Missed (Gay) Opportunities

My handsome and horny coworker who came on to me strong. But we worked together and AIDS was new, so I demurred. One of my very few regrets.

I was in college, and made a late-night visit to Tower Records in West Covina, which was open until midnight every night. That night, as I was leaving, my car refused to start. The parking lot was virtually empty, but a car drove by and saw me with the hood up and the driver stopped to help. He was very handsome, in his late twenties or very early thirties. He gave me a jump (not the kind I'd been fantasizing about) and said he'd hand around while my battery charged -just in case. He told me he was getting married the next day and was feeling restless. I told him I'd like to do something to thank him, and suggested buying him a drink. So we went to a nearby bar. We talked and looked at each other in a lingering way, but neither of us said anything. When we got outside my car started up immediately, and not having anything else to say, I said good night and wished him luck. I can't count how many nights I spent jerking off over him and wishing I had been brave enough to offer him a blowjob...

Gregory Harrison and I cruised each other in a B Dalton in a DC hotel where I guess he was staying. I guess each of us was waiting for the other to make the first move. This was in 1985 or so.

No excuse for not trying with Gregory. If you had been wrong, nothing bad would have happened. If you were correct….you would have had your own thread for the ages.

When I was about to get out of the Navy after 7 years, a friend of a friend who was Army at the time expressed interest. I was gonna be leaving to move to Pittsburgh the next week. I'd been crushing on this guy for a long time at this point. Unfortunately one of my roommates had brought home a raging case of scabies that went through the house like wildfire, and I hadn't successfully gotten rid of it yet. I wasn't about to pass it along to him, but oh how I wanted to. I had to settle for a kiss and thoughts of what could have been.

The story of my sex life. But my upbringing was filled with bullying from family and neighbors about my "tendencies" that I tried to repress them. So even when an obviously gay boy tried to make friends with me, I'd freeze up and start doing my macho posturing, mimicking my brother, dad and the boys from my 'hood. And I carried that with me to the military, where it was even more brutal; I didn't have the luxury of retreating to my room when the taunts got to be too much to bear. And there were PLENTY of guys who hit on me up to the point of rape (I fought off two sexual assaults; downplayed by the brass as just "skylarking"). I'd get propositioned, but my experiences were so toxic and the atmosphere so deeply anti-gay, anti-black anti-everything that was me, that I could not act on them. I even got the requisite native girlfriend who lived near the naval base. We even talked about marriage - but I ghosted her when I got transferred stateside. Cruel I know. But what kind of life could I have given her? And the side-eyes and taunting continued in California. And just as I started to flirt back, Rock Hudson tested positive for AIDS and the DoD had mandatory AIDS testing. Several people, me included have posted here about that painful time. So, now I knew I wasn't going to have sex with anyone. I turned to drinking and food and by the time I had gone to see a therapist who told me that I wasn't going to die, I had gained weight, which is a no-no in Gayworld. So I still was unable to connect, not with anyone decent. I struggled to keep my weight down, and I was quite hunky from my late 20s to my 40s. But by then, alcohol had taken over and most of my romantic choices were influenced by booze. I became a barfly and I hated myself for it. It was one loser after another, with the occasional nice guy, who didn't stick around because I was so messed up myself. If I had been allowed to let my freak flag fly, things would have been very, very different. So, if you track my posts here and I sound like a bitter old queen, it's because I am. My love/sex life is mainly regret and missed opportunities.

I stopped to spend the night at a Marriott hotel in Oklahoma City while driving home for Christmas. It was the end of a very long drive from Flagstaff, so I decided to have dinner around 10pm at the bar in the hotel. A well dressed guy sat a bar chair away from me and struck up a conversation while I was eating. He was impossibly good looking. He said he’d been at a holiday party at the hotel and was too buzzed to drive home, so he was going to hang out until he sobered up. He asked a few times what my plans were for the night; I’d already told him I had driven twelve hours and just wanted to shower and go to bed. He said that sounded nice and that he could go for a hot shower too.

Around midnight, I bid my goodnight and walked toward the elevator. I looked back while waiting for the elevator and saw him in the lobby. He nodded his head at me and I got into the elevator. A shower later, I got into bed and it hit me. God, I was stupid,

I could have blown Richard Speck

[quote]Did you miss the signals?

Yes.

[quote]Were you afraid to go through with it?

