, Love & Other Drugs, Prince of Persia).

He wisely shifted his strategy for more offbeat, eccentric roles with Nightcrawler which reestablished his reputation as an actor willing to take risks which after all was established with Donnie Darko.

I do not like smooth Jake. I prefer hairy Jake.

The director is furious because Amazon won’t be releasing it in theaters

He says he agreed to make it for MGM but Amazon bought MGM and reneged on MGM’s agreement to open it theatrically

Is this real or AI?

r27, do you mean the poster, or Jake Gyllenhaal in general?

Stomach looks AI.

He better walk around naked, giving a great view of his ass, like Swayze did in the original.

Otherwise it's a waste of time.

He’s getting old man skin.

WTF?! Jake getting desperate

You GOTTA be kidding me. LOL

Grizzled beef jerky

Looks more like Roadkill

He looks really straight and very tough. This will finally bring the decades of gay rumors to a screeching halt.

Cock and balls. Now.

FAG!!!

Looks like he’s channeling The Rock with that expression.

He is dreamy.

He took me,

with the stink of filthy roadhouse whiskey on his breath,

...and I liked it.

I LIKED IT.

Is this movie to appeal to the gays or the frauen? I don't get this poster.

I agree with the consensus above. Jake should show his naked ass like Patrick Swayze did in the original:

OMFG I had no idea Patrick Swayze had a half crack. And he was a dancer too. What a shonda.

[quote]Cock and balls. Now.

Gyllenhaal was going to do Bertolucci's "The Dreamer" until he found out he'd have to show Little Jake and he said he "didn't want to show my junk". Michael Pitt got the role.

Please I hope this is a hit. He deserves to be more famous again. So talented and sexy.

How can it be a hit on Amazon Prime l

R42 This poster will drive the fraus crazy

this can't be the real poster. lmao

He had ample crack, R44.

Girleen

Trailer

Jake is hot af.

Let's see ya'll's pics.

The trailer was better than I was expecting it to be.

This version seems fairly faithful to the plot of the original.

That said, Jake G is no Patrick Swayze.

That actually is an amazing trailer. I’m frankly horrified that Amazon would see a film that looked that good and send it straight to streaming.

I’m also horrified that gyllenhaal has made a movie where he constantly has his shirt off and his body is at its peak, with the camera appearing to worship it, and they shaved off all his chest hair. What were they thinking?

So, is Gyllenhaal playing what was Swayze’s part or Sam Elliot’s?

Isn’t he too old for what was Swayze’s part? And if it’s Sam Elliot’s he dies.

Am I the only one who thinks Gyllenhaal has a butter face? Great body….but that face.😳

I love his face, r57. It won't be enough, however, to get me to see a movie about guys punching each other.

well no he's almost universally regarded as a very good looking man

I mean taste is subjective but very few people would just flat out call him unattractive

however.... possibility he might be on the spectrum. sometimes people pick up on that in the facial architecture and it gives them a little twinge of repulsion they can't explain.

Oh gawd, the aspie troll is back.

well a question was asked, I gave an opinion

there's a 10 minute song about how cold and blunt he is

it's within the realm of possibility.

R57 I'm with you.

Why he stealing Patrick Swayze’s glory?

The only award he’ll win for this is:

Actor Most in Need of New Management

No R22, what screwed up Jake’s career is that he was hellbent on proving he wasn’t box office and made a series of big budget flops like Prince of Persia.

He could’ve had something more like Mark Ruffalo’s career if he’d been patient.

Now he has Johnathon Schaech’s career.

[quote]What happened to his career?

Straight down the shitter.

The fact that it isn't even getting a theatrical release tells you all you need to know about his career.

...you realize Mark Ruffalo only has the career he has is because he doesn't overpower the women (and men, including, Gyllenhaal) he plays opposite against on screen? Mark Ruffalo is the world's most successful Supporting Actor. Mark Ruffalo has never appeared in a major theatrical release as the top-billed star. Ever. Not even once. Jake Gyllenhaal has appeared in several. Mark Ruffalo has never appeared on a movie poster where it's just his face. Jake Gyllenhaal has several. Were they all successful? No, but they at least agreed to make them for him.

Jake Gyllenhaal could never do "Supporting Actor only" roles because of the size of his head. It is immense. It dominates every scene. Your eyes will always go Gyllenhaal. That is what a star is.

I would give any amount of money to see him do a film with Chris Pine in which their heads are placed next to each other, like at a boxing face off.

I'd still suck Jake's dick at noon on a Saturday in Times Square (in nice weather).

[quote]I would give any amount of money to see him do a film with Chris Pine in which their heads are placed next to each other, like at a boxing face off.

Their dick heads?

Let's focus on some of the other tasty manmeat here-Billy Magnussen and Travis Van Winkle.

The Hollywood butterfaces are Jake, Ryan Gosling, and Paul Mescal.

Great bodies, but they always have that “I need to fart and trying my damndest to keep it silent” face on.

