Have You Ever Wished You Were Straight?

Prepare to be shat on OP.

Nope. Most of those suburban dads seem to me to have a “please, kill me” look in their eyes.

I'm used to it R1. I'm a bit of a masochist.

A straight woman, yes. A straight man, hell no.

No, never. Often look at parents with kids though and think "there but for the grace of God go I".

Being gay hasnt all been easy by any means but it definitely has a lot of upsides

Avoiding family court is worth it, never wanted kids

Gay man - I'm pretty comfortable in my skin and have no issues now at....well, let's just say a more mature age.

But I definitely had moments I wished I was straight when I was younger. Most of them were before I graduated from HS, but yes, I felt a loneliness being a single gay man from time to time, one that had to be somewhat subdued around my straight friends and family members at that time. The holidays were especially bad. Until I started to have holidays with friends, and yes, the "chosen family" feeling.

I should add it was never wanting to pray the gay away or wishing to deny my sexuality to "pass." It was always more of a feeling of....this would be so much easier and less horrifying/heartbreaking if I'd just been straight.

R8 my thoughts exactly. I don't really want kids or the white picket fence life but it's more about the bonding between family members and the acceptance. Both my siblings are married with kids and my parents have about a thousand pictures of the grandkids posted on their social media and screensavers for their phones. They show absolutely no interest in my life however even though I've achieved a lot in my career they've never shown up to anything since my high school graduation. I work myself to death but for what? I have a nice home but I live by myself and sleep alone every night. My dad says I can't take the material items with me when I die and I wont leave behind an legacy without descendants. Even if I had a partner I still can't give my parents grandkids.

R9, your legacy is the people you are kind to, whom you love, and who respect you for what you've achieved. No need for kids to have a legacy. And your parents already have grandkids. Do they really need or want more more?

Very sorry your family is not more supportive. That must be tough.

Thank you R10 and I appreciate your input. I don't know if my parents want more grandkids as much as they want me to be "normal" which of course to them means straight with kids.

Yes. Mainly due to the minority stress that is associated with being gay. And the fact that society tends to be centered on heterosexuals... music, books, movies are almost always focused on boy meets girl. It also struck me when my mother was recently talking about a "gay couple" living up the road from her. She's not homophobic but it was the way she identified them as "the gay couple" reminded me how that's our defining feature to many straight people.

Noooo. It looks so boring.

I distinctly remember rolling back into my dorm late one night, drunk as can be, and a female friend was trying to make sure I drank enough water and ate something because she knew I had a hell of a hangover waiting for me the next day. I don’t actually remember this, but she tells this story (too frequently) on Facebook. She said something like “I wish I was a gay man. I’m jealous and you always look like you’re having so much fun” and I responded “oh, it’s SO much fun!”

I don’t remember the conversation. But I remember that hangover.

When I was younger I did, mainly because it would have made my life easier. I wanted to have children, and I happened to get a girl pregnant once, but she decided to abort it. I'm otherwise happy with who I am now.

Of course it would have made things easier growing up. But I realize being straight wouldn't fundamentally change who I am. I would still be self-absorbed, still not want children and still not end up with a l-o-n-g term relationship. Once I got out of school and left the town I grew up in, the bullying was pretty much behind me. I always worked in gay-friendly environments. So in the end my fabulous gay life was worth the taunting growing up

No. One of the perks of being gay is no matter what happens in my boudoir, nine months later, a screaming, drooling, snot factory won't show up.

I have a few pretty good straight male friends. None is best friend material for me, and they are all closer with other straight guy friends than they are with me. But I think all of them have told me more or less unprovoked that they and their buddies talk (mostly tongue in cheek) about how gay guys totally have it made: two incomes, no kids, no need to pay for dinner and drinks just to get laid, never have to be a slave to monogamy, etc.

Grass is always greener obviously, but there are some facets of gay life that I would hate to exchange in order to live the American dream of being a “normal” suburban dad / husband who never gets shit for being perceived a fag.

[two incomes, no kids, no need to pay for dinner and drinks just to get laid, never have to be a slave to monogamy]

They wouldn't be such a slave to monogamy if they accepted their partners fucking other men. Gay men can handle it but straight men have mental breakdowns over it.

Sometimes, when reading DL.

No but I have wished some of my friends throughout the years to be gay.