Yes.

[quote]Were you too young or naive to know what was happening?

Yes.

[quote]Were you generally oblivious?

Yes.

R8. I did

r4, I know, I know. I was so afraid. I kept thinking, "What if I get to his room and he beats the shit out of me?" And it was the beginning of the time when AIDS was in the news every day, so I was a little afraid of that possibility, too.

And now, regret.

- r3

The first time I went to San Francisco for business in the early 90s, I was booked at one of those elegant old SF hotels. The Connor Jessup-lookalike bellman took me to my room, and as he settled me in asked if I had plans for the evening. It was late, I'd flown across the county and had meetings scheduled the next day, but he offered that he was off shift in a few minutes and if I wanted to get a drink... I demurred. Idiot.

What is this constant reference to AIDS panic stated over and over again on DL threads…so bizarre.

Another business trip with a handsome bearish colleague that I assumed was straight because he had a girlfriend and was talking about marriage around the office. We had a long day with breakfast, lunch and dinner meetings followed by a client inviting us for drinks. We went, but my colleague mentioned to me in the men's room that they were going to suggest taking us to a titty bar and he really didn't want to go and gave me a funny look. "Let's play hooky and tell them we have early meetings" and I agreed. And so it came to pass. On the way back he said come back to my room, I have something to tell you. We went in, and as he undid his tie and top two buttons on his shirt exposing his hairy chest, he told me he was handing in his notice in a few days to jump to a competitor "so we won't be colleagues any more..." he said with a wink. I said that's disappointing, but congratulations and good luck, made some small talk, and I excused myself after confirming our morning meet-up time. It didn't dawn on me that he was hitting on me until a year later when I bumped into him with the man he introduced as his boyfriend. He leaned in when shaking my hand saying "I came out right after leaving..." the firm where I was still employed.

Bump

I was in grad school, out and proud and doing my thing. Went to brunch with a girlfriend and had a great time, bottomless mimosas and everything. We stumble our way back towards the parking garage, and naive, shy, and unable to read the room me, we passed a guy crossing in the other direction who was super fit, brawny, barrel chested, which was covered with a swatch of fur, in running shorts and a tank top. Obviously out of my league, but was hotter than a stolen pistol. We giggled as we started to pass each other but as we did he raised a single eyebrow like The Rock. I was thrown. Dumpy and chubby ole me? After we passed each other, he looked back...as did I. And my friend elbowed me to do something and like a punk ass bitch, I didn't. I just couldn't believe that someone like him, would've been interested in me. Le sigh.

He was mocking you.

I remember in college I was hanging out with my best friend at the time and her boyfriend of the moment. It was Halloween, and we got all dressed up and went to the Ohio Theater downtown for its big costume ball (Columbus Ohio, mid-80s).

I dressed up like Adam Ant. I wore glasses though (my eyesight was terrible) but since Adam Ant didn't wear glasses, I didn't wear them. So I could barely see. Which sucked, but you gotta sacrifice for your art, right?

SEVERAL times during the evening, this guy dressed as G.I. Joe would walk by me and say "Hey Adam!', "Looking great Adam", etc. I'm pretty sure in retrospect he was hitting on me. I was a virgin at the time, and completely oblivious, and also blind without my glasses. And with my friends. I was too timid and naive and afraid to actually try and flirt back. It was a very homophobic time.

I don't know that anything COULD have happened, even if I could have and would have flirted back somehow. I'm not CERTAIN he was hitting on me. Maybe he was just an Adam Ant fan. I dunno.

But that one sticks out in my mind.

I had several opportunities to hook up with a multi-billionaire several times, never picked up the clues or signals he was dropping like anvils from a Warner Bros Cartoon.

Don't be greedy, Phillywhore; you've had sufficient.

That would be someone like me, as well. I'm just clueless when it comes to reading the radars right when someone might seem interested. But I'm older now, also -- too much work. As long as I just have some good coffee and ice-cream, I'm good! ;)

Before I knew what it meant (I was a sweet little country mouse), I was using the bathroom stall in my college library and the guy next to me did the toe tapping routine. I was doing a #2 and had no clue--I finished up my business and left.

Had I known what was going on, I may have helped him out.

It was probably just Larry Craig , R22.

I was in Toronto and missed by a few minutes a chance to fuck around with a beautiful Scottish daddy. Nice guy, too.