Jake is the same age that Sam Elliott was in the original. Eliott played Swayze’s father….

Nope. Accuracy turns me on.

R68 3 Time Oscar Winner Superstar Richard Kiel.

Screencap from the movie:

This looks like a stinkeroo.

Well this calls fora Point Break remake! And Keanu is still alive to join in!

Jake is over.

He was a piece of ass, but his day is done.

He can't compete with Mark Ruffalo for supporting parts because Ruffalo can actually act.

He doesn’t want to compete with Mark Ruffalo for supporting parts, you nimrod,

It seems to me that his next step should be toward television.

I wonder if Universal would step in to do a theatrical release like they did with Argylle

Doug Liman’s next film (Tom Cruise space movie) is with Universal, Jake Gyllenhaal’s last movie Ambulance was with Universal, and Donna Langley needs to impress the film community ahead of that thing that’s about to happen which will piss a lot of people off.

Donna Langley is a nobody

Doug Liman is a really good action director and I think the trailer looks like a lot of fun. I hope they keep it as goofy as the trailer makes it seem - I was afraid this was going to turn the original camp classic into some self-serious MMA crap like that boxing movie Jake made, but this looks actually entertaining

[quote]I wonder if Universal would step in to do a theatrical release like they did with Argylle

Limon asked Amazon if he could shop it around for a theatrical and they said no.

[quote]Donna Langley is a nobody

Tell me you shouldn’t be participating in conversations about show business without telling me you shouldn’t be participating in conversations about show business

R85 Warner Bros. reversed its decision not to shop “Coyote Vs. Acme” (Zaslav was simply going to bury it) due to industry blowback; Limon is hoping they will do the same

Amazon just paid an enormous amount of money for MGM despite it having extremely limited brand value. All their IP has already been milked to death. Their goal was to glam up Amazon Films so they would better be able to attract filmmakers who were wary about setting up shop there. If Liman is calling them out for reneging on MGM’s pre-acquisition agreement, then Amazon will have spent 8.5 billion dollars for the IP rights to Leaving Las Vegas and Cutthroat Island! They will cave!

I would say Jennifer Salke is the most talentless, worthless executive in Hollywood if Bela Bajaria didn’t already exist.

I’m also a fan of Doug Liman, so I’ll give this a shot.

However, I’m sick of movies looking like r76. Scenes are either teal or orange. Everything looks like a shitty music video.

Is she still looking for the "right gal"?

can one briefly explain what Amazon "got" with the MGM purchase?

they got the MGM/UA library from 1986 on? to stream?

and the Bond franchise? thanks in advance

R90 I did

At R87

Speaking of Universal, look what just happened

Do not be surprised if Universal buys this. They are laying the PR groundwork for the big thing.

Argylle sat on Apple's shelf for a long time, Deadline said Apple didn't know what to do with it, Universal bought it and is giving it a great theatrical push. Including a releasing a single this morning featuring all the stars. Donna Langley needs to show she will take care of her people or there will be rioting on the Cahuenga Pass.

[quote]Argylle sat on Apple's shelf for a long time,

It looks atrocious and a huge money loser. Who is going to spend twenty bucks to see that? Universal must need a big tax write-off.

Because Argylle has like twelve recognizable stars. It is a very useful for the PR offensive.

Besides their exposure may not even be significant since Apple still owns Argylle. Universal is underwriting the P&A and collects a distribution fee. Apple is the one who will lose money on this just like they are going to lose money with Napoleon and Killers of the Flower Moon.

Oi.

They've shaved his chest to a fair the well. Big mistake. The skin on hairy chested men always looks weird when they shave the hair off. I can spot a shaved chest over a naturally smooth chest from a mile away.

[quote]They've shaved his chest to a fair the well. Big mistake. The skin on hairy chested men always looks weird when they shave the hair off. I can spot a shaved chest over a naturally smooth chest from a mile away.

And it looks even weirder as it grows back. You can always tell.

The holes in the skin where the hair grows from don't seal up, even when you shave the hair completely off. Those holes are always visible. It gives the skin the look of plucked chicken skin. Naturally smooth chested men don't have those holes.

someone wrote this very interesting take on this on deadline:

"You forget that most movie theaters are at the mall, where people traditionally buy things. if Amazon is sending people to theaters it literally is sending consumers to its competitors. Amazon will never support movie theaters"

Amazon just announced that it's giving a theatrical release to Zoe Kravitz's formerly-known-as-Pussy Island with herself and Channing Tatum, which is even less commercial than Roadhouse. Are they going to take that back too?

Who is singing Angel Eyes in the reboot?

Jake needs to go back to musical theater instead of remaking half-baked action flicks.

That rancid piece of Irish trash is making his acting debut?

Hard pass.

Which asylum did YOU wander in from, R106?

R44 shanda!

