Great Excuses to Decline Thanksgiving and Other Invitations

It's not that hard, OP. You simply say, "Thank you so much for the invitation, but I'm afraid I already have plans for that day."

Most people will accept that. I do have one friend who will then ask, "What are your plans?" I usually just say, "Oh, I have a ton of things I have to get done."

Op has avoidant personality disorder

“I’m having intestinal issues.”

Trust me. No one will try to change your mind,

Hey selfish, there are people on this site that would just love to be invited to a Thanksgiving dinner whether family, friends or strangers. You suck.

You have Covid!

You were exposed to covid and want to be extra careful.

I agree with “thank you but I already gave plans”

"Thanks, but I don't really like you and your house smells funny"

"I think I have food poisoning and I don't need to be too far from my bathroom. Thanks anyway."

r4 thank you.

"Pretty sure my mom's going die and she'll never forgive me if I don't attend the funeral"

Sorry I really don't like you enough to spend that much time with you.

[quote] Hey selfish, there are people on this site that would just love to be invited to a Thanksgiving dinner whether family, friends or strangers.

Really? Why?

R5 and R6, those excuses don't work for Thanksgiving because most invitations come too far in advance. I assume OP is not contemplating reneging on an invitation he previously accepted. That would be rude.

Thus, "other plans" is an excellent excuse. If you're in a situation where you're going to have to explain what those supposed plans are (for example, the invitation came from a co-worker and you'll see them after the holiday), just lie. Seriously. Just say you're going to spend the day with relatives, preferably some who actually exist, whether you ever plan to see them again or not. Or say you're getting together with unnamed friends or that you accepted your neighbor's invitation already.

Tactful honesty in declining invitations the best policy only with close friends and immediate family. Then, you do sort of have to explain that you don't enjoy the holiday (or whatever the reason is) and would prefer to stay home and ignore it. Be prepared to be argued with. Do not say anything hurtful and do not say anything critical of other guests.

Whatever you do, do not say you're not doing anything for the holiday. People will pity you. Being an object of pity if not a good look for anyone, even if you yourself feel absolutely no concern, regret or sorrow about being alone on the holiday.

[quote] I assume OP is not contemplating reneging on an invitation he previously accepted. That would be rude.

That really depends on the size of the gathering. If it's somebody who just needs to invite 30 or 40 people to her thanksgiving to brag to other fraus about how much time she had to put in and what a great big hassle it all was, meh, you probably won't be missed all that much if you actually can't make it. Nice to give a little notice though, and your sudden worries about covid exposure might come in handy.

I don't wanna.

One of the best benefits of working in the medical field is using the "sorry, I'm on call" excuse.

Something suddenly came up.

My 23andMe test results came back. I’m 51% Native American.

OP, unless you want to have to come up with a new excuse every year you are just going to have to offend them. If you come up with a great excuse they believe, you will get invited for next Thanksgiving and maybe Christmas this year. Offend them somehow and you will never be invited again. Problem solved.

I told my relatives years ago that I wasn't interested in hosting any holidays ever again and I wasn't interested in going to their homes for any holidays and I haven't nor have I been invited.

Op say “I’m a fucking weird ass. I’m a shut-in”. They know you are already.

R20, do you see them at other times? Do you care if you ever see any of them ever again? Because if not, then your approach is excellent. (Seriously.) If you do, how did you convey that you still loved and wanted to see them, just not at holiday gatherings?

Some people don't want to be estranged from their families. They just don't like or want to do big holiday gatherings. It could be that they're introverted types who dislike any large, noisy group and would rather see their cousins, aunts, uncles, etc., separately, or at least at events that are less weighed down with tradition and enforced bonhomie than Thanksgiving and Christmas. These are the people who need advice on how to bow out without causing a rift.

I honestly think it’s fine to say, “Sorry, I can’t make it.”

I’m sure some of you will find it rude, but an invitation comes with two options. You can accept it. Or not. No need to make a big deal about it.

When I invite people, I’m not at all bothered by people turning me down.

What’s way worse to me is people being too wishy-washy to simply decide. Do you want to come? Great. Don’t want to? Fine. But make a choice, state it simply.

Oh, I also hate people who accept invitations and then fail to show up.

This is getting easier since COVID. "I 'm not feeling very good. I think I'm coming down with something. I'm having a Medical test on Wednesday and or Friday and I have to rest."

R4, WTF? OP is not necessarily selfish. Maybe OP has plans to spend the day volunteering at a cat shelter, or making meals for shut-in neighbors. Maybe OP's job has him working 70 hours a week and too tired to make merry with others. MAYBE OP JUST NEEDS TO REST.

How do you know? You don't. You're just calling OP selfish because you can.