Etiquette question: dead ex-mother-in-law's funeral

Stupid threads like these bring out the cane-wielding umbrage in the eldergays like yourself, OP. You sure do make up stupid crap.

You seem nice.

Send a flower. Why would you go?

Yeah, OP, send flowers. That's it.

Send flowers as R3 suggested , usually funeral homes have a pre funeral visitation you might consider going to instead of the funeral service itself.

Funerals are for the survivors, not the deceased. You don't say how long ago you split up. But if you had remained friendly in the ensuing years following your split, I would advise you to go. If you have had no contact since the split, don't go.

Send a belly dancer with flowers.

Another vote to send flowers and a card.

R6, no contact with my ex, for reasons which are well known to the lying, cheating, heartbreaking whore.

[quote] I don't want to go and I definitely don't want to be thought of us where I shouldn't be.

This right here is your answer. If you don't want to go to a funeral, don't go. What's going to happen? Your ex will re-divorce you? Her ghost will haunt you? Just send flowers to the funeral home (that for her husband) and send your ex-husband a personal card with your condolences. Maybe add a nice memory in there.

Then leave it at that. if these people weren't raised by wolves, they will reach out with a thank you note or text. Beyond that, live your life. Once you are divorced all obligation regarding his family are optional.

[quote]no contact with my ex, for reasons which are well known to the lying, cheating, heartbreaking whore.[/bold]

Just send a card then Op. Flowers can be expensive.

R8

I agree with r11. Send a card, you really won't care about this within a day to week after her funeral.

If mutual friends are attending go with them and attend whatever they are attending--the service, the reception, etc. Attending is a show of respect. I was touched by the people who attended by father's death (neighbors, rarely seen relatives) and my sister's (work colleagues).

I wouldn't send flowers. Most people don't seem to want them---a charitable donation in the name of the deceased is usually more desired.

Yes, I would send a card to the dad, since you liked him, assuming you have his address.

You have no business being there.

Stay home and bitch.

Is there a wake? If you want to show your ex support he may be touched if you make a brief appearance. Funerals are more for the inner circle. If that’s all there is you could go hang a bit toward the back.

If you would cause him stress to be there, stick to a card, the website memorial wall and send flowers or whatever they request on the funeral home webpage. In my experience people are very touched to see people they’ve lost touch with take the time.

Make sure you have a nice, true compliment like, “Suzanne was always a gracious hostess and told the best stories about her years volunteering for Strom Thurmond’s 71st campaign.”

Is your ex-father-in-law still alive, OP? You wrote you liked him. Write s letter of condolence to him..

If you went through a bitter breakup and divorce, I would not show up.

Do nothing! No card. No flowers! Definitely don’t go to the funeral. If the situation were reversed, would your ex do anything? And would you want your ex to do anything?

Do not go. Allow the family to grieve without awkwardness, real or perceived.

Yes, all good advice. I will write a note to his dad and send it to the house. If there's a charity named I'll make a donation. But definitely not a place for me, esp. as per R10. He cheated on me on a scale that we couldn't get past. While not open warfare, it wasn't a pretty divorce either and obviously his whole family knew about that. I have no desire to make things awkward for anybody by showing up as if to rise above our split. He was a dick who broke my heart for awhile there. She was polite enough while I knew her. And I will be too.

Good plan.

I agree. If you haven't had contact with the in-laws since the divorce, I would not attend the funeral, unless your ex contacted you and actually requested you attend. Send a note and/or flowers with your condolences.

You know, sending a card can be expensive too.

How about an email or a text?

Not gonna lie, OP, I was hoping it’d go down something like this…

R25, me too, to be honest, but I've gained weight in the head and my hat doesn't fit as it should.

You may wish to your respects through sending a note to your former husband and any surviving relatives you were close to.

Given the way it ended, I wouldn’t send a note to the ex. They need no further contact. It will make things worse. Just the dad.

Send a pack of Ramen oodles of noodles., 🍜

Well, she’s dead and will presumably stay dead whether you go or not. So, I would stay home.

OP, thanks for clarifies that the funeral you’re contemplating is indeed for someone dead.

Send a card lamenting that she has a hot ass but couldn't live forever.

[quote] Yes, all good advice. I will write a note to his dad and send it to the house.

Send him the belly dancer with flowers.

You don’t want to go…don’t go. Send a note (note, not a Hallmark card). Instead of flowers donate to a charity and the charity will send a note with the tribute stuff to your ex. Simple. Classy.

If you'd told us that he was a big slut from the get-go, you would have gotten somewhat different advise.

R31, thanks for your basic literacy.

Just go if you cared for her. My mother went to my father's funeral with me even though they were divorced long ago and it was no problem because she had history with the family. Some people may be happy to catch up.

We don’t want you here, stinking up the joint with your inability to keep your clam clean and other problematic hygiene habits. Interestingly enough, these are the same reasons your husband decided to cheat……