There is a funny episode of "Young Sheldon" where the oldest son catches his uptight Bible quoting Mom watching "Road House" during the day and is shocked that she could quote the movie. They bond a little on their secret.

R107 Conor McGregor is in this movie 🤢

R107 thought you were talking about O’Gyllenhaal

No sleeve for McJake.

R112, Jake is cut, yes, if that's what you mean.

Donna Langley should be fired. What a hack!

No r114

It will be Donna Langley who will be firing everyone else in April.

Donna Langley’s girl Friday continue to troll the DL🤣

No r116

Donna Langley, whatever you think of her, is going to be responsible for one-quarter of all entertainment content from Hollywood - movies and television - after Comcast’s acquisition of Warner Bros is complete. So perhaps try and understand the gravity of the situation.

Jake, the diva?

I'm telling you an excellent case could be made for him being on the Spectrum.

1) 43, never married, no children. Does not appear to want his own children as indicated by the children's book he wrote.

2) lots of reports of unusual behavior like the one at r118. You're going to see a lot of words thrown out to describe Aspies, the most common ones will be "difficult" and "inflexible" (this report also included "erratic", "incomprehensible", "unpleasant", "capricious" and "paranoid")

3) prone to tantrums ("many episodes of yelling at his director")

4) appears to have correctly played an spectrum-coded character in several roles (Donnie Darko, Zodiac, Nightcrawler, Sunday in the Park with George)

5) macrocephaly. he has a gigantic head.

6) big, staring, exceptionally clear eyes

7) appears to have worked well with a filmmaker who is probably also on the Spectrum (Doug Liman, who directed this and has done two films with Tom Cruise with a third on the way)

The only things which would make me hesitate are the fact that he doesn't have the tics. But not everyone has them (aforementioned Cruise).

He’s a bit like Timberlake. He was pumped with A-list parts from Hollywood after establishing some indie credibility with Donnie Darko, but he’s really never had a single film where people call it HIS movie (Emily Cunt is an actress analog for this). Movies like ‘Jarhead’, ‘Prisoners’, ‘Prince of Persia’, ‘End of Watch’, ‘Nightcrawler’, ‘Brothers’, ‘Proof’, and ‘Ambulance’ are largely forgotten.

‘Brokeback Mountain’ is certainly unlike the list above, but Heath Ledger walked away with all the accolades for that film. Jake was good in it, but it was Heath who carried it. ‘Donnie Darko’ could be viewed as his signature movie, but it’s not a widely seen movie.

My advice to him would be to stop playing overgrown adolescent boys, like this ‘Road House’ mess. Now in his forties, he needs to reinvent himself as a more mature actor. He’s old enough to have teenage kids! He should take notes from Joshua Jackson, who I think is the only millennial actor who currently takes parts that are age appropriate.

[quote]‘Brokeback Mountain’ is certainly unlike the list above, but Heath Ledger walked away with all the accolades for that film. Jake was good in it, but it was Heath who carried it.

Jake was a bottom living in a world that reveres tops.

Maybe that’s it. Jake just is a Robin, always the bottom. No one takes him seriously as a “top” leading actor. He should do more supporting roles!

The first roadhouse wasn’t necessary but at least it had Patrick Swayze. Who decided we needed a second?

R123, this is the third. There was a direct to video sequel (with Jonathan Schaech? - now THAT’S a hunk)

I loathed the original so I'll sit this one out.

Why wasn't 'Prince of Persia’ more successful?

Because it stank.

His performance in Night Crawler is one of the best of the 21st century. He is one of the greatest actors of all time. Leo could never.

I do really like him but he’s in a lot of shitty movies. Donnie Darko is one of my favorites

R126 It was a good movie but people found it embarrassing that a playstation 2 video game had more story elements than a movie. It also lacked the sand monsters present in the game. On its own the Prince of Persia movie was entertaining but in comparison to its source it is lacking. Basically like the Whitney Hologram tour. The game also had a better OST with its ending theme "Time only knows". The voice actor of the video game prince is Jewish too and that means like Jake, he is also circumcised.

I don't buy Jake as tough guy but it looks like a fun popcorn film. I don't know why people are crying about it being remade, the original wasn't some classic.

[quote]the original wasn't some classic

To you. "Roadhouse" most definitely has a following.

Roadhouse is dumb as shit

[quote]The voice actor of the video game prince is Jewish too and that means like Jake, he is also circumcised.

R130, yes, Jake revealed in 2020 that he is circumcised:

"Road House!"

He looks like he smells.

I want to see...IT

R139 I heard the circumcision went wrong and the mohel ate the glans by accident. He can still use the stump for ejaculation though.

If Jake smells I wanna sniff

Is "he looks like he smells" the standard DL put down, or do people actually think all these various celebs look as if they smell?

I've always been a little indifferent towards JG especially after all the gurls started spreading like PB&J after Brokeback, but he looks hot as hell in the poster and the subsequent pics. He could get it.

xxxxxx

No full frontal, then fugget about It.