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Let's be the dubious claims of cosmetic products!

I'm the organic micro bonded-protein blend, guaranteed to restore health and vibrancy to hair with only one use!

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by Anonymousreply 82May 30, 2024 12:53 PM

I'm Alpha Hydroxy

by Anonymousreply 1January 15, 2024 12:50 AM

I'm Nancy Kwan's pearl cream

Pearls don't make your skin younger, bitch!

by Anonymousreply 2January 15, 2024 12:56 AM

I'm the Visible Difference.

by Anonymousreply 3January 15, 2024 1:08 AM

I cost more but I'm worth it.

by Anonymousreply 4January 15, 2024 1:09 AM

I'm the gluten-free face cream.

by Anonymousreply 5January 15, 2024 1:45 AM

I'm biotin

I won't do anything

by Anonymousreply 6January 15, 2024 1:49 AM

I'm the locked-in moisture.

by Anonymousreply 7January 15, 2024 1:53 AM

I'm "royal" "queen" and "princess" semiotics that persuade the POC buyer.

by Anonymousreply 8January 15, 2024 1:56 AM

Thanks for the laugh, r2

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by Anonymousreply 9January 15, 2024 2:07 AM

I'm a lady chemist at the Ponds institute. Like all my coworkers I look like a supermodel. I make a note on my iPad: radiance revels increased by 40 percent.

by Anonymousreply 10January 15, 2024 2:11 AM

I am the hair growth vitamins, if I really do work then how would I know to only grow hair on your head?

by Anonymousreply 11January 15, 2024 2:22 AM

I'm dermatologist recommended.

by Anonymousreply 12January 15, 2024 2:24 AM

That is oriental pearl cream bitch!

by Anonymousreply 13January 15, 2024 2:27 AM

Use my Ethocyn Essence bitch.....

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by Anonymousreply 14January 15, 2024 2:33 AM

r6 Biotin will make your fingernails grow like mad, that's for sure

by Anonymousreply 15January 15, 2024 2:49 AM

I’m the apple cider vinegar, here on the ingredients but for no clear reason.

by Anonymousreply 16January 15, 2024 2:52 AM

I will erase all wrinkles. Give me your money, fool.

by Anonymousreply 17January 15, 2024 2:59 AM

Hi, I'm Marilyn Miglin!

(Please don't mention how my husband died)

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by Anonymousreply 18January 15, 2024 3:02 AM


by Anonymousreply 19January 15, 2024 3:28 AM

r18 Which husband?

by Anonymousreply 20January 15, 2024 3:40 AM

I'm "collagen & elastin"

I don't do shit!

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by Anonymousreply 21January 15, 2024 3:43 AM

Were bees !! ... Stop stealing our pollen you assholes !!

by Anonymousreply 22January 15, 2024 3:45 AM

I am the Swiss Institute that uses "cellular" complex in my "skin caviar". However you can now buy my products in Costco.

I am also the marine derived product that can cost $1000/jar. Oprah uses me on her feet.

by Anonymousreply 23January 15, 2024 4:02 AM

I'm the Creme de la Mer "Miracle Borth"

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by Anonymousreply 24January 15, 2024 4:11 AM

I’m thermal waters, aka “holy” waters.

by Anonymousreply 25January 15, 2024 4:13 AM

I'm magical melon antioxidants

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by Anonymousreply 26January 15, 2024 4:19 AM


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by Anonymousreply 27January 15, 2024 5:30 AM

I'm the skin-tightening that happens after you massage your face with this faux-jade facial roller.

by Anonymousreply 28January 15, 2024 7:40 AM

I'm the CBD products for hair and fingernails.

by Anonymousreply 29January 15, 2024 8:55 AM

I'm the insufferable Clinique Stan on Datalounge. I will describe the 4 product skin care line that keeps me 60 something but looks 40, forever. The same damn products for coming on 4 decades. I will pine for that one product that was discontinued to my dying day. I'm virtually a clone of my mother, who was a life-long Estée Lauder Stan.

by Anonymousreply 30January 15, 2024 10:10 AM

I'm WATER, and although I am only one in a long list of ingredients, I make up for about 90% of the lotion's substance.

by Anonymousreply 31January 15, 2024 10:14 AM

I'm the 20K deep plane facelift that is a better value than 30 years of expensive lotions and potions.

by Anonymousreply 32January 15, 2024 10:18 AM

I'm the 500% mark up!

by Anonymousreply 33January 15, 2024 10:38 AM

I found The Fountain of Youth- inside a melon from the south of France!

