I get no respect

MARY!

Did that one go over your head, R1?

Sorry for the bad link. Don't know how to fix it.

No respect, I tell ya.

My uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.

Memories of Thanksgiving - there NEVER WAS a roll of Life Savers is Grandpa’s pocket - or Uncle Carl’s, Cousin Bill’s, or Aunt Marty’s!

No respect, just gooey fingers!

I asked my doctor if my heart was healthy enough for sex.

He said, "Yeah, as long as you don't join in"!

No respect.

I remember the time I was kidnapped, and they sent back a piece of my finger to my father.

He said he wanted more proof.

OP = Rodney Dangerfield

I get no respect.

I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the 10th floor. They sent a priest up to talk to me.

He said, “On your mark...”

This is what Datalounge wants to do to you OP:

r8=Sherlock Holmes

I tell ya I get no respect. My wife told me she wanted to have sex in the back seat of the car. And she wants me to drive.

I got no respect as a kid either. When I played in the sandbox, the cat tried to cover me up.

With my doctor, I don't get no respect. I told him I want a vasectomy. He said with a face like mine, I don't need one.

No respect.

When I was born, the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father "I'm very sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through."

OP, I'd slap your face but something that ugly looks contagious.

My parents hated me. All I ever heard was, “Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia?” Shelia had died at birth.