OP, funny you should ask this question. I love my husband of 25 years with all my heart and because of that love I have lost all my family and initially all my friends. I grew up in very fundamentalist Church community. Around holidays it is very difficult. I long for the family connection. However, then I think do I really miss them? Did they really ever unconditionally love me? Apparently, I was very disposable to them. I was thrown away like garbage. So, if I am literally a “yes man” then I am loved. No, thank you. I am worthy of love no matter my sexual preference. Fuck the cunts.

NO. After Caityn Jenner cropped up, a drunken sibling asked why I didn't just do that. I explained I liked the equipment the Lord had given me.

If I were straight I wouldn't be able to suck cock.

[quote]I wont leave behind an legacy without descendants. Even if I had a partner I still can't give my parents grandkids.

Who are you, King Tut? Who wants a legacy with what's coming down the pipeline? I don't want to leave a trace. You can put my out by the curb in a hefty bag. Just peace out when the time comes.

One of the best parts of being gay now is the freedom to decide IF you want kids or not, instead of it being this pre-ordained compulsory thing that you have to do if you're straight - or otherwise your seen as weird or a failure.

Are you suggesting OP that you are lonely because you are gay? Do you think you’d be any more happy/popular as a heterosexual? Maybe the problem lies with you irrespective of your sexuality?

No way.

I think being a straight man is way worse than being a gay man.

Younger generations are definitely trying to be more heteronormative which will eventually make the “gay lifestyle” obsolete and we’ll all be pressured into marriage and kids like the straights.

But being gay unburdened me from heteronormativity. And no one expects anything of me.

I’ve been able to live my life the way I want to.

You won't always have your parents OP. Think of your legacy as building great relationships with your nieces and nephews. They are the ones that you can impact and as they grow into adults and have their own children, they are the ones who will carry on your legacy.

That takes work, as all relationships do. You have to be present in their lives, ask them questions about themselves. They will accept you without question. I remember when my nephew was born and as he grew up I was dreading the whole "coming out to him." But when the time came, I was like, duh, he has known me as who I am his entire life. I didn't need to come out. I was just uncle Zac, and it tickles my soul the way he just calls my husband Uncle Paul, without question. Never underestimate the lifelong affect you can have on a child's life as a good example of a caring, loving, involved person. They will remember it forever.

Why would we? According to DL, EVERY straight man is actually gay.

Why would we? According to DL, EVERY straight man is actually gay.

No. Never.

I don't like kids and I do love dick.

[quote] She's not homophobic but it was the way she identified them as "the gay couple" reminded me how that's our defining feature to many straight people.

Spot on R12 that's pretty much sounds like my mother as well especially when she's talking about me compared to my siblings. My siblings get to be just people, but my mom always calls me " the one she hardly sees" or "the gay son" . I could cure cancer and still be known as "the gay son". But as much as I love men that's not the only thing going on in my life. Straight people can be so strange, they act like gay sex is so gross and they don't want to hear about your sex life but on the other hand your sexuality is all they define you by and the first thing they think of when referring to an individual gay man.

[quote] Sometimes I'll see a heterosexual dad playing with his kids and feel a twinge of sadness.

OP, there's no reason why you can't get a husband and kids - quite a few gay men do. Is it societal acceptance you're looking for? I'd work on that, society is a lot better now than it was in the past and you can ignore the ones who have an issue.

No, I don’t like kids and having disposable income has allowed me to frequently travel and afford just about anything I want.

Yes, from about nine or ten years old until about 23.

No. Not once.

Don't worry. You chose to be gay in this lifetime to learn certain lessons. You have been and will be straight and gay in other lives.

OP, what did I tell you?

R36 Oh dear. Nobody chooses to be gay. We are what we are.

Couldn’t deal with a nagging wife.

OP- Maybe what you’re really saying is-

What Would It Be Like To Be

STRAIGHT ACTING 🎭

No fucking way

[quote] But I think all of them have told me more or less unprovoked that they and their buddies talk (mostly tongue in cheek) about how gay guys totally have it made: two incomes, no kids, no need to pay for dinner and drinks just to get laid, never have to be a slave to monogamy, etc.

Those straight guys would never trade places. You have to be hearty and somewhat brave to be gay -- to socially identify and live as gay. The challenges we face typically start in our own families but they never end, and it doesn't matter how much we conform to a heteronormative lifestyle we are still 'other.'