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by Anonymousreply 34January 15, 2024 10:43 AM

I'm Gwyneth Paltrow and GOOP. Hello.

by Anonymousreply 35January 15, 2024 11:01 AM

I am the Dead Sea, giving up ever more of my salt so you can smooth away roughness and allow new skin cells to regenerate.

by Anonymousreply 36January 15, 2024 11:19 AM

R2...Don't forget the "special oriental ingredients" after you pulverize those genuine pearls!!

by Anonymousreply 37January 15, 2024 12:19 PM

I’m the latest buzz ingredient, snail mucin. I think it’s slime. Ick!

by Anonymousreply 38January 15, 2024 1:01 PM

I'm some of the hottest videos on social media.

by Anonymousreply 39January 15, 2024 1:08 PM

I'm the snail mucin. Don't think about me too much

by Anonymousreply 40January 15, 2024 1:13 PM

I‘m ESSENTIAL. You will find my name splashed across 3 out of 4 cosmetic products.

by Anonymousreply 41January 15, 2024 1:16 PM

Skin appears 95% brighter in three weeks!. What the fuck is brighter?

by Anonymousreply 42January 15, 2024 2:56 PM

I’m CBD. I’ll find my way into hair products somehow …. because I am magical. I cure cancer, asthma, diabetes, psychosis, eczema, arthritis. Surely I can slay dandruff.

by Anonymousreply 43January 15, 2024 3:52 PM

[quote] Biotin will make your fingernails grow like mad, that's for sure

You know what’s making my nails super strong and growing like mad? Semaglutide. I take it once a week it’s the generic form of Ozempic that I get from a compounding pharmacy through my doctor. It’s funny how different people are from each other with regard to drugs. Some people say Semaglutide gives them diarrhea and makes their hair fall out. My hair is fine. I get constipation from it, not diarrhea, so I use Miralax.

When I told my doctor semaglutide made my fingernails regress back to my teen years, she thought I was crazy. But it’s true. Instead of filing my nails because they’re splitting all the time, I’m filing them because they’re growing too long. Finally, a good drug side effect.

by Anonymousreply 44January 15, 2024 4:01 PM

[quote] I will pine for that one product that was discontinued to my dying day

I mourn 2 Clinique products. Stop Signs hand cream and Color Rub liquid blush. I mourn 1 Estée Lauder product which was Diminish retinol cream in a big green dispenser.

And I will always mourn Neutrogena Instant Nail Enhancer

by Anonymousreply 45January 15, 2024 4:06 PM

[quote] I'm the 20K deep plane facelift that is a better value than 30 years of expensive lotions and potions.

Tell me more about a 20k facelift when just Botox and restylane cost $3k and only last 5 months.

by Anonymousreply 46January 15, 2024 4:09 PM

I'm Adrienne Arpel whose face is a result of using my products.

by Anonymousreply 47January 15, 2024 4:24 PM

I’m Brawndo! Okay, technically I’m a sports drink but I’m a liquid and I make a great foundation, a moisturizer, AND a makeup remover!

by Anonymousreply 48January 15, 2024 4:24 PM

I'm the lobsters from Maine. I'm used in a startup skincare company that some dumbasses are going to buy. Hopefully I'll be all the rage!

by Anonymousreply 49January 15, 2024 4:52 PM


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by Anonymousreply 50January 15, 2024 5:27 PM

I'm facial exercises

by Anonymousreply 51January 15, 2024 5:33 PM

I'm "natural."

by Anonymousreply 52January 16, 2024 12:12 AM

I'm the "clean ingredients"....I won't actually do anything to help your skin

by Anonymousreply 53January 16, 2024 12:32 AM

I'm the ingredients that are hot for a few years before falling from favor, like charcoal, clay, and Argan oil.

by Anonymousreply 54January 18, 2024 12:19 AM

[quote] I'm dermatologist recommended.