I got to know him and saw him a few times after that but the chance came and went....damn : (

I can remember three distinct different times, and truly regret each one. Keep in mind, I knew I was gay from the first encounter, but never considered myself 'cute' or 'good looking' in high school or college (though girls told me I was). This was the first time, which I truly regret...

1988 - It was the the first week of July of 1988, and I had just opened my own retail store 7 months earlier. I was 24 years old, and 100% concentrated and focused on my store and trying to do 'everything right'. July and August were notoriously dead in the city, so I worked most of the hours I was open (6 days a week), on the Sundays I was devoting it to 'book-keeping' and preparing orders for the coming week. Anyhow, this really cute older guy named 'Tony' used to come in my store 3 -4 times a week since I had opened. His family owned a 'locally famous' shoe store a few blocks away from me, and he worked there full time. He had shoulder-length curly hair, close-cropped beard and mustache, and always wore sexy sunglasses. (He also wore a button down shirt which was always opened at the top and showed off a nice hairy chest). He had a beautiful smile. The more often he came in, the more conversation we made (mostly about retail, customers, etc). Anyhow, this one day he came in there was no one else in the store and he seemed a little nervous. He didn't buy anything, and we talked for a short while, and then he told me his birthday was that coming Saturday (July 6) - he was turning 29 (I thought he was in his mid-30s). He then asked me if I would spend the day with him - he had a picnic planned for the two of us at a nude beach about ninety minutes away. After that, he wanted to take me to dinner - to celebrate his birthday. I remember looking at him and my jaw dropped. I didn't know what to say. I was never 'asked out' before and I was so nervous. Before I answered, he leaned closer and whispered "We'll have a real nice time and you'll make it my best birthday ever", and he gave me a light kiss on my cheek. Finally, I choked out the words "I can't. I'll be open that day. I can't close my store, I'll lose money." He tried to convince me to say yes ('It's a holiday weekend. No one is going to be around' - and he was right) but I was too nervous to say yes. As he was standing in front of me, I kept wondering what he looked like naked. I didn't back down and told him I just couldn't do it. His expression changed (I don't think a sexy guy like him ever dealt with rejection) and he started to back away quietly. I remember he turned around and left without saying a word, and I had pangs of regret from that moment. Sorry to say he never came in my store again after that, and I felt terrible - I really liked him. (His family closed their store a year later, which he had told me was in the plans - his dad wanted to retire and he had no interest in inheriting it). About 10 years ago, I'm skimming the newspaper and see an obituary for his father who died at 90. His son was listed as one of his surviving children, and said he lived in Hawaii now. I wish I could meet up with him once again.

High school in the late 80's. An all boys school, to make it worse. He was the captain of the football team, an Italian god. Over 6 feet tall, jet black hair, olive skin, muscular build. I was the shy, skinny, bespectacled outsider. Most of the time he was the regular jock, but to his credit was not one to bully me. He probably noticed me checking him out. Several times when he caught me looking at him he would flex his biceps (the boy could fill out a polo shirt).

One time we had a long term sub in French class. The sub was young and pretty and inexperienced and he and his group flirted with her mercilessly. One he lifted up his shirt in class, exposing rock hard abs. Thinking of his body gave me plenty of jerk off material. Aside from this teasing, one time he slipped a VHS tape into my schoolbag with a grin and wink. When I could get the VCR to myself (look it up kids) it was a straight porno called "Hot chocolate 2". Yes, I know would have been better had it been a gay porno. Not sure he was gay but perhaps bi leaning, or at least curious. I feel like I could have worshipped his body and he would have enjoyed it. HS was otherwise not a good time for me so I never kept in touch with anyone. I googled him some years ago and he apparently had passed away quite young.

Much more on topic, in college I taught my roommate how to bake, so we'd make things like chocolate chip cookies and brownies in our dorm room. Senior year I had a single, and a former floor mate would commission me to make him zucchini bread a few times a semester. He had started working out and i could see the change in his body. I always wondered what would have happened if i had asked him to reach me about fitness. locker room sessions, rub downs in my dorm room...

Get me a re-write!

College. I wasn't out.

A buddy in the group I hung out with. His apartment was closer to the bars/fun area off campus so some of us would crash at his place after a night of bar/party hopping.