Let’s not act like straight guys can’t choose NOT to have kids. Most of them want to because it’s still considered the societal norm and they want to carry on their bloodline.

Most straight men don't realize until they're well into their 30s what little they get in the bargain of marriage, what they surrender and give up for access to pussy.

And by that time, their frau has gotten lazy and fat, and just treats him like a human ATM, refusing him sex as often as possible.

[quote] Let’s not act like straight guys can’t choose NOT to have kids.

[quote]Those straight guys would never trade places

It's a myth that straight men want bachelorhood. What they want is polygamy.

Have You Ever Wished You Were WELL HUNG?

Never- has not even occurred to me although I was worried about being gay in my early teens.

No. It's a great freedom to be able to appreciate other males without some weird and childish limitation imposed by society.

R23 " If I were straight I wouldn't be able to suck cock. "

You can still suck cock even if you're straight.

My closest high school friend explained his marriage to me as a trauma reaction to being chained to a fence with handcuffs in a bad neighborhood when being mugged one night. It was such a bizarre story I thought it was in code. Now I wonder if it was true. And when I say closest high school friend, I mean my closest high school friend. I probably wasn't in his top forty.

I've never wanted to be straight. I just don't really see how my life would be better. The straight world or trap seems awful. There are all those gender roles you're expected to conform to, kids are another trap (ugggh) but to be fair I have never wanted kids.

I notice most straight people are clueless about the world. They're so into their interpersonal familial relationships they are unaware of so much. They barbecue, take Braelinn to soccer practice, watch sports and obsessively call each other on their phones (overheard conversations are mind-numbing).

I threw out some old oatmeal cookies for the birds this morning and my straight neighbor commented, "Birds eat cookies?". How could you live 40 years and not know birds will eat most anything?

I did, but their cum tastes different!

Probably more so when I was very young, and then again when I was overlooked professionally for guys with wives and kids, men who seemed more “salt of the Earth” types. But over time I was lucky and fell upward into bigger jobs and probably more security financially.

I have friends who married and had kids and “renounced” their orientation as an “identity tried on in college”. Some guys in these straight marriages were as lonely or lonelier than I have been at different points in life. I also think having kids doesn’t always mean they will love and care for you unconditionally. I see the opposite happening pretty often.

Sort of…But then I think of the many times I’ve seen a husband and wife have dinner in a restaurant together and not speak a single word.

oh boy

R55 That applies to all relationships. When you’ve been together for so long there’s nothing left to talk about.

My sort-of, tepid wish to be straight was just.....you know, it can feel like a salmon swimming upstream to be gay. So many places I lived as a child and young adult were so overwhelmingly het.

I lived in Madison WI for a while and it has a rep as a gay friendly city. But it wasn't as visible as you'd think. I remember going somewhere downtown near campus and realizing that one of the big university football games had just ended. 40,000 people in red shirts walking one way, me walking the other. It was the most vivid, real representation of what I'd felt most of my life.

I was very happy to live in much more diverse, gay friendly environments after that.

I like dick too much to ever wish I were straight.

I did wish I was a straight woman for a time. Not in a transy way, and yes, I realize that being a woman involves a great deal and shouldn't be reduced to sex.

But my perpetually horny college self surrounded by straight jocks and skaterbois in the dorms just very shallowly fantasized that I could change, Samantha Stevens style, into a beautiful blonde or redhead with huge knockers for a few hours, and take on the whole football team.

I wish I was straight looking and acting, but not actually straight. It's a little too obvious which team I play for. Sometimes I just want to blend in with the crowd.

Honestly, no. There are pluses and minuses to both though. I work with a guy my age who is a straight married father of two, and the "please kill me" look R2 mentioned is definitely there at times. He always seems mentally exhausted and burned out. I'd love to relieve him by eating his pert, round, perfect ass, but something tells me he wouldn't appreciate it.

Yes.

[quote]I did wish I was a straight woman for a time. Not in a transy way, and yes, I realize that being a woman involves a great deal and shouldn't be reduced to sex. But my perpetually horny college self surrounded by straight jocks and skaterbois in the dorms just very shallowly fantasized that I could change, Samantha Stevens style, into a beautiful blonde or redhead with huge knockers for a few hours, and take on the whole football team.