Oh you got the good stuff, mine just said, Dermatologist Tested. It didn't say whether the Dermatologist would recommend it or not.

by Anonymousreply 55January 18, 2024 12:29 AM

^ 🤣

by Anonymousreply 56January 18, 2024 12:11 PM

I'm Mrs. Sylvester Stallone, my skincare will give you botox like results for four EasyPay payments!

by Anonymousreply 57January 18, 2024 12:23 PM

I'm the little drawing of a rabbit so you think we don't test on animals....you THINK we don't.

by Anonymousreply 58January 18, 2024 8:43 PM

I’m infomercials at 3 AM in 1995.

by Anonymousreply 59January 18, 2024 11:01 PM

I’m placenta. I used to be big. Everybody wanted me. Shampoo, conditioner, moisturizer. Then I got replaced by jojoba. Then jojoba got replaced by shea butter. Then she butter got replaced by copper peptides, which were replaced by ceramides …..

by Anonymousreply 60January 19, 2024 12:06 AM

I’m full-strength sulfuric acid.

by Anonymousreply 61January 19, 2024 1:13 PM

I'm RéVive Skincare’s Moisturizing Renewal Cream

by Anonymousreply 62May 26, 2024 2:36 AM

I’m Camay - for your beautiful complexion.

A Princess says so!!

by Anonymousreply 63May 26, 2024 2:52 AM

R18, I spit my drink out of my nose when I read your post. Thank you.

by Anonymousreply 64May 26, 2024 4:36 AM

R38, don't knock the snail mucin before you try it. My skin is amazing when I use it.

by Anonymousreply 65May 26, 2024 4:39 AM

I will penetrate your skin layers...

by Anonymousreply 66May 26, 2024 5:29 AM

I’m placenta shampoo

by Anonymousreply 67May 27, 2024 7:09 PM

I'm Cher extolling my best friend (who I totally did not meet just five minutes ago) Lori Davis's miraculous hair care products on tv for two hours straight while wearing high end human hair wigs the entire time.

by Anonymousreply 68May 27, 2024 7:22 PM

Nancy Kwan is a racist bitch! It's AAPI, not ORIENTAL!!!!

by Anonymousreply 69May 27, 2024 7:33 PM

I'm the 100% plastic tube with "30% less plastic". How does that figure?

by Anonymousreply 70May 27, 2024 8:03 PM

I'm the oddly specific % of measurable results "most" people saw when using a product, sometimes something believable, like ninety-five, and other times outlandish, like 180.

by Anonymousreply 71May 27, 2024 8:16 PM

I love r63 and Princess Luciana's commercials.

"I have a friend who goes to bed with her makeup on. I think that's TERRIBLE!"

"I was an UGLY teenager..."

by Anonymousreply 72May 27, 2024 9:56 PM

I’m the smoothest, silkiest hair Rula Lenska has ever had after using Alberto VO5 hot oil treatment. And Alberto VO5 Miral 80 hairspray keeps Rula’s hair in place for 14 hours in London weather!

by Anonymousreply 73May 27, 2024 10:05 PM

[quote] Then she butter got replaced by copper peptides, which were replaced by ceramides …..

You left out coconut oil

by Anonymousreply 74May 27, 2024 10:06 PM

But Chisa needs it only on the ends!

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by Anonymousreply 75May 27, 2024 10:11 PM

I'm HY A LU RONIC acid.

I will plump your skin.

by Anonymousreply 76May 27, 2024 11:53 PM

Hyaluronic acid dried the fuck out of my face

by Anonymousreply 77May 28, 2024 12:26 AM

I'm the fine lines and wrinkles that are visibly reduced.

by Anonymousreply 78May 28, 2024 1:54 PM

I’m homeopathic acne treatments.

You might as well rub your own urine into your zits - at least you’ll save money.

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by Anonymousreply 79May 28, 2024 5:48 PM

I'm the patented peptide bond that is specially formulated to erase fine lines and wrinkles.

by Anonymousreply 80May 30, 2024 12:25 PM

My snatch is super tight now that I use this collagen cream

by Anonymousreply 81May 30, 2024 12:31 PM

I am Trentonin . Insurance usually covers me. The cosmetic companies hate me. I am far cheaper than any OTC "anti-aging" cream. I smooth skin texture, fade discoloration, eliminate wrinkles and make the skin produce more collagen.

by Anonymousreply 82May 30, 2024 12:53 PM
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