One night, after I'd staked my place on the couch, he quietly told me I could sleep in his room. I grabbed the pillow and blanket and went with him to his room.... I threw the pillow/blanket on the floor and laid down on the floor. It wasn't until the next day, with his body language and maybe some comments that I put 2 and 2 together. I slept on the couch from then on and he never invited me to his room again.

He's now married to woman. I don't regret missing the cue because he was a buddy in a friend group and would've made both of us face some weirdness about out 'buddyness' from then on. I doubt it would've been anything other than an awkward messabout anyway.

But it is something I wonder about now and then - and I still do know him a bit and, no, I won't ever bring it up to him.

Uber driver hit on me and I didn’t put it together until hours later.

I was pissed.

Some of you guys need to put in some paragraph breaks.

[quote] Dumpy and chubby ole me? After we passed each other, he looked back...as did I. And my friend elbowed me to do something and like a punk ass bitch, I didn't. I just couldn't believe that someone like him, would've been interested in me. Le sigh.

Funny!

My cute little 5'5" Italian landlord.

Found out many years later that he'd let you blow him if the rent was late.....

My missed opportunity was during my freshman year of college in 1983. I was at an engineering school event one evening (nerd, I know). There was a guy there whom I had never met, and he was very cute. He was extremely friendly and funny with me all night - today I would identify it as flirtation, but as I'd never done anything with a guy, I failed to recognize it as that.

At the end of the event, I was headed back to my dorm to watch Dynasty (hello....so gay), and he offered me a ride home on the back of his moped. My dorm was only three blocks away, so I thought it was strange he was offering me a ride for such a short distance. I had never been on a moped and wasn't sure where I would put my hands (and also, if I would get hard and have my dick pressed against him.). So I declined the offer, and I never ended up seeing him on campus again. A couple years later when I started doing guys, I realized that his intent in getting me on the moped may have been something other than a three-block ride home. Ah, youth is wasted on the young...

Mine was Freshman year of university. John lived on another floor and had attended high school with the guy who's room was directly across the hall from me, so we met that way. Super cute All-American guy with short hair - not gorgeous but certainly above average with a great personality. It was clear that he liked me as he'd always find a reason to say hello or come into my room when he was visiting his friend. Over time, we all because better friends and would go to ball games together, etc. At some point John started randomly messaging my back. We'd be hanging out - three or four guys - and he'd just randomly start rubbing my shoulders. I'm a notorious "touch whore"; meaning I'll let almost anyone rub my back or shoulders and I can't really help responding positively when someone does it, even a short time, in passing. So, even in front of people, he'd start massaging my shoulders and I'd respond with "oh hell yeah" or something like that to give him some positive reinforcement (ie: hoping he'd do it longer or do it again later). I realized at some point in hindsight that John was actually into me. He'd try to massage my lower back or the backs of my arms and I never complained or pushed back, but he didn't go further. I realize now that I should've invited him down to my dorm room at some point "to watch a movie" when my roommate was out of town for the weekend. There is now no doubt we would've done more, thinking back on his energy towards me. Too bad.

Don’t stop thinking about heartstopper!!!

Grandpa watching Heidi videos

bump

There was a cashier at Trader Joe’s- slim , good looking with a mild build. I wrote in my journal once- I wish that slim , good looking employee at Trader Joe’s would flirt with me- but he’s straight so that’s silly.

That was in late 2014. By the spring of 2015 I became enamored with him. Every time I walked into the store I would scan around to see if HE was there. He was my cashier a number of times . He was polite and friendly in that typical Trader Joe’s way. In September 2015 I got in his line. When I got to the head of the line he said to me- You’ve been coming here a while I should introduce myself. What’s your name? James . Hi James, I’m Adam . Hi Adam I said. He put out his hand for me to shake. Then he asked where I lived. I was so uptight I could barely answer him. I asked him no questions. One week later I was in the same Trader Joe’s. I was standing in one of the aisles looking up some items on the shelf when I hear someone behind me say is if I was your best friend hi James! It was the same cashier from the week before. I said- oh , hi. I did not say hi Adam. I came across as unfriendly. A week after that I was finally ready to e friendly back. I was standing in the checkout line and he walked by carrying some shopping bag he did not look at me at all it’s as if I was invisible. I still think about him frequently and regret my acting as if I wasn’t interested in this good looking hunky guy. Oh well.

R37 lost me at "I wrote in my journal once".