It is a fun fantasy but yep, you're right that it would be pretty different a place to be in if you were a woman. Young women aren't nearly as horny as young men are, they have to worry about getting pregnant which is a big deal (no contraception is 100%), and then there are safety and social issues if they took on the whole football team - men can get violent or stalk them, they get socially judged for being sluts more. Young women who'd want to sleep with every jock and would do it too do exist but they're few and far between.

I really like being gay. I now live in a sleepy southern suburb of a medium size city and any gay friends other than my partner is 30 minutes away or in California. Partner has mostly straight male friends and the people we have met in the area are straight. It doesn't look like fun for the men. The financial pressure and having to deal with entitled cunty wives looks and sounds like punishment to me.

I think it’s nice how much more today’s fathers participate in the lives of their children as compared to preceding generations.

When I was a teen/young adult - yes. I dealt with shame and self-loathing. I was so jealous of straight couples who could kiss and hold hands in public

Now - no

I won the gay lottery. Why would I want to reverse it?

R68 Did you also win the genetic lottery too being a bi-product of cousins mating?

One of the major perks of being a gay man as that we as men generally match each other in terms of sex drive. We want fuck (or get fucked) and shoot our loads, and are both driven by our testosterone to do so. In an intimate situation, there's a shorthand between two men because we unconsciously know what feels good and how to handle a dick (the same obviously applies to lesbians in respect to vaginas). I think sex between a man and a woman is a lot more mysterious and is more difficult to navigate. Even giving it or taking it in the ass seems less complicated than vaginal sex. There is a benefit to both parties having the same equipment.

Wish I were straight? No. Think my life would be easier on a day-to-day basis if I benefited from heterosexual privilege (or whatever the gay equivalent would be)? Absolutely.

Imagine people automatically holding doors open you previously had to bang on and beg for entry.

If I was honest I would have to say that I’m sick of always being a fish out of water and not “belonging” in that self-assured way that straight men get to walk around the world. It’s felt like this since I was five years old and after four decades it gets tiring. This isn’t internalised homophobia or anything, I would just like to know what it would feel like to be swimming with rather than against the current for once.

R7 is a 70-year-old elderfaggot

I’ve always marveled at the state of semi-oblivion in which many straight guys seem to dwell.

Nah - of course I would have liked to have dodged the decades of homophobia and would have enjoyed the fewer obstacles in my career path - but now, no fucking way.

From my viewpoint, I've seen way too many men be expected to give up their lives and be the financial provider and sidepiece in the family. Only hang out with couples - BUT, they're usually HER friends and the men are just expected to buddy together.

And the massive financial standards so many women have of their partners - it's ridiculous. I know so many sex-starved husbands who don't get much consideration from their wives or their kids and if the woman is not kept happy, then divorce and she gets the house and kids and support while he moves into an apartment and sees his kids 4 days a month.

I know there are some good straight marriages and that it is more egalitarian now than in past decades - but it just seems too much.

Yes - I know a lot of straight men aren't awesome either - but they're also not allowed to express their feelings or be vulnerable either. I've seen women say that want their man to open up, but then tell them to man up or use whatever he opens up about AGAINST him.

It feels like men resent women and women resent men.

Gay relationships aren't always great either - there can be some competition and fidelity issues. But what I see from straight culture? You can keep it.

Oh, I'm not even going to touch the stupid, weird 'this is what a man is' culture among straights that prevents them from even wearing a light colored piece of clothing or do any self-care.

When I was young and first coming to terms to my sexuality, of course.

After I settled in being gay? FUCK NO. I love being gay, god I couldn't imagine having to deal with normal boring straight world.

I think being gay forces you to deconstruct the entire world around you and ask why certain things are the way they are. We have to get some perspective on this in order to have some self-worth with a world that tells you that you're wrong, defective and sinful/bad.

Most gays and lesbians have a much larger world view and know that things don't have to be a certain way - and we bring that into relationships.

I don't think straight people ever go through that - they just blindly accept things and don't go against the grain too much.

Being gay or lesbian is a great 'get out of jail' card sometimes to live the life that you want. It's painful and hard, but it's worth it in the end.

yes.

Yes. So that gay men would be attracted to me.

I've definitely been screwed over/passed over at my job because of being gay, long before I admitted I was. We have a progressive 40 year old who has hired numerous gays and African Americans and Hispanics that still piss off a group of white guys around his age who like to hunt, golf, go to football games, the you know country club Sunday mindset. I'm 62 now and have outlasted a ton of people who got booted for their awful behavior(stealing, sexual harrassment) that forced the hand of the creeps who wanted to protect them. I still wouldn't want to be as miserable as those I mentioned.

In many business contexts being married with children makes you more of an attractive candidate for promotion, rather than a gay unmarried employee. It's been part of office politics for decades. Even today when there are laws and company policies, you know many gays are not ideal for higher positions.

One or the best parts about being gay are locker rooms. It’s always titillating seeing a hot guy in the gym knowing you have the opportunity to casually see him naked. And I love that moment where there is a mixed group of women and men headed to the locker rooms (after a class or something) and all the men head one way and all the woman another. I think both straight and gay men appreciate this last bastion of a chick free zone, even if for just 15 minutes.

There was this sexy straight college guy working out with his girlfriend. I was just trying to imagine what his body looked like naked. And what do you know, there he was in all his glory stripping down naked in the locker room right next to me. I’ve definitely seen more of him than all of the women in his life who’ve had a crush on him.

And there have been times when a questionably straight guy with a girlfriend meets up with her outside the locker rooms after, and there is this look in her eyes, like “what did you get up to in there?” And I’m thinking, boy wouldn’t you like to know? They want to control every aspect of their boyfriend’s lives but can’t control that.

Never underestimate this lucky perk fellas, and fight to keep it.

[quote] It’s always titillating seeing a hot guy in the gym knowing you have the opportunity to casually see him naked.

Barring the towel dance.

To be honest r83, it’s not always about seeing a dick. Most dicks after a workout are quite unimpressive. But seeing a bare chest, back, a nice ass, nipples. All of those things can be titillating. Of course a dick and balls are nice as well.

[quote] I’ve definitely seen more of him than all of the women in his life who’ve had a crush on him.

Truly, I'm convinced that most DLers don't spend more than 5 consecutive mins around straight guys and that's only to ogle their asses while they stand behind them at the grocery store line.

Because absolutely no way, on planet Earth, is a woman being denied the chance to see a straight guy's naked body R81.

R85 I am not sure if meant R81 or my comment above. I mention seeing a straight guy's naked body just for the mere fact that I have worked in environments where there is an office crush. But of all of the gaggle of girls who are into a certain guy, I am the only person who shares their crush that has actually seen him naked stem to stern. I have been the "fact" gatherer for women who are curious and want to know. They will never get to see him naked, most married themselves. At least as gay men, we have an opportunity to see a crush naked.

Not once. Being gay is a privilege. Women are a pain in the ass (in terms of relationships, not in general), and not having to deal with them to get laid is a miracle. Also, not being pressured into having kids means having more disposable income, which afforded me the ability to obtain a master’s degree, which means even more disposable income. And the best part of all, instead of spending my vacation time at Disney World, I get to explore the far corners of the world, and travel business class to get there.

Yes. As long as I can suck cock.

Travel gets old after a while.

Yes, when I gave a shit about pleasing my family. I never understood their reasoning and I don't think they did either so they just defaulted to their religious beliefs as justification for their opinions. Because as a lesbian raised by nothing but divorced women (mother, grandmothers, aunts) every single one of them had nothing but negative things to say about their exes and seemed to loathe the role of "dutiful wife." If anything, I think they projected their bitterness onto me for not being attracted to men. They're all single spinsters who may as well be asexual, now. That's what being a straight woman did to them. No thanks.

i am straight - I've sometimes thought that life could be better as a gay man, but I'm not sure I could have faced the fear of homophobic bullying. I already got some of that for not being very masculine and it was terrifying enough. I find women a lot more difficult to communicate with and I've always found kinship easy with gay men because we are most likely to have shared interests, good conversations, and I've always got on best with them. sometimes I feel guilty for being a regular DL poster as a straight guy like i'm invading but I really like it here. Despite the complaints people have about the state of the board - compared to the rest of the internet - this is probably the sharpest, funniest, and most honest place around. ultimately i guess it's easier to be a straight man because the threat of violence or discrimination is far more stressful than women being cryptic and confusing or other straight guys being boorish and boring.

Stop thinking and look:

[quote] straight guys being boorish and boring.

You told no lies my friend! I don't think there’s any group on the planet more boring than the heterosexual male.

No, OP go back to your basement at Westboro; we don't really need you here.

Honestly...no.

ALL 👏 THE 👏TIME 👏